Subject: Daily Dose - 080521 - Rates, BIZARRE NEWS, Naturally, DDL, News from the British Tabloids

Rates

I guess some things will never change. I hired a temp while my secretary was on maternity leave. Trying to arrive at an agreeable wage, I asked what she expected to earn.

She said, "Well... the minimum I could work for is four hundred a week."

I told her I'd give her that much with pleasure.

She shook her head and replied, "With pleasure, it'll be $600 a week."

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BIZARRE NEWS...

Bizarre Newspaper Headlines

STRIP CLUBS SHOCK - Magistrates May Act On Indecent Shows (Daily Mirror).

AUDIENCE TRIED TO SPOIL PLAY - But St. Chad's Players Succeeded (Sunderland Echo).

A FARMER'S WIFE IS BEST SHOT (Glasgow Evening Citizen).

NUDIST NABBED - Unclothed Man Who Admits Brandishing Pistol Is Charged With Carrying Concealed Weapon (Providence Journal).

MAGNATE USED TO REMOVE NAIL IN STOMACH (Los Angeles Times).

PUBLIC HEALTH PROBLEM - Special Committee To Sit On Bed Bug (Liverpool Echo).

PIPELINE RAPTURED (Ghanaian Times).

UNDERTAKER'S FAILURE - Let Down By Customers (Yorkshire paper).

CHANNEL SWIM ATTEMPT - Boston Girl's Arrival in Liverpool (Liverpool Echo).

POLICE FOUND SAFE UNDER BLANKET (Gloucestershire Echo).

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70-year perfect attendance for Rotarian

HOUSTON, Feb. 15 (UPI) -- The Rotary Club of Houston has announced a special celebration for a Rotarian who has not missed a weekly lunch at the club in 70 years.

A club official said Bernie Lorino, 93, began attending weekly Rotary Club lunches in 1938 and hasn't missed a meal since, the Houston Chronicle reported.

"We're going to have a celebration," Rotary President Vern Swisher said. "We'll have Bernie's family and special friends. We'll have a cake. We're just going to let him and his family know how very blessed we are to have him in our club."

Lorino's dedication to perfect attendance once led members of the Garden of the Gods Rotary Club in Manatee Springs, Colo., to hold a meeting at his bedside while he was recovering from a kidney ailment.

"I think that says that the Rotary's 'service above self' motto is vitally important to him," Swisher said. "Bernie not only attends, he's actively involved. He's a real asset to our club."

Lorino is modest about his accomplishment, insisting he has met a Florida Rotarian with an unbroken attendance record longer than his own 70-year streak.

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Preschool bans stripes, polka dots

KOSKULLSKULLE, Sweden - A Koskullskulle, Sweden, preschool, trying to spare an employee migraine headaches, has barred students from wearing striped or polka-dot clothing.

School officials said the employee's headaches are set off by looking at multicolored clothing, The Local reported Thursday.

"It's a pity for the employee and as a result I've tried to create an appropriate work environment. The person in question has a right to be able to work," Principal Maj Norberg told the Norrlandska Socialdemokraten newspaper.

Some parents have objected to their children being forced to change to more blandly colored clothes when they show up in "inappropriate" garb. "I have a hard time believing that they have a right to make this sort of demand," said Ulf Eriksson, head of the National Association of Homes and Schools. "As a politician I think it sounds a pretty strange to force preschool children to have a certain type of clothing. We don't have such regulations in this municipality," Weine Backman, head of the committee for children, education and culture for Gallivare municipality, told the newspaper.

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NYC condoms invite users to 'Get Some'

NEW YORK - Teams from the New York Health Department are distributing official city condoms wrapped in a newly-designed package that invites users to "Get Some."

Officials with the city Department of Health and Mental Hygiene said teams distributed the slogan-bearing condoms to commuters for Valentine's Day, WNYW-TV, New York, reported Thursday.

"The NYC Condom has shown us what a sexy brand can do for safer sex," said Dr. Monica Sweeney, the health department's assistant commissioner for human immunodeficiency virus prevention and control. "We gave out more than 36 million of them last year. I hope the fresh look will help even more New Yorkers protect themselves from infection and unintended pregnancy in 2008."

Officials with fuseproject, the San Francisco-based ad agency that designed the condom wrappers and dispensers, said the rebranded designs are aimed at making condom use more attractive.

"Good design can help bring condoms out of the closet," said Yves Behar, the agency founder. "The brand's friendly design and the dispenser's approachable shape convey openness and acceptance. They say condoms are nothing to be embarrassed about."

