Subject: Daily Dose - 070327 - peace and contentment, THIS is TRUE, Code Brown, DDL, Rotten News

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trashcan they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.

The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing." The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.

After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but this time he had a sad smile on his face.

"This recession's really putting a big dent in my income," he told them. "From now on, I'll only be able to pay you 50 cents to beat on the cans."

The noisemakers were obviously displeased, but they did accept his offer and continued their afternoon ruckus. A few days later, the wily retiree approached them again as they drummed their way down the street.

"Look," he said, "I haven't received my Social Security check yet, so I'm not going to be able to give you more than 25 cents. Will that be okay?"

"A lousy quarter?" the drum leader exclaimed. "If you think we're going to waste our time, beating these cans around for a quarter, you're nuts! No way, mister. We quit!"

And the old man enjoyed peace.

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THIS is TRUE...

CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT: Jesse Dorris, an inmate in the Lincoln County (Neb.) Jail, demanded to be removed from his cell because, he said, his cell mate, Brian Bruggeman, 38, had "bad gas." Jailers moved him to another cell but, at the next meal, Bruggeman cut in line to be by Dorris so he could fart on him. Dorris hit Bruggeman, who was serving 90 days for violating a protective order. County deputies were called in to investigate, and "smelled a liar but quickly sniffed out who was guilty," a spokesman said. "It was an air tight case." Bruggeman has been charged with assault on a confined person -- a felony punishable by up to 5 years in state prison. Dorris was not charged. (North Platte Bulletin)
...We all know guys like Bruggeman, and no one will be surprised if he ends up in the gas chamber.

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HE WENT THAT-A-WAY: After police in Loveland, Colo., were alerted to the description of the getaway car from a bank robbery, Officer Joe Berdin spotted it. And it was headed directly for the police station. By the time he got behind it to pull it over, the car had reached the department's parking lot. Berdin and cover units surrounded the car and arrested the driver on suspicion of bank robbery. So why was Mark Valladares, 48, going to the police station? To pay $325 in fines in a drunk driving case. "He said if he didn't pay them, he was going back to prison," the detective in the case said. Valladares allegedly didn't have enough cash to pay the fines, so he robbed the bank to get the money. (Loveland Reporter-Herald)
...With an excuse like that, they should have checked to see if he was driving drunk again.

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GOLD PLATED JUSTICE: Of the 400 prisoners the U.S. has been holding at its Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, detention center for about five years, only "about 75, give or take a few," are expected to actually go to trial, says the chief prosecutor, Air Force Col. Morris Davis. Only 10 trials have been scheduled so far. But to hold the trials, Davis needs a new courthouse -- current facilities can't handle more than one trial at a time. "We're fiscal conservatives by definition," says Cully Stimson, Deputy Assistant Secretary of Defense for Detainee Affairs. "We're not building the Taj Mahal here." Indeed, most of the pre-trial legal work is being done in the U.S., not in Cuba. Therefore the planned "conservative" facility will only have three courtrooms. But the new complex includes restaurants and housing for "at least" 800 people. Expected cost: $125 million. (Los Angeles Times)
...Maybe we should take another look at the "Taj Mahal" option.

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SNOW JOB: Colorado ranchers are having trouble getting federal aid for the major blizzard that hit in December. The Federal Emergency Management Agency is waiting for documented proof of how much snow fell to compare it to historical averages so it can approve claims -- but the gauges can't be read. They're still buried in snow. (Rocky Mountain News)
...Usually when you put on hip boots to deal with the government, it's because of a different kind of pileup.

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IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED, TRY, TRY, TRY, TRY AND TRY AGAIN: "Law & Disorder: Woman, 38, Charged in Hit, Hit, Hit, Hit, Hit, Run"
--Jacksonville (Fla.) Times-Union headline

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Having just completed my training as the hospital's switchboard operator, I was reasonably confident that I knew all the codes for emergencies: Code Blue for cardiac arrest,  Code Red for fire, etc.

My first night on the job alone, however, a nurse phoned and asked me to page a  "Code Brown, Room 214."

I had no idea what that was.  I called the page, then searched frantically through my emergency manual, but I couldn't find any description of it anywhere.

Stumped, I finally called the nurse back and asked her about it.

"Relax," laughed the nurse.   "Code Brown is what we page when a patient is discharged and leaves behind an unfinished box of chocolates!"

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DDL

The sexual demands of Miss Payne,
Cause even strong men to complain.
Two chaps on a spree
Started Wednesday at three,
And were carried out Sunday - Insane!

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"I wanna hang a map of the world in my house. Then I'm gonna put pins into all the locations that I've traveled to. But first, I'm gonna have to travel to the top two corners of the map so it won't fall down."
--Mitch Hedberg

***

"The method preferred by most balding men for making themselves look silly is called the 'comb-over,' which is when the man grows the hair on one side of his head very long and combs it across the bald area, creating an effect that looks...from the top...like an egg in the grasp of a large tropical spider."
--Dave Barry

***
He who knows not, and knows not he knows not, he is a fool, shun him.
He who knows not, and knows he knows not, he is simple, teach him.
He who knows, and knows not he knows, he is asleep, awaken him.
He who knows, and knows he knows, he is wise follow him.
- Kipling

***

"Hey, you know what's fun to do if the game's a little slow? I like to look at the quarterback and then try to figure out which one will be the big, fat, bald announcer in five years."
--Jay Leno

***

"Tonight is an anniversary for Paul and myself. Twenty-five years ago tonight we stared back at NBC. I'd still be there, but they caught me making personal calls."
--Dave Letterman

***

"Food addicts are the people I feel sorriest for because that's really hard. You need to eat. You don't need to do drugs. Very hard for these people to quit. "I'm going cold turkey... mmmmm turkey. Do not think about food... do not think about food... do not... nuts..."
--Craig Ferguson

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Rotten News....  (true)

Fisherman's friendship with crocodile draws crowds

By John McPhaul

Wed Feb 7, 12:25 PM ET

SARAPIQUI, Costa Rica, Feb 7 (Reuters Life!) - It's a love story with difference - the friendship between a Costa Rican fisherman and a four-and-a-half metre (15 feet) long crocodile.

