Subject: Daily Dose - 070506 - Potty, THIS is TRUE, Easter Eggs, DDL, Rotten News

Potty!

A young man visited his sister who was married to a farmer in a poor district of the country. Since there were limited accomodations, he was required to sleep with his young nephew. When the young man came into the bedroom, he saw the little boy kneeling at the side of the bed with his head bowed.

Thinking this was the child's religious upbringing, he decided to present a good example and kneeled at the other side of the bed with his head bowed.

The child looked up and said, "Whatcha doin'?"

"Why, the same thing you're doing", replied the uncle.

"Ma's gonna be mad", said the boy. "The pot's on this side".

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THIS is TRUE...

OH HELL: Officials in Putnam Township, Mich., have had it: first, the annual Run Thru Hell race has grown to ...um... Biblical proportions. The unincorporated hamlet of Hell, Mich., is within Putnam's town limits, and hundreds of participants in the footrace, and even more spectators, brings heavy crowds and heavier traffic. But what really did things in was the 666 Party to celebrate the date oddity of June 6, 2006, which brought 12,000 people to the area. To help plan for future crowds, local officials have passed a law requiring any event which expects 750 or more participants to get a permit. Hell's honorary mayor, John Colone, who hosted the 666 Party, promises to cooperate. (Livingston Press & Argus)
...You might find that surprising, but Hell, Mich., freezes over every year.

***

WHAT'S IN A NAME? Members of the Growing in Grace ministry in Doral, Fla., are convinced that their 60-year-old leader is the reincarnation of Jesus Christ. Jose Luis De Jesus Miranda doesn't have any formal religious training; rather, he is a former heroin addict and prison inmate from Puerto Rico who has convinced followers that he represents the second coming -- and has recently dubbed himself the Antichrist. Members, who tithe up to 40 percent of their incomes, buy into the Antichrist title so much that they show their devotion by getting "666" tattoos. De Jesus previously proclaimed he was the reincarnation of the Apostle Paul, then "the Other" before proclaiming himself both Christ and Antichrist. On a trip to Canada to get more converts there, De Jesus canceled an interview with the Winnipeg Sun when their reporter started asking about children getting "666" tattoos. A spokeswoman offered to find someone else to do the interview, but the reporter asked why, since De Jesus claims only he can speak for his ministry. "We don't function with common sense," she replied. (Miami Herald, Winnipeg Sun)
...You don't say.

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AREN'T ALL 2-YEAR-OLDS DEVILS? Natalia Serepova, 33, from Stavropol, Russia, recently discovered that her 2-year-old daughter's birth registry number for her region is 666, and has gone to court to demand that it be changed. "I will not have my daughter given this number," Serepova complains. "It is the number of the beast and a Satanists' symbol." (Moscow News, PA)
...So by suing on her daughter's behalf, doesn't that make her the Devil's Advocate?

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BIG MAC ATTACK: Vikram Bakshi, the managing director for McDonalds restaurants' operations in India, has announced the chain will spend 30 million rupees (around US$666,000) to set up a nationwide delivery operation in the country. To aid in the aggressive 3-year plan, a nationwide telephone number was set up to call for the deliveries: 66-000-666. (Indo-Asian News Service)
...Appropriate, since what they serve can best be described as anti-food.

***

IT'S ALL IN HOW YOU LOOK AT IT: "And You Thought the Number 666 Was Bad News"
-- San Francisco Chronicle headline

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One year, my six year old son and twelve year old daughter were in the kitchen helping me boil eggs to color for Easter.

The pot of eggs had starting to boil and they were making the strange noises that they sometimes do.

My son heard the noise and was walking around the kitchen with his head cocked to one side listening, trying to figure out where the noise was coming from. As he got near the stove and noticed it was coming from the pot of eggs, he asked what was making that sound.

Without missing a beat, his older sister answers, "It's the baby chicks screaming!"

His eyes nearly popped out of his head!

______________________________

DDL

A crafty old bugler of Rheims,
Would feast upon coconut creams,
And fart a toccata,
Or a Mozart sonata,
On seventeenth-century themes.

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"Did you see Karl Rove at the correspondents' dinner last night? ... That's like the Republican version of Spring Break. Their wet t-shirt is old guys in tuxedos sweating profusely."
--Jay Leno

***

"According to a national organization that studies obesity, nine of the fattest states in America are in the lower third of the country. In other words, geographically, America has a fat ass."
--Conan O'Brien

***

"Doctors and hospitals have gone back to literally the Middle Ages for a cure they say works better than anything they have in modern medicine for post-operative blood coagulation. They are going back to flesh-eating maggots and blood-sucking leeches. Or as most people know them, HMOs."
--Bill Maher

***

"Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is."
-- Sir Francis Bacon  

***

"President Bush asked Bill Clinton for advice about what to do in Iraq and he said: 'Don't pull out until you hear her husband's car in the drive way.'"
--Craig Ferguson

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Rotten News....  (true)

Hooters heading for Holy Land

By Steven Scheer

Mon Mar 19, 2:54 PM ET

JERUSALEM (Reuters) - U.S. restaurant chain Hooters, known for waitresses in low-cut blouses and short skirts, will open its first branch in Israel this summer, in the Mediterranean seaside city of Tel Aviv.

