Subject: Daily Dose - 080408 - always the doubt, BIZARRE NEWS, stories about black men, DDL, News from the British Tabloids

Charles, the Frenchman, was leaving his Parisian home for two weeks and confided in his friend, Pierre, "I always hate leaving my wife for so long like this. When I'm away, I just don't know what she is doing. There's always the doubt, always the doubt."

Pierre said, "Charles, I'll tell you what. Because we're such close friends, I'll keep an eye on her every evening that you're gone."

"You would do that for me, Pierre?" Charles said, relieved. "Oh thank you so very much. I know I really should trust my wife, but it's just that there's always the doubt, always the doubt."

So Charles went off on his business trip and returned to Paris two weeks later. The two men met again.

"Charles, I'm afraid I have bad news for you," Pierre said. "The very first night you were gone, I watched this man go to your house. Your wife opened the door naked and kissed and hugged him. He fondled her breasts. He rubbed her crotch. Then they closed the door to go upstairs. Never daunted, I climbed up the tree outside your house and watched them in the bedroom."

"And so...?" inquired Charles.

"Well, first they took off all his clothes."

"What happened then?" asked Charles.

"Then," Pierre shook his head sorrowfully, "then they closed the curtains. I could see nothing. I could learn nothing more."

Charles sighed a deep sigh. "So you see how it is, my friend? Always the doubt, always the doubt."

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BIZARRE NEWS...

Bizarre Personal Ads

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Petite mountaineeress seeks tall female for climbing. If you're under 6 feet tall, averse to ropes, or wary of long expeditions, don't apply.

Single female who enjoys interpretive dance, wearing black clothing, and drinking herbal tea seeks standoffish, analytical wimp to create Jell-O sculptures and ballroom dance in my living room.

Thirty-five-year-old doctor who wants to finally meet a woman with true inner beauty. Outward appearance not a factor. Please send X-rays.

You have brown hair and green eyes, with a mole on your left cheek. I watch you from behind the bushes with my binoculars. Don't bother to respond; I already know where you live.

Former scientist in search of test subject for study on the line between pleasure and pain, ecstasy and excruciation. Those with high pain thresholds ineligible.

Born-again female Pentecostal seeks male acolyte for meaningful relationship and serpent handling. Speaking in tongues a plus! God-fearing applicants only.

***

Police: No smoking means no smoking

DANBURY, Conn. - A man accused of openly smoked a cigar laced with marijuana inside the Danbury, Conn., police station learned no smoking means no smoking of any kind.

Police arrested Scott Snow, 24, charging him with possession of marijuana after finding two bag of suspicious-looking, plant-like material, The (Danbury) News Times reported Wednesday. Snow also was charged with possession 1,500 feet of a school zone because an elementary school was about a half-block away.

Police Capt. Robert Myles said Snow tooled into the police station lobby, walked up to the partition separating desk officers from the public, and blew smoke through the small opening in the glass. Unaware of exactly what Snow was doing, an officer told him smoking in the building was prohibited. Snow sucked on the cigar again, expelling another cloud of smoke through the opening then extinguished the cigar on the counter, the newspaper said.

This time, Myles said, police went to the lobby and caught a whiff of the smoke filling the room.

"As one of the guys said later, 'You can't make this stuff up,'" Myles told The News Times.

***

Robber flees with adding machine

FAIRFIELD, Conn. - A Fairfield, Conn., doughnut shop robber had a big hole in his caper -- he grabbed the store's adding machine instead of the cash register.

The man entered a Dunkin' Donuts Monday night, claiming to be armed with a gun and bomb, the (Bridgeport) Connecticut Post reported. He gave the clerk a note threatening to use both, grabbed what he thought was the cash register and ran into a waiting car, police said.

However, the bumbling robber's cash haul added up to a big zero -- since he grabbed the store's adding machine -- which didn't even have money drawers.

***

Baby rattled by SUV in his room

KENT CITY, Mich. - A Kent City, Mich., couple heard a crash on their infant monitor and found an SUV had careened into their home -- and stopped 1 foot from their son's crib.

The frantic parents flew out of bed and down the stairs Tuesday night where they found 5-month-old Quinn Fox in his crib covered with "debris and dust" but otherwise unharmed, his mother, Kim Fox, told Thursday's Grand Rapids (Mich.) Press.

After making sure his son was OK, Neven Fox turned his attention to the large metal intruder in the room and told the driver to "cut the engine," the Press said. The 49-year-old driver of the SUV was treated for minor injuries and charged with drunken driving.

***

Mix-up sends wrong child to wrong house

JACKSONVILLE, Fla. - A mix-up in the pickup of a Florida man's 4-year-old grandson from a Jacksonville pre-school created an awkward and tense situation. Long Branch Elementary School pre-kindergarten student Zacari was safe at home with his family Wednesday, a day after he was mistakenly taken to the home of a different family, WJXT-TV, Jacksonville, reported Wednesday.

A grandfather went to the school to pick up his grandchild and wound up putting Zacari on his bike and rode home.

