Subject: Daily Dose - 080108 - in bed with another man, BIZARRE NEWS, medical clinics, DDL, Rotten News

It was late afternoon in a small Nevada town and Joe, the owner of the local beer parlor, was lazily polishing his glassware when his friend, Mike, obviously agitated, came running in.

"Joe," he shouted, "get over to your house quick! I just stopped off to see if you were home and I heard a man's voice in your bedroom. So I looked in the window and there - well, I hate to tell you, but your wife is in bed with another man."

"Is that so," Joe replied calmly. "What does this guy look like?"

"Oh, I don't know - he's tall and completely bald."

"And did he have a thick red mustache?"

"Right, right!" Mike yelled.

"And did you notice if he had a gold front tooth?"

"Dammit, man, you're right!"

Pouring his friend a beer, Joe remarked philosophically, "Must be that jackass Cal Thompson-- he'll screw anything."

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BIZARRE NEWS...

Bizarre National Superstitions

In Iceland, an unmarried person who sits at the corner of a table won't marry for seven years. A pregnant woman who drinks from a cracked cup risks having a baby with a harelip.

In Japan, picking up a comb with its teeth facing your body brings bad luck.

In Malta, churches with two towers are fitted with a clock face in each but the two clocks always tell different times to confuse the Devil about the time of the service.

In Nigeria, a man hit with a broom becomes impotent unless he retaliates seven times with the same broom. Sweeping a house at night brings misfortune to the occupants.

In Poland, bringing lilac into the house is a sure sign of impending death.

In Scotland, red and green should never be worn together. It is unlucky to throw vegetables on to the fire and to carry a spade through the house. This means that a grave will soon be dug. And three swans flying together means a national disaster is imminent.

In Holland, people with red hair bring bad luck.

In China, sweeping out a house removes all the good luck, especially on Chinese New Year.

***

Iowa cabbies have a heart -- on their desk

IOWA CITY, Iowa - The Yellow Cab company of Iowa City can honestly say it's a company with heart after storing a refrigerated human one in their dispatch office.

The heart was harvested in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, Monday and packaged in ice for air shipment to a tissue processing company in Atlanta, the Cedar Rapid Gazette reported Thursday.

However, agents with Delta Airlines' Comair division refused to accept it, saying they didn't have "appropriate facilities" to store it overnight and didn't want the liability, the report said.

Yellow Cab's general manager, Sean Genell, told the newspaper he contacted the Atlanta company, and they assured him the heart would keep over-night in the ice, as it wasn't destined for transplant, which has only a 4-hour window of preservation. Tuesday morning, a cab shuttled the heart to the airport, and it began the trip to Atlanta on schedule, the newspaper said.

***

No more allowance for 61-year-old son

CALTAGIRONE, Italy - A 61-year-old man from Caltagirone, Italy, turned up at the local police station with his 81-year-old mother after she cut off his weekly allowance.

The man's mother also took his house keys away after he did not come home when he was supposed to and did not tell her where he was going when he went out, ANSA reported Thursday.

The 81-year-old woman also went to police in an attempt to convince her "hard-headed" son to "behave correctly with his mama." The son said his mother was the one behaving badly, adding, "My weekly allowance isn't enough... and she doesn't even cook well."

The mother told police: "My son doesn't respect me, he never tells me where he goes at night and comes home at all hours." She added: "I was forced to punish him by taking away his keys after he yet again came home late at night. And he always complains about my cooking. This just couldn't go on."

A local police officer convinced the mother and son to return home together where the 81-year-old mother gave her son back his keys and allowance.

***

Man skips jury duty for B-day BBQ

COCONUT CREEK, Fla. - A Florida man learned the hard way -- by turning from potential juror to actual defendant -- that birthday celebrations don't take precedence over jury duty.

Rhovan Curtis, from Coconut Creek, Fla., reported to state court in Fort Lauderdale, Fla., on July 23, which was also his 20th birthday. He asked the judge at lunch if he could be excused for the rest of the day, the South Florida Sun-Sentinel reported. Even though Judge Joel Lazarus said no, after the lunch break Curtis was allegedly nowhere to be found.

He was, however, back in court Wednesday. But this time on the other side of the jury box and answering a misdemeanor charge of indirect contempt of court.

The judge sentenced Curtis to 25 hours of community service and gave him a warning, the Sun-Sentinel said. "The next time you're called for jury duty, you better show up," he said.

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Two patients limp into two different medical clinics with the same complaint. Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.

The first patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day and has a time booked for surgery the following week.

The second sees his family doctor after waiting a week for an appointment, then waits eight weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another week, and finally has his surgery scheduled for six weeks from then.

Why the different treatment for the two patients?

The first is a Golden Retriever.

The second is a Senior Citizen.

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DDL

A seismology coed named Schlichter

Had a boy friend named Victor, who licked her

With an ardor unslaked

Till with ardor she quaked

On a scale that surpassed that of Richter.

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"Noah Webster was the first epidemiologist in the United States. That actually lead to his developing the dictionary. He needed to look up what the heck an epidemiologist was."

-Isaac Asimov

***

"The only way my wife and I could afford to have kids is if she breast-fed them for eighteen years."