Every Sunday, Gilberto Shedden dons a tattered pair of leopard-print shorts, dives into a lake and splashes about in the water with his crocodile Pocho, to gasps from a large crowd of locals and tourists.

Shedden, 50, rolls the crocodile onto his back, cavorts about with him, lifts his toothy head out of the water and even kisses him tenderly on the snout.

"It's incredible," said Sam Van Everbroeck, a regular visitor to the show in the lowland tropical town of Sarapiqui, near the Atlantic coast. "I come every week to see it."

Known to his friends as "Chito", Shedden has earned the nickname "Tarzan Tico," Tico being the sobriquet for a Costa Rican, as news spread of his croc-wrestling exploits.

His friendship with Pocho began 17 years ago when Shedden, a fisherman, found the then two-meter (6.6-feet) long American crocodile lolling about in a river with a bullet in its head.

Shedden brought the injured crocodile home and nursed it until it was better. He took it to a lake near his house -- but to his surprise, it slithered out and followed him home.

"That convinced me the crocodile could be tame," Shedden told Reuters after one of his weekly shows.

To his family's horror, Shedden began to wade into the water with the crocodile and found it was happy to let him stroke it and play with it. He even taught it to close its eyes on command.

"I had to sneak out at night because my family got worried," said Shedden, with the same crazy enthusiasm of the late Australian "Crocodile Hunter" Steve Irwin

Two years ago, Shedden showed his tricks with the crocodile to some friends, who urged him to go public with the act.

Now, crowds come weekly to watch Shedden, sporting just his shorts and a commando-style headband, frolic with the massive reptile in a small lake next to a restaurant he owns.

He rolls Pocho over repeatedly while rubbing the crocodile's white belly. Pocho's huge tail comes completely out of the water and crashes down on the surface with a loud slap.

After horsing around in the water, Shedden coaxes the crocodile ashore and gets down on all fours to nuzzle it, nose to snout.

Pocho is thought to be around 50 years old. American crocodiles, which live from Florida to Ecuador, are less aggressive than Nile or Australian crocodiles and live to around 70 years in captivity.

For the time being, Shedden charges $2 a head to see the half-hour show, and says he's not interested in doing more than one show a week, given he also makes a living fishing.

"He's my friend. I don't want to treat him like a slave," Shedden said. "I don't want to exploit him."

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Japanese tailors' needles find soft grave in tofu

By Sophie Hardach

TOKYO (Reuters) - Kimono-makers laid their old needles to rest during the "hari-kuyo" needle festival at Buddhist temples all over Japan on Thursday, sticking them into soft chunks of tofu bean curd to thank them for their hard work.

Japan's throwaway culture can rival that of any Western country, but at the Sensoji temple in central Tokyo, dozens of women in jewel-coloured kimonos honoured their broken tools with the 400-year-old rite.

"I came here to say thank you," said Keiko Kurukata, a 73-year-old kimono-maker surrounded by her four apprentices.

"We prayed to improve our kimono-making skills," one of the apprentices added.

Sticking the broken needles into soft materials such as tofu or jelly is a way of thanking them, reflecting the Shinto belief that all living beings and objects have a soul and spirit.

"Sometimes there are painful things and secrets that women can't tell men, and they put these secrets into the pins and ask the gods to get rid of them," he added.

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Malaysia weighs college bathroom courses

Thu Feb 8, 1:55 AM ET

KUALA LUMPUR, Malaysia - It's never too late for toilet training. Some Malaysian colleges may soon offer courses on how to keep public restrooms clean, the national news agency reported Thursday.

The effort is meant to help Malaysia's public lavatories become as hygienic as those in countries such as Britain and Singapore, Deputy Housing and Local Government Minister Robert Lau was quoted as saying by Bernama news agency.

"Clean toilets cannot merely be judged by the eyes," Lau was quoted as saying. "This matter also involves the use of cleaning equipment, soap, fragrances and proper tissues."

Courses would involve managing washrooms by the highest standards in design and sanitation technology, said Lau.

Malaysia's government recently said it wanted to start a "toilet revolution" in a country where public restrooms have long nauseated citizens and tourists with their lack of basic items such as toilet paper, soap and sometimes even toilet seats.

Lau said his ministry plans to soon introduce a system for the public to lodge complaints about filthy toilets via cell phone text messages.

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'Mr Magoo' driven off the road

A partially-sighted driver, dubbed Mr Magoo by anxious neighbours, has been ordered off the road..

Peter Davies, 25, of Burry Port, west Wales, failed a basic eye test, reports icWales.

Residents urged him to give up driving after he recently mounted a kerb and crashed into a fence.

He was banned after police called at his home and asked him to carry out a partial eye test in the street outside. He agreed to take part and went on to fail four times to read a number plate of a car parked 20 yards away.

Mr Davies admits having just 50% effective vision in one eye and 45% in the other but insists he is a safe learner driver.

His father, Antony Davies, who was teaching him to drive, says Peter was 'gutted' and had booked another test with an optician.

"To be honest he is gutted by what has happened. We are both hoping an optician can put an extra thickness into his glasses," he said. "Personally I don't think it is justified, stopping him driving, but there was a campaign to get him off the road and this is where it has led."