Subject: Daily Dose - 080415 - hat-seller, BIZARRE NEWS, When you hate your job, DDL, News from the British Tabloids

A hat-seller who was passing by a forest decided to take a nap under one of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by the side.

A few hours later, he woke up and realized that all his hats were gone. He looked up and to his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and they had taken all his hats. The hat-seller sits down and thinks of how he can get the hats down.

While thinking he started to scratch his head. The next moment, the monkeys were doing the same. Next, he took down his own hat, the monkeys did exactly the same. An idea came to him, he took his hat and threw it on the floor and the monkeys did that too. So he finally managed to get all his hats back.

Fifty years later, his grandson, Joseph, also became a hat-seller and had heard this monkey story from his grandfather. One day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest. It was very hot, and he took a nap under the same tree and left the hats on the floor. He woke up and realized that all his hats were taken by the monkeys on the tree.

He remembered his grand father's words, started scratching his head and the monkeys followed. He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys followed. Now, very convinced of his grandfather's idea, Joseph threw his hat on the floor but to his surprise, the monkeys still held on to all the hats.

Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor, gave him a slap and said........

"You think only you have a grandfather? "

(Thanks Sonia...)

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BIZARRE NEWS...

Bizarre Coincidences

A distraught architect threw himself in front of a train in the London Underground in a suicide attempt. Luckily, the train stopped inches from his body; in fact, it had to be jacked off its tracks to allow his removal. When questioned, however, the driver informed officials he hadn't stopped the train. An investigation revealed that one of the passengers, unaware of the suicide attempt, had independently pulled the emergency brake. London Transport officials considered prosecuting the passenger for illegal use of the emergency brake but ultimately decided against it.

George D. Bryson, a businessman from Connecticut, decided to change his travel plans and stop in Louisville, Kentucky, a place he'd never visited before. He went to a local hotel and made preparations to check into Room 307. Before he could do so, a hotel employee handed him a letter addressed to his exact name. It turned out the previous occupant of Room 307 was another George D. Bryson.

One three separate occasions - in the years 1664, 1785, and 1860 - there was a shipwreck in which only one person survived the accident. Each time that one person was named Hugh Williams.

In 1983, a woman told British Rail authorities about a disturbing vision she had of a fatal train crash involving an engine with the numbers 47 216. Two years later, a train had a fatal accident, similar to the one the woman had described. The engine number, however, was 47 299. Later, someone noticed that the number had previously been changed by nervous British Rail officials. The original number: 47 216.

Several secret code words were devised by Allied military commanders during their preparations to invade Normandy in World War II. Among them: "Utah," "Neptune," "Mulberry," "Omaha," and "Overlord." Before the invasion could begin, however, all of these words appeared in a crossword puzzle in the London Daily Telegraph. After interrogating the puzzle's author, an English school teacher, authorities became convinced that it was sheer, inexplicable coincidence.

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Texas math books wrought with errors

AUSTIN, Texas - Reviewers have found 109,263 errors in sample copies of math textbooks to be used next fall in Texas. One second-grade math book, for example, has 4 plus 7 equaling 10, the San Antonio Express-News reported Friday.

Many of the errors, spread out over 164 textbooks and online materials, are blamed on faulty translation from English to Spanish. Some of the student editions also included answers to end-of-chapter quizzes, which were counted as errors. The math books are expected to be error-free by the time classes begin.

For every error that is not caught, the State Board of Education fines publishers $5,000, the newspaper said. The Boston-based publishing giant Houghton Mifflin Co. is responsible for 79 percent of the errors found in both student and teacher materials.

"The last time we had any errors that were identified after they hit the classrooms was in 2005. We found one," said Anita Givens, senior director of educational technology at the Texas Education Agency.

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Robber claims he was robbed

TAMPA, Ga. - A self-inflicted bullet in the hip probably probably wasn't on the checklist for a man police accused of taking money from a Tampa, Fla., area gas station.

Tampa police say Matthew James, 33, shot himself in the hip as he fled the gas station after allegedly emptying the cash register and shooting a round in the direction of the female clerk, the St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times reported.

While the clerk was uninjured, James was. He ditched his bloody clothes in a nearby dumpster, where surveillance video cameras captured his journey to a nearby hospital emergency room. When police found James he claimed he had been robbed.

James was treated for a non-life-threatening injury, arrested and charged with robbery and attempted murder, police said.

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Man jailed over nail gun hoax

GLOUCESTER, England - A man who shot himself with a nail gun in Gloucester to get money was sentenced Wednesday to 30 months in jail.

David Russell, 38, claimed he was robbed by three men who shot him seven times with a two-inch nail gun. One of the nails nearly went through his heart and had to be removed surgically, The Times of London reports.

Local investigators pressed Russell and he admitted to making a similar claim seven years before. In that scam he reportedly received 4,400 pounds ($9,000) in compensation. The two men Russell said attacked him were arrested and later released. Russell pleaded guilty in the Gloucester Crown Court to two charges of perverting the course of justice.

The newspaper reported the local prosecutor, Julian Kesner, described Russell as a "very convincing fantasist," adding that he has "told the most audacious of lies, including concocting stories of being the victim of the most extraordinary crimes."

