Subject: Daily Dose - 070324 - Exasperation, THIS is TRUE, Habit, DDL, Rotten News

Exasperation

A young girl who was writing a paper for school came to her father and asked, "Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?"

The father replied, "It is mostly a matter of degree. Let me show you what I mean."

With that the father went to the telephone an dialed a number at random. To the man who answered the phone, he said, "Hello, is Melvin there?"

The man answered, "There is no one living here named Melvin. Why don't you learn to look up numbers before you dial them?"

"See," said the father to his daughter. "That man was not a bit happy with our call. He was probably very busy with something and we annoyed him. Now watch...."

The father dialed the number again. "Hello, is Melvin there?" asked the father.

"Now look here!" came the heated reply. "You just called this number and I told you that there is no Melvin here! You've got a lot of nerve calling again!" The receiver slammed down hard.

The father turned to his daughter and said, "You see, that was anger. Now I'll show you what exasperation means."

He dialed the same number, and when a violent voice roared, "Hello!"

The father calmly said, "Hello, this is Melvin. Have there been any calls for me?"

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THIS is TRUE...

IS ANYONE ELSE DISTURBED THAT EVERYONE INSTANTLY RECOGNIZED HIM? Stephen Murmer went to "great lengths" to ensure his off-hours passion as an artist was hidden from people at his day job: art teacher at Monacan High School in Richmond, Va. The art he produced in his time off is, as he puts it, "ass painting" -- he dips his rear in paint and then stamps it on canvas, and the cheeky results sell for hundreds of dollars. But when Murmer appeared on TV to demonstrate his technique, he was recognized despite his using a pseudonym and wearing a disguise (and nothing but a thong). The school suspended him over the objection of his students, and the school board fired him. "This is a bad day for the First Amendment," said Murmer's lawyer, Jason Anthony, adding he's disappointed that school officials didn't stand behind him. (Richmond Times-Dispatch, AP)
...They tried to, but they couldn't help "looking".

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CHEAP DATE: The Monroe Chamber of Commerce has apologized to Louisiana governor Kathleen Blanco after auctioning off a dinner with the governor at the governor's mansion. "This was not a reflection of the chamber's or the business community's attitude toward the governor," said Chamber president Sue Edmunds. It's not that they didn't have permission to do the auction as a fund-raiser; the problem was, the bid only reached $1. (Shreveport Times)
...And that was still contingent on the governor picking up the tab.

***

SNOW JOB: After a massive blizzard closed Colorado's Denver International Airport for the better parts of three days, there was scoffing over DIA's claim that it was an "all-weather airport". DIA spokesman Chuck Cannon said he "would like to choke the person who came up with that term." An enterprising reporter looked it up: in 1992, an airport spokesman bragged that DIA was "the world's first all-weather airport. We will be able to operate as well in a blizzard as [the old airport] can on a sunny day." Who was the airport's spokesman in 1992 who made that statement? Chuck Cannon. (Denver Rocky Mountain News)
...No doubt he did choke when the reporter checked back.

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STRANGE WAY TO DIE: Jennifer Lea Strange, 28, was found dead in her home after competing in a contest on a local radio station called "Hold Your Wee for a Wii" -- with the prize being a Wii video game console to the person who drank the most water without peeing. The coroner's preliminary findings are her death is due to water intoxication, which occurs when someone drinks excessive water over a short time period. The contest was held by station KDND, which promotes itself as "The End". (Sacramento Bee)
...No doubt it was billed as "Another killer promotion!"

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HEY GUYS! THINK THEY'LL BUY IT? "Housework Can Help You to Beat Breast Cancer, Women Are Told"
-- London Times headline

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Habit

I overheard a friend telling his pal, "I can't break my wife of the habit of staying up until 5 in the morning."

"What is she doing?", the pal asks.

"Waiting for me to get home."

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DDL

The wife of a Viking in Norway,
Was caught taking a nap in a doorway.
"When you make the attack,
Let it be from the back,
Because lately the front way's the sore way."

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"Well it's happened again. Now another guy has stepped forward and says he may be the father of Anna Nicole's money... I mean baby!"
--Jay Leno

***

Yesterday at an international conference. An official from Cuba said that his country restricts use of the Internet because its a 'wild new technology.' Other wild new technologies in Cuba? The eight-track, the typewriter, and Tupperware."
--Conan O'Brien

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"The NBA All-Star Game will be broadcast in something called HD, 3-D. It is 3-D, high-definition television. They're saying that a couple of minutes into the second half, Ron Artest will actually come out of the set and punch you in the face."
--Jimmy Kimmel

***

"President Bush gave the State of the Union address last night. It was around 9:00 PM. Which means he wore his pajamas under his suit."
--Conan O'Brien

[This quote is from last year...but still funny.]

