Subject: Daily Dose - 080410 - stamp collector, THIS is TRUE, gatherers, DDL, News from the British Tabloids

A couple just got married and on the night of their honeymoon before passionate love, the wife tells the husband, "Please be gentile, I'm still a virgin."

The husband being shocked, replied, "How's that possible? You've been married three times before."

The wife responds, "Well, my first husband was a gynecologist and all he wanted to do was look at it. My second husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it.

"Finally, my third husband was a stamp collector and all he wanted to do was...oh, do I miss him!"

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THIS is TRUE...

OVERQUALIFIED: Voters in Brunswick, Maine, were a bit suspicious of Matthew Lajoie, who was running for a seat on the school board. It's not just that Lajoie is only 21 years old, but rather that it was revealed that he has managed to amass 18 criminal convictions since he graduated from Brunswick High School. They included multiple cases of theft, putting fake license plates on his car, several counts of driving with a suspended or revoked license, and leading a police chase that ended in a fiery crash. Lajoie says he decided to turn his life around since "I was getting tired of being pulled over and hauled to the station and finding bail money." He came in last in the election. (Brunswick Times Record)

...Right: in America, we prefer our politicians to commit their crimes in office.

***

IN A PICKLE: "If this is not the silliest case I've ever seen in this courtroom, it certainly is in the top 10," grumbled Judge Scott Schofield. Bobby Lee Bolen, 35, of Buchanan, Mich., was brought before the judge for assault with a pickle. Bolen had broken into the home of some friends and threw two large pickles at them. That led to charges of home invasion and assault. "The fact that it's silly doesn't mean that it's not serious," the judge continued. He sentenced Bolen to time served while awaiting trial -- 54 days -- plus $1,150 in fines, $270 in restitution, and a year of probation, during which time he must undergo a substance abuse evaluation, as his lawyer noted that Bolen's real problem was alcohol abuse. (South Bend Tribune)

...Throwing several pickles, throwing back several and getting pickled -- what's the difference?

***

SHALL I POUR? Contractors were pouring cement against the wall of a restaurant and bar in Gore, New Zealand, but the wet mass was too heavy and the wall collapsed. An estimated 4,000 liters of concrete poured in, weighing about 8 metric tons. The restaurant ended up with about 30 cm (1 ft.) of concrete on the floor. "It was pretty spectacular to look at," said bar manager Murray Davidson, who noted he had three customers at the time. A government official expected the bar to be back open in less than a week. (Southland Times)

...Naturally, for the first round the stiff ones will be on the house.

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HAULING ASH: A car repair shop in North Charleston, S.C., bought an old Buick for parts and hauled it back to their shop. The car had been sitting around for months, and as the shop employees went through it, they found a fair amount of abandoned property. Including an urn marked "the cremated remains of Izetta Dickerson." The woman's ashes apparently sat in the back seat of the Buick for about four years. (Charleston Post and Courier)

...Considering how many people's lives started in the back seat of a Buick, it's reasonable for someone to end their life there now and then.

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NEXT, A REPORT WILL DISCUSS WHY THEY NEEDED A REPORT TO TELL THEM THIS: "State Report Says Texas Has Too Many Reports"

-- AP headline

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Jill: What happened to you and that last boyfriend?

Mary: Well, you know how men are supposed to be hunters, and women are supposed to be gatherers?

Jill: Yeah, I know about that.

Mary: Well, he couldn't hunt enough money to keep up with my gathering.

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DDL

We've been told to "forgive and forget"

But I think that advice is all wet

'Cause he did unto me

Like a dog to a tree

And I'm going to get back at him yet!

Though vengance we're told is all wrong

His crowing would not go on long

If I could just get

Him to the right vet

He'd be singing a higher-pitched song

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"Cats are smarter than dogs. You can't get eight cats to pull a sled through snow."

-Jeff Valdez

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"For those who may not know this: When the preacher says, 'You may now kiss the bride,' he's only speaking to the groom."

-David Gunter

***

"My sister was in labor for thirty-six hours. Ow! She got wheeled out of delivery, looked at me, and said, 'Adopt.'"

