Subject: Daily Dose - 070416 - superior culture, BIZARRE NEWS, magnolia,
DDL, Rotten News
A Greek and Italian were sitting in
a Starbuck's one day discussing who had the superior culture. Over triple
lattes the Greek guy says, "Well, we have the Parthenon."
Arching his eyebrows, the Italian
replies, "We have the Coliseum."
The Greek retorts, "We Greeks
gave birth to advanced mathematics."
The Italian, nodding agreement,
says, "But we built the Roman Empire."
And so on and so on until the Greek
comes up with what he thinks will end the discussion. With a flourish of
finality he says, "We invented sex!"
The Italian replies, "That is
true, but it was the Italians who introduced it to women!"
______________________________
BIZARRE NEWS...
Bizarre Presidential Facts
Abraham Lincoln did not write the
Gettysburg Address on the back of an envelope. In fact, he worked on that
address for two weeks.
It was Cicero, not President John F.
Kennedy, who first said words to the effect of, "Ask not what your country
can do for you, but what you can do for your country."
Some scholars believe Andrew Jackson
was born at sea in 1755, not 1767, and thus was not eligible to be president of
the U.S. However, at least two states, North Carolina and South Carolina, claim
his birth place, about a mile apart.
In 1824, Andrew Jackson received
more popular votes than John Adams, yet lost the election. The vote was so
close that neither candidate received a majority of the electoral votes. The
decision then went to the House of Representatives, which elected Adams.
Zachary Taylor, twelfth president of
the U.S., did not vote until he was sixty-two. He did not even vote in his own
election.
President Ulysses S. Grant was once
arrested during his term of office. He was convicted of exceeding the
Washington speed limit on his horse and was fined $20.
***
Woman fakes death to avoid traffic
court
SWANSEA, Wales - A Welsh woman has
drawn a suspended jail sentence for faking her own death in order to avoid
going to court for a speeding ticket.
Glenda Askew, 47, of Swansea, was
clocked driving 11 miles over the city speed limit in March 2006 and received a
notice from police, The BBC reports. Askew ignored the letter, but when a
summons to court arrived, she decided she had better take action.
Prosecutor Bryn Hurford says Askew
filled out the summons in the name of her daughter, Tracey Roberts, stating
that her mother would not be able to come to court because she had died in a
car accident.
Judge Michael Burr said he saw
little purpose in jailing her and instead sentenced Askew to 12 months of
supervision.
***
Sword fight breaks out after break
in
BEAUFORT, S.C. - The Sheriff's
Office of Beaufort County, S.C., said a man who broke into his ex-girlfriend's
home was foiled by her roommate who sword-fought the invader.
Deputies said Elvis Javier Polanco
brandished a 3-foot sword when he broke into the home of his ex-girlfriend last
week, only to find that her roommate, Louis Delgado Hernandez, was an avid
sword collector and skilled in the use of the weapons, the Hilton Head (S.C.)
Island Packet reports.
Hernandez was able to disarm
Polanco, cutting the alleged invader's arm in the process. Polanco was treated
at the Hilton Head Regional Medical Center before being taken to the Beaufort
County Detention Center.
Polanco was charged with
second-degree burglary and high-and-aggravated assault and battery. Deputies
said Hernandez will not face charges. A second man accused of assisting Polanco
with breaking into the house is still being sought.
***
Calif. city plans squirrel birth
control
SANTA MONICA, Calif. - City
officials in Santa Monica, Calif., have announced plans to administer birth
control shots to the city's squirrels. The officials said they will use
GonaCon, an immuno-contraceptive developed by the U.S. Department of
Agriculture, to halt the sexual development of the city's squirrel population,
the Los Angeles Times reported Monday.
James Gionfriddo, a USDA wildlife
biologist, said the drug halts ovulation and lactation in female squirrels and
stops testicular development in males. He said the shot costs about $2 to $10
per use and does not have any dangerous side effects.
The inoculated squirrels will also
be tagged for tracking and monitored to assess the success of the program.
Researchers said the shots can take about three months to begin showing their
effects.
A similar approach attempted in a
Berkeley Marina park resulted in a 66 percent lower squirrel birth rate in an
18-month period, a 2004 University of California, Davis, study concluded.
***
Convict claims to be a werewolf
FOND DU LAC, Wis. - A Wisconsin man
claiming to be a werewolf has been charged with trespassing, criminal damage to
property and possession of marijuana.
Robert Marsh, 39, was also charged
with disorderly conduct after allegedly breaking through the deadbolt on the
door of the home of the woman he was staying with and grabbing her arm, the
Fond du Lac (Wis.) Times reported.
Marsh was released from prison only
days before the alleged incident. The woman had reportedly allowed Marsh to
stay with her because he was homeless, said the police report. Marsh had
reportedly not slept during the time he stayed there but was allegedly often
drinking and incoherent, the Times reported.
He also reportedly stated that he was
a werewolf, had powers and was involved in a witch religion, the woman said in
the report.
If convicted Marsh could be
sentenced to eight years in prison and fined more than $21,000.
______________________________
Last October my wife bought a
magnolia tree from the local nursery, but after only a few weeks the leaves
shriveled. It appeared to be on its last legs.
My wife took some leaf samples and
marched into the nursery to demand an explanation.
"I know exactly what's wrong
with your magnolia," said the manager.
"Good," said my wife.
"What's it suffering from?"
"Autumn," he replied.
______________________________
DDL
There was a young fellow named Paul,
Who confessed, "I have only one ball.
But the size of my prick
Is God's dirtiest trick,
For my girls always ask, 'Is that all?'"
