Subject: Daily Dose - 070313 - $1000, BIZARRE NEWS, odd name, DDL, Rotten News

It's 3:00 A.M. and Goldie wakes up to see her husband pacing the floor. "Morris, why can't you sleep?" she asks him.

"You know our next door neighbor, Sam. I borrowed $1000 from him, and it's due tomorrow morning and I don't have the money. I don't know what I'm going to do." Morris replies.

Goldie gets out of bed and opens the window. "Sam!" she shouts, and several times more, "Sam! Sam!" Finally a very groggy Sam opens the window opposite her and yells back, "What, what is it? It's 3 AM, what do you want?"

Goldie says, "You know the $1000 my husband owes you? He doesn't have it."

She then slams the window shut and turns to Morris and says, "Now you go to sleep and let Sam pace the floor."

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BIZARRE NEWS...

Bizarre Laws GEORGIA

It is illegal to use profanity in front of a dead body which lies in a funeral home or in a coroners office.

You have the right to commit simple battery if provoked by "fightin'" words.

In Kennesaw, every head of household must possess a firearm of some kind.

In Atlanta, one man may not be on another man's back.

Signs are required to be written in English.

No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday.

In Quitman, it is illegal for a chicken to cross the road.

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Escaped Chimp Raids Fridge and Does Some Chores

When a chimpanzee managed to escape at the Little Rock Zoo in Arkansas, she didn't run, in fact she stayed around to do some housework and have a snack.

Judy, the 120 pound primate rummaged through cupboards where the chimp snacks were strored and pulled out juice and pop and drank the ones she could manage to open. She also wandered into the bathroom, where she proceeded to clean the toilet with the toilet brush.

The 37 year-old chimp had formerly been a house pet and this could have been the reasoning behind the familiarity with household chores. After she wrung out a sponge and wiped down the fridge, the staff finally managed to sedate her. She fell asleep with a loaf of cinnamon-raisin bread and was then able to be returned her to her cage.

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9-Year-Old Runaway Takes Flight

LAKEWOOD, Wash. - A 9-year-old runaway from Lakewood, Wash., managed to travel 50 miles to a Seattle airport and board two flights before being caught in San Antonio.

Police said they weren't yet sure whether Semaj Booker, who was trying to reach his grandfather's home in Dallas, hitched a ride to the airport or stole a car to drive himself, the Fort Worth (Texas) Star-Telegram reported Thursday.

Lt. David Guttu, a spokesman for the Lakewood Police Department, said the boy had a history of stealing cars. Once at the Seattle-Tacoma International Airport, the 4-foot-9, 85-pound fourth-grader fed false information to a Southwest Airlines ticket counter worker that matched a paid reservation that hadn't yet been claimed, The Dallas Morning News reported.

The airline said the boy, who claimed to be 12-years-old, told workers his mother was already at the boarding gate. The boy managed to make a connecting flight in Phoenix but was finally stopped and questioned while waiting for his final flight in San Antonio.

Police said they were not yet certain whether the boy, who already faced car theft charges, would be charged with a crime for his travels.

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Where Does The Hamburger Call Home?

MADISON, Wis. - State lawmakers in Texas and Wisconsin are engaged in a flame-broiled debate over the origin of the hamburger.

Republican Texas Rep. Betty Brown has cooked up a resolution to officially declare Athens, Texas, as the birthplace of the popular sandwich, USA Today reported Thursday. "It's not just our claim and what we say," she said. The history "is very well documented."

However, Wisconsin Rep. Tom Nelson, a Democrat, has thrown his own resolution on the grill, declaring the town of Seymour, Wis., as the official home of the hamburger. "Seymour is the hamburger capital, period," he said.

There has long been disagreement over the origins of the fast food staple. At least two other cities, Akron, Ohio, and New Haven, Conn., have laid claim to being the birthplace of the burger.

Nelson claims a man by the name of "Hamburger Charlie" Nagreen unveiled the first hamburger at an 1885 county fair in Wisconsin, while Brown attributes the invention to a man named Fletcher Davis who distributed hamburgers in the 1880s in Texas.

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Police Call For Stolen Underwear Reports

PORTSMOUTH, England, Police in the British city of Portsmouth are asking any women who have had their underwear stolen recently to contact authorities immediately.

The unusual request comes after Portsmouth police arrested a 40-year-old man who allegedly has been stealing underwear from area wash lines, Sky News reported.

"Police would like to hear from any women in the Portsmouth area who have recently had any clothing stolen from their washing lines or in similar circumstances," a police spokeswoman said.

The man, who is out on bail until April 26, was recently stopped by police and was found to be carrying a large number of women's underwear and other clothing.

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I telephoned the veterinarian's office to ask when I should take my three month old kitten in to be vaccinated for rabies.  After a few initial questions, the woman who answered the telephone asked, "What is the kitten's name?"

"Demon", I replied.

"Demon? That's an odd name," she said.

