Subject: Daily Dose - 070403 - Archeologists, THIS is TRUE, psychic, DDL, Rotten News

Archeologists:

A team of archeologists is excavating in Israel when they find a cave with the symbols of a woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish, and a Star of David on  the wall. The head archeologist points to the first drawing. "This indicates that these people were family oriented and held women in high esteem." he says.

"The donkey shows they were smart enough to use animals to till the soil. The shovel means they were able to forge tools. Even further proof of high intelligence is the fish: If famine hit the earth, they would take to the sea for food. The last symbol is the Star of David, telling us they were Hebrews."

The second archeologist shakes his head. "Hebrew is read from right to left," he explains. "It says, ?Holy Mackerel, Dig the Ass on that Chick!?"

______________________________

THIS is TRUE...

THOU SHALT NOT: The Fall Creek Baptist Church in Indianapolis, Ind., announced plans to set up a video projector to show the Super Bowl to attract parishioners to church on Sunday instead of staying home to watch the game. Super Bowl Fever was strong in Indianapolis, thanks to the home team being in the game to smite thy enemies, the Chicago Bears. But the National Football League spotted the announcement on the church's web site, and sent a letter demanding they cancel the showing since per copyright law, the game may only be shown on one TV per location, and the screen must be limited to 55 inches. "We have contracts with our [TV] networks to provide free over-the-air television for people at home," said NFL spokesman Greg Aiello. "Out-of-home viewing is not measured by Nielsen," and therefore cannot be measured for ratings purposes. The NFL exempts bars from the rule, but said it won't extend that to churches. Fall Creek Baptist pastor John Newland said he'd respect the NFL's copyright, but many other churches vowed to hold similar events despite the NFL's legal stance. (Indianapolis Star)
...Right -- that pesky Commandment against stealing is surely optional.

***

FOR THE BIRDS: The British government has a plan to provide medical care to citizens in case of a bird flu pandemic. Should the H5N1 flu mutate to a point where it can be passed among humans, at least 35 percent of all people will likely come down with the virus, planners predict, which would completely overwhelm Britain's medical care system. Thus, every citizen has been asked to name a "bird flu buddy" who will be responsible for picking up medications if they catch the disease, preferably within 12 hours of their showing symptoms. "This would be a unique situation for the country," said a Department of Health spokesman, "and we will be asking people to take a personal and social responsibility for their care." (Manchester Guardian)
...The solution requires personal responsibility? Uh oh: they'll all die for sure.

***

HERPETOLOGY HIJINKS: When a 30-inch red-tailed boa constrictor was stolen from a pet store in Cleveland Heights, Ohio, police had little to go on despite a security camera video showing a 15-year-old boy putting the $300 snake in his jacket and walking out of the store, with his mother acting as a lookout. But there was a break in the case: the next day, the boy and his mother allegedly came back to the store. Employees instantly recognized the pair, in part because they were wearing the exact same clothing. The snake-napers were there to find out what kind of boa it was, to get books on how to care for boas, and to buy food for the snake. Employees chatted them up until police arrived. Sebrina Hill, 35, and her unnamed son were arrested on theft charges, and the snake was recovered from their home. (Cleveland Plain Dealer)
...The snake: red-tailed. The thieves: red-handed.

***

STRONG BELIEF: Newsweek magazine reports on a new trend: people not just not believing in God, but actively proclaiming their disbelief. "Hi my name is Lindy and I deny the existence of the Holy Spirit and you should too," says one 24-year-old woman in an Internet video posting. By making the claim online, it's hard to deny later that they said it, say the organizers of the "Blasphemy Challenge" web site. A man who recorded a similar "blasphemy" explained that "We want to show that we really mean it when we say we don't believe a word in this book," referring to the Bible. "God," Newsweek concluded, "could not be reached for comment." (Newsweek)
...I'll believe it's a real trend when a candidate for president makes the proclamation -- and then gets elected.

***

AND HURRY! "Reward Offered for Missing Kidney"
-- Seattle (Wash.) Times headline

______________________________

A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. The psychic's eyelids begin fluttering, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?"

The woman, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, "Grandmother? Is that you?"

"Yes granddaughter, it's me."

"It's really, really you, grandmother?", the woman repeats.

"Yes, it's really me, granddaughter."

The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you, grandmother?"

"Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me."

The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother, I have just one question for you."

"Anything, my child."

"Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?"

______________________________

DDL

A conceited young flasher named Weir
Always leers as he makes his thing clear.
There are viewers who drool
At the size of his tool,
So possession's nine tenths of the leer.

______________________________

"Politics is a dirty business. And with Hillary Clinton announcing that she is running for president, Republicans are already digging up dirt on her. And they found out that she once slept with Bill Clinton."
--Dave Letterman

***

"Britney Spears was in the news again. She was having difficulty starting her car outside a nightclub while in a valet line. The main problem is, you can't start a car with a Cheeto."
--Jimmy Kimmel

***

"New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson is running for president. Which is good because every day we have thousands of new Mexicans who enter the country."
--Jay Leno

***

"Masturbation is not illegal, but if it were, people would probably take the law into their own hands."
--George Carlin

***

In love, a man is victorious only when he runs away.
--Napoleon

***

Man:  "I have seen you looking at me all night and I know I make you think of sex."

Woman:  "Yeah, 'cause you look like a prick."

