Subject: Daily Dose - 080310 - I just want her cookies, News from the British Tabloids, RESISTING ARREST, DDL, Rotten News

I was giving my kids a few cookies, and as usual, my 7 year-old daughter scarfed hers really fast. My 9 year-old daughter is slow and still had a couple left. My 4 year-old son was eating his in another room.

"Can I have some more?" asked the 7-year-old.

"Nope," I said. "You should slow down and enjoy them."

"I do enjoy them," she said. "That's why I eat them so fast."

I smiled and patted her on the head. She always surprises me with her ability to express herself.

"I wish I was her," she said pointing to my other daughter... "well, I don't really want to be her. I just want her cookies."

I gave a hearty laugh and turned to their mother. "I just know she's going to be a Democrat."

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News from the British Tabloids....

Overweight man squashes wife to death

An overweight man was jailed for five years after he killed his wife by sitting on her during a domestic dispute.

The 20-stone (128kg) man 'sat on his wife's chest for at least two minutes and broke her ribs in 18 places', said Jan-Michael Seidel, a spokesman for the court in the northern town of Hildesheim. 'It was quite deliberate.'

The woman, who was half her husband's weight, died from her injuries less than a month later. The 50-year-old man, from Germany, was charged with grievous bodily harm leading to death.

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Man punched over urinal etiquette

A New Zealander ended up in court after punching a man over a breach of urinal etiquette.

Edward Aldridge, 47, punched his victim twice after he used the urinal next to him in a pub in Christchurch. Aldridge accused his victim of looking at him, reports Metro.

Speaking in his defence, counsel Liz Bulger said: "This incident arose from what I understand to be urinal etiquette. When the victim spoke to the defendant he was effectively smirking. The defendant was outraged."

Sentencing Aldridge to 50 hours of community service, Judge Raoul Neave said: "This is exactly the sort of behaviour that makes people afraid to go to town."

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Soldier returns from leave a woman

An Austrian army officer called Gregor went on holiday - and came back as a woman called Jasmin.

The 46-year-old captain took three months leave after complaining of stress, and had a sex change operation before returning to barracks in Gratkorn.

Other officers and soldiers were reportedly shocked when Jasmin, whose full name has not been revealed by the army, came back. But senior army staff have decided Jasmin can keep her old job and will not be demoted.

Defence Ministry officials have also accepted the decision by Jasmin, who has two children, to have a sex change. Ute Axmann, press spokesperson for the Austrian defence ministry, said: "We accept this very personal decision."

A soldier at the barracks told Austrian media: "Everybody has a weird feeling about it: a colleague leaving the building as a man and returning as a woman after his holiday is more than a bit strange. We will have to wait and see if this leads to problems."

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Insurance for speeding motorists

Drivers in Denmark can insure themselves against speeding fines and parking tickets under a new scheme launched by the Danish automobile association.

Motorists can take out various cover from insurance against speeding for £90 per year that covers drivers for either four speeding tickets or a total of £900 in speeding fines. Insurance against parking fines costs £36 and covers either four tickets or a maximum of £182 in fines.

But the Danish Council for Traffic Security has attacked the scheme saying that it will make people less afraid of collecting fines and encourage them to risk an offence.

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Sex-mad Scot saves the day

A sex mad Scottish koala bear is in demand after an experiment in which he was asked to show an Austrian bear the facts of life.

Managers at Vienna's Schoenbrunn zoo had despaired their own male koala would ever get to grips with the bear necessities. But five-year-old Chumbee, on loan from Edinburgh zoo, has succeeded where romantic music, erotic koala movies and aphrodisiac foods had all failed.

Zoo manager Helmut Pechlaner said: "Chumbee hasn't stopped since he got here, it has been almost non stop sex in the koala enclosure ever since, and now even our own male is joining in. We are confident we will soon be seeing the padding of tiny koala paws."

And zoo veterinarian Hanna Vielgrader added: "The only break is to eat or sleep, other than that there's no stopping them. The heat has probably helped but we doubt it would make much difference whatever temperature it was for the Scottish koala. Chumbee can't restrain himself at all."

The zoo is expecting a baby koala will be born sometime next year, and in the meantime said several other zoos wanted to loan Chumbee to invigorate their own koala colonies.

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Before his daring escape from prison, an infamous criminal had been photographed from four different angles. The FBI sent copies of the pictures to police chiefs all across the land, with orders to notify Washington the moment an arrest was made.

