Subject: Daily Dose - 080421 - routine, News from the British Tabloids, wimpiest, DDL, Rotten News

A newly wed Indina girl was being welcomed at the husband's home in a traditional manner. She was asked to give a little speech. She addressed as follows:

"My dear family members, I thank you for welcoming me in my new home and family", she said. "Firstly, with my presence I would not want to create any inconveniences. I mean that I don't want you all to change your way of life, your routine."

"What do you mean my child?" asked the patriarch of the family.

"What I mean dad is: Those who used to wash dishes must carry on washing them. Those who used to do the laundry must carry on doing it. Those who cooked shouldn't stop on my account. Those who used to clean should clean.

As for me, I am here just to entertain your son!"

(Thanks Sonia...)

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News from the British Tabloids....

£600 laptop just a bag of potatoes

A student bought what he thought was a laptop for £600 but it turned out to be a bag of potatoes, police said.

The 27-year-old student, originally from East Africa, was approached by a man who offered to sell him the computer in a car park at the rear of Debenhams in Portsmouth.

The man showed the victim a Sony laptop in a case in the back of a car but, after handing over the money, was given an identical laptop bag, which he later found out contained only the vegetables.

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Slow burner

A 101-year-old Italian man is to marry his 98-year-old girlfriend after a courtship of more than half a century.

Retired gynaecologist Giuseppe Rebaudi is to marry long time girlfriend Silvie Basain, who he started seeing in 1952, next month.

French-born Silvie said: "We just need to get a certificate from the French embassy that I have not been married before and am single."

She said her only worry was that they might be rushing things: "We have only been together for 50 years - that may be a bit quick but then again you are only young once."

The ceremony will take place at their home in Bordighera, in the north-west of Italy.

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Girl's letter to late mum returned

A French teenager who wrote a letter to her late mother in heaven had it returned with a demand for postal costs.

The 13-year-old girl, named only as Anais by Le Journal de Saône-et-Loire, addressed the letter to Paradise Street, Heaven. Two days later it was returned to her home in Chatillonais with an "unknown at this address" notice and a demand for 1.35 euros as she hadn't put a stamp on the envelope.

Two years after her mother's death, Anais was still inconsolable. She decided to send her a letter to let her mum know how much she loved her.

The French post office has since apologised. A spokesman said there was a village called Ciel, which means heaven in French, but it had no Paradise Street.

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Cupid in reverse

A Chinese man has started a service to help couples to break up.

Mr Che, of Yinkou city, says his clients usually don't have the courage to break up face-to-face. Since the introduction of the service a year ago, Che says he has successfully broken up seven couples.

"If they break up in person, both parties may become emotional and unreasonable," he told the Liaosheng Evening Post. "I can pass along information clearly, while convincing the party being broken up with to move on."

Che says he is approached by couples every day but will only take on those he feels comfortable with.

"I don't deal with married couples or disputes over money, or if I'm asked to lie," he explained.

He charges 124.70 yuan (nearly £10) a case, because the pronunciation of the amount sounds like the Chinese phrase "let the love die".

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'Wife's nagging left me impotent'

An Italian man is demanding £140,000 in compensation after claiming his wife's constant nagging left him impotent.

Sergio Vinucci, from Parma, has produced medical evidence in court that backs up his claims that his wife's nagging caused him so much stress that he has been left impotent.

He said: "All she ever does is complain. It is extremely stressful and it has left me unable to be a man. I want some compensation."

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Two kids are arguing over whose father is the wimpiest.

The first one says, "My dad is so scared that when lightning strikes, he hides underneath our bed."

The second kid says, "That's nothing.  My dad is so scared that when my mother works nightshift, he sleeps with the woman next door."

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DDL

Alexander, the Borgian Pope,

Remarked to this cardinals, "Nope,

I'd rather fuck Lucy,

My daughter, than goosey

A priest with his ass full of soap."

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"Although a lot of people are on these low-carb diets, doctors say be careful, because you need carbohydrates because carbohydrates create a chemical in your brain that cheers you up and fights depression. So the next time you see a guy on a ledge, about to jump... throw him a doughnut."

--Jay Leno

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This week we celebrate a special birthday! Monica Lewinsky turned 34. Can you believe  it? It seems like only yesterday she was crawling around the White House on her hands and knees, and putting everything in her mouth. They grow up so fast, don't they?

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"Earlier this week at the Westminster Dog Show, a dog named Uno became the first beagle ever to win Best In Show. To celebrate, the beagle says he plans to drink out of the toilet and party with some bitches."

-Conan O'Brien

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Rotten News....  (true)

Woman jailed for tea-pot worshipping

A woman has been jailed in Malaysia for joining a "tea-pot worshipping" cult.

Kamariah Ali, a 57 year old former teacher, was arrested in 2005 when the government of the Muslim majority country demolished the two storey high sacred tea pot of the Sky Kingdom cult.

For the sect, which emphasised ecumenical dialogue between religions, the tea pot symbolized the purity of water and "love pouring from heaven".

But in Malaysia, despite constitutional guarantees of freedom of worship, born Muslims such as Mrs Ali are forbidden from converting to other religions.

Passing sentence, the Sharia judge Mohammed Abdullah said: "The court is not convinced that the accused has repented and is willing to abandon any teachings contrary to Islam. I pray God will open the doors of your heart, Kamariah."

