Subject: Daily Dose - 070526 - lot of nerve, News Stories from the British
Tabloids, empty glass, DDL, Rotten News
At the pub, a little guy exchanged
words with a big bald guy, and it looked like they were about to go to blows.
"You've got a lot of nerve for
such a shrimp!" snarled the big guy.
"Look, you big jerk,"
barked the little blonde guy, "I'm not scared of anybody, or anything! I
come from a long line of jumpers. My great-grandfather jumped with no parachute
from a balloon. My grand-father jumped without a 'chute from a biplane. My
mother and father both jumped from a jet. And tomorrow, I jump from a
rocket!"
"You're crazy, you little
twerp," said the big guy. "You could be killed!"
"So what?" said the little
guy. "I have no family..."
______________________________
News Stories from the British
Tabloids...
'Police? Someone's refurbished my
flat!'
A German man returned from a weekend
away to find his flat had been broken into and completely refurbished.
Astonished Gunther Hagler, 45,
called the police after arriving home to find his flat in Frankfurt had been
renovated.
Even his fridge had been replaced,
the walls given a fresh coat of paint, windows cleaned and new furniture
installed.
Yet nothing had been stolen, even
the food from the old fridge had been placed in the new one.
Police solved the mystery when they
called the landlord to find if anyone else had a key, and discovered he had
ordered a complete renovation of the flat next door - but handed over the wrong
key.
***
Surgeons fight during operation
An operation in a Belgrade hospital
was disrupted when two surgeons started fighting in the operating theatre.
The surgeons stormed out of the room
and carried on fighting outside, reports the daily Politika newspaper.
Surgeon Spasoje Radulovic was
operating when his colleague Dragan Vukanic entered and made a remark that
started a quarrel, said the anaesthesiologist on duty.
"At one moment Vukanic pulled
the ear of the operating doctor, slapped him in the face and walked out,"
she said.
Radulovic followed and an all-out
fight ensued, resulting in bruises, a split lip, loose teeth and a fractured
finger.
The operation was completed
successfully by the attending assistant doctor.
***
Wife bites hubby's manhood
A Chilean woman has been sent to
prison after she tried to bite off her husband's penis.
The unnamed woman, from Osorno, told
police that she had a jealousy fit and was unable to control herself.
She faces charges of grevious bodily
harm and is currently in custody awaiting a trial.
According to Austral Osorno
Newspaper, the husband is recovering after minor surgery in hospital.
A police spokesperson said:
"The wife said that this was the only way to teach her husband a lesson.
"She said it was a proof of
love and is sure the husband will understand and forgive her."
***
Jagger's life too 'boring' for words
Mick Jagger has confessed he
scrapped plans to write his autobiography because he found it too boring.
Jagger, 64, was paid a huge cash
advance to write his life story but has ditched the project, reports the
Mirror.
He said: "I was sitting around
with someone talking endlessly about the past, living in it. And I found it
rather dull."
Jagger, who has dated some of the
world's most beautiful women, has not yet ruled out putting pen to paper.
He said: "I'd love to find
another form to do it in. A book form but not a showbiz memoir type."
______________________________
In the early 60s I was assigned to
the 55th Air Rescue Squadron at Prestwick, Scotland. In the interest of
community relations, we had a gathering of Scottish people as guests in our
club.
I noticed an older lady with an
empty glass and asked her if I could get her another drink.
She said, "Yes, please, I'm
drinking Gin and Sweet Vermouth. Please ask the barman not to put any ice in
it, it's giving me heartburn."
______________________________
DDL
Since a top-heavy maiden from
Yonkers
Is equipped to make tit men go bonkers,
Poet Goldsmith might say,
Were he living today,
That whenever she stoops, sir, she conquers!
______________________________
"We delivered our child via
natural childbirth, the procedure invented by a man named Lamaze--the Marquis
de Lamaze. Lamaze expects the husband--me--to be there, so that I can witness
this festivity. I did not want to be there. This was remarkably painful for my
wife. There was nothing my presence could really do to relieve her pain. In
other words, I didn't see why my evening should be ruined too."
--Dennis Wolfberg
***
"I arise in the morning torn
between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This
makes it hard to plan the day."
--E. B. White
***
"With 60 staring me in the
face, I have developed inflammation of the sentence structure and a definite
hardening of the paragraphs."
--James Thurber
***
"I like to think of my behavior
in the sixties as a "learning experience." Then again, I like to
think of anything stupid I've done as a "learning experience." It
makes me feel less stupid."
--P. J. O'Rourke
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
Ukraine arrests Belarus rowers for
illegal entry
KIEV (Reuters) - Ukrainian border
guards arrested Belarus's national rowing team on Tuesday for illegally
entering the country on a flotilla of eight boats.
The border guard service said a
coast guard vessel was dispatched to intercept and detain 10 rowers who had
crossed into Ukrainian waters on the border with Transdniestria, a region of
ex-Soviet Moldova controlled by separatists.
Team members told officials they
were unaware they had crossed the border in the southern Ukrainian region. They
now face charges in court.
News reports said the Belarussians
had been invited to train for the world championship in Transdniestria as
reservoirs in their ex-Soviet state, further north, were still covered in ice.
**********
Beer goggles for drink drivers
Police in Poland are forcing drink
drivers to wear specially made beer goggles to show them how alcohol affects
their driving.
Officers in Koscian arranged for
those caught drink driving to put on the goggles that distort their vision in
the same way as several pints of beer.
They then have to get in a car
driven by a police officer and can see how hard it is to focus.
A police spokesman said: "The
blurred sight of the goggles is equivalent to that experienced by a drunk
driver.
"The beer goggles distort a
person's vision and force them to try and constantly refocus."
**********
Croatian player left counting sheep
after scoring spree
Fri Apr 27, 8:34 AM ET
ZAGREB (Reuters) - A Croatian third
division footballer got the shock of his life when he saw a flock of sheep
waiting for him at work.
Ivica Supe, a 29-year old playing
for part-timers NK Zagor, has been given 16 sheep by a local shepherd Josko
Bralic as a bonus for the 16 goals he has scored this season.
"I was really shocked and I
have no idea what to do with so many sheep because I plan to score more
goals," Supe told Croatian media.
The club's spokesman said: "We
are a very small club unable to entice another sponsor so we were delighted
when Bralic offered sheep as support."
***********
Bad kid karma ruins Buddhist picture
May 25, 2007
KANSAS CITY, Mo. -- The little boy
spotted the pile of colored sand and couldn't resist. Slipping under a
protective rope, he danced all over the sand, ruining the carefully crafted
picture.
Never mind that it was the creation
of Tibetan monks who had spent two days on the floor of Union Station, meticulously
pouring the sand into an intricate design as an expression of their Buddhist
faith.
They were more than halfway done
with the design -- called a mandala -- on Tuesday when they ended their work
for the day and left. The little boy showed up later with his mother, who was
taking a package to a post office in the hall.
''He did a little tap dance on it,
completely destroying it,'' said Lama Chuck Stanford.
The monks saw the destruction
Wednesday.
''No problem,'' said Geshe Lobsang
Sumdup, leader of the group. ''We have three days more.'' AP