"Maybe, but it's appropriate anyway."

I heard clicking of a computer keyboard, then she said, "Our records show that you have cats named Gato [which is Spanish for 'male cat'], Scamp, Stinky, and now you named one Demon. Is that right?"

"Yes, it is."

"You really don't like cats, do you?"

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DDL

A horny old blacksmith named Norse
Fell madly in love with his horse.
Asked if it was a mare,
Said, "I really don't care.
But it would make a difference of course."

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"That's the big story. Paris Hilton was arrested for a DUI. That is Diva Under the Influence."
--Jay Leno

***

"Sunday is Grandparents Day. The good thing is that if you forget there's a good chance your grandparents did too."
--Conan O'Brien

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"President Bush. You know where he is? He's in New Orleans right now to mark the first anniversary of Hurricane Katrina. Now if we could just get FEMA down there."
--David Letterman

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Most women prefer sex with the lights off because they can't bear to see a man enjoying himself.

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"The Wal-Mart chain is refusing to sell a book written by WWF superstar Mankind because the book contains a picture of a naked elf. Everywhere Wal-Mart shoppers are asking themselves the same question, "What's a book?!"
- Craig Kilborn

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"My eleven year old daughter mopes around the house all day waiting for her breasts to grow."
--Bill Cosby

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"Strange things happen when you're in debt. Two weeks ago my car broke down and my phone got disconnected. I was one electric bill away from being Amish."
--Tom Ryan

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Rotten News....  (true)

Injured man wins damages for sex overdrive

Tue Dec 19, 11:17 AM ET

LONDON (Reuters) - A devout Christian who said an accident at work boosted his libido and wrecked his marriage as he turned to prostitutes and pornography was awarded more than 3 million pounds ($5.89 million) in damages Tuesday.

Stephen Tame, 29, from Suffolk, suffered severe head injuries in a fall, transforming him from a loyal newlywed into a "disinhibited" character who had two affairs. He was in a coma for two months after falling from a gantry while working at a bicycle warehouse shortly after his marriage in January 2002. Doctors said it was a miracle he survived.

Awarding him 3.1 million pounds in compensation at London's High Court, Judge Michael Harris said: "His life and the life of his young wife were shattered."

His former employer, Professional Cycle Marketing, of Essex, had argued through their lawyers that his injuries were not as bad as suggested in court.

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Stolen Baby Jesus Returns Year Later -- With Pictures

POSTED: 3:53 pm EST December 19, 2006

BUFFALO, N.Y. -- A statue of the baby Jesus is back where it's supposed to be this Christmas: in John and Joan Leising's yard in Buffalo.

The statue was taken from the Leising's lighted manger last Christmas, and a note said it would be returned in three days. It was returned eight months later, with a photo album.

Someone had posed the statue in front of Thruway signs in Binghamton, Rochester, Albany and Poughkeepsie. Other photos showed it on a bicycle, on a horse, wearing a seat belt in a car, in a chair next to a campfire and in someone's kitchen.

A note said the prank wasn't meant to be "blasphemous or disrespectful."

John Leising said the real Jesus would have forgiven the pranksters, and he does, too.

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December 18, 2006 

Scottish soldiers forced to share kilts

EDINBURGH, Scotland (AP) - More than 5,000 Scottish soldiers are having to share ceremonial kilts because defence chiefs have yet to finalize a contract to buy enough to go around, military officials said Monday.

The men, who face regular tours of duty in Iraq and Afghanistan, have just 320 kilts among them, or one for every 15 soldiers. Combat troops wore the traditional Highland skirt in battle as late as the First World War, but now the plaid kilts are used as part of ceremonial uniform.

New kilts are needed for all Scottish soldiers following the August merger of centuries-old regiments into a single Royal Regiment of Scotland.

"A planned deployment of kilts will be agreed with the Royal Regiment of Scotland on a rollout basis with . . . the full program being completed by January 2008," a Defence Ministry spokesman said Monday.

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£1m camper van

The world's largest luxury camping van, costing more than £1m, has been custom built for an oil Sheik.

Austrian company Action Mobil built the 40ft long vehicle for use on long desert trips, with a huge 13-litre, 600hp engine - which runs at a gas-guzzling 5mpg.

The Desert Challenger took one and a half years to build and includes a large lavishly furnished living room and a state-of-the-art kitchen.

Action Mobil manager Stefan Wirth said: "The client, whose name we will not reveal, will be able to travel the desert together with his family and friends, without needing any outside support for several weeks.

"The Desert Challenger can take up to 4,000 litres of water and up to 2,500 litres of diesel fuel, and there is enough storage to take a considerable amount of food.

"The whole vehicle is entirely hand-made. It has absolutely nothing to do with camping: we used superb materials and expertise from yacht-building and aircraft-building.

"There is a special CCTV surveillance system including two large flat-screens, so that one could record every detail of the outside vicinity."