Subject: Daily Dose - 080219 - no politics, BIZARRE NEWS, Getting Old Shorts, DDL, News from the British Tabloids, Rotten News

Stuck in a strange city by bad weather, the drinker was bored. He sat in the bar and looking to strike up a conversation, turned to bartender and said, "Hey, about those Democrats in the Congress . . "

"Stop -- I *don't* permit talk about politics in my bar!" interrupted the bartender.

A few minutes later the gent tried again, "People say about the Pope ... "

"No religion talk, either," the bartender cut in.

One more try to break the boredom..." I thought the Yankees would..."

"No sports talk...That's how fights start in bars." the barman said.

"Look, how about sex. Can I talk to you about sex?"

"Sure."

"Good. Go f_ck yourself."

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BIZARRE NEWS...

Bizarre Facts

The three best-known western names in China: Jesus Christ, Richard Nixon, and Elvis Presley.

A monkey was once tried and convicted for smoking a cigarette in South Bend, Indiana.

In Los Angeles, there are fewer people than there are auto- mobiles.

About a third of all Americans flush the toilet while they are still sitting on it.

In Kentucky, 50 percent of the people who get married for the first time are teenagers.

In 1980, a Las Vegas hospital suspended workers for betting on when patients would die.

27 percent of U.S. male college students believe life is "a meaningless existential hell."

***

Man sues Brut aftershave manufacturer

MILWAUKEE - An 81-year-old man from Milwaukee is suing the creators of Brut aftershave and Wal-Mart after suffering burns on 30 percent of his body.

Charles Lewitzke was on a camping trip in 2004 when he used the aftershave before making breakfast over a fire, when he started cooking his aftershave ignited and gave him serious burns that later needed skin grafts,  WISN-TV, Milwaukee, reported Thursday.

Lewitzke filed a lawsuit for unspecified damages against Brut's manufacturers and the retailer where he brought the product, Wal-Mart. Legal expert Jeanine Geske said the elderly man's case is an interesting one. "At first blush this seems like it's not going anywhere but it may have some appeal," Geske said.

The Brut products have a warning label that lists that they are flammable and shouldn't be used while smoking or near a fire, but Lewitzke's lawyer argued that Lewitzke didn't actually use the products by the fire.

"They're arguing they did not say, 'After you put it on you remain flammable for a period of time,'" Geske said.

***

Are Americans too big for their cars?

WASHINGTON - Americans may be getting too fat for their cars, new maximum weight warning labels mandated by the U.S. government indicated.

Required for all vehicles beginning in model year 2006, the labels reflect an average passenger weight of 150 pounds, USA Today reported Friday. That figure may be too low since the Centers for Disease Control pegged average American weights at 190 pounds for men and 163 pounds for women three years ago.

The maximum weight formula was established for tire safety following the 2000 Firestone recall in which overloading was considered a factor that could cause tires to fail. David Champion, the head of auto testing for Consumer Reports, told USA Today that automakers aren't building cars that can stand up to loads of bigger passengers.

***

Farmer digs himself out from under tractor

MADISON, Ohio - An 83-year-old Ohio farmer used his pocketknife to dig himself out when his tractor turned over, trapping him.

James Cockerham told WLWT-TV in Cincinnati when no one responded to his calls for help, he was inspired by the memory of raccoons he had trapped on his land.

"I happened to think, 'You know, I caught 'coons out here and I set a lot of traps to catch them, and they would dig all the dirt trying to get out," Cockerham said. "That come to my mind. Well, they dig it like that, why can't I dig like that?"

Cockerham said he ignored the pain from injuries he suffered during the crash as he worked for four hours. "I kept digging and digging and digging and raking that dirt out of the way, digging and dug a little trench there," Cockerham said.

Eventually, he was able to crawl out, leaving his clothes behind. He spent 24 hours recuperating in a hospital.

***

Elderly lady pursues purse snatcher

MIAMI - An alleged purse snatcher in Miami targeted the wrong octogenarian -- it turns out she was a track star in her youth and helped police chase the suspect down.

Marta Suarez, 85, was leaving her Little Havana house when someone pushed her inside, grabbed her purse containing $300 and ran, The Miami Herald reported Thursday.

Suarez, a medal-winning track star in Cuba in the 1930s, took off after the thief. Miami police Officer Wilfredo Perez, who happened to be nearby checking out an attempted break-in, spotted the chase and apprehended the suspect.

Perez, perhaps partially joking, said Suarez was "gaining on the guy," the newspaper said. "That's a strong old lady," he said. "She's really, really sweet."

