Subject: Daily Dose - 080331 - Pick Up,
News from the British Tabloids, graveside service, DDL, Rotten News
The Unexpected Pick Up
A woman sat down on a park bench, glanced around and decided to stretch out her legs on the seat and relax. After a while a beggar came up to her and said, "Hello luv, how's about us going for a walk together."
"How dare you," said the woman, "I'm not one of your cheap pickups!"
"Well then," said the beggar, "what are you doing in my bed?"
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News from the British Tabloids....
Con man's three years in hospitals
An Austrian con man lived in hospitals for three years after tricking more than 90 clinics into admitting him with fake illnesses.
Jobless Franz Steiger, 59, from Muerzzuschlag, treated the hospitals like a hotel and stayed in 93 across the country. But he was caught out when he claimed he had been suffering from dizzy spells after being knocked off a motorbike - and examining doctors grew suspicious when they could find no other injuries and checked with other hospitals.
Steiger has admitted to charges of deception by simulating injury and prosecutor Herbert Kohlbacher said: "He obtained free hospital accommodation and food by fraud."
The case is ongoing.
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Boss sued for sacking non-smokers
A German boss is being taken to a tribunal for firing non-smokers and replacing them with smokers who "fitted in better".
Thomas Jensen, head of a telesales company in Buesum in northern Germany, has laid off three non-smokers at his company and said he will not be hiring any more.
He said: "Smokers have always been our best employees. Non-smokers interfere with corporate peace. Our non-smoking employees were actually convinced that they had the right to smoke-free zones. They just complained all the time about smoking, and I don't like grumblers. It was also very disappointing that the non-smokers would distance themselves from the smokers at social events - it didn't build any team spirit. From now on, I'm only employing smokers."
The three sacked workers are now suing him for unfair dismissal.
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Choc-powered trip to Timbuktu
Two British adventurers drove to Timbuktu and back in a truck fuelled by chocolate.
Andy Pag, 34, and John Grimshaw, 39, made the 2,600-mile trip in salvaged Ford Iveco Cargo lorry and Land Cruisers, using biodiesel made from waste chocolate. They set off from John?s home at Poole, Dorset, on November 26 and arrived in Mali, West Africa on Boxing Day, reports The Sun.
They overcame sand storms and corrupt customs officials, and drove through a town where days later al-Qaeda terrorists shot dead a French family, to deliver a biodiesel processing unit and the vans to a charity.
Andy said: "We wanted to do a trip that wouldn't have a detrimental effect on the environment."
The pair, who reckon they saved 15 tonnes of carbon emissions, now plan to fly to China in a plane powered by rubbish.
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Drunk guy changes name, quite pleased with results
A sales assistant woke up after a heavy drinking session to find he was not himself – he had changed his name by deed poll.
The 17-year-old started the night out as Joel Whittle but became Big Crazy Lester for a joke. He made the change online in 20 minutes for a £50 fee and has no plans to change it back.
'It's like an alter ego,' said Mr Lester, from Thornton, Lancashire.
Friend Jim Griffiths, who suggested the name, said: 'It's stupid but very funny.
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Buy And Cell: Man Smuggles Ball Gowns Into Prison
TO Everthorpe Prison, East Yorkshire, where a delivery is being made. A person on the outside is carrying a ladder. He is using it to conquer a 20ft perimeter wall. In his hand he carries a large bag.
And in the bag are knickers, ball gown, drugs and mobile phones. Prison currency.
He climbs the wall. And then hauls up the ladder to climb down on the other side. He walks with the ladder across the yard. He props the ladder against cell windows and makes his deliveries.
Says prison governor Gary Monaghan: “As a result of intelligence relating to the smuggling of drugs and other contraband, staff at Everthorpe initiated a dynamic investigation which led to the identification of the prisoner involved.”
Intelligence. Dynamic. The sound of a lilting music and voice simpering, “Why, Mr Hardnose, I’m really not that kind of a girl”…
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When the graveside service had no more than just finished, there was a tremendous burst of thunder accompanied by a distant lightning bolt and more rumbling thunder, and more lightning.
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said, "Well, she's there."
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DDL
Cinderella was queen of the the ball
And she started a real Royal Brawl
When at midnight's last stroke
The magic spell broke:
There she stood wearing nothing at all!
