Subject: Daily Dose - 070519 - best I ever had, News from the British
Tabloids, GILLIGAN'S ISLAND, DDL, Rotten News
There were still a few minutes left
before the flight. Sam was thanking George for being such a good host. "My
room was great. The food was terrific. You didn't bug me. And, more than
anything else, thanks for letting me sleep with your wife. She was the best I
ever had!"
Boarding was announced. George
waived goodbye and left. A stranger walked over to Sam and said, "Pardon
me, but did I hear you just thank that man for letting you sleep with his wife?
And that she was the best you ever had?"
Sam said, "She really wasn't,
but that George is just such a nice guy."
______________________________
News from the British Tabloids...
World Bank loan for Porsche
ambulances
Bulgaria's cash strapped health
ministry is using a World Bank loan to buy a fleet of luxury Porsche Cayennes
to serve as ambulances.
Health Minister Radoslav Gaydarski
said the 32 four wheel drive vehicles would be used in remote areas where
normal vehicles normally could not travel.
He confirmed the cars had been
purchased with a loan by the World Bank. The ministry said they had chosen the
Porsches after the company offered what he insisted was the lowest bid in a
tender offer.
But critics say the claim is
rubbish, as each vehicle has a retail price of £80,000.
Locals are outraged by the news and
claim the money could have been better spent.
Bulgaria's health sector is millions
of pounds in debt and hospitals and clinics often blame a shortage of supplies
and services on lack of funds.
***
Man gives up sex to live forever
A Chinese man has abstained from
making love to his wife for 17 years because he wants to live forever.
Chen Dong, of Chongqing city, who is
in his 50s, changed his way of living after a colleague told him he would live
for 1,000 years if he became a celibate, vegetarian.
"He believed it completely, and
since 1989 he has had me prepare him only vegetarian meals, and stopped living
with me in the same room," says his wife Yu Hui.
Chen believes he has found the
secret of eternal life.
"Simple meals can clean my
body, and an asexual life can keep my energy from becoming depleted," he
told Chongqing Business News.
Chen has now been granted a divorce,
saying he wants a quiet life, but has been ordered to pay his wife £5,000
compensation.
***
What we find under the bed...
A survey of the things people find
under their beds turned up some bizarre results, from sweaty socks to sex toys.
And one man looked underneath his
bed - to find his wife's secret girlfriend, reports Sky News.
The survey, by hotel chain
Travelodge, said people also found dirty plates, guitars and a mouldy Chinese
takeaway.
One of the 2,000 adults questioned
returned home to find his wife under the covers and a 'rustling sound' coming
from under the bed. It turned out to be his wife's girlfriend.
One woman feared a gas leak only to
discover the source of the stench came from a pair of her husband's sweaty
football socks left festering for two years.
Another man was helping his
mother-in-law move her bed only to find her collection of adult toys.
Over a third of those polled said
they only vacuumed under the bed once a year. One in four would be embarrassed
if someone looked under their bed.
Travelodge spokesman Wayne Munnelly
said: "Your bed is a haven and its surroundings should be clean and
clutter-free to aid a good night's sleep and that includes under your
bed."
***
Man, 102, given 25 year mortgage
A 102-year-old man has been given a
25 year mortgage for £200,000.
The pensioner will be 127 if the
loan runs to its full term - five years older than the world's longest living
person who died at 122.
The man, from East Sussex, faces
repayments of £958 a month on his interest-only loan.
He is using it to "get into the
buy-to-let" market and intends to use the rental income to pay the
mortgage.
He is the oldest person in Britain
to be given a new mortgage. There are now thousands of pensioners borrowing
money to buy property in the hope of beefing up their pensions.
Most lenders offer mortgages to
people up to the age of 75. But some have no age limit. Jonathan Moore, of
Mortgages for Business, arranged the loan for the 102-year-old.
He said: "It's a new
phenomenon. Five years ago, anybody over 65 would have been hard-pushed to get
any mortgage. But lenders have eased restrictions to keep in step with the
market."
______________________________
Years ago, CBS had a popular little
series called GILLIGAN'S ISLAND.
There is, however, a dark secret
about this "comedy" you may never have realized.
The island is a direct
representation of hell. Nobody on the island wants to be there, yet none are
able to leave.
Each one of the characters
represents one of the 7 deadly sins:
Ginger represents LUST - she wears
skimpy outfits, is obsessed with her looks, and is a borderline nymphomaniac.
Mary Ann represents ENVY - she is
jealous of Ginger's beauty.
The Professor represents PRIDE - he
is an annoying know-it-all.
Mr. Howell represents GREED - no
explanation needed.
Mrs. Howell represents SLOTH - she
has never lifted a finger to help on any of their escape plans.
The Skipper represents two sins:
GLUTTONY - again, no explanation needed and ANGER - he violently hits Gilligan
on each show.
This leaves Gilligan.
Gilligan is the person who keeps
them there. He prevents them from leaving by foiling all of their escape plots.
Also, it is HIS island. Therefore,
Gilligan is SATAN.
Crazy?
He does wear red in every episode...
______________________________
DDL
There once was a girl from Revere
So enormously large that, oh, dear!
Once far out in the ocean
Byrd raised a commotion
By planting our flag on her rear.
______________________________
"Let's start off with some good
news - North Korea has agreed to halt their nuclear weapons program. The bad
news they're going to keep making the Kia."
--Jay Leno
***
"One really embarrassing moment
from the Emmys when William Shatner had to be evacuated from the buffet. I
don't want to say the show was a disaster, but former Presidents Clinton and
Bush showed up today."
