Subject: Daily Dose - 080318 - golf course, BIZARRE NEWS, list of authors, DDL, News from the British Tabloids, Rotten News

A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course, became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around, he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her,  explained his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.

She replied, "I'm on the 7th hole, and you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 6th hole."

He thanked her and went back to his golf.

On the back nine the same thing happened; and he approached her again with the same request.

She said, "I'm on the 14th hole, you are a hole behind me, so you must be on the 13th hole."

Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.

He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender if he knew the lady . The bartender said that she was a sales lady and played the course often.

He approached her and said, "Let me buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that you are in the sales profession.  I'm in sales,  also. What do you sell?"

She replied, "If I tell you, you'll laugh."

"No, I won't."

"Well, if you must know," she answered, "I work for Tampax."

With that, he laughed so hard he almost lost his breath.

She said, "See I knew you! would laugh."

"That's not what I'm laughing at," he replied. "I'm a salesman for Preparation H, so I'm still a hole behind you."

(Thanks George...)

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BIZARRE NEWS...

Bizarre History FACTS

Beer was the first trademarked product - British beer Bass Pale Ale received its trademark in 1876.

Playing-cards were known in Persia and India as far back as the 12th century. A pack then consisted of 48 instead of 52 cards.

Excavations from Egyptian tombs dating to 5,000 BC show that the ancient Egyptian kids played with toy hedgehogs.

Accounts from Holland and Spain suggest that during the 1500s and 1600s urine was commonly used as a tooth-cleaning agent.

In 1969 the US launched a male chimpanzee called Ham into space.

In 1963 the French launched a cat called Feliette into space.

The first written account of the Loch Ness Monster, or Nessie, was made in 565AD.

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Woman sues after drinking battery acid

CHICAGO - A Frankfort, Ill., woman who accidentally drank battery acid in January is suing the man who left it in her home as well as the company that sold it to him.

Patricia Gabrysiak needed a new sump pump, so she called an installer and he came and left the pump and some supplies in the basement of her home. He also left a gallon water jug, a liter water container and a bottle with a ginger ale label all filled with battery acid, said the lawsuit filed in Will County Circuit Court.

Gabrysiak took a drink from one of the containers not realizing that it was battery acid and had to be taken to a hospital with severe burns, the Chicago Tribune reported. She is now suing repairman, J. Brady McCahey, who allegedly left the containers, as well as Master Automotive Supply and Parts Plus Auto Store, which allegedly sold him the acid in unlabeled containers.

The acid was to be used for the pump's battery and was moved out of the basement "by a third party," said the attorney for the Frankfort repairman.

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New Yorker on top of world before arrest

NEW YORK - A New Yorker took James Cagney's "top of the world" remarks to heart by scaling a giant globe outside the Trump Trump International Hotel and Tower.

Police said the man, Richard Fredette, 57, rolled up to the stainless-steel sphere on his inline skates Sunday then climbed up the orb has one would climb a ladder, the New York Post reported.

Looking down upon the masses, Fredette spread the word -- about a rock concert. He then took time to enjoy a snack before descending after police arrived and coaxed him down.

Police arrested Fredette, charging him with disorderly conduct and criminal trespassing.

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Mate-less shark finds way to give birth

PHOENIX - Twilight the shark is no longer the lone shark in a Phoenix high school class's fish tank; she's a mom despite being celibate for four years.

Carl Hayden Community High School teacher Fredi Lajvardi and his science students investigated the birth and discovered that it's rare, the Arizona Republic reported Tuesday.

"As far as we know, we are the third case worldwide," Lajvardi told the Phoenix newspaper. This type of birth is known as parthenogenesis, in which an unfertilized egg develops into a new pup, said Lajvardi, program manager for the Carl Hayden Center for Marine Science.

"Normally, it would recombine with the father's half of the gene," the teacher said. "But because there is no father, the mother provided the other half."

The week-old pup, which students named Dawn, was born to the white-spotted bamboo shark living in one of the school's marine-science classrooms, the Republic reported.

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After raising 4 kids, and losing one husband, I decided to return to college and get the degree I had started, but never finished. And so, on my first day of college, eager with anticipation, and more than a little nervous, I took a front row seat in my first class in over 40 years, a literature course.

The professor told us we would be responsible for reading five books over the course of the semester, and that he would provide us with a list of authors from which we could choose.

He ambled over to the lectern, took out his class book, and began "Baker, Black, Brooks, Carter, Cook..."

I was working feverishly to get down all the names, when I felt a tap on my shoulder.

The student behind me whispered, "Slow down! He's just taking attendance!"