______________________________

Rotten News....  (true)

World's longest beach hidden in Bangladesh

By Y.P. Rajesh

COX'S BAZAR, Bangladesh (Reuters) - Walking on the world's longest stretch of beach on a balmy Saturday morning, one would expect to find the shimmering sands filled with sunbathing tourists and the calm blue sea with swimmers. The best bar in town should be buzzing with the thirsty jostling for space on a Saturday evening at the peak of the tourist season.

But not in Bangladesh, one of the world's largest Muslim nations, where traditional attitudes, ineffectual authorities and a powerful Islamic group have thrown a veil over what could be a tourism goldmine.

A few thousand local visitors flock the beach in Cox's Bazar -- by the Bay of Bengal on the country's southern edge -- but they all stand gingerly by the water, the women in saris and a few in burqas.

While some men wade in the water with their jackets on, others sit on beach chairs under umbrellas, hesitant to even roll up their trousers and feel the surf.

There is not a soul in the bar in the only five-star hotel in town, where the bartender is listening to Bollywood love songs.

"I've seen beaches in Brazil, Spain and Thailand but in terms of beauty, this is the best," says Syed Ahmed Khair, a merchant navy officer from Dhaka visiting with his family. "But Bangladesh is a conservative country, people are shy, you won't find them sunbathing here," he says, watching his children play in the water. "You won't find foreigners here for the same reason."

The 120 km (75 mile) unbroken stretch of beach here is the world's longest, and a chain of hills that run parallel to the sea for almost the entire length, towering cliffs, colourful, ancient pagodas and Hindu temples, make it a natural attraction.

"Islam says that all of Allah's resources should be used for the benefit of the people," said Mohammed Shah Jahan, Jamaat's Cox's Bazar district chief. "But our misgivings are that in the name of promoting tourism we should not end up encouraging any immoral or illegal activities," he said.

Sunbathing in skimpy costumes, gambling, drinking in the open are, according to Jahan, immoral, distasteful and against local culture.

**********

Islamic Pakistan gets own 20-year-old single malt

By Waheed Khan

KARACHI (Reuters) - Predominantly Muslim Pakistan, where most people are banned from drinking alcohol, is set to get a domestically produced, 20-year-old single malt whisky, an official at the company making the drink said Wednesday.

The malt whisky is due to go on sale in July to non-Muslims and its makers are not expecting huge sales.

"There is also a ban on export of alcoholic beverages abroad so this whisky will only be available to a few in Pakistan," said Mohammad Javed, general manager at the Murree Brewery. "We don't want to upset the sensitivities of anyone in Pakistan so we carry on our business quietly," he told Reuters.

Muslims, who make up the vast majority of Pakistan's more than 150 million people, have been banned from drinking alcohol in the country since 1977. Until then, alcohol was legally available for Muslims in bars and restaurants but then prime minister Zulfiqar Ali Bhutto, who is said to have enjoyed an occasional drink, imposed the ban to shore up support from Islamists.

Members of religious minorities, such as Christians and Hindus, may still buy and drink alcohol.

The Murree Brewery has been making 8- and 12-year-old single malts but Javed said it was the first time a 20-year-old product was being launched. The Murree Brewery Co Ltd was established in 1860 to produce beer and spirits, mostly for British colonial troops.

A company director, Isphanyar Bhandara, said the 20-year old malt had been made with great care.

"It is vintage stuff and has been kept for a long time and its rarity will be in its taste," Bhandara said.

Although the whisky would be produced in limited quantity, the makers were expecting an enthusiastic response from non-Muslims, who are issued permits to buy alcohol.

"Our product will match the best Scotch whiskies in the world," Javed said.

Two other licensed producers of alcoholic drinks in Pakistan, one in the southern city of Karachi and the other in the southwestern city of Quetta, are also run by Parsi businessmen.

The ban on Muslims buying and consuming alcohol has led to an extensive bootleg industry.

**********

Saudi appeals court upholds enforced divorce

Mon Jan 29, 9:04 AM ET

RIYADH, Jan 28 (Reuters Life!) - A Saudi couple have been forced to divorce against their will by a top court because of arcane tribal customs which allowed the woman's family to seek a split, the pair's lawyer said on Sunday.

Abdul-Rahman Al-Lahem said the court had upheld a ruling from a lower court and backed the divorce on the basis of the man's family background.

"The appeals court in Riyadh has supported the divorce because of 'inappropriate lineage'," he said in a statement.

The family of the Saudi woman, called Fatima, began legal action in 2005, saying her husband was not of sufficiently prestigious tribal stock to marry her, and had lied about his tribal background.

The woman and her two children were imprisoned for refusing to return to her family's custody after the lower court first annulled the marriage. Custom in the conservative kingdom requires women to live with their families until marriage.

Saudi Arabia rules by an austere school of Islamic law often termed Wahhabism, and judges in family courts are themselves Wahhabi religious scholars.

Lahem said the ruling contradicted the principles of sharia, Islamic law, which objects to discrimination in terms of color, nationality and race.

The issue was dramatized in a popular comedy show aired in October that ridiculed the idea of tribal superiority, which is still strong in parts of the country.

***********

8,000-calorie burger

A 8,000-calorie burger has gone on sale in the US.

The Quadruple Bypass Burger has four slabs of beef weighing 2lbs, three cheese layers, four bacon rashers, lettuce and tomato.

The Heart Attack Grill in Tempe, Arizona, has wheelchairs to carry customers out of the restaurant.

Customers can also order the smaller Triple Bypass Burger and Flatliner fries cooked in pure lard.

According to the Sun a spokesman said: "You have to be a real man to dine here."