Subject: Daily Dose - 080527 - buy
monkeys, BIZARRE NEWS, TECHNICAL TERMS FOR BMW OWNERS, DDL, Rotten News
Once upon a time in a village, a man appeared and announced to the villagers that he would buy monkeys for $10 each.
The villagers seeing that there were many monkeys around, went out to the forest, and started catching them. The man bought thousands at $10 and as supply started to diminish, the villagers stopped their effort. He further announced that he would now buy at $20. This renewed the efforts of the villagers and they started catching monkeys again.
Soon the supply diminished even further and people started going back to their farms. The offer increased to $25 each and the supply of monkeys became so little that it was an effort to even see a monkey, let alone catch it!
The man now announced that he would buy monkeys at $50! However, since he had to go to the city on some business, his assistant would now buy on behalf of him.
In the absence of the man, the assistant told the villagers. 'Look at all these monkeys in the big cage that the man has collected. I will sell them to you at $35 and when the man returns from the city, you can sell them to him for $50 each.'
The villagers rounded up with all their savings and bought all the monkeys. Then they never saw the man nor his assistant again, only monkeys everywhere!
Now you have a better understanding of how the stock market works.
(Thanks Jim....)
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BIZARRE NEWS...
Bizarre History FACTS
Beer was the first trademarked product - British beer Bass Pale Ale received its trademark in 1876.
Playing-cards were known in Persia and India as far back as the 12th century. A pack then consisted of 48 instead of 52 cards.
Excavations from Egyptian tombs dating to 5,000 BC show that the ancient Egyptian kids played with toy hedgehogs.
Accounts from Holland and Spain suggest that during the 1500s and 1600s urine was commonly used as a tooth-cleaning agent.
In 1969 the US launched a male chimpanzee called Ham into space.
In 1963 the French launched a cat called Feliette into space.
The first written account of the Loch Ness Monster, or Nessie, was made in 565AD.
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Vatican: Polluting a sin
VATICAN CITY - The Vatican has included failing to recycle and taking drugs on its new list of mortal sins. Monsignor Gianfranco Girotti, head of the Apostolic Penitentiary and close ally of Pope Benedict XVI, also included genetic modification, carrying out experiments on humans, causing social injustice, causing poverty and becoming obscenely wealthy on his list of mortal sins, The Telegraph (Britain) reported Monday.
Girotti said the "sins of yesteryear" -- sloth, envy, gluttony, greed, lust, wrath and pride -- have a "rather individualistic dimension," while "the sins of today have a social resonance as well as an individual one," he said. "In effect, it is more important than ever to pay attention to your sins."
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Product tests dog intelligence
BEVERLY HILLS, Calif. - PoochIQ.com of Beverly Hills, Calif., is marketing a product it says can assess the mental prowess of man's best friend.
The company said the Pooch IQ Kit includes 15 "mentally stimulating" tasks designed to determine whether a dog's intelligence is above, below or at the average, the New York Post reported Monday.
"We developed it in-house and we did a ton of research on both human and dog intelligence," said PoochIQ.com spokeswoman Stacy Stubblefield.
One dog tested by the Post scored a 121 IQ on the test, putting him in the 91st percentile of dogs according to the company's standards. Another scored 104 IQ, an average score, and a third came in with just an 89 IQ, below average.
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Institute offers March Madness vasectomies
EUGENE, Ore. - A Eugene, Ore., radio station and the Oregon Urology Institute are encouraging men to have vasectomies in time for the NCAA March Madness basketball tournament.
The institute's radio advertisements encourage men to "lower your seed for the tournament," and KSCR, a local sports talk station, sweetened the deal by promising pizza delivery and frozen peas to ease the pain of any man who undergoes the procedure the day before a game, The (Portland) Oregonian reported Monday.
The center's ad campaign suggests having the birth-control surgery the day before a game all but guarantees that clients' wives will allow them to spend the day lounging in front of the TV.
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Wedding bells ring for no-show couples
KALISPELL, Mont. - Two Montanans repeatedly take marriage vows without the benefit of divorce, but they aren't polygamists; they are proxies for absent brides and grooms.
Montana is the only state that allows a double-proxy wedding, meaning both sides can be no-shows.
Kalispell, Mont., began taking advantage of this quirk about five years ago, when a native son serving in Iraq wanted to marry his pregnant girlfriend, The New York Times reported. Some research by lawyer Dean Knapton and -- viola! -- Friday afternoon nuptials were born. The law had been on Montana's books for several decades, perhaps to accommodate soldiers during World War II, some theorize.
The cost to the real, albeit absent, bride and groom: $900, of which $50 apiece goes to the proxies, $100 to the judge, $150 to the lawyer-witness; $53 for court fees; $14 for two certified copies of the marriage certificate.
The rest goes to a Pennsylvania couple who run a business facilitating proxy marriages.
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GLOSSARY OF TECHNICAL TERMS FOR BMW OWNERS
From BMW Headquarters
It has come to our attention that when we receive orders for parts or enquiries from those of you in the Midwest, especially Yoopers, there is a lack of knowledge about the appropriate terminology. Please find below a brief glossary of terms which will make international communication much easier for all involved.
