Subject: Daily Dose - 070505 - nymphet, BIZARRE NEWS, infantry, DDL, Rotten News

A hot shot East Coast newspaper reporter was on assignment in Arkansas when he struck up a conversation with a young lady in a bar. After a half dozen drinks, he suggested they get their own bottle and retire to his motel room, and she readily agreed.

"Say, how old are you anyway?" the reporter asked as the obviously young lass was disrobing.

"Thirteen," she replied with a shy smile.

"Thirteen? My God, girl! You get those clothes back on at once and get the hell outta here! 13? You are crazy!" he thundered.

Pausing briefly at the door, the perplexed nymphet smiled and said, "Superstitious, huh?"

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BIZARRE NEWS...

Bizarre Frauds

Some of the amazing and famous hoaxes around Darwin's time:

Barnum's Fiji Mermaid (he spelled it Fejee Mermaid). This was an ugly, dried-up, black object about three-feet (one-meter) long that was promoted as being half-monkey and half-fish. It was eventually found to be a hoax.

Poet Edgar Allan Poe ran a long-running hoax promotion of a manned balloon flight across the Atlantic.

The city of Palisade, Nevada, enticed tourists to visit the city because of its regular gunfights and street brawls. Tourists flocked into town to witness the gunfights, not knowing at the time that they were all staged.

A report in The Illustrated London News of February 9, 1856 claimed that a living pterodactyl (an extinct flying reptile) had been discovered in France.

A hotel operator hoaxed tourists to visit his city by creating a "Silver Lake Serpent" that lured many people to the area.

A cigar manufacturer named George Hull hired stonecutters to carve a 10-foot giant, which he buried on his property. In the wake of evolutionists' desire to find fossils of creatures that lived in the ancient past, this Cardiff giant was "accidentally" unearthed in 1869, and wagon-loads of tourists came to see Hull's find. He charged them 25 cents each for the privilege.

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A Full Moon for the Fuzz

DELAND, Fla. - A Norwegian sky diver was arrested in Deland, Fla., after he allegedly mooned a police officer.

Lt. David Heinig said he waved for Vegard Svarstad to continue walking across an intersection he was blocking but the man "responded by doing a dance" and dropped his pants, exposing his backside to the officer, the Daytona (Fla.) News-Journal reported Tuesday.

Svarstad, visiting Florida reportedly to sky dive, was charged with disorderly intoxication and spent a night in jail on $250 bail. A spokeswoman for the State Attorney's office said the charges were dropped when prosecutors agreed that Svarstad's night in jail was sufficient punishment for the crime.

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That's What I Call 'Tough Love'

SHADY COVE, Ore. - The police chief of Shady Cove, Ore., said he handcuffed a third-grade girl at her school and escorted her home at the request of her parents.

Shady Cove Police Chief Rick Mendenhall said the girl, whose name and age were not released for privacy reasons, was taken from school to her home for a talk with her mother about theft, the Medford (Ore.) Mail Tribune reported Monday.

"The parents are trying to instill responsibility and show consequences," he said. "This was my first request like this, but I would do it for any parent."

Mendenhall said the girl, who had been caught stealing on two separate occasions, was handcuffed in her third-grade classroom and driven home in a police car. He said the "arrest" had been requested by the girl's parents and no actual charges were filed.

"If we can show people consequences for their actions and keep them out of the criminal justice system, I'm going to do it," Mendenhall said.

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Brothel Feels the Burn

RENO, Nev.- There was a new kind of hot in an old brothel as firefighters in Storey County, Nev., burned the building donated to the county for fire training.

The Mustang Ranch 2 building, which played host to legal prostitution from 1983-99, was set afire Sunday to allow firefighters to practice hosing down burning structures and observe fire behavior, KTVN-TV, Reno, Nev., reported Monday.

Dennis Hof, who also owns the famed Moonlite Bunny Ranch brothel, donated the building to the county when it his plan to convert the unsound structure into a brothel museum turned out to be too costly. Storey County officials said the building's state of disrepair made it a nuisance to the county.

The brothel, which had been owned by Joe Conforte during its days of operation, was shut down in 1999 after several years of tax problems.

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Panda Excrement Makes a Great Souvenir

CHENGDU, China - The Chengdu Giant Panda Breeding Center in China is working to develop souvenirs made from panda excrement. The center said it plans to use bamboo scraps and the 200 tons of panda poo created at the center every year to make souvenirs that are more environmentally friendly and conserve resources, Shanghai Daily reported Monday.

"We will begin with paper making, but we are still looking for a qualified paper mill to handle it as the process is quite complicated," said Liao Jun, an employee of the center.

The project follows a similar move by the Chiang Mai Zoo in Thailand, which has made thousands of dollars from paper products created from panda excretion.

"The souvenirs do not smell," said Huang Xiangming, a department chief in the Chengdu center who purchased several of the products from the Thailand zoo. "I just couldn't help buying these baubles when I saw them because they are so cute, although I've been doing research on pandas for years," Huang said.

"Pandas' excretion is a perfect raw material to make paper due to pandas' high fiber diet," he said.

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While on leave, my Marine buddy and I met two nursing students from Southern California. After chatting them up awhile, the conversation turned to what we did in the service. When we told them we were in the infantry, the girls seemed very impressed, giving us big smiles as they told us how sweet that was.

