Subject: Daily Dose - 080311 - Knock Knock, BIZARRE NEWS, glazier, DDL, News from the British Tabloids

Knock Knock!

The doctor knocked at the hospital door before entering Jill's room. Jill called out to come in. The doctor then proceeded to tell Jill to remove all of her clothing after which he gave her a thorough, from top to bottom, front to back, leaving no part of her body untouched.

When he had finished, Jill looked the doctor straight in the eye and asked, "Doctor, can I ask you a question?"

"Of course," he replied.

Jill asks, "Why did you bother to knock?"

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BIZARRE NEWS...

Bizarre Space FACTS

If the Sun stopped producing energy today, we wouldn't know about it for ten million years.

On a clear night in the autumn you can see two million years back in time.

The first living creature to orbit the Earth was a dog called Laika.

People in space are up to 5 centimeters taller than they are on Earth. Without the effect of gravity pressing them down, their vertebrae (sections of their spine) move a little further apart.

The footprints that Neil Armstrong and the other astronauts left on the surface of the Moon will still be there in a million years' time.

Jupiter is so big you could fit the Earth inside it 1300 times over.

On the Sun a person would be as heavy as an elephant is on Earth. The Sun is 330,000 times more massive than the Earth, so its gravity is very strong.

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Photos of pot leads to arrest

STREETSBORO, Ohio - An Ohio man who took photos of marijuana plants to a pharmacy to be developed faces charges in connection with growing the plants.

Streetsboro, Ohio, police said the man was growing 16 plants in a field and apparently took photos of his crop, WEWS-TV in Cleveland reported. He took the film to be developed to a pharmacy, where an employee contacted authorities.

Streetsboro police passed along the information to the Portage County Drug Task Force, which was "able to identify a party who was responsible for the photographs and eventually they recovered the plants through an interview," Duane Kaley of the Portage County (Ohio) Sheriff's Department, told WEWS-TV.

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Man abandons house at the side of the road

LOS ANGELES - A California man learned the hard way that house-moving is a job probably best left to professionals after he tried unsuccessfully to move his home.

Patrick Richardson's green ranch-style house has sat to the side of the 101 Freeway, causing gapers' slowdowns and inviting taggers to spray graffiti on the structure almost daily, the Los Angeles Daily News reported.

Richardson received a permit to move the oversized load from Santa Monica to Santa Clarita. But he took a detour to avoid a steep incline -- and that's when the wheels, literally, fell off his plan. The wheels to his rig "came off one by one during the travel," said California Highway Patrol Officer Jason McCutcheon. "It was pretty ugly."

Richardson made repairs and continued his journey, only to hear the roof ram an overpass. Eventually, the trailer was disabled, and he pulled off the freeway in the Los Angeles area onto a roomy shoulder.

"Just pay someone to move it, man," said Justin Pearson, who works at a Studio City garden shop. "Come on. What's he going to do with it now?"

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Barber clipped by double's criminal past

DETROIT - Two Detroit men have identical names and birthdays but are on opposite sides of the law and one is tired of being arrested for the other guy's misdeeds.

Keith Lamont Johnson, a 47-year-old barber, has been picked up erroneously by police three times. Keith Lamont Johnson, a 47-year-old convicted forger, is a guest at one of the state's prisons, The Detroit News reported.

Johnson the barber says he hasn't been helped much by letters from the Detroit police stating he did not have a criminal record and should not be confused with another man with the same name and birth date but different fingerprints. But maybe the lawsuit Johnson the barber filed this week in U.S. District Court in Detroit will.

"It's rough," Johnson said. "It's been this way all my life. I keep talking and keep talking and no one listens and I end up in jail."

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My son is the manager of a glass and window company and advertised in the paper for experienced glaziers. Since a good glass man is hard to find, he was pleased when a man who called about the job said he had over 10 years of experience.

"Where have you worked as a glazier?" my son asked.

The man replied, "Dunkin' Donuts."

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DDL

Hickory dickory eeba

I think I've become an amoeba

For to my dismay

My bum's slipped away

And I'm not very sure where my knees are.

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"The Michigan primary is tonight. And then there's the big Democratic debate in Las Vegas. But of course, the biggest story: American Idol is back on the air. More Americans will participate in "American Idol" than in the election of our next president. It's true. And they'll be happier about the result."

-Conan O'Brien

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"There were rumors that Simon Cowell had pec implants. I don't believe it, but I think there's a distinct possibility that he had nipple extensions."

