Subject: Daily Dose - 070409 - intensive care, BIZARRE NEWS, public toilet,
DDL, Rotten News
A man was placed in intensive care,
needles stuck everywhere, tubes running over his disease-ridden body like a
spider's web, nearly comatose. A week later, a second man was put in the same
room in very nearly the same condition.
Both men lay there, near death,
machines pinging, oxygen tubes puffing, monitors ding-donging, lights flashing.
After a few days, one of the men summoned the strength to weakly raise his hand
and catch the other man's attention. He pointed to himself and wheezed out,
"Jim...........my."
The other man weakly pointed to
himself and said, "Paddy."
This act tired them both out so
badly it was another day or two before they had the strength to try again. The
first man weakly pointed to himself and murmured in almost inaudible tones,
"Scottish."
The second man replied,
"Irish."
Again the fatigue set in and they
both fell fast asleep. In another couple of days they were at it again.
Jim took several deep breaths, then
summoned up the strength to cough out, "Glasgow."
Paddy whispered back,
"Dublin."
This time they were both a little
stronger and could continue.
"Cancer", said Jim.
"...Sagittarius," replied
Paddy.
______________________________
BIZARRE NEWS...
Bizarre Criminals
In September 1992, robbers in Las
Vegas held up a van thought to contain gambling chips, only to find that it was
carrying potato chips instead.
In 1998, a guard was caught
smuggling a wad of money in his underpants out of a bank in Atlanta when a tiny
dye capsule exploded, blowing a hold in his trousers.
In 1998, a would be Texas grocery
store robber tried to disguise his face with a balaclava, however, he failed to
remove a laminated badge which bore his name, place of employment and position
from his breast pocket.
Police had no difficulty catching a
man who stole a barge on the River Thames in 1972. There was a dock strike on
that day and his was the only craft moving.
The defense attorney for Tyrone
Jerrols of Houston, Texas, who was facing charges of murder, filed a motion to
prevent the use of Jerrol's nickname, claiming it would prejudice the jury.
Jerrol's nickname is "Hitman."
***
Woman Sings 979 Songs and Then
Collapses
SEOUL, A South Korean woman sang 979
songs and set an unofficial world record before collapsing of exhaustion.
Kim Seok-ok sang for 59 hours, 48
minutes, beating by 36 minutes the world record set last year by a German man,
Yonhap said.
A Guinness Book of World Records
observer was on hand, but had not yet declared Kim's record official. As
Guinness rules allow, she rested 10 minutes each hour.
Before the event, Kim told local
reporters she entered to encourage her husband, who has a brain tumor, Yonhap
reported.
***
Dog's Ear Super-Glued On
GIG HARBOR, Wash. - A Washington
state dog groomer, who allegedly used Superglue to reattach a shi tzu's ear
after cutting it off, may face criminal charges.
Anni Sherrifius of Gig Harbor told
KIRO-TV that she only realized how her dog had been mutilated when she tried to
wash what appeared to be dirt from its ear. The dog, Jasimine, was treated for
an infection resulting from the cut.
The television station said that the
dog-grooming company appears to have closed and Pierce County sheriff's
investigators are trying to determine what laws might have been broken.
"Once they tried to hide it and
glued the ear back on, that's not good for the dog," Detective Ed Troyer
told KIRO. "There are all kinds of things that can happen... It's cruelty
to animals."
***
Urinal Cakes Discourage Drunken
Driving
SANTA FE, N.M. - New Mexico
transportation officials are attempting curb the flow of drunken drivers by
placing talking urinal cakes in bar and restaurant bathrooms.
The items, which still fulfill the
urinal cake's primary function of disinfecting and deodorizing the stand-up
toilets in the men's room, offer recorded messages to restaurant and bar
patrons who may be considering driving while drunk, the Santa Fe New Mexican
reported Thursday.
State traffic safety chiefs have
ordered 500 of the devices for placement in the state's bar lavatories.
***
Couple Finds Love on Diet Web Site
ST. CLOUD, Fla., A Florida couple is
engaged to be married after losing more than 200 pounds and finding each other
on a Weight Watchers message board.
Julie McDonald, 27, and Kevin
Switzer, 25, met on the Internet a little more than a year ago on a message
board for people in their 20s, USA Today reported. McDonald, who lives in
Florida, had lost more than 100 pounds. Switzer, who lived in Iowa at the time,
had just gone to his first Weight Watchers meeting, the newspaper said. Switzer
said he noticed that his starting weight of 307 pounds was the same as hers had
been, and e-mailed her asking for advice. She told him her story and they soon
became friends.
After about a month of phone calls
and e-mails, he flew to Florida to see her.
"As soon as I got off the plane
and saw her, I knew at that very moment that I was going to be with her
forever," Switzer told USA Today.
______________________________
A drunk man was casually taking a
leak into a drinking fountain in the park.
A police officer came up to him and
yelled frantically, "What the hell do you think you`re doing? There`s a
public toilet 20 yards from here!"
The man yells back, "What do
you think I have, a hose?"
______________________________
DDL
There was an old lady of Weasenham,
Whose bedclothes had too many fleas in 'em.
So she covered the sheet
With pollen of wheat,
Which made all the fleas in 'em sneeze in 'em.