"I strongly believe that the Hooters concept is something that Israelis are looking for," Ofer Ahiraz, who bought the Hooters franchise for Israel, told Reuters Monday. "Hooters can suit the Israeli entertainment culture."

At Hooters, waitresses the company calls Hooters Girls serve spicy chicken wings, sandwiches, seafood and drinks.

Ahiraz said a specific location in Tel Aviv, Israel's most cosmopolitan city, had yet to be chosen, but he said it would not open restaurants near large religious populations, and they would not be kosher.

He said his plan was to open as many as five Hooters restaurants in the next few years, including one in the southern resort city of Eilat.

"International expansion is a major focus for our company, and we are very excited to add Israel to our family," John Weber, executive vice president of franchise operations for Hooters of America, said in a statement.

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Canadian town to immigrants: you can't stone women

By David Ljunggren

Tue Jan 30, 12:46 PM ET

OTTAWA (Reuters) - Immigrants to the small Quebec town of Herouxville must not stone women in public, burn them alive or throw acid on them, according to an extraordinary set of rules made public by the local council.

The declaration, published on the town's Web site, has deepened a debate in the predominantly French-speaking Canadian province over how tolerant Quebecers should be towards the customs and traditions of immigrants.

"We wish to inform these new arrivals that the way of life which they abandoned when they left their countries of origin cannot be recreated here," said the declaration, which also says women are allowed to drive, vote, dance, write checks, dress how they want, work and own property.

"Therefore we consider it completely outside these norms to ... kill women by stoning them in public, burning them alive, burning them with acid, circumcising them etc."

No one on the town council was immediately available for comment on Tuesday. Herouxville, which has 1,300 inhabitants, is about 100 miles (160 km) northeast of Montreal.

Andre Drouin, the councillor who came up with the idea of the declaration, told the National Post newspaper that the town was not racist.

"We invite people from all nationalities, all languages, all sexual orientations, whatever, to come live with us, but we want them to know ahead of time how we live," he said.

The regulations say girls and boys can exercise together and people should only be allowed to cover their faces at Halloween. Children must not take weapons to school, although the Supreme Court of Canada has already ruled that Sikh boys have the right to carry ceremonial daggers.

The Herouxville declaration is part of a wider discussion over "reasonable accommodation", or how far Quebecers should be prepared to change their customs so as not to offend immigrants -- figures from the 2001 census show that around 10 percent of Quebec's 7.5-million population were born outside Canada.

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Woman allegedly shoots at tailgater

Fri Feb 23, 5:25 PM ET

HARRISON TOWNSHIP, Mich. - A woman who told authorities she was fed up with tailgaters pulled out a gun and shot at the tires of a pickup that got too close, police said. Officials believe the bullet missed the pickup, and no one was hurt.

Bernadette Headd, 39, was in rush-hour traffic Wednesday in suburban Detroit when the pickup pulled behind her, police said.

Headd changed lanes and fired one round from a 9 mm handgun, police said. The driver followed her and flagged down a deputy, who stopped her and found the weapon.

"She said she was tired of people tailgating her," Macomb County Sheriff Mark Hackel said.

Headd, who had a permit to carry a concealed weapon, was charged with assault with a deadly weapon, discharge of a firearm from a vehicle and use of a firearm during a felony.

She was ordered held on $50,000 bond.

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Wednesday, May 2, 2007. 9:02pm (AEST)

Ahmadinejad under fire for embracing his old teacher

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad has been accused of indecency after he publicly embraced and kissed on the hand an elderly woman who used to be his schoolteacher.

At a ceremony on Tuesday ahead of Iranian teachers' day, Mr Ahmadinejad was photographed and filmed by state media stooping to kiss the woman's hand and then clasping her arms in an embrace.

The ultra-conservative Hezbollah newspaper, which is not related to the group in Lebanon of the same name, criticised him on the front page.

"The Muslim Iranian people have no recollection of such acts contrary to sharia law during Islamic rule [since the 1979 revolution]," it said. "This type of indecency progressively has grave consequences, like violating religious and sacred values."

The elderly woman, who was not named, wore thick gloves along with a headscarf and long black coat, meaning that Mr Ahmadinejad avoided any skin contact.

But his action raised eyebrows because according to sharia law, it is forbidden for a man to have any physical contact with a woman to whom he is not related.