Subject: Daily Dose - 080417 - passed away, THIS is TRUE, white-collar crime, DDL, Rotten News

A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss asked sympathetically, "What's the matter?"

The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call saying that my mother had passed away."

The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, "Why don't you go home for the day? Take the day off to relax and rest."

"Thanks, but I'd  be better off here. I need to keep my mind off it, and I have the best chance of doing that here."

The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple of hours pass, and the boss decides to check on the blonde. He looks out from his office, and sees the blonde crying hysterically.

"What's so bad now? Are you going to be okay?" he asks.

"No," exclaims the blonde, "I just received a horrible call from my sister. Her mother died, too!"

(Thanks George...)

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THIS is TRUE...

SOMETHING FISHY GOING ON: Karim Hasan Thamir said he was fishing with his sons in a tributary of the Euphrates River in southern Iraq when he caught something unexpected: a 12-foot shark. "I recognized the fish as a shark because I have seen one on a television program," he said. He was more than 160 miles up-river from the sea, and thinks he knows how the shark got there. "I believe that America is behind this matter," he said. (Reuters)

...It couldn't have been one of our military attack sharks: it didn't have frickin' laser beams on its head.

***

SEEMED REASONABLE AT THE TIME: "He didn't move, so I drove into the back of him," explained Paul D. Keith, 75, to police in Framingham, Mass., who were investigating the collision. "When the light turns green, you're supposed to go and I did." Keith saw the green light and proceeded, even though the car in front of him was in the way. "He was confident in his feeling that he had the right of way," a police spokesman said. "We weren't. He was arrested." Keith was charged with third-offense drunk driving. (Framingham Metro West Daily News)

...We won't really make progress on this issue unless we ensure no one can ever commit a fourth offense.

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METRIC SUBVERSION: David Clarke, 31, of Dublin, Ireland, was heading to a wedding when he passed a police checkpoint at 180 kph in a 100 kph zone. He was cited for driving dangerously; if convicted, he would lose his license. But County Donegal District Court Judge Denis McLoughlin reduced the charge to driving carelessly on the theory that the "very excessive" speed didn't appear "as bad" when considered in miles per hour -- 112 -- rather than kilometers per hour. He fined Clarke 1,000 Euros (US$1,450). (AP)

...Good thing he didn't convert it to feet per minute.

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AHOY THERE: "Unfortunately, he had missed one of the big rules, which is you don't go to sea by yourself," says a port commander from the Royal Australian Navy. The boater had gone out onto Darwin Harbor after dark and hit a buoy marking a wreck, knocking him overboard. "He is on the water with no life jacket, no safety equipment and no flares and his boat has just kept on going," the navy man said. Several hours later the boat beached itself -- on navy property. Security guards found it quickly; the engine was still running and its GPS system was on, so a rescue crew simply followed the recorded route backward, and found the unnamed sailor still clinging to the buoy -- seven hours after the crash. (Australian AP)

...It's not often a guy can say he thwarted two Darwins at the same time.

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BIG MAC ATTACK: "Cows Flee after Seeing McDonald's"

-- AP headline

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The stockbroker was nervous about being in prison because his cellmate looked like a real thug.

"Don't worry," the gruff looking fellow said, "I'm in here for a white-collar crime too."

"Well, that's a relief." sighed the stockbroker. "I was sent to prison for fraud and insider trading."

"Oh, nothing fancy like that for me." qualified the convict. "I just killed a couple of Priests."

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DDL

There was a prim lady from Poole,

Who dreamed she was had by a bull.

The balls were outsize,

And so were her cries,

It was all cock and bull, the young fool.

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"Britney Spears was released from the hospital psychiatric ward today. Authorities are warning all citizens in Los Angeles to remain in their homes."

-Jimmy Kimmel

***

"Happy Chinese New Year! It's the year of the rat. Who knew it would coincide with an election year."

-David Letterman

***

"It costs me 65 bucks to fill up my car today. Remember when 65 bucks would buy you a large latte at Starbucks?"

-Jay Leno

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Rotten News....  (true)

Irish pub, French language watchdog battle over vintage signs, service

By Sidhartha Banerjee, THE CANADIAN PRESS

MONTREAL - It appears a few pints of beer won't be sufficient to douse the latest language tensions brewing in Montreal - this time, Quebec's language watchdog is frothing over a popular watering hole cluttered with classic Irish signage and English-only posters.

The wall hangings at McKibbin's Irish Pub include vintage advertisements for Guinness and Harp as well as other traditional fare like Palethorpes Pork Pies. The owners of the popular hangout say it all just adds to the charm and ambience of the downtown watering hole.

Still, the Office quebecois de la langue francaise says complaints about the English-only signs, an English-only chalkboard menu and English-only service prompted it to send the pub owners a letter wanting answers.

