Subject: Daily Dose - 070305 - Xmas Wish, THIS is TRUE, fist fight, don't bleed, DDL, Rotten News

Little Girl's Xmas Wish

A little girl is in line to see Santa. When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas?"

The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and a G.I. Joe."

Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."

"No," said the little girl. "She comes with G.I. Joe, she fakes it with Ken."

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THIS is TRUE...

ANOTHER ILL-CONCEIVED WAR WE CAN'T GET OUT OF: The neighborhood around 92-year-old Kathryn Johnston's Atlanta, Ga., home went downhill around her: it's a well-known "drug zone". She was afraid even to open the door to friends. So when three men burst into her home without warning, she feared the worst. The men took a few extra seconds to get through the "burglar bar", giving her time to grab her old revolver; she started shooting as they entered -- and hit all three of the men. But more men were behind them, and they started shooting back, killing Johnston. The men were police officers serving a "no-knock" search warrant: an informant reported having bought cocaine from a man in the house. The shot officers all survived. "It was a very tragic and unfortunate incident," said Assistant Police Chief Alan Dreher, adding his department didn't think Johnston had anything to do with selling drugs. The informant later said he had lied about buying drugs at the house, and a search there found no cocaine. (Atlanta Journal- Constitution)
...Whether the informant was lying then or is lying now, this is the sort of intelligence source we rely on in the "moral" crusade called the "War on Drugs".

***

TO PROTECT AND TO SERVE II: Marget Lieder of North Vancouver, B.C., Canada, said she was trying to dial 411, but dialed 911 by accident. The police called back to ask if everything was OK. She said she was. "I don't want my privacy to be invaded just because I misdial a number," she said, but officers arrived anyway. She went outside and assured them everything was fine. "They didn't have a search warrant and they didn't have anything to do in my house," she said, but they broke down the door and came in anyway. She and her partner, Larry Pierce, were arrested for "obstruction of justice." Pierce said the officers "stuck a Taser in my face, threatening me with 50,000 volts. They threw me on the floor, twisted my left arm. A police officer stuck his knee into my ribs and jumped on me," cracking two ribs. Police found no problem in the house. (Vancouver Sun)
...Other than their own presence, of course.

***

CHRISTMAS PAST: The movie "The Nativity Story" -- "Hollywood finally putting Christ back into Christmas," says Ted Baehr, chairman of the Christian Film and Television Commission -- is the first feature film to premiere at the Vatican. But shortly before its showing there, Vatican officials were embarrassed to learn that Keisha Castle-Hughes, 16, who plays Mary, is "thrilled to be pregnant" by her 19-year-old boyfriend from high school. A Vatican spokesman said the girl is "not expected to be a saint herself, only to do her work as an actress properly," and that there were "no major theological errors" in the film. Castle-Hughes was reportedly banned from the premiere, but the Vatican spokesman dismissed that as "rumor". Still, she didn't attend. (London Times)
...Sadly, there was just no room at the inn for her or her beau.

***

CHRISTMAS PRESENT: Gardenia Zakrzewski Johansson, 39, a school teacher, allegedly dropped off her car with a valet parking attendant at the Neiman Marcus store in Scottsdale, Ariz., and asked him to watch her baby, sitting in the back seat. A baby?! the shocked valet asked. "Yes. Do you think it's wrong?" she said. "Yeah, I think it's wrong," Tyler Gocken replied. But she walked away anyway -- leaving her 2-year-old son behind, but taking her dog. Gocken called police. When she returned a half-hour later, officers asked Johansson if she even knew who the valet was. The one with "brown hair," she replied. She was arrested. (Mesa East Valley Tribune)
...Imagine what they would have done if he were blond.

***

CHRISTMAS FUTURE: A store owner in Oberlin, Ohio, has pulled a Christmas display out of his store window after the designer went a bit too far. "A few of his other displays were on the edge," said store owner Charlie Palmer, "but never that crazy." The display featured gingerbread men dressed as Nazi storm troopers. In another window, a snowman sits under a hair dryer in a suicide attempt. "I want people to say 'Oh, my gosh'," said window artist Keith McGuckin. "And once they look at it, say, 'It is kind of pretty'." As for the Nazi theme, "I can differentiate between real Nazis and the atrocities they performed compared to these little gingerbread men, but I guess some people can't." McGuckin's display at the store last year included a little boy making crystal meth using his new chemistry set. (Elyria Chronicle-Telegram)
...Which, he explains, is what led Scrooge to have his hallucinations.

