Subject: Daily Dose - 070501 - Jim's Collection
Today's collection courtesy of Jim
in Sidney...
***
Four old retired guys--tourists from
Ireland--are walking the streets in Naples, Florida. They turn a corner
and see a tavern called "Old Timers Bar." In the window was a
sign: "ALL DRINKS 10 CENTS!"
They look at each other and then go
in, thinking this is too good to be true. The old bartender says in a
voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour ye
one! What'll it be, me lads?"
There seems to be a fully-stocked
bar, so each of the men ask for a martini. In short order, the bartender
serves up four iced martinis--shaken, not stirred--and says,
"That'll be 10 cents each."
The four Irish men stare at the
bartender for a moment, then look at each other. They can't believe their good
luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another
round.
Again, four excellent martinis are
produced with the bartender again saying "That be 40 more
cents." They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they
can stand. They have each had two martinis, and so far they've spent less than
a dollar each. Finally one of the men says, "How can ye afford to serve
martinis as good as this for a dime apiece?"
"Well, I'll tell ye. I
came from Ireland to Boston when I was a lad and became a tailor in
Boston. I've always wanted to own a tavern and last year I hit the
lottery for $25 million and decided to retire to Florida and open this
place. Every drink costs a dime - wine, liquor, beer, all the same."
"Faith and begorrah!" says
one of the men, "The luck of the Irish is with ye!" The four of
them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice three other guys at
the end of the bar who didn't have drinks in front of them and hadn't ordered
anything the whole time they were there.
One man gestures at the three at the
end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, "Why they not be
drinkin'?"
The bartender says, "Oh, they
be tourists from Scotland waitin' for happy hour when drinks be half
price."
______________________________
Actually the following has been
circulating for some time, and misattributed to several people. The actual originator
is unknown, but it has been used in real economics courses in universities as
an example to be analyzed by students.
AN EXPLANATION OF TAX
CUTS.........................
Sometimes politicians, journalists
and others exclaim; "It's just a tax cut for the rich!" and it is
just accepted to be fact, without questioning it. But what does that really
mean? Just in case you are not completely clear on this issue, the following
might help.
Let's put tax cuts in terms everyone
can understand. Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill
for all ten comes to $100.
If they paid their bill the way we
pay our taxes, it would go something like this:
The first four men (the poorest)
would pay nothing.
The fifth would pay $1.
The sixth would pay $3.
The seventh would pay $7.
The eighth would pay $12.
The ninth would pay $18.
The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.
So, that's what they decided to do.
The ten men drank in the bar every
day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw
them a curve.
"Since you are all such good
customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer
by $20."Drinks for the ten now cost just $80.
The group still wanted to pay their
bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would
still drink for free.
But what about the other six men;
the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone
would get his 'fair share?'
They realized that $20 divided by
six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the
fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer.
So, the bar owner suggested that it
would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he
proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay.
And so:
The first four men (the poorest)
would still pay nothing.
The fifth man, like the first four,
now paid nothing (100% savings). The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).
The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings). The eighth now paid $9
instead of $12 (25% savings). The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22%
savings). The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).
Each of the six was better off than before.
And the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the
restaurant, the men began to compare their savings. "I only got a dollar
out of the $20, "declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth
man," but he got $10!"
"Yeah, that's right,"
exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he
got ten times more than I!"
"That's true!!" shouted
the seventh man. "Why should he get $10 back when I got only two? The
wealthy get all the breaks!"
"Wait a minute," yelled
the first four men in unison. "We didn't get anything at all. The system
exploits the poor!"
The nine men surrounded the tenth
and beat him up. The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the
nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the
bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money
between all of them for even half of the bill!
And that, boys and girls,
journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who
pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too
much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In
fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.
______________________________
Blue Pigeon...
The mayor of Phoenix was very
worried about a plague of pigeons.