The next day, the Bureau received a faxed reply from the ambitious sheriff of a small Southern town: "PICTURES RECEIVED. ALL FOUR SHOT DEAD WHILE RESISTING ARREST."

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DDL

There was an old fellow named Art,

Who awoke with a terrible start.

For down by his rump

Was a generous lump,

Of what should have been just a fart.

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"I had a Super Bowl party at my house this weekend. I really need a bigger house or fewer friends...and I'm leaning towards fewer friends."

-Jimmy Kimmel

***

"Iran is going to build an island just for women who want to go on vacation. No men will be allowed on the island. Which leads to the question, 'If something goes wrong, whose fault will it be?'"

-Jay Leno

***

"Krispy Kreme announced they're coming out with a low-fat, 180 calorie, whole wheat doughnut. They're calling this amazing whole wheat doughnut a bagel."

--Conan O'Brien

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Rotten News....  (true)

He hopes ironworkers don't find him

LAS VEGAS - A brazen thief who offered condolences at a memorial service made off with $10,000 collected for the family of an ironworker killed in a Las Vegas Strip construction site mishap, friends and family members said.

Las Vegas police were searching for the suspect after the Sunday night theft marred the service for 30-year-old David Rabun.

Officer Martin Wright described the man as a white male in his 30s who was approximately 5 feet 6 inches tall, with blond hair and blue eyes. He was wearing a red T-shirt, black jacket and blue jeans at the time.

"I hope the ironworkers don't find him first," Ruth Brown, Rabun's grandmother, told the Las Vegas Review-Journal. She traveled to Las Vegas from New Orleans to attend the service.

None of Rabun's family knew the man who went to a microphone and told mourners he didn't work with Rabun often but wanted to express his condolences, Sandra Alton, Rabun's mother, told the paper. At some point, the man snatched of a bag full of photos, cash, checks, a toy for Rabun's 4-year-old son, cards and a Bible and left the funeral home, Jesse Alton, Rabun's sister, told the paper.

"He looked like an ironworker type of guy, a little rough but not homeless," she said.

Several mourners searched the area and recovered the bag with some of the items. The money, estimated at $10,000, was gone, family members said.

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Store ad: Hams 'delicious for Chanukah'

Thu Dec 6, 9:58 PM ET

NEW YORK - This was REALLY not kosher. A grocery store in Manhattan made a food faux pas, advertising hams as "Delicious for Chanukah."

Chanukah, an alternate spelling for Hanukkah, is the eight-day Jewish holiday that began Tuesday evening, and hams as well as pork and other products from pigs can't be eaten under Jewish dietary laws.

A woman who saw the mistake over the weekend at the Balducci's store on 14th Street took pictures of the signs and posted them on her blog. Jennifer Barton, director of marketing, told The Associated Press on Thursday that the signs were changed as soon as the error was noted.

She issued an apology on the company Web site, saying the company would be reviewing its employee training.

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Man drinks liter of vodka at airport line

BERLIN - A man nearly died from alcohol poisoning after quaffing a liter (two pints) of vodka at an airport security check instead of handing it over to comply with new carry-on rules, police said Wednesday.

The incident occurred at the Nuremberg airport on Tuesday, where the 64-year-old man was switching planes on his way home to Dresden from a holiday in Egypt. New airport rules prohibit passengers from carrying larger quantities of liquid onto planes, and he was told at a security check he would have to either throw out the bottle of vodka or pay a fee to have his carry-on bag checked as cargo.

Instead, he chugged the bottle down — and was quickly unable to stand or otherwise function, police said.

A doctor called to the scene determined he had possibly life-threatening alcohol poisoning, and he was sent to a Nuremberg clinic for treatment. The man, whose name was not released, is expected to be able to complete his journey home in a few days.

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Photo News from the British Tabloids....

Baby ray's alien smile

Visitors to a Hampshire aquarium are being greeted by an eerily alien-like smiling face.

People have likened the baby thornback ray's distinctive face to the 'Last Human' featured on Doctor Who. In the BBC series, the last surviving human was reduced to a stretched sheet of human skin with just a pair of eyes and a mouth.

The semi-transparent thornback ray, only a month old and just 12cms in length, is part of a captive breeding programme at the Blue Reef Aquarium in Southsea. It is one of a dozen, hatched from egg-cases known as 'mermaid's purses', currently being looked after in a special nursery tank. When they are large enough, they will join the adult thornbacks and several sharks in a large pool.

A Blue Reef spokesman said the babies are proving very popular with visitors.