***

"The hunting season in New York has begun. I love hunting season. And what is more American than accidentally shooting your drinking buddy?"
--David Letterman

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"Congress began hearings today on the government's response to Hurricane Katrina. Today? They're just investigating Hurricane Katrina now? You know, that's pretty sad when the government's investigation to the government's slow response to Katrina is slower than the government's response to Katrina."
--Jay Leno

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Rotten News....  (true)

Zoos Offer Romantic Sex Tours For Couples

Risque Adult Tours Include Romantic Dinner

POSTED: 7:41 pm EST February 13, 2007

TAMPA, Fla. -- Valentine's Day is the time of year when zoos around the nation seek to woo a new adult audience with risque tours that couple champagne, chocolate-covered strawberries and candlelight dining with impressive facts about how animals do the wild thing.

The Lowry Park Zoo in Tampa is giving a different kind of tour that is not the G-rated version for children.

On the "Wild at Heart" zoo tour, visitors learn a few things: Male pigs have a unique corkscrew endowment and impressive, um, output; manatees have orgies and don't really care if their partners are male or female; and a male porcupine has only one four-hour window a year to mate.

New York City's Central Park Zoo calls their tour "Jungle Love" and advertises that tour-goers can "learn secret mating rituals from the experts!"

Singles, couples and groups are invited to the "adults-only," after-hours Valentine's Day event, where Central Park's very own Dr. Love -- Director Dan Wharton -- leads the tour "on the wild ways of amour."

The Central Park Web site warned that its tour is "not for the faint of heart." Couples enjoy tropical cocktails and hors d'oeuvres as Wharton, an expert in the sex lives of gorillas and snow leopards, shares "some of his experiences and techniques with you!"

Zoos charge about $50 per person for the tours, and crowds are kept deliberately intimate. Many zoos, including Lowry Park, have added additional nights to handle Valentine's overflow.

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Liquor shop churns out beer from milk

TOKYO (Reuters) - Great news for beer and milk lovers: A liquor shop owner in Japan's largest dairy farming region has stopped crying about local spilt milk and started making beer from it instead.

"We came up with the idea after hearing about surplus milk," said Chitoshi Nakahara, head of the Nakahara liquor shop on the northernmost island of Hokkaido.

Milk consumption has been declining steadily in Japan, and Hokkaido disposed of nearly 900 tonnes of milk last March due to over-production, according to the Japan Dairy Association.

Nakahara's new brew, "Bilk" -- a combination of "milk" and "beer" -- is about 30 percent milk. It also contains hops, and the production process does not differ much from that of regular beer, he said.

His shop started selling Bilk, which apart from a slight milky scent looks and tastes like ordinary beer, on February 1 after spending about six months developing the product with a local brewer.

Bilk is only available at six local shops or by mail order, but Nakahara is currently out of stock due to heavy media attention.

Don't worry if you can't get hold of any, though: Nakahara also sells beer brewed from another major Hokkaido product -- potatoes.

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French work hours push up baguette price

Tue Nov 14, 9:55 PM ET

PARIS (Reuters) - Why have French baguettes become more expensive? Because of France's shorter work week, French Finance Minister Thierry Breton said on Tuesday.

Breton, who has been a vocal critic of France's 35-hour work week, said the price of a baguette had risen by 23 percent over the past five years, while the price of German bread had fallen by 3 percent over the same period.

"The cost of the 35-hour week is included in the rise of the price of a baguette since 2001, and this has been hidden too much from the French," Breton told L'Express magazine in an interview published on Tuesday.

Breton said French bakers were forced to charge their clients higher prices because they had to make up for higher costs linked to the shorter working week, introduced under a previous Socialist government.

Trade unions and opposition Socialists say the shorter work week has helped to create jobs.

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Pizza head!

A Welshman has had a slice of ham and pineapple pizza tattooed on the back of his head.

Colin Helsby's tattoo took three hours to complete and features three types of ham, chunks of pineapple and strands of cheese dripping down his neck.

The 45-year-old had the tattoo to raise cash for a cystic fibrosis charity and to celebrate the opening of his new business - a takeaway pizza shop.

Mr Helsby, from Penmaenmawr, north Wales, said he had a bit of a headache but was happy with his new look, reports CBBC News.

He said: "I'm really pleased with it, and I'll keep my head shaved at the back for a few weeks to show it off."

Tattooist Blane Dickinson, who tattooed a full English breakfast across the top of a man's head last month, said he liked the result: "It's really colourful, and I'm very proud of it."