Mrs Ali has already been jailed once for apostasy, for 20 months in 1992.

"This has to stop. They can't be sending her again and again to prison for this," her lawyer, Sa'adiah Din, told reporters. "She informed the court that she is not a Muslim. She doesn't come under Sharia court anymore."

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"Eat whale and save the planet" - Norwegian lobby

By Alister Doyle, Environment Correspondent

Mon Mar 3, 3:49 PM ET

OSLO (Reuters) - Eat a whale and save the planet, a Norwegian pro-whaling lobby said on Monday of a study showing that harpooning the giant mammals is less damaging to the climate than farming livestock.

Environmental group Greenpeace dismissed the survey, saying almost every kind of food was more climate friendly than meat.

The survey, focused on whale boats' fuel use, showed that a kilo (2.2 lbs) of whale meat represented just 1.9 kilo (4.2 lbs) of greenhouse gases against 15.8 for beef, 6.4 for pork and 4.6 for chicken.

"Basically it turns out that the best thing you can do for the planet is to eat whale meat compared to other types of meat," said Rune Froevik of the High North Alliance, which represents the interests of coastal communities in the Arctic. "Greenhouse gas emissions caused by one meal of beef are the equivalent of eight meals of whale meat," the study said.

The Norwegian-based Alliance said it was the first to measure the "carbon footprint" of whaling. Fish and seafood was comparable to whale meat with relatively low emissions.

Norway and Japan, the two main whaling nations, are seeking new arguments to promote whale meat after years of condemnation from anti-whaling nations for breaking with a 1986 moratorium on all hunts meant to save many whale species from extinction.

The Alliance survey, covering eight of Norway's 30 whaling vessels, said they emitted 885 tons of carbon dioxide in 2007 by burning diesel fuel and landed 461 tons of whale meat. That meant an average of 1.9 kilos of emissions per kilo of meat.

By contrast, raising cows in developed nations requires use of tractors, ploughs and fertilizers to produce feed. The animals themselves generate methane, a powerful greenhouse gas, in their digestive tracts.

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Chinese leader offered to 'give' 10M women to USA

During a 1973 meeting with U.S. envoy Henry Kissinger, Chairman Mao Zedong offered to give the United States up to 10 million Chinese women, according to documents released by the State Department.

"You know, China is a very poor country," Mao is quoted as saying during the exchange. "We don't have much. What we have in excess is women. So if you want them we can give a few of those to you, some tens of thousands."

The Chinese leader drew laughter when he returned to the proposition a few minutes later. "Do you want our Chinese women? We can give you 10 million." he said, adding: "We have too many women ... They give birth to children and our children are too many."

Here are some excerpts from the transcript:

Mao: The trade between our two countries at present is very pitiful. It is gradually increasing. You know China is a very poor country. We don’t have much. What we have in excess is women. (Laughter)

Kissinger: There are no quotas for those or tariffs.

Chairman Mao: So if you want them we can give a few of those to you, some tens of thousands. (Laughter)

Prime Minister Chou: Of course, on a voluntary basis.

Mao: Let them go to your place. They will create disasters. That way you can lessen our burdens. (Laughter)

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Photo News from the British Tabloids....

The £130million stately home - which comes with a squatter in the garden

A billionaire is planning to transform a vacant London stately house into the world's most expensive home - but can't evict a squatter who's been living there for the past 21 years.

Harry Hallowes, 71, was awarded squatters' rights last year, which means he can continue living in his tent in the grounds. His small plot is now worth a staggering £4million.

Not moving: Despite the mess, Harry Halowes is happy on his squat - now worth £4m

Meanwhile, the tycoon will spend £80m building transforming the vacant Athlone House in Highgate, North London, into a stately home. Once finished, the land and building will be worth an estimated £130m.

Mr Hallowes says he's looking forward to meeting his new neighbour, who bought the home for £16m three years ago but has never lived in the 19th century building.

When shown artists impressions of the new place, Mr Hallowes said: "I didn't know it was going to be a palace.

Billionaire and the tramp: Harry Halowes squat lies on the southern border of Athlone House

"I thought it was going to be a conventional concrete block."

Mr Hallowes is too far away from the other houses to have any sort of relationship with neighbours, but said: "I get on very well people who pass by on Hampstead Heath."

The luxury site will have a grand driveway, an underground swimming pool, tennis courts and cottages for staff. Despite its grandeur, critics have described artists' impressions of the new home as a "cross between a Stalinist place and a Victorian lunatic asylum."

Squat a mess: Mr Hallowes tip is not likely to endear his new billionaire neighbour

Instead of a lavish new mansion, campaigners want the old building restored to its former glory. The Highgate Society will oppose planning permission and is taking legal advice on how to block the development.

Chairman Gordon Forbes said: "The current building is perfectly capable of being restored to a fine family home."

Lavish: Athlone House will be demolished for a new stately home, but campaigners are not happy

Property analysts believe the home will overtake a £115m flat in St James's Square, Central London, to become the world's most expensive home worth around £130m.

Athlone House was built in 1855, with five acres of landscaped garden designed to emulate the palace at Versailles. It was designed personally for MP Edward Brooke, who made a fortune in aniline dye. It was used as a military convalescent home in both world wars and was then used by the NHS as post-operative recovery home.