Subject: Daily Dose - 080131 - Is that sex, THIS is TRUE, Do you smell something, DDL, News from the British Tabloids

Is that sex?

It was decided to teach sex education in school and the principal chose his favorite teacher's second grade class as a trial. The teacher showed the film, read the material to her students and then asked if anyone had questions.

One little boy held up his hand and shyly said, "Teacher, I have a boy dog and he jumps over the fence and wrestles with this girl dog and she has puppies. Is this sex?"

The teacher replied, "Yes, that's sex."

A little girl raised her hand and asked, "Teacher, I have a girl cat and there's a boy cat that jumps on her out in the yard and they wrestle. Then she has kittens. Is that sex?"

The teacher said, "Yes, that's sex."

A second little boy raised his hand and blurted, "Teacher, the other night I saw a movie where three guys wrestled with John Wayne. Is that sex?"

The teacher shook her head and said, "No, that was not sex!"

The little boy replied, "Whew! I thought it would take more than three guys to screw John Wayne!"

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THIS is TRUE...

THE TIME HAS COME: The image of the Angel of Death -- the skeletal man wearing a black cloak and carrying a scythe -- shouldn't be so scary, argue worshipers from the Santa Muerte sanctuary in Mexico City, Mexico. And it's not a man, they say. The church, which split off from the Roman Catholic Church, worships the Grim Reaper. Archbishop David Romo says a worshiper was told in a dream to commission a new image of Death as a woman in a flowing, golden dress holding a rose. "This image is one of justice, of freedom, but above all one that reveals the face of God," says Romo, who denies the announcement is a publicity stunt to help regain official government status as a legal church, which was lost when they split from the Catholics. "Everyone still loves the skeleton," said one parishioner, and with the new softer, gentler image, "there will be no reason to criticize" the personification of Death. (AP)

...Criticize Death? Not me. The thought never entered my mind. Let's quickly move on to the next story.

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PEEK-A-BOO: A private security guard working at the federal courthouse in Spokane, Wash., got a lot of use out of the complex's roof-top security cameras, prosecutors allege. Rather than strictly keeping an eye on security risks, Darin Earl Wanless, 32, zoomed in on a condominium building and a hotel to watch women undress through their windows. Wanless was turned in by a fellow guard after zooming in on a woman and exclaiming, "We've got boobies!", federal prosecutors allege. The high-powered cameras are automatically recorded, and at least 22 recordings of women have been found, prosecutors say. Wanless is charged with multiple counts of felony voyeurism and faces prison if convicted. He has pleaded not guilty. (Spokane Spokesman Review)

...You'd think the neighbors could expect a little "homeland security".

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CAN I BORROW A PEN? Galveston County (Texas) District Court Judge David Garner says Bryan Connelly, 34, is the sort of defendant who can "think outside the box." Connelly, who had been convicted of forgery last year, allegedly wrote letters to two men asking them to kill people involved in his case. The intended victims: his prosecutor and Judge Garner. The two he wanted as hit men: his attorney and Judge Garner. When confronted, Connelly admitted writing the letters. He only had 11 months left to serve on his forgery conviction, but now he is charged with two counts of attempted solicitation of capital murder. (Houston Chronicle)

...He may think outside the box, but he'll be in one for many more years to come.

***

LOVE, DEMONSTRATED: A teen girl at a Christian "boot camp" in Banquete, Texas, was ordered to jog. When Siobahn McClintock, 15, ran out of steam, she says, camp director Charles Eugene Flowers, 46, who holds the title of "Commandant", told training assistant Stephanie Bassitt, 20, to hold her down while he tied her up. He then tied the rope to the camp's van and dragged the girl behind it. McClintock was treated in a hospital, but camp officials wouldn't let her call her mother, who had signed the required consent form. The form states: "I realize that Christian Boot Camp is a strenous [sic] and highly intense program. I further realize that the possibility of accident, injury or even fatality to my child does exist." That doesn't exonerate Bassitt or Flowers, the pastor of a San Antonio church: they were charged with aggravated assault and face up to 20 years in prison. The camp is run by Love Demonstrated Ministries to "reinstill the values that have been lost in our society." (San Antonio News-Express)

...One of the "values" we've "lost" in our society is locking criminals in stocks so passers-by can abuse them. Shall we "reinstill" that?

