Subject: Daily Dose - 080401 - brothel, BIZARRE NEWS, Fly Spotting, DDL, News from the British Tabloids, Rotten News

The guy, in his cups, was lamenting to the bartender that he met his wife in a brothel.

"You shouldn't be so unhappy about it," the barkeep said, "it's actually really romantic."

"Oh, yeah?" responded the man. "Well, I thought she was home taking care of the kids and she thought  I was bowling. And to clinch it all, the madame wouldn't give me my  money back and refused to give me another girl."

______________________________

BIZARRE NEWS...

Man in zombie costume mistaken for dead

BAD SEGEBERG, Germany - Police investigating reports of a corpse on a German train near the town of Bad Segeberg said the reported body was actually a drunken man dressed as a zombie.

The Halloween reveler had fallen into a drunken sleep on the train ride home from a party in Hamburg, and his gore-covered zombie costume was mistaken by fellow passengers for a bloody corpse, Sky News reported Tuesday.

Police were called when passengers couldn't get a response from the man but a first aid team quickly determined that the man wasn't dead, merely sleeping. The police told him to remove his apparently realistic makeup and he was allowed to continue his train ride home.

"Bad Segeberg is in a rural area and Halloween isn't very well known there," police spokeswoman Sikle Tobies told Sky News. "So people weren't expecting anyone to be dressed up in the train."

***

Paris builds pee-proof walls

PARIS - The mayor of Paris, who made environmental concerns a major priority, is taking aim at another threat to the city's cleanliness -- public urination.

Paris Mayor Bertrand Delanoe, who made all self-cleaning Sanisette toilets in streets and parks free of charge in February, is turning to a new method of keeping urination off the streets and in the toilets: walls that pee back, The Telegraph reported Monday.

"Le mur anti-pipi" is an undulating wall that features sloping surfaces that reflect urine streams back toward their source, the newspaper said. "The jet of pee is rather oblique. If it meets a sloping surface it is sent back to the trousers," said Etienne Vanderpooten, a municipal architect who has been working on halting public urination for 25 years.

"It is the case of the arroseur arrose (the sprinkler sprinkled)," he told The Telegraph.

***

$53,000 charge at strip club challenged

FORT WALTON BEACH, Fla. - Investigators are probing allegations of fraud and larceny at a Florida gentleman's club where a recent graduate racked up $53,000 in charges.

Tommy Salter's father said the student was celebrating his graduation from Georgia Tech at Club 10 on Aug. 18, the Northwest Florida Daily News, of Fort Walton Beach, Fla., reported Monday.

An Okaloosa County Sheriff's report said Salter told employees he could only spend $600 at the club but a $53,000 charge was sent to Salter's father, Joe Salter, on the joint American Express credit card the two men share.

"Their employees totally took advantage of my son," Salter told the newspaper. "It's totally ludicrous."

Tim Beal, co-owner of the club, said the charges were the result of "a huge champagne night." "Oftentimes, men come in here and they spend a lot of money in an effort to show off in front of the entertainers," Beal said to the Daily News. "And then they get buyer's remorse."

***

Swedish church plans Lego Jesus

VASTERAS, Sweden - A Vasteras, Sweden, church is asking for donations of white Lego blocks to be used in a lifesize Jesus statue.

Per Wilder, the priest who is heading the initiative, estimated that the statue will require about 20,000 Legos, The Local reported Monday.

"If it works out well we could envisage pulling the statue apart regularly before building it back up again," he said.

Wilder said he feels using any Lego colors other than white would be tasteless. He said the statue should appear to be made from marble when viewed from a distance.

______________________________

Fly Spotting

A prisoner at the Edmonton Maximum Security Prison started training a large fly to do tricks. For years, for thousands of hours, he worked with the insect. It learned to walk across a miniature high wire, ride a tiny one-wheel bike, balance on a pair of stilts and sing songs from PHANTOM OF THE OPERA.

"When you and I get out of here," the jailbird said to the fly. "we're going to tour the night-spots and make a fortune."

Finally the day arrived. Fly safely tucked away in his pocket, (inside its matchbox home), the ex-con made his way to a bar to celebrate.

At the bar, he brought out his trick fly. On cue, it started moonwalking. "What about this fly, eh?" he said to the bartender.

In one swift motion, the bartender reached for his copy of the local newspaper, rolled it up and squished the fly with a mighty swipe.

"Glad you saw it," muttered the bartender. "Damn things are everywhere."

______________________________

DDL

An unfortunate lady named Piles

Had the ugliest bottom for miles;

But her surgeon took pity

And made it quite pretty:

All dimples, and poutings, and smiles.

______________________________

"My mother was as religious as she was repressed. Her facts of life speech began with the phrase, 'Satan takes many forms...'"

-Dana Gould

***

"They say that kissing a smoker is like licking an ashtray, which is a good thing to remember the next time you get lonely."

-Fred Stoller

***

"A homemade bomb was found in the bathroom of a Starbucks in San Francisco. Police defused the device, saving over $85 million worth of coffee. 100 people were evacuated from the Starbucks. They were taken to the Starbucks to two doors down."

