Subject: Daily Dose - 080309 - harem tent, BIZARRE NEWS, eligible, DDL, News from the British Tabloids, Rotten News

Three guys were on a trip to Saudi Arabia. One day, they stumbled into a harem tent filled with over 100 beautiful women. They started getting friendly with all the women, when suddenly the Sheik came in.

"I am the master of all these women. No one else can touch them except me. You three men must pay for what you have done today. You will be punished in a way corresponding to your profession."

The sheik turns to the first man and asks him what he does for a living. "I'm a cop", says the first man. "Then we will shoot your penis off!", said the sheik.

He then turned to the second man and asked him what he did for a living. "I'm a firemen", said the second man. "Then we will burn your penis off!", said the sheik.

Finally, he asked the last man, "And you, what do you do for a living?" And the third man answered, with a sly grin, "I'm a lollipop salesman!"

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BIZARRE NEWS - Wednesday, Oct. 3, 2007

Bizarre American CITIES

Hornyhead Branch, Alabama

Blue Ball, Delaware

Santa Claus, Georgia

Gay Head, Massachusetts

Hoop and Hollar, Texas

Intercourse, Pennsylvania

Big Ugly, West Virginia

Jackass Acres, Arizona

Bitch Mountain, New York

Idiotville, Oregon

Hell, Michigan

Cumback, Indiana

***

Man burns house in effort to kill wasps

GREENSBORO, N.C. - A North Carolina man accidentally set his house on fire while trying to remove a wasp nest.

The Greensboro Fire Department reports Hugh Williams first tried to get rid of a wasp nest in the ground next to his home by pouring insecticide into it, The Greensboro NewsRecord reported Monday. When that didn't work, Fire Marshall David Douglas says Williams placed a paper bag inside the nest and set it on fire. The flames shot out of the ground and up an outside wall of Williams' house right into the attic, the newspaper reports.

It took firefighters 30 minutes to extinguish the blaze which caused $80,000 damage and left the house uninhabitable.

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Black widow hitches ride to Britain

STRENSHAM, England - A British mechanic at a firm that imports classic cars from the United States discovered a dangerous stowaway in an aging Cadillac -- a black widow spider.

Adam Morrison-Thomas said he spotted the arachnid in the center of a 12-inch web in the passenger seat of a gold 1965 Cadillac Sedan de Ville that had been shipped from Arizona, The Daily Mail reported Monday.

"I closed the door very quickly but I wasn't sure if it was poisonous so I decided to catch it," Morrison-Thomas told the newspaper. "I got a piece of wood and sort of pushed it into a sandwich box. It was a big shock to find out it was a black widow. I'm not sure I would have been quite so brave if I had known exactly what it was."

The mechanic passed the spider on to the Royal Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals, which gave the animal to Stratford Butterfly Farm, where it is on display in a double cage with alarmed glass, five locks and a panic button, The Daily Mail said.

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Woman fired for too much perfume

NEW YORK - A New York woman says she lost her job at a Long Island, N.Y., customer service center for wearing too much perfume.

Jorinda Sullivan, 24, claims the firing was race-based and filed complaints with the New York Division of Human Rights, as well as the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. She is suing her former employer, Mindpearl, for $1 million for racial discrimination in federal court in New York.

Sullivan received customer complaints regarding her perfume. Questions arose over her choice of soap, shampoo and deodorant as well, The New York Post said.

She lost her job in February after she received three complaints against her in one week, her boss said. The CEO of Mindpearl, Vincent Gaines, denied wrongdoing.

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Toddler survives 100-foot fall

LONDON - A British toddler who fell from a window seven stories up landed on wire mesh on a scaffold, surviving with bruises and a possible broken leg.

The 2-year-old, identified only as Alisha, lives with her parents and older sister in an apartment block in the London neighborhood of Battersea. She plunged form the window Saturday night, The Daily Mail reported. The girl's fall was broken by the scaffold about 100 feet below the window. She also missed metal poles.

"I'm still in shock," Sharon Burton, another resident of the building, said. "I don't know how she fell that far and survived. It's a miracle."

Burton said she wrapped the little girl in a blanket to keep her warm and tried to keep her awake. "It was such a relief when the paramedics arrived," she said.

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As the shopping center's marketing director, I was putting the finishing touches on an ad. I asked Nancy, the newspaper's sales representative, how to spell "eligible." She wrote it down on a card she fished from her purse. I completed the copy, returned the card to her, and she left.

Not long after, I received a call from the manager of one of our shoe stores. He asked if I knew if Nancy was married. I told him I thought so and asked why he was interested.

"She just gave me her business card," he said, "and on the back she's written 'eligible'."

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DDL

A certain young lady of Babylon,

Decided to lure all the rabble on,

By raising her shirt

And dropping her skirt,

Exposing a market to dabble on.

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"It was this week in 1914 that Henry Ford adopted a minimum wage of $5 a day. And today, to prove they're not cheap, NBC told the striking writers they will match that."

-Jay Leno

***

"Because of the writers' strike, the Golden Globes had to be cut down from three hours to one hour. And the winner is? The American public."

-David Letterman

***

"Congratulations to Nicole Ritchie. She gave birth to a daughter over the weekend. She weighed 6 pounds, 8 ounces. I don't know how much the kid weighed."

