Subject: Daily Dose - 070428 - Charges, THIS is TRUE, talk about sex, DDL,
Rotten News
Charges
A tired traveler pulls into a hotel
around midnight. Very tired after a long day's trip he asks the clerk for a
single room. As the clerk fills out the paperwork, the man looks around and
sees a gorgeous blonde sitting in the lobby.
He tells the clerk to wait while he
disappears into the lobby. After a minute he comes back, with the girl on his
arm.
"Fancy meeting my wife
here," he says to the clerk. "Guess I'll need a double room for the
night."
Next morning, he comes to settle his
bill, and finds the amount to be over $3,000. "What's the meaning of
this?" he yells at the clerk. "I've only been here one night!"
"Yes," says the clerk,
"but your wife has been here for three weeks."
______________________________
THIS is TRUE...
DEPARTMENT OF THE OBVIOUS: A study
by the University of Missouri-Columbia School of Journalism finds the reason
newspapers are losing money is they've cut too much of their newsroom staff.
"If you invest in the newsroom, do you make more money? The answer is
yes," said Prof. Esther Thorson. "If you lower the amount of money
spent in the newsroom, then pretty soon the news product becomes so bad that
you begin to lose money." (Reuters)
...Unfortunately there are so few reporters left, no one was able to go more in
depth on this story.
***
ALL ABUZZ: Paul Nellany, 51, of
Modesto, Calif., was in the middle of a "messy" divorce when a man
told him his wife had hired him to kill him for $600. Paul called the sheriff,
noting that last December he was driving in his pickup truck when wasps
suddenly flew out of a soda can, and he nearly crashed trying to avoid them.
His two children were with him. Investigators believe his wife put the wasps
there: she knows Paul is severely allergic to insect stings. Angela Nellany,
50, has been charged with conspiracy, soliciting murder, and attempted murder.
(Modesto Bee)
...Gee: I wonder if the divorce judge will be able to figure out which side is
at fault in their split?
***
LET THEM EAT PORK: The volunteer
fire department in Cheshire, Mass., needed a new fire truck, so they applied
for a grant from the Department of Homeland Security, which administers the
Assistance to Firefighters Grant Program. The department got the grant:
$665,962 -- but it can only be used to recruit and train firefighters, and
specifically can't be used to purchase any equipment. The DHS says the money,
which is about 26 times the department's annual budget, can be spent over a
period of four years. At a population of 3,500, Cheshire is the smallest town
in Massachusetts to get a fire department grant, and its grant is the largest
of any given in the state. "We really needed the truck," the town's fire
chief said. (Boston Globe)
...Politicians aren't interested in needs, they're interested in the news
running pictures of them hauling bags of cash to their districts.
***
BITING THE HAND THAT FEEDS THEM:
Karen Aerts, 37, of Antwerp, Belgium, was known to employees at the Olmense
Zoo: she had "adopted" a cheetah, helping to support it by buying its
food. They believe she hid out until the zoo closed, found the keys to the
cheetah cage, and let herself in. She was mauled to death by the cats.
"Karen loved animals," said zoo spokesman Jan Libot.
"Unfortunately the cheetahs betrayed her trust." (AP)
...But Charles Darwin didn't betray ours.
***
APPARENTLY TOO SMALL TO BE ON GPS
MAPS: "Swiss Accidentally Invade Liechtenstein"
-- AP headline
______________________________
My son had just turned 14 when I
finally decided to talk to him about sex. To ensure private time, I
brought him on a ski trip and began our talk on the chair lift so he couldn't
escape.
"Son, do you know about girls
and babies?" I asked.
He nodded but cut me off.
The next ride up the ski lift, I
brought it up again, only to have him look away in silence. On the third
lift, already knowing I had waited too long, I bluntly asked, "Son, would
you like to talk about sex?"
"Gee, Dad," he responded,
"is that all you ever think about?"
______________________________
DDL
A fine young university tutor
Fed his sex history to a computer.
Due to pulse-circuit stalls,
It reprogrammed his balls,
And he found himself totally neuter.
