Subject: Daily Dose - 080402 - perfect ass, BIZARRE NEWS, getting on an airplane, DDL, News from the British Tabloids, Rotten News

An American girl was visiting England and was invited to a party. While dancing with a stuffy monocled Englishman, her necklace became unfastened and slipped down the back of her dress. She asked the Englishman to retrieve the jewellery piece for her.

He was very embarrassed but wishing to comply with her request he reached cautiously down the back of her gown.

"I'm terribly sorry," he said, "but I can't seem to reach it."

"Try further down," she said.

At this point he noticed that he was being watched by everyone in the room which made him feel most uncomfortable and he whispered to the girl, "I feel such a perfect ass."

"Never mind that now!" she cried. "Just get the damn necklace!"

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BIZARRE NEWS...

Bizarre Abraham Lincoln Facts

During the 1860 Republican National Convention, his campaign managers forged convention passes in order to pack the galleries with Lincoln supporters, shutting out hundreds of his opponent's supporters in the process.

Lincoln hated being called "Abe" - friends called him Lincoln.

Although Lincoln's voice is often portrayed in movies as being deep and booming, his actual voice was high-pitched, piercing and shrill.

Lincoln wasn't always honest: After one trip to Springfield, Illinois, he filed for compensation for the 3,252 miles he claimed to have traveled. The actual length of the trip was 1,800 miles.

He really did carry important documents in his stovepipe hat.

About a week before his assassination, Lincoln had a dream in which he "awoke" to the sound of sobbing and went to the East Room of the White House - which had been prepared for a funeral. When he asked a guard who had died, he replied: "The President."

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Dozens of gnomes appear at Oregon home

SPRINGFIELD, Ore. - Police are searching for the pranksters who artfully placed 75 figurines of gnomes and animals on the front lawn of a house in Springfield, Ore.

Authorities said they believe the ornaments were stolen from nearby homes at various times, KPTV in Springfield reported Friday. Photographs of the ornaments have been placed on the police department's Web site in hopes of reuniting them with their rightful owners.

In the meantime, the 75 gnomes and animals have taken up residence at the police station.

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Accused bandit worth $4 million

VANCOUVER, Wash. - Court documents showed the suspect in the so-called Waddling Bandit cases involving 20 bank robberies in Washington and Oregon is worth $4 million.

Police in Vancouver, Wash., arrested Robert Christie, 71, this week on suspicion of robbing the financial institutions over the last two years, Portland, Ore., television station KPTV reported. A U.S. magistrate said Christie's assets make him a flight risk, ordering that he remain jailed until his hearing next month.

Christie's family said it's hard to imagine that he's the bank robber, considering his worth. The FBI had named the thief the "Waddling Bandit" because of the way he walked, the TV station said.

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Police swamp naked fundraisers

LONDON - A group of naked fundraisers in Britain drew a mammoth police presence for a walk to raise money for the Marine Conservation Society.

Ten officers, several patrol cars and a helicopter followed the 20 walkers as they marched naked for 20 miles from Swanage to Lulworth Cove in Dorset, Sky News reported Friday.

Code naming the effort Operation Thistle, police said they feared the 20 naked walkers posed a public risk. Bernard Boase, 63, told Sky News that halfway through the walk he was asked to cover up by one of the police officers.

When he refused, police arrested Boase and charged him with harassment. The case was later dropped for lack of evidence.

(lack of evidence???... ouch!)

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Woman, 100, paraglides to record

LONDON - A bungee-jumping British grandmother has become the world's oldest paraglider at the age of 100, The Daily Mail reported Thursday.

Peggy McAlpine rode as a passenger for 15 minutes Wednesday in a tandem glider in Cyprus and opened a bottle of champagne after safely landing, the newspaper said.

"It was the most wonderful, pleasant experience and I'm ready to do it again anytime," McAlpine said.

Twenty years ago, she bungee jumped with members of the Royal Parachute Regiment as when she described herself as an 80-year-old "youngster." She said the paragliding was "far superior" to that experience, the newspaper said.

While her vision is impaired, McAlpine said it was the sensation she enjoyed the most. "I love heights, I love climbing, I love getting up in the air. I hope to do this again when I am 105, but this might be my final goodbye to all my flying escapades," she told The Daily Mail.

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Our co-worker kept trying to get her mother to fly out for a visit. "No way am I getting on an airplane," was the inevitable answer.

"Look, Mom, when it's your time to go, it doesn't matter if you're on the ground or in the air."

"I know," said her mother. "I just don't want to be that far off the ground when it's the pilot's time to go."

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DDL

There once was a woman named Baker,

A thoughtful and pious young Quaker.

She's terrifically stacked

But the tragical fact,

Is that none of the fellows can make 'er.

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"This week a man in Florida was arrested for hitting the manager of a Taco Bell in the face with a bag full of Tacos. Afterwards, the Taco Bell manager said, 'It's weird, my tacos usually don't attack me until I'm in the bathroom.'"