***

NAUGHTY, NOT NICE: Jimmy Wright is tired of the "orgy of consumption" -- especially when it comes to the Christmas gift-buying frenzy. Wright, 69, an artist from Metchosin, on Vancouver Island in B.C., Canada, made that known by crucifying an effigy of Santa Claus in his front yard. The piece is captioned "Sumptum Fac Donec Consumptus Sis" which, Wright says, translates to "Shop Till You Drop." Santa, he says, "represents frivolous consumption. He shot Jesus right out of the saddle." Pro-Santa protestors stole the red-suited man from the cross, but "I don't care. I did what I wanted to do," Wright says. "We have to stop the orgy of consumption." Wright noted that when he was "sitting in my hot tub, looking out this way" toward the effigy in front of his 6,400-square-foot house, he felt good that he made a "statement to everybody to slow down on what they can consume." (Victoria Times Colonist)
...Artist, crucify thyself.

***

IDIOT OF THE WEEK #653: Joshua E. Reed, 26, was out on bail on a theft charge. As a condition of his bail, he was ordered to report daily to the sheriff's office in Rutland, Vt. But his car broke down in Woodstock, and "as ridiculous as it sounds, he was concerned about [his] reporting" requirement, says his public defender, Katie Smith, so Reed allegedly stole a car and drove it to his appointment with the sheriff. He now faces an additional 12 years in prison on car theft and related charges. "He says he wasn't thinking," Smith explained. (Rutland Herald)
...What, again?

***

BOTTLED FOR EVENTUAL USE BY CONGRESS: "Think Tank Will Promote Thinking"
-- Washington (D.C.) Post headline

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Watching from the Club house overlooking the 10th green, we saw a foursome approaching. Having marked their balls, suddenly one of the guys fell down and the three others started a fist fight.

The Golf Captain stormed out from the Club house to separate the fighting men. "Why are you fighting?" he asked.

"You see," said one of them, "my partner just had a stroke and now these assholes want to count it on the scorecard."

***

Perhaps you've heard of the man who thought he was dead? In reality he was very much alive. His delusion became such a problem that his family finally paid for him to see a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist spent many laborious sessions trying to convince the man he was still alive. Nothing seemed to work.

Finally the doctor tried one last approach. He took out his medical books and proceeded to show the patient that dead men don't bleed. After hours of tedious study, the patient seemed convinced that dead men don't bleed.

"Do you now agree that dead men don't bleed?" the doctor asked.

"Yes, I do," the patient replied.

"Very well, then," the doctor said. He took out a pin and pricked the patient's finger. Out came a trickle of blood.

The doctor asked, "What does that tell you?"

"Oh my goodness!" the patient exclaimed as he stared incredulously at his finger... "Dead men do bleed!"

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DDL

A tit connoisseur from North Ealing
Said, "A flat-busted babe ain't appealing.
What you want's a big gland
You can knead with your hand,
And evoke groans and moans when you're feeling.

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PEDESTRIAN, n: Someone who thought there were a couple of gallons left in the tank.
--Unknown

***

After the accident, I told the police officer I thought the driver of the other vehicle was drunk. He told me the other vehicle was a cow.

***

"President Bush just began a seven-day trip through Asia. So far, everywhere he's gone in Asia he's been met by thousands of protesters. President Bush may be the first American to be greeted with the phrase, 'We hate you long time.'"
--Conan O'Brien

***

"Senator Trent Lott, who was ousted from the Senate leadership four years ago because of remarks considered racially insensitive, won election Wednesday, as the Senate Minority Whip. But Lott was disappointed to learn this doesn't mean he gets to whip minorities."
--Seth Myers

***

"Kim Jong-Il said after the test was conducted, he got an e-mail from Congressman Foley telling him he would 'love him long time.'"
--Jay Leno

***

How's this for a bumper sticker:

Don't argue with your wife...dicker.

