Subject: Daily Dose - 080303 - Been Worse, News from the British Tabloids, New York Taxi, DDL, News from the British Tabloids

Been Worse

Once, in a small town, lived a man named Jack. Everyone in town knew Jack as a very optimistic person. Jack, whenever placed in a terribled situation would say, 'It could have been worse.'

Everyone in the town was tired of hearing Jack say that so one day they decided to to lie to Jack. They went up to him and said, 'Jack, the baker Bob found his wife in bed with another man last night! He shot the man and then himself! Isn't it terrible???'

Then Jack said, 'Well, yes it's terrible, but it could've been worse!'

The townspeople said, 'How could THAT possibly be worse?'

Then Jack replied, 'Well, if it had been the night before I would've been dead!'

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News from the British Tabloids....

Jobcentre opening is in a pickle

A circus has placed an ad in a Jobcentre for a person to be pickled in a bottle full of vinegar.

The Circus of Horrors is searching for a "pickled person" to take part in a performance at the Stockton International Riverside Festival in Cleveland between July 27 and August 4. The ad is for a "loose- limbed person to fit into a 2ft high laboratory bottle" filled with vinegar, reports The Sun.

It adds: "Applicants should be flexible, and happy to work in confined spaces."

Circus and acting skills are an advantage.

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Man swaps rocket launcher for trainers

Police who launched a gun amnesty in Florida were shocked when a man handed in a surface-to-air rocket launcher.

Under the Kicks for Guns programme, anyone who handed in a weapon was given a pair of trainers, reports Sky News. One man, who has not been identified, took advantage by exchanging the four-foot-long launcher for a pair of Reeboks for his daughter. The owner said he found the weapon in a shed he tore down.

He told the Orlando Sentinel: "I didn't know what to do with it, so I brought it here. I took it to three dumps to try to get rid of it and they told me to get lost."

As well as the launcher, police collected more than 250 guns. They were all exchanged for trainers or £25 gift certificates.

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'Dead' mum visits son at work

A Romanian man has been sacked after his mother visited him at work - minutes after he told his boss she had just died.

Florin Radu Hretu, 27, from Pascani in Iasi county, had just asked to borrow some money to pay for her funeral. He has given the equivalent of £150 but had to immediately pay it back when his mother turned up a few minutes later. He was also fired and is being investigated by police for fraud.

A spokesman for the prosecutor's office, Liviu Beceru, said: "The young man tried to defend himself saying he received a call in which he was being informed about his mother death but refused to say who that person was."

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Man confesses to murder to get lift home

A Romanian man confessed to a murder he did not commit because he wanted a lift home.

Marius Varzar, 23, from Botosani, had run out of money and wanted to be taken home by police. He told a police patrol in a village 100 miles from his home that he killed one of his friends and wanted to give himself up.

Varzar was arrested and taken to Botosani by a police van where officers were investigating the case of a man found dead in the street. But he was charged and fined after later forensic evidence revealed the victim was not killed and died from natural causes.

The alleged murderer admitted he was only looking for a free ride home.

Local police spokesman Florin Gavrilet said: "After interrogating the suspect it turned out he drank all his money and wanted to return home, so he invented this crime."

Police did not say how much the man was fined but said the amount was established also to cover for the transportation expenses.

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Sex off the beach

A couple who use a speedboat as a floating brothel to lure customers from a nudist beach are being hunted by police.

Shocked bathers looked on as a stream of men swam out for one-hour frolics in the cabin. On one occasion the Bayliner sped off before police could give chase.

The power boat has been a regular visitor to Studland beach this summer. It weighs anchor then a man swims ashore, alerting punters to the woman on board.

Emma Wright of landowner the National Trust, said: "You know something is going on. Men swim out to it one at a time and emerge again after an hour or so."

Swanage police are upping patrols at the beach near Poole, Dorset, which attracts thousands of naturists.

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A visitor to New York rushed from the airport into a waiting taxi, trying to keep dry in the heavy downpour.

"Can you think of anything worse," grumbled the visitor, "than raining cats and dogs in New York?"

"Sure," said the cab driver. "Hailing taxis!"

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DDL

There was a very cautious man,

who never laughed or cried.

He never risked, he never lost,

he never won nor tried.

And when he one day passed away,

his insurance was denied,

For since he never really lived,

they claimed he never died.

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There's no doubt that we need all the doctors we can get. If we didn't have them, what would happen to all the old magazines?

***

I have a lot of 'sweet chariot' stocks. The minute I buy them they 'swing low!'

***

"My wife thinks I'm too nosy. At least that's what she keeps scribbling in her diary."

