Subject: Daily Dose - 080316 - must be
my husband, BIZARRE NEWS, being out so late, DDL, News from the British
Tabloids, Rotten News
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies. Suddenly, at 3 O'clock in the morning, a loud noise came from outside.
The woman, sort of bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at the man "Shit! That must be my husband!"
So the guy quickly got out of bed scared and naked he jumped out the window like a crazy man. He smashed himself on the ground, went through a thorn bush, then he stood up and started to run fast to his car.
Just a few minutes later he returned and screams at the woman "I'm your husband, you slut!"
The woman yelled back, "Yeah? Why were you running? You son of a bitch!"
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BIZARRE NEWS...
Bizarre Entertainment FACTS
Captain Jean-Luc Picard's fish was named Livingston.
Chocolate syrup was used for blood in the famous 45 second shower scene in Alfred Hitchcock's movie, Psycho, which actually took 7 days to shoot.
Donald Duck's middle name is Fauntleroy.
George Harrison, with "My Sweet Lord," was the first Beatle to have a Number 1 hit single following the group's breakup.
In 1920, 57% of Hollywood movies billed the female star above the leading man. In 1990, only 18% had the leading lady given top billing.
In 1969, Midnight Cowboy became the first and only X-rated production to win the Academy Award for Best Picture. (Its rating has since been changed to R.)
In Disney's Fantasia, the Sorcerer's name is Yensid, which is Disney spelled backward.
Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, and Jim Morrison were all 27 years old when they died.
Mickey Mouse is known as 'Topolino' in Italy.
Movie detective Dirty Harry's badge number is 2211.
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Burglar not-so-merry maid before arrest
MONTGOMERY, Ala. - A Montgomery, Ala., couple fussed with a burglar who messed up their house, making the intruder tidy up at gunpoint.
When the couple, Adrian and Tiffany McKinnon, returned home from a trip, they discovered thieves had cleaned out their residence of almost everything the family of five owned, the Montgomery Advertiser reported.
"Tears just rolled down my face as I walked in and saw everything gone and piles of trash all over my home," said the woman.
Her husband was walking through the house when a man walked through a door, wearing Adrian McKinnon's hat. McKinnon held the suspect -- Tajuan Bullock, 33, of Montgomery -- at gunpoint while trying to decide what to do, his wife said.
"We made this man clean up all the mess he made," while waiting for police, she said. When the police arrived, the wife said Bullock "had the nerve to raise sand about us making him clean up." The officers laughed.
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Oldest Minn. inmate now free woman
SHAKOPEE, Minn. - A 93-year-old woman walked away from her home of more than four years, glad to relinquish the honor of being the oldest prisoner in Minnesota.
Lucille Keppen left prison Wednesday aided by a cane and joined a gathering of friends and supporters who took her out to breakfast, the St. Paul Pioneer Press reported.
Keppen landed in prison in 2002 after pleading guilty to first-degree assault for shooting a man in the back. She entered the state women's correctional facility in Shakopee, a Minneapolis suburb, in June 2003 and was released on what would have been her late husband's 104th birthday.
"This means the world to me," Keppen said. "You just don't ever realize how fortunate we are, to be able to come and go as we like, to do as we like, when we like."
The first meal she had on the outside was orange juice, two eggs over easy, wheat toast with strawberry jam, hash browns, "real" coffee and a double rasher of bacon at a nearby Perkins restaurant.
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Man rescued from septic tank
FRANKFORT SPRINGS, Pa. - An elderly western Pennsylvania man was rescued from his septic tank after he fell in while trying to do repair work. Red Davidson, 77, of Frankfort Springs was rescued after about 45 minutes in the tank Wednesday, The Beaver County Times reported.
Davidson lives behind the County Line Pizza & Deli, which his son, Paul, owns. The two men had been planning to work on the tank together, but Davidson decided to start on his own. When Paul arrived, he heard his father calling for help but could not see him.
Firefighters used Davidson's backhoe to widen the opening to the tank and then pulled him out with a safety harness. Paramedics removed Davidson's clothes and washed him down before he was flown to a hospital in Pittsburgh.
Paul Davidson said his father remains active. "He takes too many risks," he said. "He does stuff now that 20 years ago, he would've yelled at me for doing."
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New York woman finds python in toilet
NEW YORK - There were no clues Thursday as to how a 7-foot python came to be lodged in the toilet of a New York woman's apartment.
Nadege Brunacci, 38, told the New York Daily News she thought she was hallucinating Monday morning when she went into the bathroom and saw the serpent looking up at her from the toilet bowl.
Brunacci said she slammed the lid down, put a heavy box on top of it and called the fire department, WABC-TV, New York, reported. She then flushed the toilet, which drove the reptile to an apartment downstairs, the report said.
Her landlord, fire officials and several plumbers converged and began cutting pipes and retrieved the python. It was taken to a Brooklyn animal rescue center, which was searching for a home for it, WCBS-TV, New York, said.
City bylaws forbid keeping pythons as pets.
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Two deaf men were talking on their coffee break about being out late the night before.
The first man signed to his friend, "My wife was asleep when I got home, so I was able to sneak into bed, and not get into trouble."
The second deaf man signed back, "Boy you're lucky. My wife was wide awake, waiting for me in bed, and she started swearing at me and giving me hell for being out so late."
The first deaf man asked, "So, what did you do?"
The second man replied, "I turned out the light."
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DDL
There was a young fellow named Baker,
Who seduced a vivacious young Quaker.
And when he had done it,
She straightened her bonnet,
And said: 'I give thanks to my Maker.'
