Subject: Daily Dose - 070306 - parrot, Urban Legends debunked, For Those
who Reed and Right, DDL, Rotten News
A parrot developed the bad habit of
screwing the farmer's hens, making them quit laying. The farmer tells the
parrot if he does it again he will pull out every feather in the parrot's head.
The next day, the farmer again
catches the parrot humping a hen, and snatches the parrot bald.
The following day, the farmer's wife
hosts a formal dinner. She thinks it would be unique if the parrot greeted the
guests and told them where to go. She had spent nearly a year training the
parrot for this.
As the guests began entering, the
parrot dutifully announced, "Ladies to the right! Gentlemen to the
left!" Spotting two bald guys entering, the parrot says, "And you two
chicken-f*ckers get up here with me."
______________________________
Urban Legends debunked...
Tater Taught
Claim: Green potatoes
are poisonous.
Status: True.
Origins: The potato, the
ultimate comfort food in Western society, has a disturbing secret. This
trustworthy old friend so often invited to our tables can, at times, slip us a
little bit of poison.
The potato — or, rather, green
versions of it — contains a natural toxin called solanine. The greenish hue
that should warn you away from such spuds is actually chlorophyll, but its
presence indicates concentrations of solanine are present in the tuber.
A glycoalkaloid poison found in
species of the nightshade, solanine is a nerve toxin produced in the green part
of the potato (the leaves, the stem, and any green spots on the skin). This
bitter poisonous crystalline alkaloid is part of the plant's defenses against
insects, disease, and predators. Potato leaves and stems are naturally high in
glycoalkaloids, so ingestion of these parts of the plant must be avoided at all
costs.
Solanine develops in potatoes
when spuds are subjected to light or
either very cold or warm temperatures. It interferes with the body's ability to
use a particular chemical that facilitates the transmission of impulses between
cells. Ingested in large enough amounts, it can cause vomiting, diarrhea,
headaches, and even paralysis of the central nervous system.
However, unless you are deliberately
seeking out green potatoes to eat, you are unlikely to ingest enough of the
toxin to do harm. The potatoes we buy contain such a minute amount of the
chemical that a healthy adult would have to eat about 4-1/2 pounds at one
sitting to experience any neurological symptoms. Ergo, don't worry about having
the occasional green potato chip, but do discard any potatoes that have green
eyes, sprouts, or greenish skins, rather than prepare and serve them,
especially to children. (Children's smaller body size makes them more
susceptible to ill effects.)
Contemporary lore contains a
well-traveled tale that expounds on a different danger a green potato might
pose: [Brunvand, 1993]
During the 1976 Soweto uprising, a
bunch of township youths paint a potato green. As an armoured car rolls past
them, with a soldier sitting in the turret, they lob the "grenade"
into the car. All the soldiers inside scramble out, sans weapons, and the
youths leap in and commandeer the vehicle. The story is, naturally, hushed up
by the authorities.
As to whether the preceeding is a
true story, as noted South African folklorist Arthur Goldstuck said of it:
"This story is uniquely 1970s South African. Or 1960s Saigon. Or 1940s
France."
Barbara "have spud, will
travel" Mikkelson
Last updated: 23
November 2006
***
Another One Bites the Dust
Legend: An inappropriate song is mistakenly played at a funeral.
Example: [Collected via
e-mail, 2006]
I'm from South Wales, and there is a
prevaling rumour frequently told about a distaster at a crematation. Basically,
the family of the deceased requested that as coffin went through the curtain
the music should be a certain track by Queen which was very appropriate for the
solemnity and theme of the occasion.
However, the undertaker had
accidently hit the play button earlier in the service, so when the volume was
turned up and the coffin started to move through the curtain, instead of Freddy
Mercury singing the haunting refrain "who wants to live for ever"
they heard: "*Boom* *Boom* *Boom* Another One Bites The Dust!"
Origins: This story
about a funeral turned on its ear by the 1980 rock anthem "Another One
Bites the Dust" being used for the decedent's sendoff (rather than the
Queen song actually requested) seems to be a reworking of "Robin
Hoodwinked," a well-traveled tale about a bride's processional music gone
terribly wrong. In that legend, the about-to-be-wed young lady who had
envisioned herself making her way to the altar to Bryan Adams' wistfully
crooning "Everything I do, I do for you" (the theme from the 1991
film Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves) instead got a rousing "Robin Hood,
Robin Hood, riding through the glen" for her approach, the theme from the
1950s television show The Adventures of Robin Hood. In both stories, musical
miscues turned what should have been dignified occasions into scenes of
merriment.
Yet while the story of "Another
One Bites the Dust" being accidentally played as a casket is slid into a
crematorium might seem far-fetched, that very song has intentionally been
selected for such a purpose a number of times. Funerals are becoming less
solemn in Western society, as greater numbers of those making final
arrangements for themselves or loved ones choose to make the ceremonies less
about comforting ritual and more about the individuals being said good-bye to.