The defense, meanwhile, claimed Russell had tried to kill himself on both occasions.

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When you hate your job

When you have an 'I Hate My Job' day, try this:

On  your way home from work or play, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer  section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson  & Johnson  ~  Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the  curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be  disturbed.

Change  into very comfortable clothing and sit in your favorite chair. Open the package  and remove the thermometer. Now, carefully place it on a table or a surface so  that it will not become chipped or broken.

Now  the fun part begins. Take out the literature from the box and read it  carefully. You will notice that in small print there is a statement:

'Every  Rectal Thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson is personally tested and then  sanitized '.

Now,  close your eyes and repeat out loud five times, 'I am so glad I do not work in  the thermometer Quality Control Department at Johnson & Johnson.'

HAVE  A NICE DAY AND REMEMBER, THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE WITH A JOB THAT IS MORE OF  A PAIN IN THE A$$ THAN YOURS

(Thanks George...)

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DDL

There was a young woman named Linda,

Who did it in front of the winda.

The guys passing by

Would give her the eye,

But she didn't allow it to hinda.

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"I have a Y chromosome that makes me ask, Why get married? But I wouldn't want to put down marriage as a whole - which it is."

--Kevin Hench

***

"I like hip-hop. I'm working with Ice Cube, Ice-T, and Herb Tea. I'm changing my name to Snapple."

--Paul Mooney

***

"I have come to realize that we are all truly on our own. Today, my wife yelled, 'What do you want from me? I made you a bowl of cereal!'"

--Paul Alexander

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News from the British Tabloids

Handshake saved life

A man's life was saved by a chance handshake with a doctor who diagnosed him with a life-threatening tumour.

Mark Gurrieri, 36, was working at a restaurant when a friend introduced him to his dining partner, GP Chris Britt, reports the Daily Telegraph. The two men shook hands and Dr Britt noticed Mr Gurrieri's huge, spongy-feeling hand and his large facial features as symptoms of acromegaly, a tumour at the base of the brain, which can be deadly if untreated.

Mr Gurrieri had the 2cm tumour diagnosed last month after doctors confirmed the rare condition.

"My mum thinks Chris is my guardian angel," he said. "I could have lost my sight, or I could have had a number of other ailments, so I think I owe my life to Chris - and a few meals at the restaurant."

Dr Britt, 46, of Woodford Green, Essex, said he hadn't seen a case of acromegaly since he was a medical student.

"It's the sort of diagnosis you might make once in a career if you're lucky. It's so rare most GPs wouldn't have seen patients with it."

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DJ's radio ga ga

A radio DJ chatted away for an hour - without realising he had forgotten to press the broadcast button.

Radio Teesside's Andy Greener was effectively talking to himself while his listeners heard a back-up tape of music and jingles. Mr Greener's witty banter, chat about the news and crucial weather update disappeared into the ether, reports the Daily Telegraph.

Meanwhile, station boss Peter Dixon, listening at home, was trying desperately to alert the presenter on the phone. Eventually, Mr Dixon got through and only then did the DJ realise the on-air light in the studio was not on.

He took a couple of minutes to compose himself, before pressing the right button and start broadcasting once again.

Mr Greener told the Northern Echo: "I've been doing the show three days a week for ten months and always pressed the button at the right moment. Goodness knows why I forgot this time. I thought the show would be going down well. The studio phone kept ringing, but I was too busy talking to answer. I now know that some of the calls were from people pointing out the blunder."

Mr Dixon, the station's only employee, will not fire his "excellent" breakfast show DJ, who is one of 35 volunteers at the station. He said: "It's quite funny he was talking to himself for an hour. We try to do it in a professional way, but the presenters are all unpaid and they just do it out of dedication."

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Bread mistaken for baby in duck-filled canal

It seems you can't even go to your local watering hole to feed some ducks these days without people accusing you of being a baby-murderer.

A couple who went to a canal to feed some ducks found that their innocent animal-friendly gesture had sparked a six-hour hunt for a baby's body. Police were called to the canal in Ashton-under-Lyne in Greater Manchester after nearby mill workers reported a bag had been thrown into the water, which prompted fears it contained a baby.

The search ended when fire crews found the bag at the bottom of the canal, but found it contained bread.

Sajid Muhammad and his wife had accidentally dropped the bag into the water on their way to feed the ducks. Mr Muhammad, 33, said: 'We often do it because it's better than throwing the bread away.'

The police said the person who reported the incident 'did the right thing'.

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Photo News from the British Tabloids....

11-Year-Old Marries 10-Year-Old Cousin

An 11-year-old boy has married his 10-year-old cousin in the ultra-conservative Muslim kingdom of Saudi Arabia.

 Mohammed al-Rashidi and his unidentified cousin will seal the marriage they contracted under the sharia laws of Islam and move in together after a ceremony to take place in the summer.

“I am ready for this marriage. It will help me study better,” Mohammed was quoted as saying.

“I invite all my classmates to do like me,” the boy said, adding that he wanted to “crown a love story through marriage”.