Subject: Daily Dose - 080422 - UFO,
BIZARRE NEWS, say no, DDL, Rotten News
Out in the middle of nowhere a UFO drops out of the sky at a gas station, the aliens not concerned go out of the ship. The ship even has the letters UFO emblazoned on the side. While the owner of the station stands speechless, his young employee goes and fills up their tank and even waves as they pull off.
After they’re gone the owner looks shocked at his employee. He says, "Do you realize what just happened?"
"Yeah” he replied?"
"Didn’t you see the letters UFO?"
"Yeah” she repeats" and?"
"Do you know what that means?"
"Gee boss, I've been working here for 5 years, of course I know what it means, “Unleaded Fuel Only"
______________________________
BIZARRE NEWS...
Swedes engage in embracing -- a lot
STOCKHOLM, Sweden - Swedes like to conduct random acts of hugging -- a lot, a study by the Swedish Red Cross reported.
In its survey of 1,000 Swedes over 16 years old, about 94 percent told the Red Cross they hugged someone during last week, The Local reported.
Except for Smaland, an area known for its frugality. There, people were less likely to engage in an embrace, the survey said.
The survey also found the older people become, the less they hug.
***
Truck hits snowman, snowman hits car
LAPORTE, Ind. - A LaPorte, Ind., driver who hit a snowman in the street has agreed to pay for the damage the snowman's head inflicted on a neighboring car.
Amanda Boes said she saw the gray Ford F-150 pickup accelerate toward the snowman while she was watching out a window, the South Bend (Ind.) Tribune reported.
The snowman, which had been built in Boes' front yard but which was moved into the street by unknown culprits overnight, was destroyed by the impact with the truck, she told the newspaper. Its head was thrown into the back of Boes' mother's car and broke the rear window.
Neighbor Thomas Ross admitted to driving the truck into the snowman and has agreed to pay the $600 needed to replace the window, the Tribune said.
***
Midget remark sparks brawl
LAS VEGAS - A brawl broke out in a Las Vegas bar this week when a short person dressed in an Oompa Loompa costume took offense at being called a midget.
Wee Matt and another short person hired as entertainment were turfed from the Hogs and Heifers Saloon Monday after Wee Matt allegedly punched the patron who called him a midget, the Las Vegas Review-Journal reported Wednesday.
Bar owner Michelle Dell said the 4-foot-2, 80-pounder "started swinging and spit on the guy and had to be pulled away" by a member of her security staff. The pair of Oompa Loompas allegedly had been downing shots of tequila prior to the incident.
"Roald Dahl would be horrified!" said Dell, referring to the author of the book "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory," in which Oompa Loompas are characters.
It could be argued there are at least two morals to this real-life story: "Don't call an Oompa Loompa a midget" and "Don't serve an Oompa Loompa shots of tequila."
***
Program pinpoints toilet locations
LONDON - A British mobile technology firm has developed a satellite system to help cell phone users locate the nearest toilet. SatLav -- named after driving satellite system SatNav -- uses technology similar to the global positioning system to direct users who text the word "toilet" to 80097 to the nearest restroom, The Daily Telegraph reported.
The system is currently only available across 8.5 miles of London's Westminister area but could be spread to other regions if it is successful.
Robert Thurner, commercial director of SatLav developer Incentivated, said the technology is aimed at "making residents' lives easier."
"From today onwards nobody should get caught short again, and we understand how important that is, be it for a young mum with children in tow, older people or friends on a shopping trip or a night out," said Westminster councilor Alan Bradley.
______________________________
Alternative ways to say no:
I'd rather have my nipples chewed off by a pack of wild dogs.
I'd rather suck the snot out of a gorilla's nose until the back of his head caves in.
I'd rather wipe my ass with a cheese grater.
I'd rather slide down a barbed wire banister into a bucket of alcohol.
I would rather stick my genitals in a bees nest.
I would rather crush my foreskin between two tables while being bitch slapped by a fat, mustached Greek named Spyros.
I would rather have a porcupine inserted violently into my rectum.
I'd rather drink a gallon of turpentine and piss on a forest fire.
I'd rather suck cow snot through a straw.
I would rather sandpaper a wildcat's ass.
I'd rather watch Rosie O'Donnell and Roseanne mud wrestle in the nude.
I'd rather bungee jump with the harness tied to my penis with your mother lying naked in the landing zone.
I would rather dry hump a polar bear in a phone booth.
I would rather spend ten hours getting a tattoo on my back and then find out it's the wrong one.
I'd rather cram my penis in the ass of a bear with inflamed hemorrhoids.
I'd rather have the ten strongest 300 pound linemen in the NFL play tug of war with my nut sack each side of 5 pulling a separate nut in a different direction.
I would rather try to open a beer bottle with my sphincter-- and not a twist off either.
I would rather have my lower legs stripped with a wood planer and then wear wool socks in August.
I'd rather stick my nose up someone's ass after he just finished taking a wet, nasty dump.
I'd rather shave my poison-ivy covered legs with a dull barber's razor and no water or soap.
I'd rather french kiss a barracuda.
I'd rather poke a Grizzly Bear in the ass with a short stick.
I'd rather butt fuck a rattlesnake in a phone booth.
I'd rather nail my penis to the middle of a 2x4 and set both ends on fire and try to get loose with a butter knife.
I'd rather stick a Hartz flea brush up my ass and jog a mile.
I would rather have blow Pee Wee Herman in daylight, after he just whacked off in a movie theater without a bag to put over his head.
I'd rather drink for a week from the septic tank of the 700 pound man next door.
I'd rather wipe my anus with barbed wire.
I'd rather insert and break a slender glass rod in my penis then tie it in a knot.