______________________________
"Is this a bad idea? The folks
at Sprint announced it is developing a TV cell phone. It will let you watch TV
on your cell phone. They have the perfect name for it: 'Nine Dead in Interstate
Pileup.'"
--Jay Leno
***
"I found myself utterly
depressed the other day and spent the entire afternoon listening to Celine Dion
records... at least that's what I thought I was doing. Turns out the cat
had just fallen into the dryer and was trying to get out."
--Julian Clary
***
"Women are like cars: we all
want a Ferrari, sometimes we want a pickup truck, and end up with a station
wagon."
--Tim Allen
***
Q: What separates five female
nymphomaniacs from two alcoholics?
A: A cockpit door.
***
There's a new product out for men
who want to satisfy their woman in the great outdoors, but don't want to get
chewed up by mosquitoes. It's a combination of Viagra & insect repellent.
It's called "F*ck-Off."
***
"Paris Hilton in the news
again. Paris Hilton was arrested by police for driving with a suspended
license. Paris spent three hours in jail and had 12 conjugal visits."
--Conan O'Brien
***
"You can tell it's campaign
time. In an effort to get the support of the Service Employees Union, Hillary
Clinton has agreed to spend the day working as a nurse. Hillary Clinton as a
nurse? That sounds like the plot of the worst porno film ever made."
--Jay Leno
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
Friday, 17 November 2006, 18:54
GMT
Name warning for dragon
sausages
A food company has been warned it could face legal action over the name of its Welsh
Dragon Sausages.
Trading standards said Black
Mountains Smokery in Powys must also include the type of meat used in the
sausages - pork - to meet labelling regulations.
The boss of the firm in Crickhowell
said pork was listed on the label and called it "bureaucracy gone
mad".
Jon Carthew said: "I don't
think any of our customers actually believe that we use dragon meat in our
sausages. We use the word because the dragon is synonymous with Wales and I
think everyone who buys from us knows that."
More than 200,000 of the sausages
made from pork, leek and hot chilli are sent to UK restaurants and shops each
year.
A spokesman for Powys Council said:
"The product Welsh Dragon Sausage was not sufficiently precise to inform a
purchaser of the true nature of the food. I don't think anyone would imagine
that dragon meat was being used but we would not want vegetarians to buy the
sausages believing they were meat free. We have recommended to the
establishments that they include the type of meat in the name of the
food."
**********
Seattle beverage firm offers
pea-flavoured soft drinks
Mon Nov 20, 9:02 PM ET
SEATTLE (Reuters) - After
introducing the world to new soft-drink flavours like fish taco and salmon,
Seattle specialty beverage maker Jones Soda Co. is offering a new flavour:
Green pea.
Green pea, along with other unusual
sodas such as turkey and gravy, dinner roll, sweet potato and antacid flavour,
will be part of the company's $10 to $15 "holiday pack" of bottled
drinks available nation-wide.
Peter van Stolk, chief executive of
Jones Soda, said on Monday the collection of strange-flavoured sodas usually
sell out quickly, even though he can not stomach the drinks. Past flavours
included broccoli casserole, corn on the cob and Brussel sprout.
"Why people buy it is beyond
me. I can't drink a bottle of this stuff," said van Stolk.
Jones Soda, which sells traditional
sodas along side more exotic flavours like fufu berry and green apple, first
introduced the holiday soda pack in 2003, gaining notoriety for its turkey and
gravy flavour soda.
Asked if there were any flavours
that were off limits, van Stolk said he put his foot down when it came to
curried chicken flavour.
"Fish taco was just nasty and
we tried curried chicken. That was just wrong," he said.
**********
German brothel offers pensioners 50
percent off
Wed Mar 14, 12:13 PM ET
BERLIN (Reuters) - A brothel in
Germany hopes to capitalise on the growing number of pensioners by offering
them a 50 percent discount for sex in the afternoon.
The "Pascha" in the
western city of Cologne has introduced reduced rates for sex sessions for
clients aged 66 and above -- provided they can prove they are old enough.
"All clients need to do is show
us some proof of age," said a spokesman for the brothel's managing
director Armin Lobscheid. "A 'normal session' costs 50 euros (34.20
pounds) with us -- and we're now paying 50 percent of that for these older
guests."
"We don't earn as much money,
but we're establishing ourselves across a broader range of age groups," he
added.
After testing the water with
reductions for senior citizens once a week, the Pascha decided earlier this
month to offer 50 percent off sex services between midday and 5 p.m. every day.
"There's been plenty of demand
and people have certainly been taking advantage of the offer," the
spokesman said. "Older folks are more active than you think."
The brothel's Web site is keen to
stress this point.
"Life begins at 66!" it
says in an advert for its "senior citizens afternoon" next to a
picture of a motorcycle rider.
*********
House dropped on museum
A house has been 'dropped upside
down' on the roof of the Viennese Museum of Modern Art.
The art project, entitled
House-Attack by top local sculptor Erwin Wurm, is supposed to look as if the
house has fallen out of the sky and landed on the famous museum in the centre
of the Austrian capital.
It actually took two cranes to put
the huge sculpture into place, which is complete with a red roof, window boxes
and a TV antenna.
The artist said his work was a
statement against over-development.
Wurm said: "There are hundreds
of thousands of houses and they are spreading like a plague, like a cancer
across our land."