Pop songs have become an increasingly common component of final services, both
because the lyrics of many of them so well express the sadness of parting, and
because of a growing lack of familiarity with the musical funerary standards of
a previous age: hymns.
According to a 2002 poll of co-op
funeral directors in Britain, the ten most requested pop songs at funeral
services are:
1. Wind Beneath My Wings
(Bette Midler)
2. My Heart Will Go On (Celine Dion)
3. I Will Always Love You (Whitney Houston)
4. Simply the Best (Tina Turner)
5. Angels (Robbie Williams)
6. You'll Never Walk Alone (Gerry & the Pacemakers)
7. Candle in the Wind (Elton John)
8. Unchained Melody (The Righteous Brothers)
9. Bridge Over Troubled Water (Simon &Garfunkel)
10. Time to Say Goodbye (Sarah Brightman)
However, it doesn't end there. The
deliberate working of humor into the funerary rites is a growing trend, with a
number of popular music offerings that would previously have been regarded as
irreverent for such use being very deliberately made part of the ceremonies.
That same 2002 poll of co-op funeral directors in Britain identified the
following as the ten most-requested quirky pop songs:
1. Smoke Gets in Your
Eyes (The Platters)
2. Another One Bites the Dust (Queen)
3. Theme from ITN's Ten O'Clock News
4. She'll Be Coming Round the Mountain (Various)
5. Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go (Wham)
6. YMCA (Village People)
7. I Wanna Be Like You (from the Disney film The Jungle Book)
8. Run Rabbit Run (Flanagan & Allen)
9. Firestarter (The Prodigy)
10. Atmosphere (Russ Abbot)
The use of musical humor during such
a somber occasion gives the deceased a way to make one last public statement.
For some, it grants the ability to comment on the absurdity of death itself,
the inescapable truth that some thumb their noses at during their lives but
which always triumphs in the end. For others, using funny or incongruous songs
to accompany their exits is one way by which they remind those assembled of who
they were. Similarly, family members and loved ones will sometimes choose to
insert tunes others might view as inappropriate because in their hearts those
particular ditties were strongly identified with the ones who passed on, to the
point of almost being their theme songs. As one British funeral director
explained, 'What might seem wacky to one person can make perfect sense to
another who sees that song as the ideal way to remember a partner, friend, or
family member."
In March 2005, various readers of
The Times shared these tidbits about unusual musical choices for funerals. We
make no claim as to any of these being true, only that they were reported: I am
reminded of the man who had asked for a Bach chorale to be played at his
cremation service. Because of a slight confusion on the part of the organist,
the coffin slid behind the curtains to the strains of the Barcarolle.
At the funeral of a Berkshire
butcher some years ago his wife unfortunately chose the hymn "Sheep May
Safely Graze."
My Uncle Charlie requested
"Ring of Fire" by Johnny Cash, played as the curtains closed around
his coffin at the crematorium. It brought a little humour to the occasion, and
he always was a bit of a joker.
Barbara "for the
crematory-bound, we recommend the Doors' 'Light My Fire'" Mikkelson
Last updated: 15 May
2006
______________________________
For Those who Reed and Right
We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes;
but the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice;
yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
If the plural of man is always called
men,
why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet,
and I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
why shouldn't the plural of booth be called beeth?
Then one may be that, and three
would be those,
yet hat in the plural would never be hose,
and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
but though we say mother, we never say methren.
Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
but imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.
Let's face! it! - English is a crazy
language.
______________________________
DDL
"I like anal sex, if you
please",
Said Charlotte, while down on her knees.
"I'm firm and I'm tight;
I'm an utter delight!
And I promise I won't cut the cheese!"
______________________________
"President Bush has been flying
all around the country this week trying to convince Americans that they are
safer than they were before 9/11. Today, he said because of the wire-tapping
and the secret prisons, not one American has been attacked by a stingray since
Sunday."
--Bill Maher
***
"This is what we know about
Miers. She's never been married, and she has no known boyfriend. In fact, today
President Bush announced a very ambitious plan to put a man on Miers by the
year 2010."
--Jay Leno
***
"I had to go to analysis. They
told me I had an unresolved Oedipus complex. Which, according to them, meant I
want to sleep with my mother. Which is preposterous. My father doesn't even
want to sleep with my mother."
--Dennis Wolfberg
***
"Pakistan had one of the worst
natural disasters ever, up to 50,000 people dead after an earthquake this week.
But of course it's not a resort, no supermodels like the tsunami, so it doesn't
really get covered. But other nations are trying to help. They've offered food,
medicine, corpse-sniffing dogs. New Orleans sent a volunteer team of cops to
beat the crap out of survivors."