-Caroline Rhea

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News from the British Tabloids

Young Brits can't boil an egg

Nearly half of young adults in Britain don't know how to boil an egg, according to a new survey.

Only 51% of 18 to 24-year-olds knew it took three minutes to soft-boil an egg, reveals the poll to mark Farmhouse Breakfast Week. One in 20 thought it took 10 minutes while 15% had no idea. Overall, 65% of the 1,950 adults questioned got the cooking time right.

British chef Brian Turner said preparing a healthy cooked breakfast was a basic skill and the findings of the survey were a cause for concern.

He said: "This survey shows just how far people have lost touch with Britain's food heritage and that many aren't capable of boiling an egg or grilling bacon or cooking sausages correctly."

The British Egg Information Service says large eggs should be put in cold water which is brought to the boil and left for three minutes to get a really soft boiled yolk and set egg white.

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Schoolboy genius hacked into tram network

A Polish schoolboy caused chaos after hacking into a city's public transport system and using a TV-style remote control.

The 14-year-old, described by teachers as a model pupil and an electronics genius, hacked into the transport network in Lodz. He changes the track points and made at least four trams derail - leaving dozens injured.

The boy told local police he had changed the points on tram tracks across the city for a prank. But in one incident alone 12 people were injured.

Miroslaw Micor, spokesman for Lodz police, said: "He studied the trams and the tracks for a long time and then built a device that looked like a TV remote control and used it to manoeuvre the trams and the tracks. He had converted the TV control into a device capable of controlling all the junctions on the line and wrote in the pages of a school exercise book where the best junctions were to move trams around and what signals to change.

"He treated it like any other schoolboy might a giant train set - but it was lucky nobody was killed. Four trams were derailed, and others had to make emergency stops that left passengers hurt. He clearly did not think about the consequences of his actions."

The boy faces charges of endangering public safety in a special juvenile court.

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Cities sue over 'Ice Box' tag

Demonstrating once again that there is nothing Americans won't sue somebody over, a fierce legal battle has broken out between two cities over who gets to be called the 'Ice Box of the Nation'.

Jeff Durbin, Town Manager of Fraser, Colorado, said the Minnesota town of International Falls has filed a countersuit, in response to a lawsuit filed by Fraser over who owns the trademark. Fraser officials say their town has used the phrase 'Ice Box of the Nation' since 1956, and officials in International Falls say they have used it since 1948. The dueling lawsuits ask city officials to prove it.

The two chilly municipalities fought an earlier cold war over the motto decades ago that ended in 1986 with Fraser giving up its 'official' claim to the trademark in exchange for £1,020 ($2,000) from International Falls.

But the Minnesota city last year acknowledged it had inadvertently failed to renew its federal trademark back in 1996, even while keeping a state trademark up to date. That allowed Fraser to file its own application. To outsiders it might seem ridiculous, but Durbin said it is important to Fraser's residents.

'We ought to get something out of it after having to live through winters here,' resident Joan Christensen said.

The Summit Daily News in Frisco, Colorado, reported an attempt to settle it with a duel failed when Fraser wanted it to be a contest on snowshoes and the Minnesota mayor wanted a snowball fight.

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Photo News from the British Tabloids....

Cat poo coffee £50 a cup

The world's most expensive cup of coffee - made partly from cat droppings - is to go on sale at £50 a time.

The brew is a blend of Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee and Kopi Luwak, a south-east Asian bean collected from civet cat droppings that sells for £324 a kilo. Created by expert David Cooper, the blend is on sale at Peter Jones department store in London.

It is believed to be the most expensive cup of coffee in the world, reports the Daily Telegraph. Proceeds go to the MacMillan Cancer Trust.

Mr Cooper said: "These rare coffees have been slowly hand roasted for around 12 minutes to ensure that we maximise the potential of each coffee. "The final roast colour is quite dark to ensure that the espresso is perfect for a smooth latte or cappuccino."

Kopi Luwak ("civet coffee") is made from partially digested beans recovered from the droppings of the civet cat, a native of Indonesia. They are said to pick the best and ripest coffee berries, before digesting the flesh of the fruit, leaving just the bean.

Customers will be relieved to know that workers wash the dung away from the beans before sale.