Subject: Daily Dose - 070319 - ribbed condoms, Tongue-Tied, brief speech,
DDL, Rotten News
When Van was just a
youngster, he went to the chemist and asked the pharmacist, "Sir, can you
tell me where the ribbed condoms are?"
The chemist replied,
"Son, do you know what condoms are used for?"
"Sure do. They
keep you from getting venereal diseases."
The chemist was
impressed. "That's right, son. Do you know what the ribs are for?"
Van paused and then
answered, "Well, not really, but they sure do make the hair on my goat's
back stand up."
______________________________
Tongue-Tied (true
stories about political correctness gone wild and attacks on free-speech)
30 June 2006
'RACISM' ANGER AT T-SHIRTS
ENGLISH residents in Scotland are fuming at a shop selling T-shirts with the message "Grow Your Own Dope - Plant an Englishman". They have made official complaints alleging racism and are threatening to involve the police.
However, the shop owners maintain their best-selling tops are "inoffensive".
Around 20 of the controversial shirts are being sold a week at the Key Centre in Dundee.
But English shoppers and politicians are angry.
Pauline Meldrum, who moved to Scotland from the Midlands 40 years ago, said: "I'd like all of the T-shirts withdrawn from sale immediately because they are racist and offensive.
"I've lived happily in Scotland and have endured a lot of anti-English jibes - some friendly and some not so well meant. But these T-shirts have gone too far. "
She added: "They also say it's OK to grow marijuana and that shouldn't be condoned. I'm considering reporting it to the Commission for Racial Equality or the police."
But shop assistant Tracey Leslie insisted: "It's not offensive, or racist, it's just a laugh. We get more comments about that T-shirt than any other on sale. It seems to really annoy some people, obviously mostly English, but others just love it."
But Jill Shimi, leader of Dundee City Council, said: "It's racist and shouldn't be tolerated. I condemn the anti-English sentiment - it doesn't reflect the views of Dundonians. I will be speaking to Trading Standards on this issue and it is not surprising that there has been complaints made already."
*******
England afraid to fly its own flag
Following threats by extremist Islamic group, several corporations, chain of pubs ban England flag
Modi Kreitman
Following
warnings by extremist Islamic group al-Muhajiroun, in which the group said that
the red cross in the England flag symbolizes the 'blood thirsty crusaders' and
the occupation of Muslims, some of the largest companies in England have
ordered their workers not to wave the flags.
The flag has recently appeared in England on everything from bikinis to cars,
and sold in endless versions in stores.
But the Islamic protest forced some corporations, such as cable companies NTL,
and even the Drivers and Vehicles Licensing Agency to ban the flag in every
form due to fears from reactions of Muslims.
The Sun tabloid newspaper has in recent days launched a campaign to bring back the flag, and has published a blacklist of companies preventing their workers from expressing their patriotism at work.
The Sun said that a large pub network has banned drinkers from entering with symbols of the national team.
The hero of the day is a two year-old toddler, who was thrown out with his parents from Leicester, because he wore the England team's uniform.
(06.04.06, 16:31)
______________________________
The best illustration of the value of brief speech reckoned in dollars was given by Mark Twain.
His story was that when he had listened for five minutes to the preacher telling of the heathen, he wept, and was going to contribute fifty dollars... after ten minutes more of the sermon, he reduced the amount of his prospective contribution to twenty-five dollars... after half an hour more of eloquence, he cut the sum to five dollars.
At the end of an hour or oratory when the plate was passed, he stole two dollars.
______________________________
DDL
Joe
was burrowing one day quite nosily,
Down the generous cleavage of Rosalie,
And, what made it more lewd,
They were both in the nude,
So that they could continue more cozily.
______________________________
"According
to a new holiday survey by the people at match.com, Portland, Oregon, is the
number one city in America where men and women prefer to date someone who is
chubby and overweight. In fact, their idea of a romantic night: dinner, a
movie, more dinner, and then a snack."
--Jay Leno
***
"I'm
very, very jealous. Sometimes I walk down the street and I see a beautiful
woman and I think to myself: "I'll bet my boyfriend would like to sleep
with her" and I get SO ANGRY. I run right home and smack him, and say,
'How much more of this do you think I can take?'"