The mayor could not remove the
pigeons from the city. All of Phoenix was full of pigeon poop. The people of
Phoenix couldn't walk on the sidewalks or drive on the roads. It was costing a
fortune to try to keep the streets and sidewalks clean.
One day a man came to City Hall and
offered the Mayor a proposition. "I can rid your beautiful city of its
plague of pigeons without cost to the city. But, you must promise not to
ask me any questions. Or, you can pay me five million dollars and ask one
question." The mayor considered the offer briefly and accepted the free
proposition.
The next day the man climbed to the
top of City Hall, opened his coat, and released a blue pigeon. The blue pigeon
circled in the air and flew up into the bright blue Arizona sky. All the
pigeons in Phoenix saw the blue pigeon. They gathered up behind the blue
pigeon. The pigeons followed the blue pigeon as she flew southward out of the
city.
The next day the blue pigeon
returned completely alone to the man atop City Hall. The Mayor was very
impressed. He thought the man and the blue pigeon had performed a wonderful
miraculous feat to rid Phoenix of the plague of pigeons.
Even though the man with the pigeon
had charged nothing, the mayor presented him with a check for 5 million dollars
and told the man that, indeed, he did have a question to ask and even though
they had agreed to no fee and the man had rid the city of pigeons, he decided
to pay the 5 million just to get to ask ONE question.
The man accepted the money and told
the mayor to ask his question.
The mayor asked: "Do you have a
blue Mexican?"
______________________________
HARSH YOU SAY??
Now we're talkin....
1. There will be no special
bilingual programs in the schools, no special ballots for elections, and all
government business will be conducted in our language.
2. Foreigners will NOT have the
right to vote, no matter how long they are here.
3. Foreigners will NEVER be able to
hold political office.
4. Foreigners will not be a burden
to the taxpayers. No welfare, no food stamps, no health care, nor any other
government assistance programs.
5. Foreigners can invest in this
country, but it must be an amount equal to 40,000 times the daily minimum wage.
6. If foreigners do come and want to
buy land that will be okay, but options will be restricted. You are not allowed
to own waterfront property. Waterfront property is reserved for citizens
naturally born into this country.
7. Foreigners may not protest; no
demonstrations, no waving a foreign flag, no political organizing, no
"bad-mouthing" our president or his policies. If you do you will be
sent home.
8. If you do come to this country
illegally, you will be hunted down and sent straight to jail.
Harsh, you say ?...
The above laws happen to be the
immigration laws of MEXICO !
______________________________
Two midgets go into a bar, where
they pick up two 'working girls' and take them to their separate hotel rooms.
The first midget, however, is unable
to get an erection.
His depression is made worse by the
fact that, from the next room, he hears his friend shouting out cries of
"Here I come again ONE, TWO, THREE... UGH!" all night long.
In the morning, the second midget
asks the first, "How did it go?"
The first midget mutters, "It
was embarrassing - I just couldn't get a hard on.
The second midget shook his head.
"You think that's embarrassing?
I couldn't even get on the bed."
______________________________
INTERESTING GEOGRAPHY
Alaska
More than half of the coastline of
the entire United States is in Alaska.
Amazon
The Amazon rainforest produces more
than 20% of the world's oxygen supply. The Amazon River pushes so much
water into the Atlantic Ocean that, more than one hundred miles at sea
off the mouth of the river, one can dip fresh water out of the ocean. The
volume of water in the Amazon river is greater than the next eight largest
rivers in the world combined and three times the flow of all rivers in the
United States
Antarctica
Antarctica is the only land on our
planet that is not owned by any country. Ninety percent of the world's
ice covers Antarctica. This ice also represents seventy percent of all
the fresh water in the world. As strange as it sounds, however, Antarctica is
essentially a desert. The average yearly total precipitation is about two inches.
Athough covered with ice (all but 0.4% of it, i.e.), Antarctica is the
driest place on the planet, with an absolute humidity lower than the Gobi
desert.