--Jay Leno

______________________________

News from the British Tabloids

Female Muslim medics 'disobey hygiene rules'

Muslim medical students are refusing to obey hygiene rules brought in to stop the spread of deadly superbugs, because they say it is against their religion.

Women training in several hospitals in England have raised objections to removing their arm coverings in theatre and to rolling up their sleeves when washing their hands, because it is regarded as immodest in Islam. Universities and NHS trusts fear many more will refuse to co-operate with new Department of Health guidance, introduced this month, which stipulates that all doctors must be "bare below the elbow".

The measure is deemed necessary to stop the spread of infections such as MRSA and Clostridium difficile, which have killed hundreds.

Hygiene experts said last night that no exceptions should be made on religious grounds.

Dr Mark Enright, professor of microbiology at Imperial College London, said: "To wash your hands properly, and reduce the risks of MRSA and C.difficile, you have to be able to wash the whole area around the wrist. I don't think it would be right to make an exemption for people on any grounds. The policy of bare below the elbows has to be applied universally."

But the Islamic Medical Association insisted that covering all the body in public, except the face and hands, was a basic tenet of Islam.

"No practising Muslim woman - doctor, medical student, nurse or patient - should be forced to bare her arms below the elbow," it said.

**********

Mystery man gives couple blank cheque

An Iowa couple are £50,000 better off after a complete stranger gave them a blank cheque in a cafe.

He told them: "Write any amount you like - I'm good for it."

The couple took him at his word to the tune of $100,000, about £50,600, reports the Daily Mirror. But they could not believe their luck when the cheque cleared.

The couple met their elderly benefactor in Dr Salami's Cafe in Pella, Iowa. He first asked if they had any kids. They told him they had a two-year-old. Then he gave his conditions: They were to use the cash to buy a house, never reveal his identity - nor their own full names. And they have to name their next child after him.

Alissa and Barry thought it was probably a joke but decided to play along by filling in the amount for $100,000.

Barry said: "We decided to give it a whirl next day, never thinking he was serious - but he was!"

The mystery man also left the waitress a $100 tip.

She said: "He is just a nice guy. You never know who is sitting next to you. You never know when you can make a difference to someone else's life."

**********

Pancake race axed over health and safety

A traditional pancake race has been scrapped because of fears over health and safety.

The event was revived 11 years ago and since then crowds have gathered in the centre of Ripon, North Yorkshire, on Shrove Tuesday, reports the Daily Mail. Schoolchildren run down a cobbled street flipping pancakes after the start is signalled by the ringing of the cathedral's ancient "pancake bell" at 11 am.

But organisers reluctantly scrapped the popular event this year because of mounting costs and bureaucracy linked to health and safety rules.

The Very Rev Keith Jukes, the new Dean of Ripon, said: "We have looked at this and there are a number of reasons it won't take place and a big reason sadly this year is health and safety. Any organisation which runs an event has to go through a number of risk assessments. The insurance companies demand it and in the end you have to work out whether it's a risk you take."

Organiser Councillor Bernard Bateman added: "Health and safety has just gone too far. It makes you think twice about even trying to hold events like this, even though they are extremely popular, especially amongst children. The main issue with health and safety is the cobbled street people could slip on, but it causes us so much trouble just for a little issue. This stupidity never happened previously. It's a shame that these issues stop the children enjoying such a traditional event."

______________________________

Photo News from the British Tabloids....

Victory for the Topless Front: Women in Copenhagen can now swim and walk around in public pools without their bikini tops

Feminism some men may argue, has its downsides - particularly when it means they have to share the housework. But few would protest against the latest victory for women's rights. Ladies in Copenhagen will now be allowed to swim and walk around topless in public pools.

Victory: Ladies in Copenhagen will now be allowed to swim and walk around topless in public pools

The decision is the result of a year-long campaign by a pressure group, the Topless Front, which says women should be treated the same as bare-chested men.

Campaign leader Astrid Vang, 20, who took her shirt off with others to protest at a leisure centre at Christmas, said: "We women would like to decide by ourselves when our breasts should be sexual and when not.  In swimming pools they should not and that is why the breasts should not be covered - We will bathe topless just like men."

The Danish campaign was inspired by a Swedish group called Just Breasts, which was formed after two women were asked to cover up their breasts by a lifeguard at a public pool near Stockholm.

Swedish protesters carried out several full-frontal marches in their country but are still campaigning for bare-chested equality. One of their leaders, 22-year-old Ragnhild Karlsson, said: "We want our breasts to be as normal and desexualised as men's, so that we too can pull off our shirts at football matches."

Activists expect a flurry of similar campaigns-across Europe, including in Britain.

Authorities in Vancouver, Canada - often considered to be a bastion of Victorian values - have allowed topless women in swimming pools and on beaches for several years. The only protest against the move came from lifeguards who said they had problems knowing what to hold when rescuing swimmers in difficulties.

In Copenhagen yesterday, the city's Culture and Leisure Committee voted overwhelmingly to allow topless bathing.

Frank Hedegaard, of the Socialist People's Party, said: "I cannot understand what some people find so offensive about women's breasts.  "This decision is important in order to stop the idea that women's bodies are only sex objects."

(God forbid……  nudge, nudge, wink, wink…)