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DDL

There was a young man from East Wubley

Whose cock was bifurcated doubly.

Each quadruplicate shaft

Had two balls hanging aft,

And the general effect was quite lovely.

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Depressed

Two ladies were hanging out together and one was depressed. "What's wrong?"

The depressed one replied, "I've been married four times and every one of my husbands has passed away."

The other lady asked, "What did they used to do?"

The depressed lady replied, "Well, my first husband was a millionaire, the second was a magician, the third was an evangelist, and the fourth was a mortician."

And the other said, "Oh, I see, one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go..."

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News from the British Tabloids

Rotten News....  (true)

£2,000 drumstick

A South Wales couple spent £2,000 on vet's bills trying to save their pet chicken's injured leg. But Lily the Rhode Island Red still had to have the leg amputated in the end, reports the Daily Mail.

Vicky Mills and her husband Sam took out a bank loan and lived frugally for an entire year to pay for seven operations and the amputation. But 24-year-old Mrs Mills says it was worth it to see the smile back on her beak.

Three-year-old Lily sleeps on a cushion in the kitchen of their house in Cwmbran, South Wales, and has free run of the back garden.

The charity worker was horrified when her pet got her left leg trapped in a barbed wire fence. A vet warned her the costs involved in trying to save the leg could be substantial but he was instructed to do everything he could. When the treatment failed and the experts said Lily's leg would have to be amputated in order to save her life, Mrs Mills and her husband dug deep again to meet the costs.

Even then her medical bills were not over, as Lily was diagnosed with depression which they cured by leaving the television on whenever they go out.

Mrs Mills said: "She's worth every penny. I've not had a holiday this year because of the vet's bills. But I love her to bits and it would break my heart if anything happened to her."

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Six die in mob feud over egg

They say revenge is a dish best served cold...

That was certainly the case for Mafia hitmen who yesterday executed six mobsters 16 years after a feud over an EGG.

The bullet-ridden bodies of the men, aged 16 to 39, were found in and around their cars. They were shot after leaving a pizza restaurant where they had been celebrating the 18th birthday of one of the victims.

Police believe the massacre in Duisburg, Germany, was the latest in a string of tit-fortat murders going back to a row that started when a member of one crime family lobbed an egg at a rival during a 1991 carnival in the southern Italian city of San Luca.

Fifteen mobsters have been murdered since. But yesterday was the first time the bitter row has spilled out of Italy. Duisburg is home to many Italian immigrants.

Italy police chief Luigi De Sena said: "It's an unprecedented settling of scores because it took place abroad for the first time."

In a scene that could have come from TV mafia hit The Sopranos - which has the opening line "Woke up this morning" in its theme tune - bodies lay in the Duisburg street alongside cars with shattered windows. Police in San Luca fear there will be deadly reprisals.

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How to find the right bird

A German ornithologist who started a dating agency for parrots has just brought her 2,000th pair together.

Rita Oenhauser, 34, who runs a bird sanctuary at Schoenefeld just outside Berlin, said: "I realised there was a gap in the market because I had so many people asking me about finding a partner for their birds. Unlike a regular dating agency my work is very satisfying, as parrots, like swans, will mate for life and remain faithful - parrot pairs stay together until the end. It is really sweet to watch, they spend every minute of every day together, the male looking after the female and feeding her and sitting together on their perches."

She added: "I don't have to do much other than make the introductions, some birds experience love at first sight, while others make a really careful choice before entering a relationship and need to be talked into it with a complicated courtship. It can take up to three months of being given the best bird seed or even building an elaborate nest to entice a reluctant partner."

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Photo News from the British Tabloids....

The £100,000 cornflake

Bidding for a cornflake resembling the US state of Illinois has reached more than £100,000 on eBay.

Two sisters listed 'The Great Illinois Corn Flake' on the auction site, promising it had undergone no cosmetic alterations.

Emily McIntire, a 15-year-old in high school from Chesapeake, Virginia, said she was grabbing fistfuls of cereal on her way to class when she found the flake.

"It was almost to my mouth, it didn't look like Illinois at first because it was held the wrong way," she said.

But then she noticed the resemblance and said: "Oh my goodness, it's Illinois."

Her 23-year-old sister, Melissa, said their parents suggested selling it for fun. They're offering free shipping, providing the buyer is in Illinois.

"At the moment it's residing in a fine jewellery box with a lot of cotton wrapped around it to keep it safe," said Melissa.

The McIntire sisters say they've decided to use the proceeds from the eBay sale to buy more boxes of Frosted Flakes.

"We've got to replace the one we've already sold," Melissa said. "We like cereal."