Subject: Daily Dose - 080526 - Gynecologist's Assistant, THIS is TRUE, soon-to-be new store, DDL, Rotten News

A young man goes into the Job Center in Edmonton, Alberta and sees a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested he goes to learn more.

"Can you give me some more details about this?" he asks the guy behind the desk.

The Job Center man sorts through his files & replies, "Oh yes here it is. The job entails you getting the lady patients ready for the gynecologist. You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their genital regions. You then apply shaving foam and gently shave off all their pubic hair then rub in soothing oils so that they're ready for the gynecologist's examination. There's an annual salary of $45,000, but you're going to have to go to Red Deer, Alberta. That's about 160 kilometers from here.

''Oh why, is that where the job's at?''

"No sir - that's the end of the lineup!'

(Thanks Jim...)

______________________________

THIS is TRUE...

AND MILLIONS OF BUSINESSMEN SIGH IN DISAPPOINTMENT: After Tas Sinadinos was fired from his position as an executive manager for EDI Rail Pty Ltd in Sydney, NSW, Australia, he sued the company. EDI Rail said he had made "inappropriate and unacceptable" charges to his corporate credit card, but Sanadinos told the court that the A$12,000 (US$10,350) worth of ...cough... "escort services" he charged to his company expense account was a perfectly reasonable, even tax-deductible, business expense. Because he had relocated for the job from Melbourne, hiring a woman to keep him company at night was part of his relocation expenses, he said, similar to buying furniture for his apartment. His suit demanded 12 months' of salary and a statement declaring his conduct was acceptable. An Industrial Court judge tossed the suit, ruling that using corporate funds to pay for call girls was "gross abuse" of his expense account. As for such expenses being tax-deductible, the judge ruled that "No reasonable person acting reasonably could proceed on the basis that expenses incurred for escort services could possibly be the subject of some form of taxation concession or relief in some manner." (Sydney Morning Herald)

...If he didn't get some manner of relief, they weren't very good call girls.

***

WHO'S CALLING? The Better Business Bureau of North Alabama was flooded with calls from suspicious consumers who received recorded phone messages urging them to go to a particular web site to "update" their bank account records. The BBB confirmed the calls and sites were involved in "phishing" -- attempts to steal identities and bank accounts. What led to the consumer suspicion? The victims noticed that the Caller ID on their phones during the calls read "THIS IS A SCAM".  (Athens News Courier)

...Dumb: the scammers. Dumber: the people who still fell for the scam.

***

MISTAKEN IDENTITY: Thomas Montgomery, 48, of Buffalo, N.Y., posed online as an 18-year-old in attempts to get dates with younger women. After finally catching an 18-year-old girl on his hook, Montgomery, the  father of two teen girls, was trying to reel her in when an online rival, Brian Barrett, 22, got in the way -- so Montgomery shot Barrett to death. But Montgomery, a married church deacon, never got his tryst: not only has he been sentenced to 20 years in prison for the killing, the 18-year-old girl turned out to be Mary Sheiler, a 50-year-old woman from West Virginia who used her daughter's photo in her online profile. (Buffalo News)

...On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog.

***

OF COURSE, CALLING HIM "MICK" IS RACIST: Mick Forsythe, 55, is an Irishman who lives in Wales. When he got into an argument with a woman after a minor traffic accident, he screamed that she was an "English bitch." That led to criminal charges -- not because of the accident or the "B" word, but rather because of his "racially aggravated disorderly behavior" for cursing the Welsh woman as "English". Forsythe was found guilty and fined 200 pounds (US$404); a 10-week prison sentence was suspended for 12 months. The case is "political correctness gone mad," Forsythe says. "They're officially calling me a racist." (London Daily Mail)

...Yeah, but it's too late to Welsh on the deal now, bub.

***

RESCUE ME: "China Bans Firemen from Receiving Sexual Bribes"

-- AFP headline

______________________________

Two businessmen in Calgary are sitting down for a break  in their soon-to-be new store. The store isn't ready as only a few shelves are set up.

One says to the other, "I bet any minute now some dumb jackass farmer is going to walk by, put his face to the window and ask what we're selling."

No sooner are the words out of his mouth when, sure enough, a curious old fellow from Manitoba (the green Wheat Pool hat was a dead giveaway) walks to the window, has a peek, and in a slow drawl asks, "What are you selling here?"

One of the men replies, "Oh! We're selling assholes."

Without skipping a beat, the Manitoba fellow says, "Well business  must be booming, I see you only got two left!"

(Thanks again, Jim...)

______________________________

DDL

There was a young lady named Mable,

Who would f*ck on a bed or a table.

Though a two-dollar screw

Was the best she could do,

Her ass bore a ten-dollar label.