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WHAT'S IMPORTANT IN AUSTRALIA THIS WEEK? "City Besieged, but the Beer Must Get Through"

-- Sydney Morning Herald headline

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A few years ago I was standing in the check-out line of a local clothing store with my then six year old daughter. While I was writing the check to pay for my purchase, my daughter began tugging on my jacket.

"Daddy," she said softly.

"Yes baby?" I answered her.

"Do you smell something?" she asked innocently.

"No, I don't," I replied.

She got this evil little grin on her face as she said, "You will."

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DDL

Lisped a limp-wristed cowpoke named Ray

"It's a hell of a place to be gay!

I must, on these prairies,

For the shortage of fairies,

With the deer and the antelope play."

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"The Reverend Jesse Jackson says that he will endorse Barack Obama. Experts say that this is risky for Jackson because not much rhymes with Obama."

--Conan O'Brien

***

"People don’t want handouts. People want hand jobs!"

--William O’Neill, governor of Connecticut, 1980-1991, at a campaign rally. The crowd erupted into boisterous applause.

***

"Be careful of your thoughts; they may become words at any moment."

--Ira Gassen

***

"Men, like nails, lose their usefulness when they lose direction and begin to bend."

--Walter Savage Landor

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News from the British Tabloids....

Cambodians warned over DIY penis enlargement

Authorities in Cambodia warned men on Tuesday against do-it-yourself penis enlargement treatments, in the aftermath of a case in which a man killed himself because of the side-effects of a botched enlargement attempt.

The man reportedly had been injecting hair tonic into his own penis – but the side effects were so agonising that he hanged himself to end the pain. The hair tonic was advertised as giving thicker and more lustrous hair. It did not have the same effect upon the man's penis.

Instead, the injections caused massive, excruciating ulceration of the phallus.

The details of the case were released to the public in an effort to warn other Cambodian men against trying anything similar. Officials cautioned that they believe this was not an isolated case.

Coroner Vieng Vannarith commented: 'He wanted a bigger one very badly, and the results were tragic.'

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Worker slept in cupboard for 8 months

A hard-up British Airways worker slept in a works' store cupboard for nearly eight months.

Stephen McNally, 30, bunked down among computers and photocopiers to avoid security. He got his supper from office vending machines and, before going to bed, would watch telly in the staff room, reports the Daily Mirror.

But the £18,000-a-year manager was rumbled when colleagues noticed he smelt and security found food in the cupboard at the airline's call centre in Scotswood, Newcastle.

A source said: "He'd never leave blankets or anything and there was no trace of his stay...it is amazing he got away with it for so long."

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Rubber duck invasion of UK

A fleet of 29,000 rubber ducks has started to wash up on Britain's shores after a 15-year, 17,000-mile epic journey.

They are arriving on Cornwall beaches, reports The Sun.

The bath toys were set adrift in the Pacific after a container was washed off a cargo ship in 1992. The sea corroded packaging, freeing the Chinese yellow ducks, plus blue turtles, red beavers and green frogs. Their colour has since faded to white. Experts have tracked them across the world, spotting them in Alaska, Siberia, Japan, Iceland and Canada.

Oceans scientist Curtis Ebbesmeyer said: "They'll turn up on English beaches."

Collectors pay up to £500 for the toys which have The First Years stamped on them.

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Photo News from the British Tabloids....

Playground for pensioners

A playground for pensioners has opened in a Manchester park.

The Older People's Play Area on the Dam Head Estate in Blackley, is kitted out with equipment to strengthen hips, tone legs and train the upper body. It was set up by the local residents' association, who were inspired by a similar playground in Germany, reports the BBC.

The park, which cost £15,000 to build, was tested by locals aged over 70 before it opened to the public. It stands next to the under-fives play area, and has six pieces of equipment designed to give older people a gentle workout.

Parts of the exercise stations are also accessible to wheelchair users.

Joan Fitzgerald, 76, chair of the Dam Head Residents' Association said it was "great fun. I'd recommend anyone to come and have a go, after all you're never too old to play," she said. "It's all about health and fitness. A lot of older people don't want to go to gyms."