______________________________
"A state senator in Florida
wants to outlaw the term 'illegal alien' because it's insensitive. They want to
go with the more politically correct term, 'WalMart-ian.'"
-Jay Leno
***
"McDonald's is trying to
compete with Starbuck's, so they're going to start serving lattes and
cappuccinos. McDonald's say both drinks go great with their new vente hazelnut
McRib."
-Conan O'Brien
***
"I was reading about this self
help book, 'The Secret,' written by an Australian reality producer. One fan of
the book said it stopped her panic attacks and doubled her acupuncture
business. I'm thinking, 'Who's going to go see a panicky acupuncturist?'"
-Craig Ferguson
***
"You can always tell a man who
is a non-conformist, because he looks just like every other
non-conformist."
--Unknown
***
Carl asked, “Got anything to cure
fleas on a dog?"
“That depends,” the slow-minded vet
replied. “What’s wrong with them?”
***
Love is the crocodile on the river
of desire.
- Bhartrihari – (c625)
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
Canadian man on trial for putting
baby in freezer
Fri Nov 24, 4:35 PM ET
OTTAWA (Reuters) - A Canadian man
who could not figure out how to deal with his girlfriend's feverish
10-month-old daughter put the baby into a freezer to cool her down, a local
newspaper reported on Friday.
Derrick Hardy faces charges of criminal negligence and assaulting the infant,
who was rescued when her mother came home, the Charlottetown Guardian said.
The Canadian Broadcasting Corp. said
the mother found the girl crammed into the freezer alongside ice cubes and
hamburger meat. Hardy said he had left the door ajar but the mother said it had
been closed when she returned.
He told a court in the eastern
province of Prince Edward Island on Thursday the child had only been in the
freezer for about 40 seconds.
Hardy, 21, who admitted to police
that he had no real parenting skills to deal with a sick child, said he had
noticed the girl was very hot and put a cool cloth on her face, but this had no
effect.
He then carried the girl outside
into the night air but, frustrated that this also did not work and worried she
might drown if placed in a cold bath, he put the baby into the kitchen freezer.
She was wearing only an undershirt.
A local doctor said the mother had
described her baby as "crying, sobbing and terrified." The child
spent several days in hospital to recover from first- and second-degree freezer
burns on her head and torso.
Hardy has pleaded not guilty to the
charges. The baby's grandmother now has custody of the girl.
**********
Sunday, 26 November 2006, 02:05
GMT
Earthly reward for church
vandals
Three teenagers who burgled and vandalised a church in the US state of Montana
will be given "love baskets" of electronic games by the congregation.
The three youths broke into
Missoula's South Hills Evangelical Church two weeks ago, stealing money and
smashing windows and computers, police said. Officers caught them still in the
church and charged them with burglary.
Church pastor Jason Reimer said the
congregation wanted "to reach out and extend love and mercy to them".
"A lot of us, whether we're
churchgoers or not, have been in their shoes before and have made some bad
choices," Mr Reimer said. "But God forgives us."
The teenagers are accused of
breaking into the South Hills Evangelical Church (SHEC) just before midnight on
12 November and causing several thousand dollars' worth of damage.
"They did smash some stuff,
like computer monitors, windows, televisions and sprayed a fire extinguisher in
the gym," Mr Reimer said.
Cannabis, a pipe and some pills were
found on the teenagers, he said.
The following Sunday, the church's
main pastor, John Erbele, used the incident in his sermon to preach about the
Christian virtues of mercy and forgiveness. Church members began to collect
donations for "love baskets" to present to the youths.
"We've collected several
hundred dollars' worth of gift cards, Xboxes and controllers, a DVD, a
VCR," said Mr Reimer.
If the teenagers escape a jail
sentence, the church hopes the gifts will help keep them off the streets and
out of trouble.
If the gadgets are not enough, the
SHEC also offers a skateboard park, a centre for teenagers, a weight room and
an addiction recovery service.
"We want to help them get their
lives straightened out," said Mr Reimer.
**********
Indian police hot on the scent of
crime
By Rupam Jain Nair
AHMEDABAD, India (Reuters) - Police
in India's Western state of Gujarat are to wear new uniforms impregnated with
the fragrance of flowers and citrus to help improve their image.
"Most policemen look hassled, drenched in sweat after coming from any
scene of crime," said Somesh Singh, a designer at the National Institute
of Design in Ahmedabad that drew up the uniforms on request of the state
government. "They are surely not the best person one would like to meet,
but if they smell good and fresh one might as well approach them," said
Singh.
The uniforms, to be introduced in
the next few months to the state's 300,000 police, use cotton with a fragrant
finish, reflective prints and fibre optic technology to make sure the uniform
not only smells good but glows at night so officials can be located easily .
The uniforms will retain the scent
even after washing as the fragrance is embedded in the cotton during processing.
Some police say they are eager to
try out the new uniforms.
"We are tired wearing the thick
cotton brown colour uniform with a broad belt and plastic badges for several
decades now," said R.K. Patel a senior police officer. "If the new
uniforms makes us stand out in the crowd, keeps us active with pleasant aroma
and is yet very formal, then we are all for it."
***********
Police test Porsche patrol car
Austrian police are testing a
Porsche 911 as a traffic control car to help prevent motorists from speeding.
A spokesman said the £65,000 sports
car, than can do up to 177mph, had been a major success and they are planning
to buy more.
He said: "The preventive effect
is excellent. Drivers just needed to see it parked alongside the road and they
slammed on the brakes.
"The only thing is that it's a
bit cramped. But there's still enough space for the essential equipment like
the speeding radar and the breathalyser."