Subject: Daily Dose - 070520 - Cherry, THIS is TRUE, extra room, DDL,
Rotten News
A popular blonde cheerleader bounced
into the local card shop, looked around, then approached the clerk.
"Do you have any, like, real
special birthday cards?" she asked.
"Yes, we do," he replied.
"As a matter of fact, here's a new one. It's inscribed, "To the Boy
Who Got My Cherry."
"Wow, neat!" she squealed.
"I'll take the whole box."
______________________________
THIS is TRUE...
A THEORY OF JUSTICE: Police in
Palmer, Alaska, "chased off" Brian Tanner, 21, who was sitting in his
car outside the public library, after it was closed. Tanner's crime? He was
playing games on his laptop computer, using the library's free wireless
Internet access. The next evening, police spotted him there again. "It was
kind of like, 'Well gee whiz, come on'," said police Lt. Tom Remaley.
Police confiscated Tanner's computer and threatened him with criminal charges,
but were thwarted: "I think I finally understand from the library that
they don't charge for it," Remaley said. "They don't have a time
limit. That means there's no theft." But, Remaley said, Tanner may still
face charges such as trespassing or criminal mischief, since a police officer
had told him "You can't do that. Go away." (Anchorage Daily News)
...Something that's not a crime becomes one when an ignorant cop says it is? I
think they call places like that a "Police State".
***
INVISIBLE MAN: Leszek Szwerowski,
61, of Warsaw, Poland, is suing a video producer of an ...uh... adult event DVD
where three women had sex with as many men as possible during the film. "I
was told that the faces of the participants would be blurred on the computer on
which the film was saved," he said. "But this was not the case."
Szwerowski's young nephew saw the film and spotted his uncle in line, and told
the rest of the family, leaving the man embarrassed. He is demanding 15,000
Zlotys (US$5,000). (PA)
...And the spanking of a lifetime for his nephew.
***
A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS:
Underground explosions in Waterbury, Conn., "could" be having a
negative effect on local businesses, says a spokesman for Main Street
Waterbury, a group trying to revitalize the city's downtown. The most recent
explosion killed an electrical worker; it was the sixth in less than two years.
"You take two steps forward by doing things like building up a farmer's
market downtown, and then something like this happens," complains the
spokesman, who also laments smaller-than-expected crowds for last fall's
"Marti Gross" festival. "People who come downtown may soon start
saying 'Look, there's a manhole. Am I going to get clobbered?'," he said.
The spokesman's name: Ken Killer. (New Haven Register, AP)
...Why do I have the feeling he's the one who came up with the Marti Gross
festival?
***
STRANGER IN A STRANGE LAND: Paul
Hellyer, 83, a former Canadian defense minister, is calling for technology to
solve the world's woes. "Climate change is the number-one problem facing
the world today," Hellyer says, and "We need to persuade governments
to come clean on what they know." Er, about what? Alien technology, he
says. Surely governments have picked up various technologies from crashed UFOs,
and they "could be a way to save our planet." (Ottawa Citizen)
...Sadly, deus ex machina is a technique for fiction, not real life.
***
ATLAS SHRUGGED: "Harlequin
Books Seeks 'Real Men' for Covers"
-- Reuters headline
______________________________
The flight home from a recent
business trip was pretty empty. So the pilot made a simple request of the
passengers.
"We have a little extra room
tonight, folks," he said over the PA system. "So if you wouldn't
mind, please take a window seat so the competition thinks the plane is
full."
______________________________
DDL
A horney old trapper named Rex,
Liked the risks of wild porcupine sex.
But incredible luck,
His dick never got stuck,
But his balls were just pitiful wrecks.
______________________________
"I've never been married, but I
tell people I'm divorced so they won't think something's wrong with me."
--Elayne Boosler
***
My father was a dentist and my
mother was a manicurist... for most of their married life they fought tooth and
nail.
***
Customer: I'd like to try on that
dress in the window.
Saleslady: I'm sorry, madam, you'll have to use the fitting room like everyone
else.