______________________________
Two wrongs don't make a right, but
two Wrights made an airplane.
***
Kids in the back seat cause
accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
***
Problem with the gene pool ...... no
lifeguard.
***
Some days it just doesn't pay to
gnaw through the straps...
***
Living on Earth is expensive, but it
does include a free trip around the sun.
***
Never knock on Death's door: Ring
the doorbell and run (he hates that).
***
I can resist anything but temptation
***
All good things in moderation .....
including moderation
***
I don't have a problem with
willpower... It's won't power I have a problem with
***
When you're finally holding all the
cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess?
***
Life is sexually transmitted.
***
Never take life seriously. Nobody
gets out alive, anyway.
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
Tourists get "Ya Hala!"
from Saudi religious police
Sun Dec 3, 1:55 PM ET
RIYADH (Reuters) - Saudi Arabia's
bearded religious police, who have been known to force men to cut their hair,
are being re-trained to handle a potential influx of non-Muslim tourists, a
government official said on Sunday.
The Supreme Commission for Tourism (SCT) told Reuters that the Authority for
the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice -- otherwise known as the
religious police, or "mutawwa" -- had volunteered to take part in an
orientation programme.
"It was the Authority that
requested that some of its members be able to participate in the Ya Hala
(Welcome!) programme," Magid al-Shiddi, SCT spokesman said. "It aims
to teach how to deal with people of different cultures and develop
communication skills," Shiddi said.
Saudi Arabia, the birthplace of
Islam which imposes strict Islamic law, this year announced a drive to attract
tourists from around the world to a land that has long remained closed to many
outsiders, especially non-Muslim Westerners.
The religious police, with powers to
prevent drugs, alcohol and prostitution, roam city streets checking that
unrelated men and women do not mix and that shops close during daily prayers.
In the past, some members of the
morality squad have even been known to force men to cut their hair. But
recently there has been domestic pressure for them to ease their zeal as the
country tries to institute social and economic reforms.
**********
Malaysian state to hold lullaby
contest
Wed Dec 6, 11:01 PM ET
KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia - Islamic
authorities in a Malaysian state believe they have found the secret of family
love, women singing lullabies to their children and husbands.
The government of Kelantan, the only Malaysian state to be ruled by an Islamic
fundamentalist party, will organize this month a lullaby contest to find the
mother who can best induce sleep in her children and husband with songs, The
Star newspaper said Thursday.
The contest aims to promote family
togetherness according to Islam's tenets, especially in homes with two working
parents, and to improve young wives' mothering skills, Kelantan state Women
Committee chairman Abdul Fatah Mahmud was quoted as saying in The Star newspaper.
"It shows that the family comes
first in the lives of everyone here," Abdul Fatah said.
A total of 42 couples have entered
the contest, which will begin preliminary rounds soon. A final round with 10
shortlisted couples will be held on Dec. 23, he said.
Kelantan, which is controlled by the
opposition Pan-Malaysian Islamic Party, imposes strict rules on women's
dressing and other regulations such as separate check out counters for men and
women at supermarkets.
This week, the municipal authorities
of state capital Kota Baru renewed warnings to women workers against wearing
revealing or tight-fitting clothing.
State Chief Minister Nik Aziz Nik
Mat, also the party's spiritual leader, has said in the past that a woman's
voice is a part of her body that should not be exposed, and disallowed female
contestants from entering Quran recital competitions.
But in recent years, the party's
stance has softened and the state recently reintroduced even secular concerts
featuring female Malaysian pop stars. The shows, however, are open only to
women.
**********
December 7, 2006
Houston suburb opposes plans for mosque
By RASHA MADKOUR
KATY, Texas (AP) - A plan to build a
mosque in this Houston suburb has triggered a neighbourhood dispute, with
community members warning the place will become a terrorist hotbed and one man
threatening to hold pig races on Fridays just to offend the Muslims.
Many neighbourhood residents claim
they have nothing against Muslims and are more concerned about property values,
drainage and traffic.