--Denise Munro
***
The bride was anything but a tidy housekeeper. It didn't bother her much until one evening when her husband called from the hall, somewhat dismayed: "Honey, what happened to the dust on this table? I had a phone number written on it."
***
Did you know that if the pilgrims shot a bobcat instead of a turkey we all would be eating pussy on thanksgiving?
***
Sex is the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.
***
No
animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely
certain that he can hold his own in the conversation.
--Fran Lebowitz
***
Good
timber does not grow strong with ease; the stronger the wind, the stronger the
trees.
--J. Willard Marriott
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
Peru toasts al Qaeda with bad bubbly
LIMA,
Peru (Reuters) - Some Peruvian winemakers have ditched Santa Claus this festive
season, instead turning to al Qaeda leader Osama bin Laden to help their sales
but authorities said the booze was unsafe to drink.
Authorities in northern Peru this week uncovered a case of sparkling wine
labeled "Bin Laden Champagne" that illegal local brewers hoped to
sell at Christmas fairs for $1 a bottle.
"Anyone who drunk the stuff would probably be seriously ill," said Carlos Segura, a town hall official in Chiclayo north of Lima, who had no idea why the wine was named after Bin Laden.
"We tipped it into the sewers," he added.
**********
Meat advert gets chop
Lincoln Wright
December 17, 2006 12:00am
A proposed TV commercial featuring Sam Kekovich holding a slab of meat and announcing "Is lamb" has been dropped for fear it might offend Muslims.
Meat and Livestock Australia, which employs former footy star Kekovich for the overtly politically incorrect meat ad series, thought the proposal was over the top.
The idea was for Kekovich to stand over a barbecue with an Imam (Islamic religious leader) on either side of him as he grilled chops.
Kekovich was to hold up a chop to the Imams and say: "Is lamb", mimicking an old ad for Don's meat, which says, "Is Don: Is good".
Meat and Livestock Australia receives half its research funds from government.
**********
December 17, 2006
Border Fence Firm Snared for Hiring Illegal Workers
by Scott Horsley
All Things Considered, December 14, 2006 · A fence-building company in Southern California agrees to pay nearly $5 million in fines for hiring illegal immigrants. Two executives from the company may also serve jail time. The Golden State Fence Company's work includes some of the border fence between San Diego and Mexico.
After an immigration check in 1999 found undocumented workers on its payroll, Golden State promised to clean house. But when followup checks were made in 2004 and 2005, some of those same illegal workers were still on the job. In fact, U-S Attorney Carol Lam says as many as a third of the company's 750 workers may have been in the country illegally.
Golden State Fence built millions of dollars' worth of fencing around homes, offices, and military bases. Its president and one of its Southern California managers will pay fines totaling $300,000. The government is also recommending jail time for Melvin Kay and Michael McLaughlin, probably about six months.
It is exceptionally rare for those who employ illegal immigrants to face any kind of criminal prosecution, let alone jail time. Earlier this week, for example, immigration raids on six meat-packing plants netted almost 1,300 suspected illegal workers. But no charges were leveled against the company that runs the plants: Swift.
Golden State Fence's attorney, Richard Hirsch, admits his client broke the law. But he says the case proves that construction companies need a guest-worker program.
**********
WARSAW (AFP) -
Poles have finally been given a political game they enjoy: an online test in
which they have to spot the difference between the country's identical twin
leaders, President Lech Kaczynski and his prime minister brother
Jaroslaw. The aim of the game, available on www.cda.pl/gry-online/3/kaczki.php,
is to identify either
Jaroslaw is the older of the two by 45 minutes, although it's hard to tell. There are 10 pictures of the president and 10 of the prime minister. But the creators of the "Do you recognize your Kaczynskis?" game assure visitors to the site that it is "not as easy as you might think".
The squat,
round-faced brothers are so alike that even close work colleagues have been
known to get them mixed up. A tip for the uninitiated:
(link courtesy of Paul in Wafra...)