Subject: Daily Dose - 080102 - dysentery, BIZARRE NEWS, the bra, DDL, News from the British Tabloids

Muldoon had died from dysentery. When they went to prepare him for burial, he was still excreting. The undertaker thought about it for a moment, then went out and returned with a large cork.

A couple of hours later, O'Shawnessy and Ryan came to carry the body down to the living room for the wake. Ryan led the way as they walked slowly down the stairs. All the guests stood about with their heads bowed.

Suddenly the cork came out and excretion came pouring down on top of Ryan's head. He promptly dropped the body and the corpse went hurtling down the stairs.

The undertaker rushed up to Ryan. "What the hell did you do, man?"

And Ryan said calmly, "Listen, man, if that bastard can shit, he can walk!"

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BIZARRE NEWS...

Fried mouse found in Frito Lay bag

HAVRE, Mo. - A Havre, Mo., resident said he would never buy barbecue potato chips again after finding a deep fried mouse in a bag of Lays K.C. Masterpiece chips.

Jack Hines, 66, discovered the deep fried mouse when he reached into a bag of Lays June 19, the Havre Daily News reported. "I just about put it in my mouth," said Hines. "I was sitting there watching TV in the dark and I grabbed for three fingers of potato chips and I grabbed a mouse. It shook me up a bit and I threw it over my head."

After finding the rodent he contacted Gary and Leo's IGA in Havre, where he purchased the chips, to see what he should do about it. "They told me to call the 800 number on the back of the bag," Hines said. "The lady that I talked to (from the 800 number) said they wanted the mouse and the bag of remaining chips that were left. They did ask me if I was feeling sick, and I said no I am not."

He said a Frito Lay representative is scheduled to come to Havre to pick up the mouse and bag of chips.

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Chihuahua saves baby from snake

MASONVILLE, Colo. - A couple living on a farm near Masonville, Colo., said their 1-year-old grandson was rescued from a rattlesnake by the family's chihuahua.

Monty and Denise Long said a rattlesnake on their backyard had lunged for baby Booker West, but he was saved from the animal's fangs when 5-pound, 1-year-old chihuahua Zoey threw herself in the path of the snake, taking the bite on her head and face, the Loveland (Colo.) Daily Reporter-Herald reported.

"She got in between Booker and the snake, and that's when I heard her yipe," Monty Long said. "(Zoey) took the bite for him," he said. "If I hadn't been paying attention to her yipe telling me something was wrong, (Booker) would have been next."

The Longs said Zoey was rewarded for her efforts with a trip to the veterinarian's office to reduce the swelling of her head, which had reached the size of a grapefruit. They said she nearly lost an eye to the snake's fangs.

"Once (Zoey) could see (after the swelling went down), she was following Booker around," Denise said. "She had snake on her mind."

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Woman allegedly tampered with store's soup

AUSTIN, Texas - A woman has been arrested for allegedly putting mothballs in the soup at a Texas supermarket.

Lee Suzan Sechler, 44, allegedly was caught by surveillance cameras acting suspiciously near the soup cart at a Randalls supermarket in Austin, Texas, the Austin American-Statesman reported. Police said she frequented the Randalls soup cart regularly and, among other things, often bought mothballs.

She was questioned by police and then arrested Thursday and may now face up to 20 years in prison if convicted for tampering with a consumer product, a second-degree felony. Her bail was set at $100,000.

"She denied putting 'handfuls of mothballs' in the soup; however, she did say that it was possible she might have 'maybe' dropped some Prozac or crackers in the soup, but (she) wasn't sure,'" said detective Brendon Hanly. "She asked me several times if she should confess."

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Alleged curse of cab 666 may soon end

SAN FRANCISCO - It may soon be the End of Times for San Francisco taxi cab medallion No. 666, which has been rumored to be a curse for any of its owners.

The San Francisco Chronicle said that San Francisco Taxi Commission officials are discussing the potential retirement of the unusual medallion number after its present owner complained that bad luck apparently follows what is referred to in the Bible as "the Mark of the Beast" and a sign of the Apocalypse.

In an effort to gain a new cab medallion, veteran driver Michael Byrne convinced commission official Jordanna Thigpen of negative ramifications of the notorious number, the Chronicle said. "Do I believe in the Mark of the Beast myself?" Thigpen said. "No. But there is a lot of negative energy around that cab. If we can help somebody out, why not do it? If something's a nuisance, it's our duty to get rid of it, right?'"

The Chronicle said that seeking the commission's help in the matter wasn't Byrne's first hope to deal with the alleged curse. The cabdriver reportedly took his vehicle and its troublesome medallion number to a local religious mission to have it blessed but apparently it did little good.

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TOLEDO, Ohio (AP) -- A teenager who put her bra on a car antenna before it flew off and led to a highway accident will be charged with littering, a prosecutor said. Emily Davis, 17, of Bowling Green, told investigators she took her bra off while her friend was driving on Interstate 75.

