Subject: Daily Dose - 080519 - Redneck Dawg, BIZARRE NEWS, love handles, DDL, Rotten News

Redneck Dawg

One hot summer day, a redneck came to town with his dog, tied it under the shade of a tree, and headed into the bar for a cold one.

Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the bar and asked, "Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside?"

The redneck said it was his.

"Your dog seems to be in heat" the officer said.

The redneck replied, "No way.  She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that shade tree."

The policeman said, "No!  You don't understand.  Your dog needs to be bred."

"No way," said the redneck.  "That dog don't need bread.  She ain't hungry 'cause I fed her this mornin'."

The exasperated policeman said, "NO!  You don't understand; your dog wants to have sex!"

The redneck looked at the cop and said, "Well, go ahead.  I always wanted a police dog."

(Thanks George...)

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BIZARRE NEWS...

Bizarre Salt FACTS

If the world's oceans evaporated, enough salt would be crystallized to cover Britain to a depth of 50 miles.

Being hygroscopic, salt spread on dusty floors in equestrian centers and indoor arenas retains moisture and keeps down dust.

Until recently, salt bars were the standard currency of Ethiopia.

In ancient Greece, slaves were traded for salt, hence the expression "not worth his salt".

In his painting The Last Supper, Leonardo da Vinci put an over turned salt cellar in front of the ill-fated Judas.

In old Japanese theatres, salt was sprinkled on the stage before performances to prevent evil spirits from casting a spell on the actors and ruining the play.

In Arab countries salt was used to seal a bargain, and also as a sign of friendship.

The Druids used salt in their rituals at Stonehenge. It is thought that this was as a symbol of the life-giving fruits of the earth.

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Herring gives Swede unwelcome wakeup call

MOTALA, Sweden - A Swedish man was awakened Thursday by an open can of pungent fermented herring tossed through his bedroom window by an unknown assailant, The Local said.

Police in Motala were looking into the matter, which didn't hurt anyone but left the victim's home in need of an extensive mid-winter airing out.

The Stockholm newspaper said investigators had an idea who was behind the "herring grenade" attack, which was classified as a property damage crime.

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Mom can take baby to prison

PRINCE GEORGE, British Columbia - Canadian officials in British Columbia have decided Lisa Anne Whitford may bring her infant daughter with her when she goes to prison for manslaughter.

In what officials say is the first case of its kind in the province -- and possibly a first in Canada -- officials told Whitford, 37, she could bring her baby to prison with her, the Toronto Globe and Mail reported Thursday.

Whitford was sentenced Wednesday to four years in prison sentence for shooting and killing her common-law husband, Anthony Ryan Cartledge, 49, in 2006. Whitford gave birth to her daughter in March 2007 while in custody. Dave Lefebvre, a spokesman for the Correctional Service of Canada, said a program is in place for this kind of situation in Canada, but as far as he knows this is the first time a woman will take her child with her to serve a federal prison sentence.

Whitford appeared for her sentencing by video from the Alouette River Correctional Center for Women. She will serve much of her sentence in the Fraser Valley Institution mother-child program, the newspaper said.

The judge in the case also ruled that Whitford may never again own firearms or ammunition.

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Fish go into space for seasickness study

KIRUNA, Sweden - Tanks of fish are to be blasted into space from northern Sweden so that scientists can study motion sickness. The tiny cichlids will be carried by a 25-foot-long rocket more than 160 miles above the Earth's surface, The Local reported. Liftoff is scheduled for next week from the Esrange Space Center in Kiruna, Sweden, an iron-mining town above the Arctic Circle.

The fish will spend about 6 minutes weightless during the trip. "Quite simply, they are going to be seasick until they have managed to acclimatize," said Johanna Bergstrom-Roos, a spokeswoman for the space center.

Once the fish are back on Earth, German researchers will examine their otoliths, structures in the ear that sense changes in acceleration. The scientists are testing a thesis that otolith structure may determine how sensitive a human -- or a fish -- is to motion sickness.

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Monica Lewinsky was looking at herself nude in a mirror, after a relaxing bath. Her frustration over her lack of ability to lose weight was depressing her.

In an act of desperation, she decided to call on God for help. "God...if you take away my love handles, I'll devote my life to you," She prayed.

And just like that...her ears fell off.

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DDL

A golfer named Sandy MacFarr,

Went to bed with a Hollywood star.

When he first saw her gash he

Cried, "Quick, get mah mashie!

I thunk uh c'n muk it in par."

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Why should you never kiss a canary?

You might get canarial disease or you might get chirpes

and there is no tweetment.

***

What's the difference between In-laws and Outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted

***

Did you hear about the urologist who was sued for malpractice?

He was tried before a jury of his pee'ers.