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Naturally!

Jenny was explaining to her husband how much fun they'd had at the beach during her bridge club annual outing. "But," she told him, "it didn't end all that great for me."

"Why, what happened?" he asked.

"I went out to take a swim in the rough water but I didn't go out far because the waves were very bad. Then I suddenly noticed that all the turbulence had caused the lower half of my bathing suit to be snatched off. I looked and looked for it but it was gone, gone, gone!"

"For goodness sakes, sweetie, what did you do?"

"Do? Why I did what any respectable female would do. I covered my face and eyes with my hands and ran to the beach house as fast as I could."

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DDL

A mortician's sly daughter named Maddie,

Told an eager but virginal laddie,

"If you do what I say.

We can have a great lay,

Since I've buried more stiffs than my daddy.

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"Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke warned Congress we may be headed for a recession. Whoa! Thank you, Captain Obvious!"

-Jay Leno

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"The circus is in town. Earlier today, Hillary Clinton claimed she was once shot out of a cannon."

-Dave Letterman

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"It's a great day for Mariah Carey. She broke Elvis' record for the most No. 1 hits. Her publicist said she's bigger than Elvis. They might want to rephrase that."

-Craig Ferguson

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News from the British Tabloids

Police called to look into postman's shorts

A postman was escorted home by police following a row after he turned up to work in the wrong shorts, the Communication Workers Union said today.

The employee at a Royal Mail sorting office in Northampton is thought to have been wearing non-Royal Mail issue blue shorts when he arrived at work yesterday morning. The man refused to go home from the sorting office in Great Billing, Northampton, to change his shorts. His managers then called police to escort him off the premises, union representatives said.

The row has sparked criticism from the Communication Workers Union (CWU) who say the managers' response was a complete 'over reaction'.

Mick Fitzmaurice, CWU branch secretary for Northamptonshire, said the man had been wearing navy blue shorts similar to Royal Mail style because he had not been given official ones. He said the row had started when managers tried to send the man home without pay.

'We had a meeting with management yesterday after the incident and tried getting them to see sense and bring this back to some kind of normality but that meeting didn't go as well as we hoped. A similar thing happened today. He turned up in the same shorts and was told he couldn't go out on his run. He's been kept in the office. The thing is, Royal Mail have not actually provided him with the uniform shorts. He is wearing as near as he can. They are navy blue shorts and they have a little sports logo on them.

'What we will be definitely doing is requesting a complete Industrial Relations Review in the Crow Lane office because I think this is just the tip of the iceberg. We've heard today they have given him £30 to buy new shorts but they'll still just be blue shorts.'

'To phone the police to get them escorted just smacks of over-reaction. It just epitomises the managerial attitude they have. It would have delayed the post and everything.'

A Royal Mail spokesman said: 'The police are no longer involved and we are now resolving this issue internally while, of course, doing all we can to continue delivering the mail with our people wearing a uniform that we're very proud of and that our customers expect to see when we call at their address.'

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Ecuador could make good sex a right for women

Some sex, yesterday A new inalienable right could be enshrined soon in Ecuador's constitution: the pursuit of sexual happiness for women. The proposal by a member of the ruling party has created a stir in this socially conservative Andean nation, where a constitutional assembly is at work.

Assembly member Maria Soledad Vela, who belongs to President Rafael Correa's party and sits on a committee defining fundamental constitutional rights, said women have traditionally been seen as sexual objects or in a solely reproductive role in Ecuador.

On Monday, Vela said the right to sexual enjoyment means ensuring women can make free, responsible and informed decisions about their sex lives. Fellow committee members proposed separate provisions for women's sexual and reproductive rights, an alternative Vela approved.

Opposition Assembly member Leonardo Viteri accused Vela of trying to decree orgasm by law, saying it 'isn't possible.'

'I never asked for the right to orgasm, only the right to enjoyment,' Vela responded.

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Why You Should Not Mug A Marine

SAYS the boy in San Jose with the knife: “Old man, give me your wallet or I’ll cut you.”

The man tells the boy he is a former Marine who has fought in three wars. He had been threatened with knives and bayonets.

The man puts his bags on the ground and tells the boy that if he steps closer he will be sorry.

The boy steps closer. The man kicks him in the groin. The boy is knocked to the pavement.

The ex-Marine picked up his grocery bags and walked home, leaving the boy doubled over.

The man is 84 years old.

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Photo News from the British Tabloids....

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