Since infantry and sweet are seldom used in the same sentence, I was a little confused. Until, that is, one of the girls said, "We admire any man who works with infants."

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DDL

An ignorant maiden named Rewdid
Did something amazingly stupid.
When her lover had spent,
She douched with cement,
And gave birth to a statue of Cupid.

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"According to the latest census survey, the number of people without health insurance has dropped by two million. Duh, they're dead because they didn't have health insurance."
--Jay Leno

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"In Los Angeles this weekend, shot were fired at a party following the Nickelodeon Kids' Choice Awards. Police said they were going to apprehend whoever was involved and give them a time out."
-Conan O'Brien

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"The talking car 'Kit' from the TV show 'Knight Rider' is up for sale. The owner's selling it because they couldn't get rid of that 'Hasselhoff-y' smell."
-Craig Ferguson

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Peace in the World

"If there is light in the soul,
There will be beauty in the person.
If there is beauty in the person,
There will be harmony in the house.
If there is harmony in the house,
There will be order in the nation.
If there is order in the nation,
There will be peace in the world."

Chinese Proverb

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Rotten News....  (true)

Dog store sign angers Seattle residents

Thu Feb 22, 9:04 PM ET

SEATTLE - A newly opened store catering to very pampered dogs, especially female dogs, is getting more than questioning looks for its name, High Maintenance Bitch.

The third word in the sign is widely visible at North 45th Street and Wallingford Avenue North, one of the main intersections in the Wallingford neighborhood business west of Interstate 5 and north of the Lake Washington Ship Canal.

"I am probably the most progressive liberal person in the world and I am personally offended by the sign," said Janet Stillman, executive director of the Wallingford Neighborhood Office. "It's so blatant and so in your face."

The sign is the issue more than products such as Gel-ous Bitch bath gel and Street Walker paw cleanser, said Kara Ceriello, co-president of the Wallingford Chamber of Commerce.

Stillman said the sign could wreck family photographs of the parade, scheduled for July 7.

"Walk by there with your 5-year-old and try to explain why that sign is there. Half of the sign is made up of the word 'bitch.'"

Making no apologies, co-founder Lori Pacchiano, 36, said she planned to meet with the chamber Thursday. Meanwhile, she and her brother, Ryan Pacchiano, 27, hope to made the business name as commonplace in shopping areas as Victoria's Secret.

In the process, she said, one of her goals is to reclaim the word in its original meaning, a female dog, as opposed to a derogatory term for a woman.

"Our store is a dog store, but the concept and philosophy is directed specifically toward women," she said.

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Cop who ticketed himself reaps praise

Wed Feb 21, 10:34 PM ET

KEWASKUM, Wis. - A police chief who ticketed himself for a traffic violation says that he has received congratulatory e-mails from all over the globe and that he has even turned down money to cover the fine.

Chief Dick Knoebel drove past a stopped school bus with its lights flashing in September, then wrote himself a ticket for $235 and docked himself four points on his driving record. The story surfaced after it showed up in court records and media reports.

"Police officers do good things everyday, and that doesn't get reported," said Knoebel, who has been chief for 20 years in this town northwest of Milwaukee. "All you hear about in the news is when a police officer is in trouble."

Knoebel said he got more than 150 e-mails from such places as Thailand, New Zealand and Russia. Two people sent him $15.

"I tried to answer every e-mail," the chief said. "If they took the time to e-mail me, I at least thank them for their comments."

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Lawmaker comes down on plastic gonads

Thu Feb 22, 9:04 PM ET

ANNAPOLIS, Md. - Fake bull testicles and other anatomically explicit vehicle decorations would be banned from Maryland roads under a bill pending in the state legislature.

The measure was filed in the General Assembly Monday by Delegate LeRoy E. Myers Jr., R-Washingon, who says children shouldn't be exposed to giant plastic gonads dangling from pickup truck trailer hitches. The bill also would ban depictions of naked human breasts, buttocks or genitals, with offenses punishable by fines of up to $500.

"It's time to take a stand," Myers told The (Hagerstown) Herald-Mail.

The American Civil Liberties Union objected to Myers' bill.

"The legislation is overly broad, and would probably make it illegal to have a sticker on your car of the Venus de Milo from an art museum," ACLU of Maryland spokeswoman Meredith Curtis wrote in an e-mail.

Pamela Campbell whose Bullhead City, Ariz., business sells fake bull testicles, suggested that the swinging decorations can prompt healthy discussions about anatomy and reproduction.

"Do we have to neuter all dogs that walk by us?" she asked. "Where does it stop?"

Last week, Arizona's legislature rejected a measure that would have banned vehicle splash guards bearing racist terms or silhouettes of naked women.

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Queen delayed by short red carpet

The Queen's first appearance in the US for 16 years was delayed - because the red carpet was 15ft too short.

Five thousand cheering well-wishers in Capital Square, Richmond, Virginia, were told via a PA system: "The Queen has landed".

But the Sun reports Her Majesty was stuck on the plane for 20 embarrassing minutes as workers struggled to join up the red carpet to the plane steps.

The problem was made worse when it was realised that the steps were too low to reach the aircraft door.

A royal equerry was seen at the open hatch, looking at his watch and waving.

The Duke of Edinburgh emerged, wondering what was taking so long - until members of the guard of honour sorted out the problems.