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Rotten News....  (true)

City Of Tampa Fights Lawsuit Over Civil War-Era Loan

POSTED: 7:00 am EDT April 9, 2008

TAMPA, Fla. -- The City of Tampa said a resident is more than 100 years too late in seeking repayment for a loan her ancestors made the city during the Civil War.

Joan Kennedy Biddle and her relatives filed a lawsuit last month claiming ancestors loaned the city about $300 in 1861 for ammunition and other war-related needs. They claim, with interest, they are owed nearly $23 million.

The city filed a motion Tuesday to dismiss the lawsuit, saying the statute of limitations has run out.

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Mumbai tries, fails on 'No-Honking Day'

By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

MUMBAI, India - Stop honking! That was the message sent out by traffic police Monday in India's busiest city.

Mumbai's police marked World Health Day, April 7, as a "No Honking Day." They were trying to build awareness of the effects of noise pollution in India's financial and entertainment capital, where it sometimes seems as if the city's 1.5 million vehicles are honking their horns at the same time.

But on there was no perceptible drop in noise levels - not surprising in a country where honking the horn is seen as an integral part of driving.

"Nothing will change in one day, but we need to reach out to people to make people aware that this noise is not normal," said Harish Baijal, a deputy traffic chief.

Police said they planned to extend the experiment and were taking action against those who violated noise-pollution rules. Over the past week, the police distributed stickers and strung up red banners showing a horn with a knot running through it.

Some 1,900 motorists have been fined since January for using blaring music while reversing and honking in silent zones near hospitals, schools and courts, Baijal said. Trucks regularly paint the words "Horn Please" on their backs so they can tell if motorists want to overtake, while other cars, auto-rickshaws and motorcycles are often fitted with souped-up foghorns or blast a variety of tunes.

Some Mumbai residents tried to spread the message.

"Stop honking. Don't you know it's 'No Honking Day?"' yelled Rumita Dey, a housewife angrily tapping the car window of a motorist stuck in a traffic snarl in Mumbai's northwestern Juhu suburb.

Dey pointed to red posters nearby that were part of the "No Honking" advertising campaign.

The motorist took his hands off the horn long enough to shrug, before jamming his palm back on and inching forward.

Other motorists said they would hit pedestrians if they did not honk.

"There is so much noise on the roads, you must honk for people to hear you," said Umesh Chitre, a computer salesman driving a small car.

"How can you drive without honking?"

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Hemingway haunt gives "poor Americans" discounts

By Philip Pullella

Mon Apr 7, 10:55 AM ET

ROME (Reuters) - Harry's Bar, the famed Venice watering hole where Ernest Hemingway held court over hearty food and stiff martinis, is offering a discount to "poor" Americans suffering from a weak dollar and subprime blues.

The decision by the owner of the restaurant, one of the most expensive even when the U.S. currency is strong, underscores the growing concern about the weak dollar among tourism operators in Italy and elsewhere in Europe.

A sign posted outside the restaurant at the weekend reads: "Harry's Bar of Venice, in an effort to make the American victims of subprime loans happier, has decided to give them a special 20 percent discount on all items of the menu during the short term of their recovery."

When the euro was introduced as the continent's common currency in 2002, a dollar bought about 1.10 euros. Today it gets about 64 euro cents, making prices seem astronomically high for most Americans.

"Since the start of January, we noticed a drop in (American) customers of between five and 10 percent and now that we are in April its looks really frightening," Arrigo Cipriani, 76, Harry's owner, told Reuters by phone from Venice on Monday.

Hemingway made Harry's Bar his Venice headquarters. He mentioned it in "Across the River and Into the Trees," which was published in 1950 and which he wrote on the lagoon island of Torcello while living in an inn owned by the Cipriani family.

Cipriani, who said the discount will apply only to the restaurant part of the tab and not the bar, said Americans in Venice need not bring their passports to his restaurant in order to get a discount.

"We will judge by the accent and if we make a mistake, we will give a 20 percent discount to the English as well," he said.

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Photo News from the British Tabloids....

Bride sits exam in wedding dress

A Chinese bride wore her wedding dress to sit an exam after it was scheduled for her big day.

Luo Yingchao, a teacher, had to sit the compulsory test organised by the city education bureau, reports the Yangcheng Evening Post. But she and her fiance Chu Moayang had long since booked their wedding for the same day - and all of their guests had been invited.

They decided to go ahead with the wedding - but switched the venue to her school in Zhengzhou city and the time to just after the test finished.

"It was unexpected for the city education bureau to organise a compulsory test for picking out elite teachers on the same day," Yingchao said.

After the two-hour test, Luo and her fiancé held a brief ceremony in the school. They received good wishes from those sitting the test, as well as their guests.