Brazil
Brazil got its name from the nut,
not the other way around.
Canada
Canada has more lakes than the rest
of the world combined. Canada is an Indian word meaning "Big
Village."
Chicago
Next to Warsaw, Chicago has the
largest Polish population in the world
Detroit
Woodward Avenue in Detroit,
Michigan, carries the designation M-1, named so because it was the first paved
road anywhere.
Damascus, Syria
Damascus, Syria, was flourishing a
couple of thousand years before Rome was founded in 753 BC, making it the
oldest continuously inhabited city in existence
Istanbul, Turkey
Istanbul, Turkey, is the only city
in the world located on two continents.
Los Angeles
Los Angeles's full name is El Pueblo
de Nuestra Senora la Reina de los Angeles de Porciuncula --and can be
abbreviated to 3.63% of its size: L.A.
New York City
The term "The Big
Apple" was coined by touring jazz musicians of the 1930's who used
the slang _expression "apple" for any town or city. Therefore,
to play New York City is to play the big time - The Big Apple. There are
more Irish in New York City than in Dublin, Ireland; more Italians in New
York City than in Rome, Italy; and more Jews in New York City than in Tel Aviv,
Israel
Ohio
There are no natural lakes in the
state of Ohio, every one is manmade.
Pitcairn Island
The smallest island with country
status is Pitcairn in Polynesia, at just 1.75 sq. miles/4,53 sq. km.
Rome
The first city to reach a population
of 1 million people was Rome, Italy in 133 B.C. There is a city called Rome on
every continent.
Siberia
Siberia contains more than 25% of
the world's forests
S.M.O.M.
The actual smallest sovereign entity
in the world is the Sovereign Military Order of Malta (S.M.O.M.). It is
located in the city of Rome, Italy, has an area of two tennis courts, and
as of 2001 has a population of 8 0, 20 less people than the
Vatican. It is a sovereign entity under international law, just as the
Vatican is
Sahara Desert
In the Sahara Desert, there is a
town named Tidikelt, which did not receive a drop of rain for ten years.
Technically though, the driest place on Earth is in the valleys of the
Antarctic near Ross Island. There has been no rainfall there for two million
years
Spain
Spain literally means 'the land of
rabbits.'
St. Paul, Minnesota
St. Paul, Minnesota, was
originally called Pig's Eye after a man named Pierre "Pig's
Eye" Parrant who set up the first business there
Roads
Chances that a road is unpaved in
the U.S.A.: 1%, in Canada: 75%
Texas
The deepest hole ever made in the
world is in Texas. It is as deep as 20 empire state buildings but only 3
inches wide.
United States
The Eisenhower interstate
system requires that one-mile in every five must be straight. These straight
sections are usable as airstrips in times of war or other emergencies.
Waterfalls
The water of Angel Falls (the
World's highest) in Venezuela drops 3,212 feet (979 meters). They are 15
times higher than Niagara Falls.
So, didn't it feel good to learn
something new today???
*************
When IT and taxidermy collide...
A US artist and inventor has
combined IT and taxidermy to create a computer housed in a dead beaver.
Kasey McMahon, 34, from Los Angeles,
spent three months creating his Compubeaver, reports Metro News.
And, in separate but related news,
two more US inventors created a computer mouse housed in a real mouse.
Ms McMahon said of her Compubeaver:
"I started thinking about the most ridiculous thing to put a computer into
and decided it had to be a beaver.
"It looks at how nature relates
to technology."
She bought the beaver ready-stuffed,
before cutting out the foam insides with an electric kitchen knife. Once she
had cut space for the computer tower, she reinforced it with fibreglass.
Meanwhile, biologist Christy Canida
and environmental studies graduate Noah Weinsrein took the concept of a
computer 'mouse' to its natural limit.
Both contribute to the Instructables
website - which describes how to make similarly odd creations - and made the
mouse using the skin of a real rodent bought dead from a US pet shop.