-Conan O'Brien

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"Westminster Dog Show is the granddaddy of them all. It is the Oscars of dog shows. It's just like the Oscars, except the speeches are shorter and slightly less butt-sniffing."

-Craig Ferguson

***

"How about that Mitt Romney? I'm going to miss him. He's like the archaeologist who ignored the curse of the mummy's tomb."

-David Letterman

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News from the British Tabloids

£60,000 to move four newts

A council is calling for a review of EU law after being forced to spend £60,000 to move four newts.

Cheshire County Council had to move the great crested newts from a school development site because they are endangered. When four were found on land at Fallibroome High School, Macclesfield, they had to be trapped, moved and a new pond built for them.

Councillor Barrie Hardern called the £60,000 cost of the scheme before the school could build "ludicrous".

"I find it extraordinary that the law requires public money to be spent at such a ludicrous level," he told the BBC.

When the amphibians were found on the site where the school wanted to build new sports facilities and an extension a costly mitigation exercise had to be undertaken which meant a new habitat had to be built. But Natural England, the government body charged with protecting the newts, said it was important to look after every colony no matter how small.

Spokesman Jim Foster said: "In Cheshire, where this development occurred for example, in the end of the 19th Century there were about 42,000 ponds. But over the last century we've lost about 25,000 of those ponds, so that's the real reason why these animals need protecting because of the loss of their habitat."

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Silent CD tops charts

A song that is inaudible to humans has become a top-selling hit in New Zealand is set to be released worldwide.

A Very Silent Night, said to be recorded at a frequency that can be heard only by dogs, was issued as a charity CD by the Royal New Zealand Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals. To widespread surprise, it rocketed to the top of the charts, reports the Daily Telegraph.

Now distributors in the US and Australia are vying for the rights to international sales, the society has announced.

Although dog owners sit through several minutes of silence while the disc spins on the CD player, the dogs they own are reported to wag their tails, prick up their ears, and even dance in delight. The accompanying video, which has become a popular feature on YouTube, shows Dei Hamo, a New Zealand singer, and two female companions mouthing the words of the song.

The CD was the brainchild of DraftFCB Creative, an Auckland-based advertising agency, which claims the recording was electronically synthesised to achieve the frequencies audible only to dogs.

Some remain unconvinced, however. Since the video appeared on YouTube, several viewers cast doubt on whether there is actually any sound at all.

One said: "This is a have. I checked it with an oscilloscope and there is nothing there, it's just muted video."

But another countered: "That's amazing! I cranked my speakers up full volume and played this, and the dog across the road went ballistic!"

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'Killer' caught out after confessing to cats

An alleged killer confessed to his pet cats – unaware police were eavesdropping on his conversation.

David Henton was suspected of battering his partner, Joyce Sutton, to death as she lay sleeping. But police could not prove it, so they bugged his house, a court was told. He was recorded talking to his pets and apparently let the cat out of the bag.

In one recording, the 72-year-old shouts: 'Bloody woman,' before adding: 'I had to do something about it. I hit my Joyce,' the prosecution claims.

At home next day, Henton was recorded talking 'perhaps to his cats', Paul Lewis QC told the jury, which has not heard the tapes.

Henton, from Neath, near Swansea, had known Ms Sutton for 30 years and saw her every day. The couple lived in different houses but Henton brought her breakfast in bed every morning. In January 2006, 65-year-old Ms Sutton was found dead.

Henton allegedly smashed the back door window to make it look like she died during a break-in. But Ms Sutton's blood was on the glass, despite her supposedly being killed after it was broken. Matching glass was found in Henton's car.

Henton went from being a key witness to prime suspect in the year that followed Ms Sutton's murder. He denies murder and the trial at Swansea Crown Court continues.

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Photo News from the British Tabloids....

Canadian airline offers luggage-bin bunk to unwary

CALGARY, Alberta (Reuters) - WestJet Airlines Ltd offered passengers a small "sleeper cabin" in its planes' overhead luggage bins on Tuesday, available for a modest extra charge of C$12 (5.9 pounds).

Continuing its irregular tradition of April Fools' Day press releases, Canada's No. 2 airline, said passengers would be able to stretch out and relax in the luggage rack.

"By offering our existing overhead bins as sleeper cabins, guests will now have the opportunity to lie down for a period of time and arrive at their destination refreshed, rested and ready to go," the airline said in its release.

It's just the latest prank for WestJet, which touts friendly service and a light-hearted touch in its advertisements. In 2006, the carrier's April Fools' press release advised passengers to stretch out their arms during takeoff to help save fuel.

WestJet's press release includes a toll-free telephone number that passengers can call to check on the availability of the sleeper cabins. A recorded message reveals the prank, but also offers customers a 10 percent discount on flights booked before midnight.

($1=$1.03 Canadian)