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"Starbucks has announced that they're introducing a coffee that costs only one dollar. Apparently the catch is you have to purchase it at Dunkin' Donuts."
-Conan O'Brien
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"Happy Leap Year! When President Bush heard that he said, 'Remember to turn your clocks ahead one year people!'"
-Jay Leno
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"Los Angeles' tap water was voted the tastiest in the United States. Fine. I like New York City tap water. I like that you can blow the head off it."
-Dave Letterman
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News from the British Tabloids
Rotten News.... (true)
March 8, 2008
Caught speeding on camera, police officers refuse to pay tickets
By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS
ROCKVILLE, Md. - No matter what the cameras say, some drivers are refusing to pay dozens of $40 speeding fines.
Who? Police officers.
In the last eight months of 2007, Montgomery County's new speed cameras recorded 224 cases in which police vehicles were recorded travelling more than 15 kilometres an hour over the speed limit, according to department records.
Supervisors dismissed 76 of those citations after determining the officers were responding to calls or had valid reasons to break the speed limit. But that left 148 who didn't have that excuse, and about two-thirds of those citations haven't been paid, said police Lt. Paul Starks.
The police union says officers shouldn't pay because the citations are issued to the owner of a vehicle, in this case the county, and not to the driver.
Police Chief Thomas Manger doesn't buy that argument. "We are not above the law," Manger said. "It is imperative that the police department hold itself to the same standards that we're holding the public to."
Manger said officers who continue to ignore citations might be disciplined.
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Hey, tanks a lot!
Fri Mar 7, 3:53 PM ET
MOSCOW (Reuters) - A Russian tank crashed through a villager's house after the crew stopped to buy more vodka at a nearby shop.
Footage from a mobile phone camera showed the tank hitting a corner of the house and a laughing, and apparently drunk, driver awkwardly trying to clamber aboard with two bottles of vodka.
"Get him out of the tank," screamed a woman in the village in the Urals.
The army promised Friday to pay compensation and said the tank must have been broken and fallen behind a column heading to a test site for exercises. Earlier it said the vehicle slid on melting ice.
"Of course, there were violations but the crew acted in good faith to catch up with its unit," said Colonel Konstantin Lazutkin, spokesman for Russia's Volga-Urals Military District.
"Thank God, they didn't shoot," the house owner said on the video.
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Security changes man's marriage proposal
Fri Mar 7, 5:17 PM ET
PRINCE GEORGE, British Columbia - A man in Prince George, British Columbia, thought he had the perfect way to propose to his high school sweetheart. Instead of popping the question on a moonlit Caribbean beach this week, though, Aaron Tkachuk, 24, wound up popping the question to Jennifer Rubadeau, also 24, at an airport security screening station.
A screener at the Prince George airport, Adam Buhler, insisted on having a closer look at the contents of a small box in the toe of a sock. Inside the box was a white gold, diamond and ruby ring.
Tkachuk decided to propose on the spot, and other travelers and security personnel cheered as Rubadeau said yes.
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Photo News from the British Tabloids....
RAF's birthday bikini
The Royal Air Force is celebrating its 90th anniversary - with a "show-stopping" diamante-encrusted bikini.
The swimwear is part of the RAF Collection's Spring range, reports the Daily Telegraph.
The new range coincides with the RAF's 90th anniversary on April 1. The RAF hopes sales of the bikini, which features diamante roundels, will soar.
A spokeswoman for the RAF Collection said: "The collection will enable the next generation to own a piece of one of the United Kingdom's most prestigious brands."
In RAF colours, the bikini top retails at £20, while the bottoms are £15. Sizes are available in 8 to 18.
The RAF Collection website, which sells the bikini online, describes it as a "show-stopping bikini which will make anyone's head turn, yet which is distinctly tasteful and flattering to the figure".
Some of the money raised by the licensing of the collection will support the RAF free museums, helping to preserve the history of the RAF. Group Captain Andy Turner, communications director of the RAF, said the merchandising campaign helps promote understanding and awareness.
"By associating our brand marks, including the RAF logo, on high-end leisure products, we build up our image around the UK and globally and, just as importantly, bring us to the attention of young people who are the next generation of RAF personnel," he said.