______________________________

"Barack Obama said today that he would consider Al Gore to be in his Cabinet. Al Gore said he would do it as long as it was full of Twinkies."

-Craig Ferguson

***

"Wal-Mart says it classifies its customers into three groups: brand aspirationals, price sensitive affluents, and value-price shoppers. Wal-Mart says the new categories will replace the old customer classifications: teeth or no teeth."

--Conan O'Brien

***

"The music industry is stumped by the huge drop in sales of rap music. Sales of rap music down 21 percent this past year. A lot of rappers have had to cut back on their lifestyle. A lot of rappers getting rid of the gold teeth. They're going with aluminum siding...it's cheaper."

-Jay Leno

______________________________

Rotten News....  (true)

Camels line up for Gulf beauty contest

Sun Mar 30, 9:54 AM ET

ABU DHABI (AFP) - More than 10,000 camels from across the Gulf will be competing for millions of dollars in prize money at a beauty pageant for the "ship of the desert" in Abu Dhabi next week.

The contest is part of a camel festival being staged from Wednesday in the capital of the United Arab Emirates which aims to celebrate and preserve the region's cultural heritage.

Camels from Bahrain, Kuwait, Oman, Qatar and Saudi Arabia will strut their stuff before a panel of expert judges who will decide which owners should be awarded prize money totalling around 9.5 million dollars. One hundred cars are also up for grabs.

"Preserving the rich heritage of the UAE and passing it on to future generations constitutes one of the most important missions which people of the UAE wish to undertake, by connecting our culturally rich past with our aspired bright and prosperous future," the official WAM news agency quoted festival organiser Mohammed al-Mazrouei as saying earlier this week.

Oil-rich Abu Dhabi, one of seven emirates that makes up the UAE federation, produced the world's first test-tube purebred camel and has begun using remote-controlled robot riders in its camel races.

**********

NZealand court sentences man after wombat rape claim

Thu Mar 27, 10:19 PM ET

WELLINGTON (AFP) - A New Zealand man has been sentenced to community service after telling police he had been raped by a wombat and the experience had caused him to start speaking "Australian".

Arthur Cradock, a 48-year-old orchard worker from Motueka on South Island, rang police on February 11 to say he was being raped by the slow moving Australian marsupial at his home, The Nelson Mail reported. He rang back soon afterwards to say he was withdrawing his complaint against the wombat, a court was told Wednesday.

"Apart from speaking Australian now, I'm pretty all right you know," he told police in the second call.

Cradock pleaded guilty to using a phone for a fictitious purpose and was sentenced to 75 hours community work.

Prosecutors said alcohol played a large part in Cradock's life, although his defence lawyer said he was not drunk on the afternoon of the phone calls.

**********

Missing NY rev. found at Ohio strip club

Sat Mar 29, 1:50 PM ET

RIVERSIDE, Ohio - Police say a pastor who was reported missing from his home in western New York has been found at an Ohio strip club.

A police officer patrolling the K.C. Lounge parking lot Friday morning in the Dayton suburb of Riverside spotted out-of-state license plates on 46-year-old Craig Rhodenizer's car.

The FBI and New York authorities had been searching for Rhodenizer, who disappeared Wednesday after telling his wife he was getting his computer fixed at Best Buy. He is the pastor of a church in Lyndonville, N.Y.

Detective Matt Sturgeon said Rhodenizer was disoriented when confronted by police and said he felt "emotionally guilty."

______________________________

Photo News from the British Tabloids....

Muslim man threatens to sue driving school for sending transsexual instructor to teach his wife

For the past 12 months, Emma Sherdley has proudly taken to the road as part of an all-female driving school

But Emma Sherdley is not exactly all woman. Until a few years ago she was a married father-of-two called Andrew.

She is, though, in the middle of treatment to change gender and has the legal paperwork to prove it. But that wasn't enough to satisfy one client who claimed he had been shortchanged when he booked a female instructor to teach his wife how to drive. He phoned the Laugh 'n' Pass driving school threatening to sue after Miss Sherdley, 42, turned up for the lesson.

'You have sent me a man. Send me a proper female. How dare you send a man with a deep voice,' he told Joanne Dixon, who runs the school in West Yorkshire.

The man, a Muslim from the Meadowhall district of Sheffield who has not been named, claimed the company deliberately sent a man disguised as a woman.

'His attitude and behaviour was outrageous and has upset me and Emma and everyone else who works here,' Miss Dixon said. 'We are not racist. We are not sexist-If anyone was being so it was that man.'

She said no other learners had complained about being taught by Miss Sherdley, an experienced instructor.

As for Miss Sherdley, she is trying to develop a thicker skin. She said the man's comments had been 'hurtful, offensive and deeply upsetting' and had even made her think of quitting her job.