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
Man Peddles 'Holy' Bottled Water
POSTED: 12:47 pm EST March 6, 2007
LINDEN, Calif. -- A Stockton,
Calif.-area businessman is peddling blessed bottled water.
The half-liter bottles of Holy
Drinking Water are being distributed by Wayne Enterprises. They only carry the
blessings of Catholic and Anglican priests, but company President Brian Germann
plans to expand to other faiths.
He said he thought of the concept
last year and has sold about 3,000 bottles since January at a Linden market and
on the Internet.
He claimed the idea came to him on
June 6, 2006, believed by some to be an ill-fated day because of the three
sixes in 6/6/06, a Christian symbol of evil.
The bottles of plain purified water
carry a label that warns sinners who drink the water that they may experience
burning, intense heat, sweating and skin irritations.
**********
Chinese need more beef to tackle
Westerners
Tue Mar 6, 9:52 AM ET
BEIJING (Reuters) - Chinese
footballers need to eat beef and drink milk if they are to play, and fight,
with Westerners on a level playing field, according to a member of the advisory
body to China's parliament.
Last month's brawl between China's
under-21 team and English club Queens Park Rangers proved that Chinese athletes
did not have enough brawn, according to Zhang Xinshi, a biology researcher from
the Chinese Academy of Sciences.
"You can't just say you aren't
used to eating beef and drinking milk and leave it at that," Zhang said
during a discussion of Chinese agriculture at this week's meeting of the
advisory body CPPCC.
"Our football can't reach a
higher level. We are only good at skilful sports. Running for two 45 minute
halves on such a large pitch at speeds like 100m, how can (our) bodies do that?
"We all saw the recent fight in
England and they (the players) were beaten to a pulp.
"Sounds tragic? But if you are
as strong as a buffalo how can they beat you up? Therefore I don't think we should
advocate the Chinese grain-eating tradition."
Chinese defender Zheng Tao was taken
to hospital with a fractured jaw after the 30-man fight during an ill-tempered
friendly at QPR's training ground, which provoked a media storm in China.
**********
Students Get Credit For Attending
Final Four
POSTED: 8:23 am EDT March 30, 2007
BOCA RATON, Fla. -- Attending the
NCAA Final Four will earn you three credits at one South Florida University.
Lynn University's class, called the
Final Four Experience, sends students to Atlanta for six days during college
basketball's most exciting time. Students meet with executives from Atlanta's
professional sports teams, take private tours of Turner Field, Phillips Arena
and Atlanta Motor Speedway. They also attend the semifinals and final at the
Georgia Dome.
Although it seems like the greatest
field trip ever, there is a test and a 1,500 word essay. Lynn professors said
they want to teach their students by putting them in real-world situations.
Twelve students went on the trip,
which cost just over $3,000.
*************
Jet2 boss hits out at 'lazy frogs'
The chief executive of a British no
frills airline has branded the French "lazy frogs" for the second
time in a week.
Philip Meeson, chief executive of
Jet2.com, was angry that one of his planes was delayed flying back to Britain
by protesting French students.
About 50 students staged a runway
sit-down that stopped around 100 passengers boarding a Boeing 737 at Chambery
airport in the French Alps.
Eventually the plane was able to
take off for Leeds Bradford airport, where it arrived 90 minutes late.
Mr Meeson said he was annoyed French
police had done nothing to stop the Chambery runway protest which also forced
Jet2.com to divert a flight from Manchester to Grenoble.
He repeated his comments of last
week when, on the back of a strike by French air traffic controllers, he urged
"lazy frogs to get back to work".
"I am absolutely furious about
the events in France over the last week. We are a low cost airline that has had
passengers stranded through no fault of our own," he said.
Earlier, he wrote on his airline's
website: "Whilst France is undeniably a beautiful country (with equally
good food and beer I hasten to add) we are appalled and quite frankly tired of
the air traffic controllers' old fashioned attitude to dealing with any issues
they may have."
His comments were illustrated by a
picture of a toy frog in front of an air traffic control tower, holding a sign
reading: "I am lazy."
Mr Meeson concluded: "In short
we urge the controllers to get back to work or get another job."