--David Letterman
***
"Seven cities in Texas are
competing to be the future home of the George W. Bush Presidential Library. Or,
as President Bush plans to call it, 'My Learnin' Shed.'"
--Conan O'Brien
***
"How many folks have been
watching the mini-series on HBO called 'Rome?' Amazingly, exciting episode this
week -- Rome is burning while Nero refuses to cut his vacation short. And don't
miss next week's episode when FEMA shows up a week late at Pompeii."
--David Letterman
***
"Well as I'm sure you know, we
had a huge power outage here in Los Angeles yesterday. Two million people lost
power. NBC was actually off the air. Here's the sad part - the ratings never
changed."
--Jay Leno
***
"Disney has opened up its first
theme park in China. 10,000 children showed up on opening day - and that was
just to make the t-shirts."
--Conan O-Brien
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
Boobs on bikes bid for Oz
March 2, 2007 - 4:50PM
Organisers of a topless motorbike
parade in the New Zealand city of Christchurch hope to take their stunt to
Australia.
The so-called Boobs on Bikes parade
was held to promote an erotica expo and a group of about 20 motorcyclists - a
mixture of men and women - took off their tops while they rode through the
South Island city.
Organiser Steve Crow said Boobs on
Bikes was an exercise in equal rights and was allowed after a test case he
brought in 2005 that determined women could appear topless in public.
"I looked at our legislation
and we have a Bill of Rights and a constitution which says you can't
discriminate on the basis of sex. I thought I would push the law and use it as
a promotional tool and to make a bit of a social statement," Crow said.
He said the last parade in Auckland
attracted about 100,000 people, although he estimated only about 20,000
attended in Christchurch today.
Crow said he hoped to take his
daring parade to Australia next year.
"We are looking at all of the
main capital cities. We are still looking at the options for what we can
do," he said.
He did not expect legal problems in
Australia.
He said many of the women who took
part in today's parade were hired international porn stars or models.
Although police earlier fielded
calls from people concerned about the parade, a spokeswoman said there were no
protests and no problems from the small crowd which gathered for the event.
AAP
***
Truant students caught out at Boobs
on Bikes parade
March 6, 2007
A group of New Zealand school boys
who snuck off to watch topless men and women parade on motorbikes, have been
busted after appearing on the front page of a newspaper enjoying the spectacle.
The students from Shirley Boys' High
School in Christchurch have been given detentions for truancy after appearing
on the front page of The Press, the newspaper reported today.
Six of the boys appeared clearly on
the newspaper, dressed in school uniforms and cheering on the parade.
The event, called Boobs on Bikes, is
held in various New Zealand cities during the year to promote a sex expo.
Bare-chested women and men take part
in the parade, driving slowly around on motorcycles.
The boys did not miss any classes,
but had used their lunch passes to head to the parade, rather than to go home
for lunch.
"It was worth it," the
paper quoted Year 12 student James Hardy as saying.
But the school was not amused,
initially asking that the kids be expelled, but later downgrading the
punishment to after-school detentions.
"I think we have had enough
publicity about that," was all a representative from the school said when
contacted by AAP.
But James' grandmother has publicly
defended her grandson.
"They were not taking drugs or
robbing banks," Kathy Hardy told a radio station.
AAP
**********
March 29, 2007
Watch floats from North Pole to
Denmark
COPENHAGEN, Denmark (AP) - A
wristwatch buried in the ice at the North Pole three years ago was found by a
boy some 2,900 kilometres away after it floated ashore on the Faeroe Islands.
Niels Jakup Mortensen, 11, spotted a
black box near his home on Suduroy, the Faeroes' southernmost island, his
mother Anna Jacobsen said. Inside, she said, was a watch that had been buried
at the North Pole by Joergen Amundsen, a descendant of Norwegian polar explorer
Roald Amundsen.
Jacobsen said the watch, discovered by
her son earlier this month, was still working, and was accompanied by a letter
from Joergen Amundsen. "It was so unbelievable," she said. "It
had been buried in the North Pole."
Hjalmar Hatun, an oceanographer with
the Faeroese Fisheries Laboratory, said the watch likely drifted south with one
of the chunks of ice that frequently break away at the North Pole and are
carried off by ocean currents.
The Faeroes, an 18-island Danish
territory, are located halfway between Scotland and Iceland.
Hatun said the ice breaking off is
not related to global warming, as the phenomenon was first observed more than
100 years ago. "So in that sense, the fact that objects from the North
Pole can drift south is old news," he said.
************
Vacuum screamer
A US mother-of-three has invented a
sex toy that connects to a vacuum cleaner to give an orgasm in just ten
seconds.
The gadget, called Vortex
Vibrations, works by concentrating the air flow to create a rapid and gentle
vibration, reports the Sun.
Inventor Joanne Drysdale claims it
can give multiple, back-to-back orgasms lasting up to a minute a time - and it
does not even touch the skin.
The 49-year-old former toolmaker was
cleaning her carpets when she came up with the idea for Vortex, which sells for
£35 through lovehoney.co.uk.
She saw how a piece of rubber that
had got caught in the nozzle was gently resonating in the air flow. She also
felt a soft stimulation to her fingertips as she tried to remove the rubber.
At the time Joanne, from Utah, had
not had sex for 15 years following her divorce.
She said: "In my attempts to
alleviate frustration, I began to think what I could do. I noticed how the
rubber moved in the top of the vacuum.
"After several hours, I came up
with the prototype. The first time I tried it I reached an orgasm within 10
seconds.
"That was when I knew I was on
to something that could potentially bring pleasure to all women."