Subject: Daily Dose - 080113 - many Chinese, BIZARRE NEWS, Wiggel Handel, DDL, Rotten News

The Korean War, in which the Marine Corps fought and won some of its most brutal battles, was not without its gallows humor. During one such conflict a ROK (Republic of Korea) commander, whose unit was fighting along with the Marines, called legendary Marine Chesty Puller to report a major Chinese attack in his sector.

"How many Chinese are attacking you?" asked Puller.

"Many, many Chinese!" replied the excited Korean officer.

Puller asked for another count and got the same answer, "Many, many Chinese!"

"Dammit!" swore Puller, "Put my Marine liaison officer on the radio."

In a minute, an American voice came over the air: "Yes sir?"

"Lieutenant," growled Chesty, "exactly how many Chinese you got up there?"

"Colonel, we got a whole shitload of Chinese up here!"

"Thank God," exclaimed Puller, "At least there's someone up there who knows how to count!"

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BIZARRE NEWS...

Public peeing rises in Sweden

STOCKHOLM, Sweden - Swedish authorities are turning a profit for their government by collecting $264,000 in public urination fines thus far in 2007, The Local reported Monday.

Fines were handed down to 2,252 people for public urination during the first seven months of this year, placing the country on the road to outdoing last year's record of 3,328 public peeing citations.

Illegal urination has been on the rise since 2002, when only 900 fines were given out for the act, the Swedish newspaper said. Police said an increase in the individual fines from $75 to $120 last October has failed to curb the practice.

Public peeing has been reported most frequently in Vastra Gotaland, Stockholm and Ostergotland.

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Farmer gets lost in own corn maze

DURHAM, England - A British farmer who became lost in his own five-acre "maize maze" said he decided to cut his way out because he had to take his daughter to a party.

Paul Barkes said he was mowing the paths of the Chicken Run corn maze at his Thorpe Farm Country Park and Falconry Center when he became disoriented, The Daily Telegraph reported Monday.

"I knew roughly where I was but I'd agreed to take my daughter to a party and I was running out of time to find my way out," Barkes said. "I was in a bit of a panic that she would miss the event so I was forced to cut myself another exit." "I'd already had feedback suggesting the maze was tricky to negotiate before I became lost myself," he said. "Next year, I think I will make it a bit easier."

Barkes maze is a popular tourist attraction in England's northeast County Durham. The corn that makes up the walls of the puzzle can reach up to 10 feet before it is harvested in the autumn.

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Pencil removed from 59-year-old's head

BERLIN - A 59-year-old woman literally took a load off her mind when doctors in Berlin, Germany, removed a pencil that had been lodged in her skull since age 4.

Margaret Wegner fell while carrying a pencil when she was 4-years-old, causing the pencil to go through her skin and just barely miss vital parts of her brain, Britain's Sky News reported Monday. "It went right through my skin -- and disappeared into my head," she said.

Wegner was then plagued by nose-bleeds and headaches until she found the private Berlin clinic that would remove the pencil. At the time no one dared operate, but with today's technology it was a simple matter of just going in and removing around 8 centimeters of the pencil, although the 2 centimeter tip was too dangerous to remove, Sky News reported.

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Woman rolls over driving instructor

NAPLES, Fla. - A Naples, Fla., woman faces DUI charges after running over the man who was trying to teach her to drive after she had been drinking.

David Tanner, 51, was giving 30-year-old Victoria Hosner a driving lesson when she reportedly put the car in reverse and hit him, accidentally running over his leg and also causing an estimated $6,000 in damage, WKMG-TV, Orlando reported, Monday.

"It was totally an accident," Hosner's husband, David, told the Naples (Fla.) Daily News.

Tanner was taken to the Lee Memorial Hospital in Fort Myers and later discharged and Hosner, who blew a blood alcohol level of .146, well above the state's .08 legal limit, was released from jail on $4,250 bail. She faces charges of driving under the influence, three counts of driving under the influence with damage to property or person of another and driving without a license.

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I was traveling through Georgia last summer and stopped at a little backwoods country store. In the men's room there was a handwritten sign above the malfunctioning potty which said, "Please Wiggel Handel".

Below that some wit had written, "If I do, will it wiggel Bach?"

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DDL

There was a young fellow named Guesser

Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser.

He finally one day,

When it vanished away,

Became a mathematics professor.

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"In a recent interview, Arnold Schwarzenegger said cannabis is not a drug. Of course, when Arnold said it, it sounded like, 'Cannibals need a hug.'"

-Conan O'Brien

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"According to the Congressional Budget Office, Social Security will be completely depleted by the year 2052. 2052 - Social Security broke. Once again, I don't think President Bush understands this issue. He said, '2052, that's okay. By then all our old people will already be dead anyway.'"

-Jay Leno

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"Hillary Clinton fainted during a speech. She's fine but what I don't understand is why Bill Clinton was giving mouth-to-mouth to her assistant."