But one resident has set up an
anti-Islamic website with an odometer-like counter that keeps track of
terrorist attacks since Sept. 11. A committee has formed to buy another
property and offer to trade it for the Muslims' land. And next-door neighbour
Craig Baker has threatened to race pigs on the edge of the property on the
Muslim holy day. Muslims consider pigs unclean and do not eat pork.
"The neighbours have created
havoc for us and we didn't expect that," said engineer Kamel Fotouh,
president of the 500-member Katy Islamic Association.
Fotouh vowed to press ahead with
plans for a mosque on the four-hectare site, as well as a community centre that
would offer after-school activities, housing for senior citizens, a fitness
centre and an Islamic school.
The dispute began when the group
asked Baker to remove his cattle from their newly bought land. Baker agreed but
mistakenly thought the Muslims also wanted him off the land his family has
lived on for more than 100 years. The rumour spread.
Baker, who makes marble and granite
fixtures for kitchens and bathrooms and also owns livestock, said he got so mad
he put up a sign announcing the pig races.
(Baker's attempt to offend missed
its mark, according to Fotouh. Muslims do not hate pigs, he said; they just
don't eat them.)
The reaction has not been all
negative. Fotouh said one man came to the mosque on a Friday afternoon and
apologized for his neighbours. "He moved me, really," Fotouh said.
"The sense of fairness, the sense of standing by the underdog."
Though he now concedes the Muslims
are probably not after his land, Baker said he is obligated to go through with
the pig races, probably within the next few weeks, because "I would be
like a total idiot if I didn't. I'd be the laughingstock now because I've gone
too far."
*************
Saudi tribe holds camel beauty
pageant By Andrew Hammond
Thu Apr 26, 12:25 PM ET
GUWEI'IYYA, Saudi Arabia (Reuters) - The legs are long, the eyes are big, the
bodies curvaceous.
Contestants in this Saudi-style
beauty pageant have all the features you might expect anywhere else in the
world, but with one crucial difference -- the competitors are camels.
This week, the Qahtani tribe of
western Saudi Arabia has been welcoming entrants to its Mazayen al-Ibl
competition, a parade of the "most beautiful camels" in the desolate
desert region of Guwei'iyya, 120 km (75 miles) west of Riyadh.
"In Lebanon they have Miss
Lebanon," jokes Walid, moderator of the competition's Web site. "Here
we have Miss Camel."
While tremendous oil wealth has
brought rapid modernisation to the desert state of Saudi Arabia, the camel
remains celebrated as a symbol of the traditional nomadic lifestyle of Bedouin
Arabs.
Throughout history camels have
served multiple purposes as food, friend, transport and war machine. They were
key to the Arab conquests of the Middle East and North Africa nearly 1,400
years ago that brought Islam to the world.
Camels are also big business in a
country where strict Islamic laws and tribal customs would make it impossible
for women to take part in their own beauty contest.
Delicate females or strapping males
who attract the right attention during this week's show could sell for a
million or more riyals. Sponsors have provided 10 million riyals (1.36 million
pounds) for the contest, cash that also covers the 72 sports utility vehicles
to be will be awarded as prizes.
"Bedouin Arabs are intimately connected
to camels and they want to preserve this heritage. The importance of this
competition is that it helps preserve the pure-breds," said Sheikh Omair,
one of the tribe's leaders, "We have more than 250 owners taking part and
more than 1,500 camels," he said inside a huge tent where the final awards
ceremony takes place.
"The nose should be long and
droop down, that's more beautiful," explains Sultan al-Qahtani, one of the
organisers. "The ears should stand back, and the neck should be long. The
hump should be high, but slightly to the back."
The camels are divided into four
categories according to breed -- the black majaheem, white maghateer, dark
brown shi'l and the sufur, which are beige with black shoulders. Arabic
famously has over 40 terms for different types of camel.
Some females have harnesses strapped
around their genitalia to thwart any efforts by the males to mount them. One
repeat offender called Marjaa has been moved away.
"This one would fetch a
million!" says Hamad al-Sudani, a camel-driver, admiring the heavy stud,
or fahl.