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Rotten News....  (true)

Hide your old pills in poo, U.S. government says

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - Got some leftover drugs -- the kind that someone else might want to use, such as painkillers or stimulants? Wrap them up in used kitty litter or other pet droppings, the government advises.

A pilot program at the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration is looking at ways people can safely dispose of unused prescription drugs that are liable to be abused.

The Food and Drug Administration recommends flushing some of the most dangerous ones down the toilet, including the strong, addictive painkillers oxycodone and fentanyl and stimulants such as methylphenidate. But environmentalists worry about the effects on fish and amphibians.

On its Web site at http://www.samhsa.gov/rxsafety/, SAMHSA recommends ways to disguise leftover pills.

"Mixing prescription drugs with an undesirable substance, such as used coffee grounds or kitty litter, and putting them in impermeable, nondescript containers, such as empty cans or sealable bags, will further ensure the drugs are not diverted," it says.

SAMHSA said the problem is no joke.

"One in five teens reports intentionally misusing someone else's prescription drugs to get high. Nearly half say they get the medications from friends and relatives for free," it says in a statement.

Dr. Ilene Ruhoy of the University of Nevada, Las Vegas, studied leftover pharmaceuticals found in the homes of 473 people who died in 2006. She found 3,562 controlled substances, or an average of nearly eight per person.

More than half were hydrocodone painkiller products, while the rest were oxycodone, morphine or fentanyl.

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Mayors promote fluorescents as 'state bulb'

Mon Dec 3, 8:15 AM ET

SAN ANTONIO, Texas (Reuters) - Texas will have a favorite state bulb -- a light bulb -- along with a state flower and a state song if mayors of five large Texas cities have their way.

To kick off a statewide campaign to get residents to replace old light bulbs with energy-saving compact fluorescent bulbs, Texas mayors vowed to launch an effort to make the bulbs available, to encourage their use and to suggest that people give them as gifts for Christmas or other occasions.

"Individual Texans can save themselves money, and also take a lot of pressure off of utilities to not have to construct very, very expensive and polluting power plants," said Austin Mayor Will Wynn.

Mayors said use of compact fluorescent bulbs may help reduce electric demand from power plants that emit carbon dioxide, a gas blamed for global warming.

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Hmm. How does my hair look, Mr. Robber?

ELMWOOD PARK, N.J. - When a robber started taking cash from his register over the weekend, Dunkin' Donuts employee Dustin Hoffmann fought back by clobbering the man with a ceramic mug. But Hoffmann admits he was less worried about the stolen cash than how he might look on the video-sharing site YouTube.

"What was going through my mind at that point was that the security tape is either going to show me run away and hide in the office or whack this guy in the head, so I just grabbed the cup and clocked the guy pretty hard," Hoffmann told The Record of Bergen County for Tuesday's editions.

The incident happened Sunday evening when the robber came into the westbound Route 46 Dunkin' Donuts and ordered a pastry, according to Elmwood Park Police Chief Donald Ingrasselino. Once Hoffmann opened the register, the robber jumped over the counter and started taking cash.

Police said Hoffmann grabbed the man's wrists while hitting him with the mug, which is used to hold tips. Hoffmann managed to scare away the robber, who made out with just $90 and left behind a baseball cap police are holding to test for DNA evidence.

As for YouTube fame, Hoffmann said he'll put up the surveillance video himself when it becomes available.

"There are only a few videos like that on YouTube now, so mine's going to be the best," he said. "That'll teach this guy."

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Photo News from the British Tabloids....

Frog Juice

They call it 'The Peruvian Viagra' and they say it's great for you if you have a low sex drive. It's the best aphrodisiac. 'Extracto de rana' (Frog juice) is in very high demand at local markets of Lima, Peru.

They call it 'The Peruvian Viagra' and they say it's great for you if you have a low sex drive. It's the best aphrodisiac. 'Extracto de rana' (Frog juice) is in very high demand at local markets of Lima, Peru.

It's also heals stuff like asthma, bronchitis, sluggishness, but who cares about those. As long as it gives you a good boner. The main aphrodisiac effect probably comes from one of it's ingredients called Maca, which is a South-American plant known for it's erotic powers.

You go to the market stall and you pick your frogs from a tank. The vendor takes them out and bangs them against the table to kill them. Then she peels the skin off them and she fills the blender with hot white bean broth, some honey, raw aloe vera and a generous portion of maca. Then she adds your plucked frogs and she turns the blender on. And voila, a delicious warm glass of frog juice.

A frog juice vendor says many of her customers treat it as their morning and afternoon cup of coffee.