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"I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying."
-Oscar Wilde
[I can sympathize.]
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"Once again we find ourselves enmeshed in the Holiday Season, that very special time of year when we join with our loved ones in sharing centuries-old traditions such as trying to find a parking space at the mall. We traditionally do this in my family by driving around the parking lot until we see a shopper emerge from the mall, then we follow her, in very much the same spirit as the Three Wise Men, who 2,000 years ago followed a star, week after week, until it led them to a parking space."
-Dave Barry
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"Oh, look, yet another Christmas TV special! How touching to have the meaning of Christmas brought to us by cola, fast food, and beer. Who'd have ever guessed that product consumption, popular entertainment, and spirituality would mix so harmoniously?"
-Calvin & Hobbes
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News from the British Tabloids
Farting Woman Downs American Airlines Jet
TO an American Airlines plane in the airspaces above Nashville. A smell of sulphur is in the air. Is Anthea Turner aboard? No. A bomb? Well, of sorts.
It is the smell from burning matches.
The plane is grounded. Passengers are evacuated and the aircraft is searched. Matches are found on the seat of a woman.
“It was determined that she was trying to conceal body odour,” says Lynne Lowrance, of the Nashville Airport Authority.
The Anorak is minded of the ancient rhymes “Smelt it dealt it” and “He who denied it, supplied it”, and wonders if the woman might have ignored the matter of just scowled at some other persons and so blamed them.
Anorak readers will surely recall the matter of Storer v Bedminster Down Secondary School, Bristol. Ms Storer had been forced to quit her £48,000 a year job because of her chair, so she claimed. As the art teacher explained: “It was very embarrassing to sit on. I asked for a chair that didn’t give me a dead leg or make those embarrassing farting sounds.”
Each time Ms Storer moved there was an accompanying “Phwwwharp!” Ms says the chair became a “regular joke” - “My chair would make these farting sounds and I regularly had to apologise that it wasn’t me, it was my chair.”
Again, it would have been best had Ms Storer just ignored the matter or perhaps even laughed along. She could have offered the retort “He who made the rhyme, made the crime” whenever someone affected to have “smelt it”.
Back on board the place and the unidentified woman makes it know that she has “an unspecified medical condition”. She has drawn attention to herself once more and is very likely on a database of noxious persons.
What chair she was sat upon is not revealed…
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Driver blames crash on pterodactyl
A pterosaur, hanging in the air like some vile demon from a fever dream, leathery wings beating a hideous, ancient rhythm as it searches the ground with eldritch eyes for a new motorist to attack Rounding off what was an excellent year for criminals blaming their crimes on fantastical beings, a man arrested over a driving offence reportedly blamed a pterodactyl for his crash.
The man was arrested after his car crashed into a light pole in Wenatchee, Washington on Thursday night.
According to the Wenatchee World, the man had been driving in the wrong lane, stopping oncoming traffic, before he drove into the pole. When police asked him what caused the accident, he apparently replied with a single word: 'pterodactyl'.
No reports have yet been able to confirm the presence of a giant prehistoric winged reptile at the scene. But that doesn't mean it didn't happen.
A breathalyser test on the man showed 'a minimal amount of alcohol', the Wenatchee World reports.
The pterodactyls were an order of winged archosaurs, who patrolled the skies of ancient Earth for 150 million years during the time of the dinosaurs. They are not known to currently reside in Washington, mostly due to them having been extinct for 65 million years.
The pterodactyl claim comes at the end of a year in which one man blamed his armed robbery of a lingerie store on the fact that he thought he was a female elf, while another man arrested for breaking into a car while not wearing any trousers claimed that a leprechaun had let him into the car.
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Slave theme park involves torture
Slavery: fun for all the family
Walt Disney was a clever bloke who worked to a basic premise: Real life is rubbish, so set up somewhere better (preferably with the feel of being inside a cartoon) and the punters won't stop coming.
Now what makes us think a theme park where you to 'play' a slave and be tortured for 12 hours isn't working to the magical Disneyland business formula?
Memory Village where guilt ridden Europeans can try to come to terms with centuries of their ancestors brutality by taking on the role of a slave is the brainchild of Americans Ron and Carla Bluntschli who lived in the world's first black republic Haiti for 22 years and Haitian Ari Nicolas.
Visitors to Memory Village would either play a slave or slave owner during a twelve-hour day. The latter would be dressed in traditional African clothing 'kidnapped from Africa', shackled, chained and forced to march to a slave ship, piled in as cargo for the crossing of the Atlantic. Then once the ship reached the New World, the participants would be brought to market and sold, then broken down with torture in the quarantine and put to work out on the plantation.
Carla said: 'Slavery is a terrible wound. Germany is still suffering from the Holocaust and trying to get over it, and this is a Holocaust that happened for centuries.'
The couple have not yet come up with the $700,000 (£350,000) in funding they anticipate will be needed to get the project off the ground. Still, the foundation has been recognized by the Haitian government, and they've raised enough money to buy half of the three acres needed for Memory Village.
Candy floss anyone?
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Photo News from the British Tabloids....
Man Shoplifts Power Tool Down Trousers
THE still is taken from CCTV film of a man stealing power tools.
He is secreting his booty down his trousers. The £800 electric drill is chased down by a pack of drill bits.
A source in Xiamen, South East China tells us: “The drill weighed 10kg and the box of bits was as big as a volleyball.
The man got away.
The shop’s staff say they were distracted, possibly by the woman shoving a 42inch plasma screen up her bra…