-Craig Ferguson

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News from the British Tabloids

Entire beach stolen

Border crossing crooks were blamed after an entire beach including beach huts, sun loungers and sand were stolen.

Land locked Hungary has no beaches of its own and tonnes of sand had been shipped in to make the riverside at Mindszentas as near to the real thing as possible. But managers who closed up the leisure park for winter have found that 6,000 cubic metres of sand as well as playground rides, the huts, and even the wooden shops had been stolen.

Head of the local council Etelka Repas said: "It is crazy - I would have thought it was impossible to steal an entire beach. It was cleaned up and covered for the winter and then suddenly this week we saw that it had totally disappeared - beach and all. It has probably been shipped over the border now without any checks being made where it will be easier to get rid of," Repas said.

Police are investigating.

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Dying patients return home to smoke

Dying patients spending their final days in a hospice have decided to return home after being banned from smoking.

When public smoking was banned in July, hospices had the option to retain some smoking bedrooms, reports the York Press. But St Leonard's Hospice, in Tadcaster Road, York, opted to enforce the blanket ban - prompting a number of patients to return home.

Doctors and campaigners said they were outraged by the decision and called for the hospice's trustees to rethink the policy.

Dr Brian McGregor, vice chairman of the York Local Medical Committee, said: "The physician in me would never want to encourage smoking, but for somebody for whom medicine has failed, I can't see the logic in banning it. They are bed-bound, they are not able to enjoy food and drink and smoking is one of the few pleasures they have left. Smoking will not make any impact on their health now and I don't think we should be making them more unhappy by banning it."

But a spokesman for St Leonard's Hospice said the hospice had decided to impose the ban following lengthy consultations with staff, patients, visitors, service users and external organisations.

He said: "The decision was not made lightly but, as a healthcare organisation, we felt it appropriate to embrace the legislation. We are confident that our staff, patients and visitors will appreciate the change and will support us in its implementation."

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Dictionary translates 'politician speak'

A dictionary has been published that claims to translate 'politician speak' into plain English.

The 2008 Lexicon is published by the Centre for Policy Studies which dubs MPs' speech 'Newspeak', a phrase borrowed from George Orwell's 1984. Its translations include revealing that when a politician talks of "transformation", they actually mean "no change".

Jill Kirby, the director of CPS, said: "This Government has - whether wilfully or unwittingly - blurred the line between words and actions. Talking about a problem has come to mean the same as doing something about it."

The document wages war against Labour's favourite phrases. "Excellence for all" means "all shall have prizes".

"Let me finish", meanwhile, translates as "I will continue talking so that you cannot ask any more difficult questions".

One entry highlights the comment of Tessa Jowell, the Culture Secretary, as she announced that the Olympic budget had almost tripled, and said: "The Olympics will be legacy games." According to the CPS, "legacy" means "the next Government will pick up the bill".

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Photo News from the British Tabloids....

Introducing the world's smallest gun that fires deadly 300mph bullets - but is just TWO inches long

Meet the pistol that fits in your pocket - and packs a hell of a punch.

The SwissMiniGun is the size of a key fob but fires tiny 270mph bullets powerful enough to kill at close range.

Officially the world's smallest working revolver, the gun is being marketed as a collector's item and measures just 2.16 inches long (5.5cm). It can fire real 4.53 bullets up to a range of 367ft (112m). The stainless steel gun costs £3,000 although the manufacturers also produce extravagant, made-to-order versions made out of 18-carat gold with customised diamond studs which sell for up to £30,000.

At just over two inches long it is the world's smallest gun - but the 300mph bullets it fires mean it is still deadly.

It cannot be imported into the UK, and buyers in Switzerland and Europe must produce an import permit from police to obtain one.  The gun is banned from being imported into the US - because it's barrel is less than three inches, meaning it is deemed too small to qualify for sporting purposes.

Jonathan Spencer, consultant forensic scientist and firearms expert, said that although the gun, which fires bullets at a speed of 399 feet a second, was tiny, it could still prove fatal and in the eyes of the law was as dangerous as a machine gun. He said: "The general threshold for perforating the skin is about 330 feet a second. Apart from bone, skin offers the greatest resistance to penetration. If it can pass through the skin it is potentially lethal, even if the bullets are small. If you shoved something 3mm across into someone's chest you could kill them. It's the same with these bullets, they could penetrate the heart. It is capable of killing someone. Under section 5 of the Firearms Act it would be a prohibited weapon. It would be on the same scale as a machine gun."

The gun shoots 2.34 mm calibre rim fire ammunition especially developed for it as the smallest rim fire ammunition in the world.

The Swiss Minigun, which is being marketed as a collector's item, is just 5.5cm long, and fires 4.53mm bullets up to 112 metres

It weighs in at just 0.7oz (19.8grams) and fires live and blank ammunition.

The gun is the first product of the SwissMiniGun company, a gunsmiths based at La Chaux-de-Fonds, Switzerland. Owner Paul Erard said that since the product's launch three years ago, the firm had sold around 300 of the guns, mainly to collectors in the Middle and Far East. He said: "We are producing in very small quantities - perhaps 25 gold guns and 100 steel guns a year, and there is a six month waiting list to get one. We will make whatever the customer wishes for. The most expensive version we have sold cost £30,000 and was covered in diamonds and came with a gold chain."

A Guinness World Records spokesman confirmed the gun held the record as the word's smallest working revolver.

(To collectors in the Middle East?????)