Subject: Daily Dose - 070320 - the test, BIZARRE NEWS, hot coffee, DDL,
Rotten News
Although born to a Catholic family,
Chester had always wanted to be Jewish. As a senior in college, he decided to
take the plunge and go through the formal conversion process.
He studied Judaism all semester.
Finally, he felt he was ready to take the test and complete the conversion.
On the appointed day, he arrived at
the Rabbi's office, ready to begin.
The Rabbi said, "I'm sorry, but
before I give you the test, I must discuss my fee. It's $5,000."
"$5,000!" exclaimed
Chester, "That's a lot of money. How about $500?"
"Congratulations! You
pass!" said the Rabbi.
______________________________
BIZARRE NEWS...
Bizarre Laws ARIZONA
There is a possible 25 years in prison
for cutting down a cactus.
Donkeys cannot sleep in bathtubs.
It is unlawful to refuse a person a
glass of water.
Hunting camels is prohibited.
Any misdemeanor committed while
wearing a red mask is considered a felony (This goes back to the days of the
Wild West).
You may not have more than two
dildos per household.
Cards may not be played in the
street with a Native American.
A decree declares that anyone caught
stealing soap must wash himself with it until it is all used up.
It is illegal for men and women over
the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling.
***
Driver's License Obtained After 23
Years
LONDON - A British woman has
successfully completed her 23-year quest to obtain a driver's license.
Maria McCarthy said she began
learning the rules of the road at the age of 17, but she was not able to obtain
the skill level necessary to navigate traffic until her 40th birthday, The
Daily Telegraph reported Monday.
McCarthy said she received 250
lessons from 10 instructors to attempt to overcome her "driving
dyslexia." She said she only took two road tests during her near quarter
century of instruction.
"I was so bad, I could never
get to test level. It was down to a mixture of nerves and lack of
ability," said told The Daily Telegraph.
However, McCarthy said she had now
overcome her difficulty negotiating roundabouts and corners and has purchased a
blue Vauxhall Astra.
***
British Skateboarder Crosses
Australia
BRISBANE, Australia - A British
skateboarder has set a world record for completing a 3,638 mile trek across
Australia. Dave Cornthwaite, riding atop Elsa, his skateboard, began his
journey in August and finished this month in Brisbane, Sky News reported
Monday.
"A lot of people said it was
impossible to skate across Australia," Cornthwaite said. "It's
not."
The 27-year-old skateboarder
averaged 38 miles a day on his journey and raised thousands of dollars for
three children's charities. "I dodged King Brown snakes on the road and
had to skate through 40 degrees Celsius (104 degrees Fahrenheit) of heat, which
is not easy for a pale skinned, red haired Briton," he told Sky News.
"I don't know what's normal anymore."
Cornthwaite said his only accident
on the voyage happened near the end. "Typical, isn't it? More than 5000
kilometers (2,485 miles) down -- no falls -- I actually hadn't fallen that
severely before .... Never get too cocky."
***
Wounded Duck Survives in
Refrigerator
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. A hunter's wife
got a huge surprise in Tallahassee, Fla., when the duck "killed" by
her husband two days earlier raised its head and looked at her.
The duck had been in the woman's
refrigerator for two days, Noni Beck of the Goose Creek Wildlife Sanctuary told
the Tallahassee (Fla.) Democrat.
"It's just kind of
freaky," Beck said. Laina Whipple of the receptionist at the Killearn
Animal Hospital said the hunter's daughter brought the 1-pound, dark-brown
female duck in Tuesday. The man's wife "was going to check on the
refrigerator because it hadn't been working right," Whipple said,
"and when she opened the door, it looked up at her. "She freaked out
and told the daughter to take it to the hospital right then and there."
The duck -- shot in the wing and leg
-- has a 75 percent chance of surviving, a doctor at the sanctuary said.
***
Man Arrested Fighting With Shrubbery
HILTON ISLAND, S.C. A man was
charged with public disorderly conduct in Hilton Island, S.C. after being
observed "in a physical confrontation with shrubs" by a deputy.
The Beaufort County Detention
Center's online log said the 23-year-old man, whose name was not released,
smelled of alcohol and was taken to the detention center to await prosecution,
the Hilton Head Island Packet reported.
The deputy that took the man in said
he was responding to a complaint the man had attempted to get into someone
else's car. When the deputy arrived on the scene the man allegedly had moved on
to beating the vegetation. The police report said the man ran across the street
to get in one last kick on a bush before talking to police.
______________________________
I pulled up to the drive-thru of a
fast-food restaurant and ordered coffee. I asked the clerk to put some ice
cubes into the cup so I could drink the coffee quicker. At the window, there
was a delay.
Finally, a teen-ager came to the
window looking frustrated. "I'm sorry for the delay," she announced,
"but the ice you ordered for your coffee kept melting."
______________________________
DDL
There once was an old limerick poet
who was bad, but he didn't know it.