*INDICATORS = Die Blinkenleiten Tickentocken
*SPEEDOMETER = Der Egobooster
*PUNCTURE = Die Phlatte mit Bludyfucken
*LEARNER = Die Dumdkopf mit Elplatt
*ESTATE CAR = Die Bagsromm fur Shagginkinauto
*WINDSCREEN WIPER = Die Flippenflappenschittenspredden
*FOOTBRAKE = Der Edbangenonvindskreen Stoppenquik
*BREATHALYSER = Die Puffintem fur Pistenarsen
*SEATBELT = Der Klunkenklicken Frauleintrapper
*HEADLIGHTS = Das Dippendontdazzle Ubastud
*FOG WARNING = Die Puttenfutdownen Fukit
*HIGHWAY CODE = Der Wipen fur Arsen
*TYRES = Phlattfarts
*TRAFFIC JAM = Der Bluddinfukkin Damnundblasten
*BACKFIRE = Der Lowdenbangen Mekkenme Fuckenjumpen
*JUGGERNAUT = Der Fukkengret Trucken
*ACCIDENT = Der Bleedinmess
*NEAR ACCIDENT = Der Fucken Neer Shittenselfen
*CYCLIST = Pedalpushen Ninckenpoopen
*REAR VIEW MIRROR = Der Yokkhunter Tooklosen
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DDL
A widow who lived in Rangoon
Hung a black-ribboned wreath on her womb;
"It reminds me," she said,
"Of my husband who's dead,
And of what put him into his tomb."
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"Adam Carolla was voted off 'Dancing with the Stars' last night. How do you vote off a guy who makes an entrance on a unicycle?"
-Jimmy Kimmel
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"Great news for New York City and mankind generally: Mayor Bloomberg is planting a million trees in New York City. It's all part of the city's plan to revitalize the city's logging industry."
-Dave Letterman
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"A new article in 'Newsweek' is out talking about what it's like to be an atheist. I actually have a friend who's an atheist, and married to a Jehovah Witness. Their kids are a little strange. They go out and knock on doors but don't know why."
-Jay Leno
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Rotten News.... (true)
Indian marksmen fed up with shooting blanks
Fri Mar 28, 3:09 AM ET
MUMBAI, India (Reuters) - India's marksmen are threatening to boycott the Beijing Olympics unless the government steps in to help alleviate a shortage of ammunition for training.
The nation's leading medal prospects for the August Games are in shooting, with Rajyavardhan Singh Rathore fancied to bring home a gold medal after winning a double trap silver four years ago in Athens. However, the National Rifle Association of India (NRAI) secretary Baljit Singh Sethi said a shortage of ammunition for air weapon competitors was hampering preparations.
On Friday, Sethi was quoted in the local media as saying the government provided the NRAI with all ammunition for 23 years but stopped doing so two and a half years ago.
"I don't think it will be worthwhile sending the shooters to the Olympics. The damage has been done. I will take the issue up in our next general body meeting next month," Sethi said. "It's a pity that the shooters were the best medal hopes and they are treated so shabbily."
Over the years, the NRAI depended on the sports ministry for equipment but recently, the government instructed the federation to import ammunition itself.
"They informed us on December 13 that we have to apply for the import licence," Sethi said.
A shooting official told Reuters on Friday they were unaware of the correct procedure for the import of ammunition and the cost was also a restrictive factor. Despite being the world's second-most populous nation, India has only won four individual medals in Olympic history since they sent their first team to the Summer Games in 1928.
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U.S. judge sentences 3 men to learn English or go to jail
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
WILKES-BARRE, Pa. - A Pennsylvania judge known for creative sentencing has ordered three Spanish-speaking men to learn English or go to jail.
Judge Peter Paul Olszewski says the men, who faced prison for criminal conspiracy to commit robbery, can remain on parole if they learn to read and write English. They must also earn their high school equivalency degrees and get full-time jobs.
The men all needed translators when they pleaded guilty Tuesday, and the judge suggested they could not be provided with such services for their entire lives. Attorneys for the men said they were studying the legality of the ruling and had not decided whether to appeal. One of the lawyers says the ruling is good for his client.
"My client is happy," Ferris Webby said. "I think it's going to help him."
Olszewski ordered the three to return with their parole officers in a year and take an English test. "If they don't pass, they're going in for the 24 (months)," he said.
In the past, Olszewski has ordered young defendants who are school dropouts to finish school. He often orders defendants to get full-time employment. But he also has his staff coordinate with an employment agency to help them find the jobs.
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Marijuana exempt from smoking ban
Wednesday 26 March 2008
The ban on smoking in Dutch cafés and restaurants from July 1 will not apply to the smoking of pure marijuana or cannabis, health minister Ab Klink has told MPs. The ban falls under the tobacco laws and does not apply to tobacco-free products, Klink said.
Replying to questions from the Labour party, the minister confirmed that mixing tobacco with soft drugs in 'coffee shops' (where cannabis products can be bought over the counter) will not be permitted from July 1.
Staff in these coffee shops have the same right as workers in other cafes to a tobacco-free working environment, said Klink.
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Photo News from the British Tabloids....
Solar-powered bra
A Japanese lingerie firm has unveiled the perfect gadget for eco-friendly sun worshippers - the solar-powered bra.
It comes with a detachable solar panel which can produce enough energy to power an iPod or mobile phone, reports the Daily Telegraph. It is also equipped with plastic pouches that can be filled with water, allowing wearers to quench their thirst without having to buy and then throw away drinks bottles.
The bra is made of high quality organic cotton, to ensure its production has the smallest possible impact on the environment.
But the 'Photovoltaic-Powered Bra' won't be on shelves any time soon. It is still at the concept stage and has several problems that need to be ironed out. For one, it is damaged by rain. Triumph International Japan concedes the bra will not become popular in its current form, as outer clothing renders its solar panel ineffective.
"People usually cannot go outside without wearing clothes over it," said Yoshiko Masuda of Triumph.
Triumph has previously released a bra than can be turned into a shopping bag and a bra designed to encourage the use of reusable chopsticks.