-Paul Alexander

***

What’s the difference between a nice guy and a playboy?

The nice guy likes to give a girl a present, while the playboy would rather give her a past.

***

My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends.

***

"I see you were last employed by a psychiatrist," said the employer to the applicant. "Why did you leave?"

"Well," she replied, "I just couldn't win. If I was late to work, I was hostile. If I was early, I had an anxiety complex. If I was on time, I was compulsive."

***

They say that 50% of all marriages end in divorce. That's not as bad as it sounds, considering that the other 50% end in death.

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Rotten News....  (true)

November 16, 2007 

Mugabe, top politicians paid 'witch doctor' to produce fuel

By Angus Shaw, THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

HARARE, Zimbabwe - A witch doctor is facing fraud charges after apparently convincing Zimbabwe's president, Robert Mugabe, and other top politicians that she could create diesel fuel from rocks.

The Herald newspaper, a government mouthpiece, reports that Mugabe and his cabinet agreed to pay the woman two head of cattle and three buffalo after she convinced them of her power. It says the tribal healer, known in the West as a witch doctor, also took large sums of money, a car and a piece of land from other top-ranking politicians.

She got the payments after promising to use spells to produce diesel fuel from rocks in the bush outside the provincial town of Chinhoyi, 110 kilometres northwest of the capital, Harare. But instead of invoking spirits, the woman bought diesel fuel and had it piped into the rocks.

The newspaper says Mugabe himself ordered Rotina Mavunga's arrest. She was charged with fraud last month.

"We are not going to be too hard on her. We just want the truth and to know who put her up to such things," the state media quoted Mugabe as telling guests at the commissioning of a biofuel plant Thursday.

Fuel shortages are chronic in Zimbabwe, which has the world's highest inflation rate.

Critics accuse the 83-year-old Mugabe, Zimbabwe's only ruler since independence from Britain in 1980, of ruining the economy by ordering often violent seizures of farms from whites to be handed over to blacks.

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November 17, 2007 

Accused thief found with stuffed dog used for sex

By DEAN PRITCHARD -- Sun Media

The Winnipeg Sun    

A Winnipeg man who turned an East Kildonan garage into an impromptu passion pit paid a stiff price yesterday for his heavy petting session with a stuffed toy dog.

The 27-year-old man pleaded guilty to mischief and break, enter and theft and was sentenced to six months in jail.

Court heard Winnipeg police were called shortly before 6 p.m. on March 26 after a Chelsea Avenue resident spotted the man breaking into her garage. The man exited the garage a short time later and moved on to a neighbour's garage, where he stole a lawn mower, a mountain bike, a blanket and a stuffed toy dog.

The man eventually returned to the first garage, where police found him nearly two hours later passed out inside a boat.

"He was lying there with his genitalia exposed next to the stuffed dog," said Crown attorney John Peden. "While the police report doesn't describe it this way, the dog might be appropriately characterized as now being anatomically correct, as opposed to its condition before he removed it."

Defence lawyer Chris McCoy said his client, who has a history of domestic violence offences and court breaches, gets himself into trouble when he has been drinking.

"All (his offences) involve being drunk, usually drunk as a skunk," he said.

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Italy's "black cat day" aims to halt killings

Sat Nov 17, 8:11 AM ET

ROME (Reuters) - Saturday is "black cat day", in Italy, an initiative by an animal rights group to try to stop the killing of thousands of the cats by superstitious citizens convinced they bring bad luck.

Black cats have a bad name in many countries, but nowhere more so than Italy, where a papal edict in the middle ages declared they were instruments of the devil. Black cats were thrown into the fires to join witches burned at the stake.

The Italian Association for the Defence of Animals and the Environment (AIDAA) estimates 60,000 were killed last year, to ward off bad luck but also for use in satanic rites and in cosmetics laboratories where black fur gives the best results.

"We want to halt this massacre, educate people and restore dignity to black cats," said AIDAA President Lorenzo Croce.

The group has set up 200 information points in towns and cities around Italy, where passers-by will be given literature on black cats, asked to sign a petition and urged to adopt one of the 5,000 in cat refuges.

AIDAA has also sent a letter to Pope Benedict, a well known cat lover. "It would be great if he would speak out in recognition of our initiative and say the prejudice against black cats is a lot of nonsense," Croce said.

(Reporting by Gavin Jones)

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Photo News from the British Tabloids....

How Papa Smurf got the blues

A Californian nicknamed Papa Smurf has revealed how he accidentally turned his skin permanently blue.

Paul Karason, 57, from Madera, appeared on NBC's Today Show and spilled the beans to host Matt Lauer. He suffered from stress-related dermatitis after his father's death 14 years ago, and decided to treat it himself with home-made colloidal silver, an old medicine widely used before the discovery of penicillin.

Of his Papa Smurf nickname, he said: "It's everywhere I go... I've gotten kind of used to it. I'm rather inured to it."

To confound his problems, Karason's self-prescribed medicine did not even cure his dermatitis. But, he said, he has "no more acid reflux, no more sinus troubles; my arthritis went away."

Silver was still found in some over-the-counter medicines in the US until it was banned in 1999 because it causes argyria - the condition which turns the skin blue.