His meter was unsolid,
his message was squalid,
and he couldn't rhyme worth a darn.
______________________________
"Al Gore is at it again. He was
at The Grammys; he'll be at the Oscars; and now he's launching a series of
concerts to benefit the fight against global warming. Its slogan? 'Gorefest
2007. It's hard-Gore.' I'm going to that! And I think I'm going to Obama-Palooza,
too."
--Jimmy Kimmel
***
"Bill Gates, the world's
richest man, the Microsoft man, he bought the Four Seasons today. Not the hotel
chain, the actual seasons. It's now Microsoft winter, Windows Spring..."
--Craig Ferguson
***
"Did you hear about the fan
violence in Italy at soccer games? The fan violence in Italy at soccer games
has gotten so bad, the teams are forced to play in empty stadiums. Empty
stadiums! And so now, it's just like United States soccer."
--Dave Letterman
***
"The caffeinated doughnut! This
is sensational! This is the greatest invention since Gold Bond Medicated
Powder. This took years of research. Scientists finally stopped wasting their
time curing disease to get something important done. Finally, you can be restless
and overweight."
--Craig Ferguson
***
"There is a law waiting
approval in the California legislature to ban spanking. The ironic part - if
put into place the fine for spanking will be a slap on the wrist."
--Jay Leno
***
"After hitting record high
temperatures earlier this month, New York has now hit a record low. It was 9
degrees in Central Park today. They're warning New Yorkers now not to leave
their middle fingers exposed for more than a couple of seconds."
--Jimmy Kimmel
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
February 16, 2007
Australian man catches shark with
his bare hands, blames vodka
SYDNEY, Australia (AP) - A man who
caught a 1.3 -metre shark with his bare hands off an Australian beach said on
Friday he only tried the feat because he was drunk on vodka.
Phillip Kerkhof was fishing off a
jetty at Louth Bay, a town on South Australia state's Eyre Peninsula 1,400
kilometres west of Sydney, when he spotted the bronze whaler shark swimming in
the shallows, the Australian Broadcasting Corp. reported. "I just snuck up
behind him, and eventually I went for the big grab and I fluked it and got
him," Kerkhof said.
"He was just thrashing around
in the water ... starting to turn around and try to bite me and I thought
'well, it's amazing what vodka does'," Kerkhof said.
The shark bit a hole in Kerkhof's
jeans, but he was uninjured.
"It's not something I'd
recommend to do. When I sobered up I thought about it and I said, 'I'm a bit of
an idiot for doing it'," Kerkhof said.
Many species of sharks are common in
Australian waters, and there are an average of 15 shark attacks per year in the
country - roughly one person each year is killed by a shark.
Last month, an abalone diver had an incredible
escape after being almost swallowed head first by a huge shark off the New
South Wales state coast.
**********
Jesus kits on sale
Vatican officals are said to be
disgusted after Jesus fancy dress kits went on sale in Italy.
The £8.40 party pack also contains a
plastic crown of thorns and a false beard.
Vatican priest Father Vittorino
Gorss said: "This is an insult and blasphemous to millions of
believers."
One shopkeeper selling the kit in
the build up to Lent said: "I can't see what the problem is. It's only a
wig and beard."
**********
Bull sperm hair treatment
A hairdresser is offering clients a
new conditioning treatment made out of bull's semen.
The 45-minute treatment costs £55
and uses semen from Aberdeen Angus bulls on a farm in Cheshire.
Hari's, in Knightsbridge, London,
combines the sperm with the root of protein-rich plant katera, reports Metro.
The mixture is massaged into the
client's hair after it has been shampooed. Then the customer is put under a
steamer so the treatment penetrates the hair. Finally, it is blow-dried.
Salon owner Hari Salem said: "I
have been searching for an organic product with a lot of protein because that
is what hair is made of and lacks when it is dry.
"The semen is refrigerated
before use and doesn't smell. It leaves your hair looking wonderfully soft and
thick."
************
1,500 strip for art
Almost 1,500 men and women stripped
naked in the name of art in the French city of Lyon.
They gathered before dawn to join
the latest nude photo shoot by New York artist Spencer Tunick.
Directed by the artist from a crane,
they posed with arms and legs in the air between shipping containers in Lyon's
port, reports the BBC.
Previous shoots have been held in
New York, Belgium, Barcelona and Brazil, as well as London and Tyneside in the
UK.
Men and women of all ages, most of
them from the Lyon area but some from further afield, arrived in the city at
4.30am to receive their instructions.
As dawn broke, the volunteers
stripped naked and scurried into place, ready to move into formation with arms
and legs held high.
Questioned after the shoot, the
models said they had signed up "for the experience" or "for
art's sake".
The photographs will go on display
in Lyon in November, as part of the city's biennial modern art festival.
Tunick, 38, carried out the world's
largest nude photo shoot in Barcelona in June 2003, when 7,000 volunteers
stripped for the camera.