Subject: Daily Dose - 070523 - More Groaners

In Washington D.C., helicopters are often used to monitor the traffic conditions. Frequently jammed is the Francis Scott Key bridge, named after the man who wrote the national anthem.

The bridge's traffic problem is notorious; among some, it's known as the Car Strangled Spanner.

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A professor of Greek takes his torn suit to a Greek tailor. The tailor looks at the pants and says, "Euripides?"

"Yes," replies the professor, "Eumenides?"

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Wife to Norm: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?"

Norm to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear."

Wife to Norm: "What? At 2 a.m?!"

Norm to wife: "Yes. We used night clubs."

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The increased use of Viagra by seniors created a demand for a sexual lubricant to address the special needs of that age group.

The makers of K-Y jelly have developed a new lubricant called Oil of Old Lay.

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DDL

The God of thunder rode forth one day
Upon his fearsome filly
"I'M THOR!!" he cried
His horse replied
"You forgot your thaddle thilly!"

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A man by the name of Tates designed the very first compass for large-scale production and sale in the United States.

It was a very significant achievement, but alas, it proved not to be too reliable and many people who relied on it became hopelessly lost.

It did however, cause a saying which is very much in use today to be developed...

He who has a Tates is lost.

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Q: Did you hear about the new Pirate movie?

A: It's rated AARRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

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Q. Why do chicken coops have two doors?

A. Because if it had four doors it's be a chicken sedan.

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Q. What did the policeman say to his chest?

A. You're under a vest.

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Q: How do you cure bed wetting?

A: An electric Blanket.

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Q: What medical condition is associated with Nudists?

A: Clothes-trophobia

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Q. How do you get holy water?

A. Boil the hell out of it!

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Q. What is the biggest problem for an atheist?

A. No one to yell to during orgasm.

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Tina, the Hollywood agent, was so upset by her inability to find work for a singer that she began to sob for her in her presence.

Her client tried to console her. "Don't cry for me Agent Tina."

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Jet-powered loo

A US inventor has created a 70mph, jet-propelled toilet.

Inventor Paul Stender, 43, made it out of a rickety old portable toilet and a 1,000bhp Boeing turbine engine bolted on to a go-kart chassis.

Two tiny holes in the door let him see where he's going - as a 30ft fireball roars out the back of the £5,000 machine.

Paul, who also has a jet-powered motorbike, takes the Port-O-Loo to thrill crowds at race meetings near his home in Indiana.

He said: "I used to keep a toilet roll inside to make it look really authentic. But I soon found that wads of paper got sucked into the engine which was dangerous. If it sucks in paper it could explode - and me with it."