Subject: Daily Dose - 080403 - Pins, THIS is TRUE, echo canyon, DDL, News from the British Tabloids, Rotten News

Pins

While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, I noticed several pretty nurses, each of whom was wearing a pin designed to look like an apple.

I asked one nurse what the pin signified.

"Nothing," she said with a smile. "It's just to keep the doctors away."

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THIS is TRUE...

SIGNIFICANT DISCOUNT: An unnamed woman called police in Lancaster, Pa., to report that as she got out of her car, a man grabbed her and fondled her. She broke away and ran, but he got away with her purse. When officers arrived, they asked her to call her cell phone. Sure enough, the robber answered -- and demanded $185,000 for the return of her phone. After negotiating the price down to $200 (nearly a 99.9 percent reduction), police went to the designated meeting place and arrested Randy-Jay Adolphos Jones, 29, who was still holding her phone. He was charged with indecent assault and robbery, and is being held on $100,000 bail. (Lancaster New Era)

...No, the judge will not reduce that to $108.

***

TTL IDT: Robert Gillespie, 38, was driving in Eugene, Ore., and, police say, was sending a text message on his cell phone. He looked up to see a freight train crossing in front of him, but he couldn't stop in time. The train crew called 911 to report the crash; rescue crews had to pry Gillespie, who was still conscious, out of the crushed vehicle. (Portland Oregonian)

...And they had to pry his phone out of his hand since he was still trying to text the message, "Hlp! Ht trn. Nd resq."

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IF THE NAME FITS: Officials in Sioux City, Iowa, asked the Federal Aviation Administration to change the designator of its airport, SUX, because it was an "embarrassment" to the city. After the FAA offered several alternatives -- GWU, GYO, GYT, SGV and GAY -- city officials decided what they had wasn't so bad after all, and decided to make the most of it. The airport's new slogan: FLY SUX. (AP)

...Whereas the public says FLYING SUX no matter where they're going.

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DON'T PUSH THAT BUTTON: Managers at Fleetlink GPS of Brisbane, Qld., Australia, weren't terribly worried when a burglar stole a demonstration set. "We were fairly confident he was going to be silly enough to plug it in because it looks like something to plug in," said one. The A$13,000 (US$12,930) unit demonstrates what Fleetlink equipment does: helps companies track their equipment fleet by GPS. Sure enough, a few days later the thief plugged the unit in, and Fleetlink was immediately notified of its location. "We had a bit of a laugh and then contacted police." Officers raided the location and not only recovered the GPS system, but also tens of thousands of dollars' worth of other equipment stolen in "what appeared to be sophisticated heists." But, Fleetlink countered, "If he was that smart he wouldn't be a criminal." (Brisbane Courier Mail)

...Or, at least he wouldn't have been caught.

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WHAT COULD POSSIBLY GO WRONG? "Prison Offers Inmates Pole-vaulting Lessons"

-- London Daily Express headline

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While hiking in the mountains one day I came across a gorgeous gorge that I thought was an echo canyon. I shouted, "Hello there." But the response sounded to me like, "Hello where?"

I tried again. "How do you do?"

A moment later the report came back sounding like, "How do I do what?"

Baffled and amused I decided to give it the ultimate test. "You're not really an echo canyon, are you?"

The response from the big ditch confirmed my suspicions.

"Brilliant deduction, Einstein."

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DDL

A town girl spread sex by the bale,

Specializing in students from Yale.

They spent gala nights

Sampling her nude delights,

Which kept half of Yale mighty pale.

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"I didn"t go to any Oscar parties last night. I'm not into the Hollywood scene, especially with the whole 'not being invited to any of them' thing."

-Jimmy Kimmel

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"Problems for Hillary Clinton: There are 14 states to go, and she only has 12 pantsuits left."

-Jay Leno

***

"The store Sharper Image has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy. The bankruptcy was filed using the Sharper Image Bankruptcy-Filing, Folding-Bicycle, Massage Chair."

-Conan O'Brien

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News from the British Tabloids

Paper Airplane Launched Into Space

Researchers from the University of Tokyo have teamed up with members of the Japan Origami Airplane Association to develop a paper aircraft capable of surviving the flight from the International Space Station to the Earth’s surface.

The researchers are scheduled to begin testing the strength and heat resistance of an 8 centimeter (3.1 in) long prototype on January 17 in an ultra-high-speed wind tunnel at the University of Tokyo’s Okashiwa campus (Chiba prefecture). In the tests, the origami glider — which is shaped like the Space Shuttle and has been treated to withstand intense heat — will be subjected to wind speeds of Mach 7, or about 8,600 kilometers (5,300 miles) per hour…

No launch date has been set for the paper spaceplane, but Shinji Suzuki, an aerospace engineering professor at the University of Tokyo, is thinking ahead. “We hope the space station crew will write a message of peace on the plane before they launch it,” says Suzuki. “We don’t know where in the world the plane will land, but it would be nice to send a message to whoever finds it.”

Who would not want to find that?

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Green light for boy racers

Polish boy racers have been given the green light to speed through city streets by the police.

Parts of the country's second city Lodz have been cordoned off at night for testosterone-fuelled youngsters to drive at hair raising speeds. The move by police in Lodz is a bid to keep youths from speeding at night throughout the city.

They hope encouraging them to race and show off their cars in a controlled zone - where they can travel as fast as they like - will cut down on accidents in the rest of the city. The first legal races have taken place in Lodz, monitored by the city police and the Lodz motoring club.

"We've come to an understanding with the organisers of the illegal races," said the head of the club, Lech Ryszewski. "The motoring club has created a Street Legal section, which will organise the races in closed off streets, under the supervision of licensed organisers and judges. In return, participants are obliged to make sure no-one organises similar races on city streets."

But the Polish press has slammed the move, claiming the authorities have naively capitulated to the boy racers.

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Farting woman loses employment case

A woman who said she was relentlessly taunted by colleagues because of chronic flatulence has lost her discrimination claim, an employment tribunal confirmed today.

The woman, who cannot be named, claimed she was subjected to cruel jibes from staff at Leeds Metropolitan University because she suffered from severe irritable bowel syndrome. The Leeds tribunal heard how one colleague said: 'She opens the window because she sits there and stinks the place out - we shouldn't have to put up with it.'

The woman claimed disability and racial discrimination against the university, as well as constructive dismissal. She told the hearing colleagues would make sniffing noises and 'bowel jokes' when she was in earshot.

The woman complained about being harassed but disciplinary proceedings were started against her because of concerns over the quality of her work and increased sickness absences, the tribunal heard.

The three-strong tribunal panel dismissed all three of her claims, a spokesman for Leeds Employment Tribunal said today.

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Photo News from the British Tabloids....

Widow Sues Prostitutes For Shagging Husband To Death

TO Antwerp, where a widow is suing two prostitutes for causing her husband to die from a heart attack during an electrifying sex session:

The widow of a wealthy businessman who suffered a fatal heart attack while he was romping with two prostitutes, is suing the pair for £1.1million.

The victim, who had a heart condition and was aged only 38, asked the hookers to come equipped with a special sex toy that stimulates him with electric shocks as a special Christmas treat. The bill for the special treatment, plus three bottles of champagne and some Ecstasy tablets, came to more than £2,000.

Lawyer Yvan Naessens, who represents the widow, said the prostitutes encouraged the victim - who was a regular client - to drink, take the drugs and have sex although he appeared unwell.

File under ‘A dead stiff’.