"What we asked them were what measures would be taken to ensure that service would be offered in French because we received two complaints," Office spokesman Gerald Paquette said in an interview Friday. "If the business says some of those pictures are decorative to give the pub an Irish flavour, it is certain we would exempt them from the charter rules," Paquette said. "But there were other posters also, notably ones about contests and events, that were in English only." 

The brewhaha has prompted the pub's co-owners to extend an invite to Premier Jean Charest to stop by for a hearty meal and a pint and inspect the signs himself. Dean Laderoute and Rick Fon say they'll remove the signs if Charest believes they violate the Quebec language law.

"An Irish pub without these decorations is just an empty box," Fon said in an interview. "It's the decor, the pictures, the clutter, it creates the warmth."

Fon also says they have bilingual menus and that his regulars, including a considerable French clientele, all agree the complaints are ridiculous.

The pub could face fines as high as $1,500 for each infraction.

Here are some other cases over the years that have attracted the interest of the language watchdog or people seeking to protect the French language:

1996: - A woman warns the owner of a Quebec pet store she might get in touch with language authorities because Peekaboo, the parrot she wanted to buy, didn't speak French.

1999:- The Old Navy chain is asked to rename its stores "La Vieille Riviere." It never happens.

2000: - The owner of an Indian restaurant is told he's breaking the law by having coasters for "Double Diamond," a British beer.

2001: Some people express disappointment that race-car driver Jacques Villeneuve calls his restaurant "Newtown."

2005:Language authorities say they will investigate complaints that Montreal Mayor Gerald Tremblay's party used the word "Go" on its posters and pamphlets, as in "Go Montreal."

2007: - Imperial Oil says it will keep its Quebec-only "Marche Express" name for its Esso gas stations after protests surfaced regarding a proposal to change the name to "On The Run" as they are known elsewhere in North America.

2007: About 50 people protest outside a Second Cup outlet to demonstrate against the words "Les cafes" being dropped from "Les cafes Second Cup" at some of the chain's outlets.

2007: Language activists decry the fact that callers to many Quebec government offices are told to "press nine" for English before instructions are delivered in French. Some of the departments have since changed the message to put English at the end.

(History has proven that you can't legislate culture....)

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Thai diners show appetite for rat 

Rats have long been eaten in poorer regions of Thailand. Thai fast food sellers are enjoying a boom in rat sales, as people learn to love the taste of the rodent.

While rat has long been eaten in Thailand's poorer northern regions, a growing number of the country's roadside vendors are now serving it up. The rats are drowned and sold uncooked or ready to eat, with happy customers purchasing rat meat for as much as 150 baht ($4.82; £2.30) a kilogram.

"It's better than chicken," one customer told the AP news agency.

One rat seller, Sala Prompim, said that the hip and liver were the best cuts. "It's tastier than other meats - nothing can compete with rat," he added.

Mr Prompim said he only used rats caught from rice fields, and not those found in towns or cities. "They are definitely clean," he said.

The animals are killed by drowning, before being skinned ready for cooking - poached, fried, grilled or baked. Mr Prompim says he sells as much as 100kg of rat meat on some days.

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Australian newlyweds caught in drag race

Sun Dec 30, 9:36 PM ET

SYDNEY (Reuters) - Australian newlyweds kissing on the backseat of their hire car were unaware their chauffeur was street drag racing, until a police siren broke their romantic bliss and ended the race.

The chauffeur, clocked at up to 130 kph (80 mph) racing a young driver in a rental car, was fingerprinted on the side of the road and the hire car confiscated.

"It's alleged that as the traffic light turned green both the (cars) accelerated harshly from the intersection and continued to travel at speed along the highway," police said in a statement.

Both drivers were taken away by police, while newlyweds John and Laina Tauranga were escorted home in a police car.

(Reporting by Michael Perry; editing by Jeremy Laurence)

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Photo News from the British Tabloids....

Welcome To The Halal Inn: Britain’s First Alcohol-Free Islamic Pub

BRITAIN’S first Muslim “pub” has opened - with snooker and darts, but no booze. Regulars at the Halal Inn sip fruit juice, soft drinks or a cuppa.

The country’s first Islamic pub opened last December in Oldham and although trade is not exactly roaring, it is purring along. Behind the bar, there are fizzy drinks and fruit juices, including non-alcoholic spritzers and buck’s fizz for those special occasions. In addition to tea and coffee, a range of Asian snacks is available, while Islamic songs are played over loudspeakers.

Pubgoers can play snooker, darts or karam, an Indian board game similar to billiards. Islamic-themed quiz nights have also been organised.

Owners Azizur Rahman and business partner Muzahid Khan spotted the potential in the former Westwood Inn which was lying empty on the edge of the town centre.

“Muslims are a major consumer group and they need somewhere to relax and socialise just like anybody else,” said Mr Khan yesterday. “But the presence of alcohol means traditional pubs are off-putting to those who want to follow strict Islamic rulings, so this is the perfect place for them to come.

(anyone care to bet how long this venture will last???)