--Bill Maher
***
"Why must hailstones always be
the size of something else? And if it must be that way, why don't they have
hailstones the size of testicles?"
--Goerge Carlin
***
I think it's important to remember
that we just can't be good at everything. For example, look at Liberace, he was
a great pianist, but he sucked on the organ.
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
Thirsty man sells beagle to buy beer
BERLIN (Reuters) - A thirsty German
sold his 6-year-old step-daughter's pet beagle to the owner of a bar to pay for
beer, the Bild newspaper reported Friday.
The unemployed man offered to take the dog for a walk and then stopped at a bar
where he convinced the owner to buy the 3-year-old dog for 40 euros ($53).
The man spent the proceeds quenching
his thirst for beer. The bar owner has now returned the dog to its owner.
**********
Girl, 10, has fingers cut off for
taking spinach
From correspondents in New Delhi
December 25, 2006 06:14pm
A HUNGRY 10-year-old girl from
India's lowest Hindu caste had all the fingers of her right hand chopped off by
an upper-caste landowner for taking a few spinach leaves from his field, the
Hindustan Times reported today.
The attack took place in a village
in Bhagalpur district last week in impoverished Bihar state in the east where
caste prejudice against Dalits – formerly called "untouchables" – is
widespread and sometimes results in violence against them.
Police in Bhagalpur, in eastern
Bihar, said they would soon arrest the upper-caste landowner who used a sickle
to wound the girl whose name was given as Khushboo.
Khushboo's father said that he and
his wife – both labourers – had nothing to eat in their house so they sent
their daughter to collect herbs that grew along a railway line.
"She just strayed (to the
landlord's field) and plucked a few leaves," Sukho Ram told the newspaper.
Dalits make up around 16 per cent of
India's 1.1 billion population and still face discrimination in rural areas
from higher castes and sometimes are victims of rape and murder.
Affirmative action in colleges,
universities and in government jobs has benefitted a small section of Dalits.
But many work as labourers, sweepers
and toilet cleaners.
**********
Prizes for prostitute-free New Year
Tue Dec 26, 8:29 AM ET
SEOUL (Reuters) - The South Korean
government is handing out gifts for office workers who promise not to visit
brothels this holiday season.
"If you promise yourself to make it a healthy night out at the end of the
year, and if you recommend this to others, we are giving lots of prizes,"
the Ministry of Gender Equality said in an Internet posting.
The ministry is offering to pay
companies whose employees pledge not to buy sex after what are typically
alcohol-soaked, year-end parties.
The ministry is offering movie
tickets based on the number of employees who pledge not to visit prostitutes as
well as a cash prize of 1 million won ($1,077) for the company which enlists
the most employees in the campaign.
Many South Koreans were bewildered
by the plan, saying it was a waste of money and gave the impression that South
Korean men cannot keep away from brothels.
"Do they really think men buy
sex every time they have a dinner party?" wrote one Korean on a comment
page of the South Korea's largest daily Chosun Ilbo.
*********
February 24. 2007 6:59AM
Car towed, flattened
TOM MOOR
Tribune Staff Writer
SOUTH BEND -- A Bremen woman says
she received quite a shock this week when she found her missing car at an auto
recycling yard, "flattened to a pancake" and sitting on top of a heap
of cars.
Nora Snyder is accusing Russell Auto
Recycling in South Bend of taking her car from a Meijer parking lot in South
Bend, intending to sell it to a scrap-metal yard. She said no one had
permission to tow her 1991 red Buick LeSabre. But Chris Russell, the business'
owner, says Snyder or a relative called his business to have the car removed.
Russell said the whole thing was a
"misunderstanding," and he said he talked to Snyder on Wednesday to
apologize and try to work it out. Nora confirmed he called but said she is still
upset.
Snyder had been looking for her car
since Feb. 15, when surveillance video reportedly showed it being towed from
the Meijer parking lot on Portage Road.
Gail Snyder, her husband, was
involved in a head-on crash near the store Feb. 14 while on his way to buy his
wife Valentine's Day candy, police reports confirm. He received minor injuries
in the crash but was able to drive the car into the lot. Meijer had given Gail
Snyder permission to leave it in the lot until his insurance company was able to
take a look at it, he said.
But neither the Snyders, nor Meijer,
had given a towing company permission to move the car, the Snyders say.
Surveillance video was too blurry to make a positive identification of the
towing company, Nora Snyder said.
Nora Snyder said she had no idea
where the car was -- until Tuesday.
Russell insists that the Snyders
asked them to tow it, and in exchange he would receive the car's title and pay
them $125.
"I'd like to see them shut
down," Snyder said. "It makes me angry to think what they've
done."
Russell said his business has one of
the best reputations in South Bend. He said they process and ship about 500
cars every three months.
But his company has received
complaints in the past.