James Campbell, who was driving behind the girls, said he swerved to avoid the bra and his car flipped several times. Campbell, 37, broke a vertebra in his neck during the Sept. 26 accident. His passenger, Jeff Long, 40, broke several ribs. A State Highway Patrol crash report, obtained by The Blade, said that the girls told investigators that before the accident the men were motioning to them to lift up their shirts. Both men denied making the gestures.

Davis will be charged next week with misdemeanor littering, said Tim Atkins, a juvenile prosecutor in Wood County. Atkins said he'll meet with troopers before filing the charge. The girl's friend, Tabitha Adams, 17, of Bowling Green, said she told Davis not to hang her bra outside because she knew it would fly away, according to the report. Atkins said no other charges were expected.

Folks, I think the girl has a very good defense: "Your Honor, those men were telling us to lift up our shirts--so we did it."

Plus it makes no sense on the grounds of why swerve to aviod something coming at you if you know it's only a cotton bra?

Sounds to me like this girl should take very good care of her tits, because she's going to need them to get her through life.

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DDL

A lethargic young track star named Schwartz,

Ran a three-minute mile, say reports.

This remarkable gait,

Which caused year-long debate,

Was the work of a wasp in his shorts

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"Comic-Con, the world's largest comic book convention, starts today in San Diego. It's a four-day celebration of comics and science fiction. Convention organizers are expecting 125,000 people this year. Three of those people are projected to be female. Two of them are just moms dropping off their sons and the other one's named Pat."

-Craig Ferguson

***

"I read this in the paper today: A restaurant in West Virginia is selling a 10-pound hamburger. It comes with lettuce, tomato, and an organ donor card."

-Jay Leno

***

"Researchers at Johns Hopkins University are predicting that 75 percent of Americans will be overweight by the year 2015. But my fellow Americans, with a little team work, I think we can do it by 2010. USA! USA!"

-Conan O'Brien

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"Homeland Security chief Michael Chertoff said he had a gut feeling there could be a new terror attack. Coincidentally, Al Gore said he had a gut feeling that he needed more pie."

-Dave Letterman

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"Sad news. Former first lady, Lady Bird Johnson, passed away at age 94. Laura Bush praised her as a pioneer, an icon, while President Bush praised her as a lady and a bird."

-Conan O'Brien

***

"I guess everyone's going to the movies to stay cool, because this new Harry Potter movie made $44 million in one day. Harry Potter and the Order of Linguine and Clams, I think."

-Jimmy Kimmel

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News from the British Tabloids....

Boxer turned mayor KOs opposition

A former boxer turned mayor in Romania is facing legal action after beating up five councillors who disagreed with his spending plans.

Mayor Iulian Florea, from Teslui in south-west Romania, attacked local councillor Mircea Chirita after an argument over the town budget at a council meeting. Florea, a former professional boxer, then attacked four other councillors who tried to stop him, knocking out one with a left hook.

He sent another councillor to the floor with an upper-cut and left the remaining pair concussed with a combination of blows.

The fight was only stopped when another councillor threatened to call police. All five injured councillors are suing the mayor.

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Passenger 'has bath' on plane

An air passenger in China shocked cabin crews when they found him taking a sponge bath in the toilet.

Passengers on the flight from Nanning to Chongqing complained that the man was spending too much time in the toilet. An air attendant knocked on the door, and then noticed water flowing out from underneath it, reports the Chongqing Morning News.

"We had to open the door with a key, and saw that the man was half naked," said the attendant. "When he saw me, he said he was bathing, and asked me if I had some shampoo."

The man, Jin Sheng, said it was his first time on a plane.

"I discovered the bathroom had hot water, so I thought of taking a bath, since I hadn't had one for nearly a week," he explained.

The airline could not punish or charge Jin, as there is nothing in the regulations to prohibit passengers from having a mid-flight bath.

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Shop thief in lactation attack

A would-be shoplifter squirted her breast milk at a store detective when he tried to stop her stealing goods. The woman exposed her breasts and fired away after being confronted at a Co-op store.

The attack in Leicester is thought to be the latest in a trend in which thieves try to get their DNA on security officers so they can accuse them of sexual attacks if caught.

Graham Collins, of security company Citywatch, said: 'It started off with people picking their noses until they bleed and then accusing staff of assault.'

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Photo News from the British Tabloids....

The golf ball rattle snake

I've got a spot of indigenstion doc

A snake has been saved by surgery after mistaking four golf balls for a meal of chicken eggs.

A couple had placed the balls in their chicken coup at Nobbys Creek in New South Wales state to encourage their hen to nest.

They found the eggs missing last month and a lumpy carpet python nearby.

They took the 80-centimeter (32-inch) non-venomous snake to the nearby Currumbin Wildlife Sanctuary, where senior veterinarian Michael Pyne operated to remove the balls from the snake's intestine.

Pyne said the snake was making a speedy recovery.

'Those golf balls weren't moving any further; they were stuck where they were,' Pyne said.

'If it hadn't been found, it would have died for sure,' he added.