-Craig Ferguson

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"Did you see that blizzard? There have been so many school closings, teachers have been forced to start having sex with their spouses again."

--Jay Leno

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"It's been reported that Rudolph Giuliani has trademarked the name "Rudolph Giuliani" so other candidates don't use his name in negative campaign ads. For similar reasons, Hillary Clinton has trademarked the words 'Ball-Buster,' 'Castrator' and 'Nut-Cruncher.'

--Conan O'Brien

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News from the British Tabloids....

'Smoking turns men bald', new research claims

It is well-known to damage health. But smoking may also help make men bald.

The habit is already linked to more than 50 different diseases including lung cancer, heart disease and impotence. Now, research has shown that puffing on cigarettes may worsen age-related hair loss in men.

Male pattern baldness, which affects two-thirds of men as they grow older, is known to be partly caused by male sex hormones. However, it seems that smoking also plays a role, with smokers more likely to lose their hair than others.

The study, of more than 700 Taiwansese men aged 40 and over, also revealed that the more a man smokes, the worse his baldness is likely to be.

The researchers, from the Far Eastern Memorial Hospital in Taipei, asked the men about the age at which they started losing their hair, whether they had a family history of baldness and about their smoking history. The men's height and weight were measured, and blood samples analysed.

Analysis of the results showed that the risk of hair loss increased with advancing age, but remained lower than the average risk for Caucasian men.

It also revealed a clear link between smoking and hair loss, with the heaviest smokers being most likely to suffer from male pattern baldness, even when a family history of the condition was taken into account. Those who smoked 20 cigarettes or more a day were more than twice as likely to have moderate or severe hair loss than those who had never smoked.

The results, published in the journal Archives of Dermatology, showed the risk remained elevated even among those who had quit the habit.

Putting forward reasons for the effect, the researchers said smoking may damage the genetic structure of the hair follicles, the tiny structures responsible for hair growth. Alternatively, it may harm cells at their roots needed for the circulation of blood and hormones.

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The four hour working week

A US lifestyle coach says executives can cut their working week to just four hours on a ruthless "low information" diet.

Timothy Ferriss advocates answering emails only once a day and keeping phone calls to a bare minimum, reports the Daily Telegraph. His book, The 4-hour Workweek, suggests conducting business by the old-fashioned medium of the telephone and ending multi-tasking.

He outlines his strategy under the acronym DEAL. The first stage is definition of the new rules of work.

Then comes elimination - a ruthless policy of dumping clients and activities, including most online distractions, emails and phone calls, which eat up the unproductive 80 per cent of work time, and knowing when to say "no".

The next stage is automation, learning to delegate tasks to "virtual assistants" through companies based in India and the Philippines that specialise in handling executive work online.

The final step is liberation - escaping the office and using the newly discovered spare time for a "mobile lifestyle", or "mini-retirement" breaks.

Ferriss acknowledges that for employees, rather than entrepreneurs, trying to put in fewer hours could be a recipe for redundancy. For them, he says, the key is to "liberate themselves from the office environment".

His book has topped both the New York Times and Wall Street Journal business bestseller lists, proving an easy sell to Americans, who work an average 42.8 hours a week and have only two weeks' holiday a year.

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Man beaten for being bald

A man was beaten by his fiance and in-laws in India after they found out he was bald and wearing a wig.

Prabir Das, of Dispur in Assam, was also relieved of his belongings, reports the Daily Telegraph.

He told police his fiancee yanked off his hairpiece after dinner and began beating and abusing him for hiding his pate. Her parents then joined in, ripping his expensive wig apart and relieving the 33-year-old of his wallet, mobile phone, motorbike and driving licence as 'penalty' for his deception, he alleged.

Mr Das, who works at a private hospital, had advertised for a bride in the matrimonial columns of a local newspaper and Dilip Roy, seeking a match for his daughter Shreshta, responded. The wedding was fixed for December 12, and the bride's family began putting together Shreshta's dowry.

The superintendent Rajen Singh said Mr Roy had been questioned and denied the fracas. The wedding, police said, appears to be off.

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Photo News from the British Tabloids....

The octopus who loves his Mr Potato Head

Louis the octopus clearly thinks two heads are better than one when it comes to toys.

The 1.8m-wide (6ft) creature is so attached to Mr Potato Head that he turns aggressive when aquarium staff try to remove it from his tank.

Louis cuddles his Mr Potato Head

The giant Pacific octopus was given the toy for Christmas and has even learned to dig out food hidden in a secret box at the back of it.

'He's fascinated by it,' said Matt Slater, of the Blue Reef Aquarium in Newquay, Cornwall. 'He attacks the net we use to fish the toy out every time we try to take it away.'

Mr Slater added: 'Octopuses are very intelligent and they like to be stimulated and busy.'