-Jimmy Kimmel

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"It's a great day for Oprah Winfrey. She's getting her own TV network. It's going to be called Oprah Winfrey Network, or OWN. Which is appropriate: She owns everything."

-Craig Ferguson

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News from the British Tabloids

Man covers his street in knickers

Thankfully There are some things you should just keep to yourself.

A Japanese man who enjoyed wearing girls' underwear behind closed doors decided to share his love of knickers with the world.

Kazuo Oshitani, a 48-year-old office clerk, decorated his neighbourhood in knickers and stockings which he had worn. The father-of-three is alleged to have slipped into a range of ladies' briefs and then scattered them all over his street in Osaka. He is accused of putting underwear on bicycles, cars and the front doors of his neighbours.

Police received about 170 complaints from local residents. When they raided Oshitani's house, they found more than 200 pairs of women's underwear and sex toys.

What he gets up to in private, however, is not illegal. He was arrested for littering.

According to police, he said: 'I found it sexually arousing to imagine how shocked people would get when spotting the underwear.'

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Motorcyclist rattled by slithery passenger

Driving a motorbike can be dangerous at the best of times. But try doing it with a five-foot snake strapped to the vehicle.

Well, actually, don't. Because it's a pretty stupid thing to do.

A motorcyclist in New Orleans was critically injured when he got distracted by the rattlesnake tied to his bike. In his efforts to keep the animal on his bike, the man got distracted on a bend and was thrown off the vehicle.

It is unclear if the snake was alive at the time of the crash. Police believe the motorcyclist may have been trying to keep it from falling off when the accident occurred.

The man lost control of the 650cc BMW motorcycle and hit a kerb. He was thrown across the road and his helmet came off. He was taken to hospital in a 'very critical' condition.

The only witness to the crash was Matt Rutan, who was driving a truck behind the bike. He said he saw the motorcyclist twist around in his seat to attend to something at the back of the bike.

'At first I thought it was a piece of rope dragging behind the motorcycle,' said Mr Rutan. However, it turned out to be a five-foot canebrake rattlesnake secured by twine.

Before the emergency services arrived, Mr Rutan said he saw the snake move its body a number of times. However, one officer said these could have been post-mortem reflexes. The snake appeared to have had its rattle cut off and its fangs removed. This type of snake is venomous.

'It was one of the strangest accidents I've responded to in my 37 years on the New Orleans Police Department,' said traffic commander Melvin Howard.

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Chimps outwit students

Young chimpanzees beat a group of university students in a maths memory test. They remembered a series of numbers better than the undergraduates, reports the Daily Mirror.

Scientists say the university challenge proves that in some memory tests chimps are more intelligent than humans.

Japanese researchers pitted three pairs of five-year-old chimps and their mothers against a dozen students. Each group was shown numbers from one to nine on a touch screen. When they touched the first number, the other eight turned into white squares. The test was to touch the remaining squares in the order of the numbers that used to be there. All the young chimps scored higher than the undergraduates.

One of them, Ayumu, was outstanding. Researchers included him and nine students in a second test. This time, five numbers flashed up before being replaced by white squares. When the numbers were displayed for seven-tenths of a second, Ayumu and the students scored about 80%.

But when the numbers were displayed for an even shorter time, the chimp got the sequence right twice as often. Even after six months' training the students could not match the chimps.

Researcher Tetsoro Matsuzawa, of Kyoto University, said: "Young chimps have an extraordinary memory - often better than humans."

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Photo News from the British Tabloids....

Muscular bronze stallion with weird human genitalia advertises provincial hotel

A bronze sculpture of a stallion holding a piece of rail in its mouth was built last week in the yard of Yar Hotel

situated at the entrance to the Russian town of Voronezh. The 3.5-meter-high statue weighs more than 3 tons. The stallion has a short-cut tail and the well-marked reproductive organ which greatly resembles the one of a man.

Maxim Dikunov named his stallion Yaryzh and said that it symbolizes the struggle between nature and civilization.

According to Maxim’s mother, the management of Yar Hotel arranged a contest to choose the sculpture which could perfectly express the atmosphere of the hotel. A lot of sketches were suggested to the hotel administration. Finally they choose the stallion.

When the sculptor’s father was asked about the stallion’s human sex organ he said that “it is just a matter of nature and people should not stick noses in it.”

Yana Chernyshova, the hotel’s director, said that she liked this sculpture very much. She said that the artist exceeded her expectations. When she saw the sculpture she realized that it was exactly what she wanted.