The suspect faces charges in the purse-snatching, as well as the burglary attempt.

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Getting Old Shorts....

Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.

A man has reached middle age when he is cautioned to slow down by his doctor instead of by the police.

Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and choosing the one that will get you home earlier.

You know you're into middle age when you realize that caution is the only thing you care to exercise.

Don't worry about avoiding temptation.  As you grow older, it will avoid you.

The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way through  Congress.

You're getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the parking lot.

You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get it started.

You're getting old when tying one on means fastening your MedicAlert bracelet.

You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling, and you didn't do anything the night before.

It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.

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DDL

There was a young girl from Arabia,

Who committed immodest behavia.

She sat in each class,

With her skirt round her ass,

And smooched at the prof with her labia.

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"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

--Mark Twain  

***

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends"

--Oscar Wilde  

***

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend....if you have one."

--George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill

***

"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is one."

--Winston Churchill, in response.

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News from the British Tabloids

Hospital hides knitting needles

Health and safety officials have demanded that a knitting basket be removed from a hospital's waiting area.

Patients and visitors have used the box, which has a sign saying: 'Knit a square while you are waiting', for three years. The finished items were sown into blankets and sent to charity shops, reports The Sun.

But a health and safety official at Congleton War Memorial Hospital in Cheshire declared the knitting needles were a public danger. The basket is now hidden behind the main reception desk and handed out only on request.

Michael Lambert, 54, chairman of the hospital's League Of Friends, said: "It's insane. The knitting basket was very popular and patients are upset. New patients and visitors don't even know it exists. It's so soul-destroying. When was the last time you heard of a spate of knitting needle accidents?"

Mrs Bernie Salisbury, Congleton Director of Nursing and Operations, said: "We were concerned about the ease with which youngsters could access knitting needles. We believe this sensible and proactive measure will avoid preventable accidents."

**********

Urinating man in unfortunate puppy v. penis incident

A drunk Cambodian man became embroiled in an unfortunate genital incident when, as he was urinating through a fence, a happy little puppy on the other side bit onto his penis.

News reports in Phnom Penh said that Kann Veasna was relieving himself through a hole in the fence after a hard day drinking wine when the incident occurred. The Rasmei Kampuchea newspaper suggested that the puppy may have thought Veasna's penis was toy.

Mr Veasna's puppy/penis misfortune came to light when he turned up at hospital in the Cambodian capital, and regaled them with his tale of mirth and woe. He was suffering from lacerations to his penis. However, doctors were able to save his organ, and are hopeful that the puppy did him no permanent damage.

News agency DPA quoted one doctor as saying: 'It's undoubtedly sore now, but luckily it should still be useful to him in the future.'

**********

Cops rescue teacher from karaoke terror

An impromptu rendition of Guns N'Roses' 'Welcome to the Jungle' by a custodian at a Connecticut school had police rushing to the rescue, after a teacher barricaded herself into her classroom believing she was going to be killed.

The custodian and two friends, all teenagers, were handcuffed and kept on the ground about 15 minutes by state police called to Booth Free School Wednesday. A teacher who was working late misinterpreted the lyrics - which include 'You're in the jungle baby; you're going to die' and were being blared over the public address system - as a death threat.

A number of school shootings and threats over the past year in the U.S. have many on edge. But in this instance, the six troopers and three police dogs who responded to the distress call found the three teens exercising their vocal chords over the school's public address system.

Sgt. Brian Ness said the group did not realize the teacher was in the school and will not face charges.

'These things happen,' Van Ness said. 'Luckily it was humorous. You kind of have a gut feeling. As soon as we got there, we spoke to the three kids. They understood.'

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Photo News from the British Tabloids....

'Nano toilet' becomes the most bizarre nano image ever made

2007/10/09 

This 'nano toilet' won the Most Bizarre prize at The 49th International Conference on Electron, Ion and Photon Beam Technology and Nanofabrication Bizarre/Beautiful Micrograph Contest. This contest already took place in 2005, but this image is making the rounds again; maybe you haven't seen it yet, Nanowerk LLC reports.

Here are the price winners for the 2004 and 2007 contests' Most Bizzare category (the category wasn't available in 2006 but was brought back by popular demand in 2007):

2007 winner: Nanojogger sprints along 200nm pitch gratings after a contaminated high temperature anneal. Submitted by: Keith Morton, NSL, Princeton University.

2004 winner. Fishing with Nanotubes – These micro fish appear hooked on nanotubes with a catalyst bait. Submitted by: David Tanenbaum and Markus Brink (Pomona College).