"We were riding a bicycle, and he had to pick me up and put me in the middle," Zacari said. When they arrived at the man's home, his wife recognized the boy wasn't her grandchild. Meanwhile, Zacari's aunt had arrived to pick up the boy and panicked to learn her nephew was already gone.

"I was thinking the worst. I was crying. I was shaking," the aunt said. Fortunately, the man who picked up the 4-year-old was biking back to the school to return him.

School district representatives said protocol was not followed in the mix-up and the teachers involved would be disciplined.

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(Beware - culturally insensitive joke ahead....)

A divorcee in her early forties was sitting at a bar one night when she noticed a young, attractive black man just a few stools away. She'd never experienced for herself if the stories about black men were true, so she took the opportunity to buy the young stud a drink.

One drink led to another, and those led to the couple going back to the divorcee's apartment. Once there, the woman stripped naked, climbed up in her bed, struck a sexy, come-hither look, and whispered, "OK, you gorgeous piece of chocolate man. Show me what young black men do best."

So he beat her up and stole her stereo.

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DDL

If inside a circle a line

Hits the center and goes spine to spine

And the line's length is "d"

the circumference will be

d times 3.14159

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"High gas prices leave a bad taste in people's mouths, have you noticed that? That's mostly from the siphoning, but still it's a horror."

-Jay Leno

***

"Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger on Thursday rushed to the aid of a 12-year-old student who had fainted during an event at his school. When the student came to and saw Schwarzenegger rushing toward him, he died."

-Seth Meyers

***

"I like Ralph Nader, he looks like the doctor you go to have the bullet removed. John McCain, on the other hand, he looks like the guy who has to be told to close his robe."

-David Letterman

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News from the British Tabloids

Actor's 'shrunken penis' complaint

Juan Pablo di Pace An actor is considering legal action after he claimed a naked image of him on a Royal Opera House poster was air-brushed to make his package look smaller, it was reported.

Juan Pablo di Pace, first appeared naked in the poster for Verdi's Rigoletto in 2001 and since then his picture has been re-used on billboards and promotional flyers. However, the 28-year-old who went on to star in BBC TV shows including Aftersun, The Catherine Tate Show and River City as well as the film Three with Kelly Brook, is no longer part of the production.

A friend of the actor, originally from Argentina, said that in a 2005 poster his manhood was shrunk to 'make it look like he barely had one at all'.

They added: 'It's hugely embarrassing for a 28-year-old actor for them to plaster his naked body across billboards and buses doing to his image what they wish.'

A spokesman for the ROH said: 'It's standard practice to take promotional photos and this one was a very striking image.'

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Woman had springs in her body

A Chinese woman who complained of back pain turned out to have 10 small springs in her body.

"The muscles around the spine felt very tight, and as if they were pulling part, but I couldn't pinpoint the exact location of the pain," said Li, 47, of Yanji city.

Hospital doctors were initially baffled when an x-ray showed white spots along her spine, reports the Beijing Evening Post.

Chief surgeon Dr Jin said: "We took five small springs from her back, buried 1 to 1.5 cm under the skin. Some of them had grown together with the muscles, and rusted."

After the surgery, the hospital took a full body x-ray, and found another five springs in her waist, feet and the top of her head. Li says the springs may have been planted into her body when she was nine-years-old to treat epilepsy.

"My family took me to a private clinic, and they used some treatment similar to acupuncture," she recalled.

Dr Jin says this could explain why all the springs are located at points used by acupuncturists. But acupuncture expert Gao Pengxiang, director of the Traditional Medicine Department at Jilin University 2nd Hospital, insisted: "This does not belong to acupuncture."

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Lodger accused of cooking landlady's dog

A Korean man is facing charges after trying to eat his landlady's dog, setting his room on fire in the process.

The Seoul resident, named only as Park, dognapped the Chihuahua while his landlady was in the bathroom, and set about preparing it as a meal.

Firstly, this involved killing it. Then Park decided to try scorching the dog before cooking it properly, but – somewhat unsurprisingly – this had the side-effect of setting his room on fire.

It was at this point that neighbours spotted the smoke, and called the fire brigade. When the firefighters arrived, they discovered Park in the middle of his sub-Nigella culinary experiment. The police were called, and arrested Park.

The Korea Times reports that Park was, you'll be astonished to learn, drunk when he was arrested. The paper says that his explanation for his dog-cooking actions was: 'I did so because I was hungry.'

He now faces charges of theft.

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Photo News from the British Tabloids....

Panic over wounded angels

A Chinese artist provoked a public scare when he hung naked mannequins from the outside of skyscrapers.

Shanghai artist Liu Jin put up four mannequins and put wings on their backs for the work, entitled Wounded Angels. But passers-by mistook them for real people perilously clinging to the buildings, reports News Morning Post.

One grandmother reportedly required hospital treatment after the shock led to a heart attack.

Police say they received several calls about reports of people hanging from buildings and looking like they were preparing to jump.

"When we got there with the firefighters, we found they were just mannequins," a spokesman said.

Security officers at one building moved the mannequin from the south wall to the north, after neighbours complained.