I'd rather lick the undigested corn from a crusty elephant's ass.
I'd rather run naked through a rosebush garden then jump into a pool filled with chlorine.
I'd rather ride a donkey naked through the desert with snapping turtles clamped to my salty nipples.
I'd rather be tied to a chair and forced to listen to Barry Manilow tunes while having my tonsils removed with a rusty spoon.
______________________________
DDL
There once was an Arab so poor,
He was forced by the neighborhood whore,
To trade his left nut,
For a night with the slut,
Who dried it to hang on her door.
______________________________
Q: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Two. One to assure the public that everything possible is being done while the other screws it into a water faucet.
***
If you begin to have doubts about marriage, play the film/video of your wedding backwards and see yourself walk out a free man and see how it feels.
***
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gets her master's.
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
Dead or alive, Malaysia voters among world's oldest
Fri Feb 29, 2:59 AM ET
KUALA LUMPUR (Reuters) - Malaysia has found nearly 9,000 people aged more than 100 on its electoral rolls as it heads for general elections next month, raising suspicions that the books are "contaminated" with dead voters.
The Election Commission has found the names of 8,666 registered voters with birth dates from a century or more ago, the New Straits Times said on Friday, quoting commission secretary Kamaruzaman Mohd Noor. They included two 128-year-olds, the daily said.
"As far as the commission is concerned, as of December 31 last year, these voters are still alive," Kamaruzaman said.
Opposition groups have complained for years that the rolls are outdated and vulnerable to fraud.
Malaysia has 10.9 million voters and its population has a life expectancy of about 72 years for men and 76 for women.
Opposition party Parti-Islam Se-Malaysia, which first spotted the names of the two 128-year-old voters on the rolls of central Selangor state, said it was checking if they were still alive.
"We plan to apply to the Guinness Book of Records to list them as the world's oldest voters if they truly are still alive and kicking," said party spokesman Roslan Shahir said.
**********
Saudi Arabia arrests 57 men for flirting at mall
updated 2:17 p.m. ET Feb. 23, 2008
RIYADH, Saudi Arabia - Saudi Arabia began interrogating 57 men Saturday who were arrested for flirting with women in front of a shopping mall in the holy city of Mecca, a local newspaper reported.
The country's religious police arrested the men Thursday night for behavior that also allegedly included dancing to pop music blaring from their cars and wearing improper clothing, reported the Okaz newspaper, which is deemed close to the government.
Saturday's newspaper report did not say what kind of outfits the young men were wearing, but T-shirts emblazoned with drawings or English writing are often an invitation for harassment by the religious police. Islamic radicals also consider pop music a corrupting force.
The Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and the Prevention of Vice runs the fearsome religious police, which is charged with enforcing Saudi Arabia's strict Islamic lifestyle. Its members patrol public places to make sure women are covered and not wearing make up, the sexes don't mingle, shops close five times a day for Muslim prayers and men go to the mosque and worship.
The police, informally known as the muttawa (literally "enforcer"), don't wear uniforms, but are recognizable by their long beards and their robes, shorter than the ones normally worn by Saudi men. They also shun the black cord that sits atop the headdress worn by most Saudi men.
The newspaper report said the men who were arrested Thursday could be released if they could prove they did not flirt with any women. Otherwise, they will be transferred to court and stand trial, the paper added.
**********
Devout Sikh motorcyclist fighting Ont. helmet law
The Canadian Press
BRAMPTON, Ont. — Forcing a devout, motorcycle-riding Sikh to choose between his turban and a helmet is denying him the right to religious freedom, human rights lawyers argued Friday as Baljinder Badesha's fight against a $110 fine took on the character of a constitutional challenge.
Obliged to wear turbans outside the home, devout Sikhs who want to ride motorcycles are effectively forbidden from a "normal social activity available to all other Ontarians," Owen Rees, a lawyer with the Ontario Human Rights Commission, told the court.
"What the state is saying to Mr. Badesha is you have to choose between your religious beliefs or (abstain) in order to ride the motorbike," Rees said.
The helmet requirement under the province's Highway Traffic Act "discriminates" against Badesha because it violates his constitutional rights, Rees added.
"My religion says we cannot put anything over our turban," Badesha said outside court. "I like to ride the motorcycles, so that's why we fight the case."
The Crown also argued that helmet laws protect against devastating head injuries and save the public health-care system millions of dollars.
Non-fatal motorcycle accidents can cost the public purse up to $2.4 million, while fatal crashes can eat up almost $20 million, according to Crown documents filed with the court.
Devout Sikhs comprise 0.2 per cent of Ontario's population.
______________________________
Photo News from the British Tabloids....
Not so shipshape
Brits flooding to Croatia to buy up new homes might want to consider the latest launching on the housing market.
It's not exactly shipshape inside, despite the ship shaped exterior, and the current owners admit standards have fallen since the good ship Mirko was built 25 years ago. But the family that originally commissioned the ship home in Cista Velika, in southern Croatia, say it has served them well and are hoping the new owners will be able to give it a new lease of life.
Owner Ante Ancic, 63, said: "It was my wife and mine's idea to open a fish restaurant and we went for a nautical theme - hence the ship. But once we got used to it we realised that instead of doing that we really liked it so much we wanted to live in it. It's bigger than a usual house and has taken a bit of work to look after over the years, cleaning it from top to bottom really was a case of all hands on deck. We would get the entire family, as well as uncles, aunts, cousins and friends involved. Now it's too much for us and the kids have moved out, so we want to find a new captain."
Ancic refused to say how much money he wanted for it but said: "There might be a bit of a discount going if a real sailor looking to finally weigh anchor comes along and puts in an offer. We don't want it knocked down."