______________________________

Rotten News....  (true)

January 1, 2007 

2 out of 5 bosses are liars: Florida State University survey

By BRENT KALLESTAD

TALLAHASSEE, Fla. (AP) - For most people, it's back to work Tuesday after a holiday weekend with family and friends. And for many, a new study shows, it will be under a bad boss.

Nearly two of five bosses don't keep their word and more than one-quarter bad mouth those they supervise to co-workers, a Florida State University study shows.

And those all-too-common poor managers create plenty of problems for companies as well, leading to poor morale, less production and higher turnover.

"They say that employees don't leave their job or company, they leave their boss," said Wayne Hochwarter, an associate professor of management in the College of Business at Florida State University, who joined with two doctoral students at the school to survey more than 700 people working in a variety of jobs about how their bosses treat them.

"No abuse should be taken lightly, especially in situations where it becomes a criminal act," said Hochwarter.

Employees stuck in an abusive relationship experienced more exhaustion, job tension, nervousness, depressed moods and mistrust, the researchers found. They found a good working environment is often more important than pay and it's no coincidence poor morale leads to lower production.

"They (employees) were less likely to take on additional tasks, such as working longer or on weekends and were generally less satisfied with their job," the study found. "Also, employees were more likely to leave if involved in an abusive relationship, than if dissatisfied with pay."

The results of the study are scheduled for publication in the Fall 2007 issue of The Leadership Quarterly, a journal read by consultants, managers and executives.

The findings include:

-39 per cent of workers said their supervisor failed to keep promises.

-37 per cent said their supervisor failed to give credit when due.

-31 per cent said their supervisor gave them the "silent treatment" in the last year.

-27 per cent said their supervisor made negative comments about them to other employees or managers.

-24 per cent said their supervisor invaded their privacy.

-23 per cent said their supervisor blamed others to cover up mistakes or to minimize embarrassment.

The survey was conducted by mail. Workers surveyed included men and women of various ages and races in the service industry and manufacturing, from companies large and small, Hochwarter said.

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Jordan king complains of Israeli odors

JERUSALEM - Jordanian King Abdullah II has complained of bovine odors coming from the Israeli side of the frontier along the countries' shared southern border, Israel's environment minister said Monday.

Speaking to Israel Radio, Gideon Ezra said the smells, from a livestock quarantine facility, were blown across the frontier toward the king's palace in the town of Aqaba, on the Red Sea next to the Israeli town of Eilat. Jordanian officials contacted Israel last week and requested the odors be neutralized, Ezra said.

Jordan and Israel, enemies for decades, signed a peace agreement in 1994 and now enjoy close ties.

In response to the Jordanian complaint, Israel has ordered the owners of the facility — where imported livestock is held in quarantine before being released to farmers — to clean up large amounts of animal waste that had built up at the site, Environment Ministry spokesman Sharon Achdut said.

Ezra said that upon receiving the complaint, Israeli officials immediately spread "deodorants" around the site to offset the smell affecting Abdullah's palace, and that a thorough clean-up would begin within days.

"I think that when we get a request from Jordan, just as when we make a request of Jordan, it's one country's duty to do as much as possible for the other," Ezra said.

An official from the Jordanian Royal Palace said the complaint was relayed to the Israeli Environment Ministry through Jordan's ambassador in Tel Aviv.

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Iowa man lands in double-dog trouble

Fri Dec 29, 7:50 PM ET

DES MOINES, Iowa - As crimes go, this one was for the dogs. According to police, James Clay had the munchies early Friday morning so he headed for the hotdogs at a local convenience store. Although his craving appeared satisfied, there was a little problem — he decided to overstuff his bun.

When he went to the counter to pay, the clerk noticed Clay had jammed two hotdogs into his bun, camouflaging his snack under a pile of condiments.

It apparently wasn't the first time Clay had tried to double-dog his bun, so the employee called police.

Hunger was the least of Clay's worries when officers arrived. He was wanted on a warrant for failing to pay child support.

Clay was being held at the Polk County jail under $59,230 bond.

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Cheddarvision TV

Cheese lovers can now watch cheddar mature 24 hours a day on the internet.

West country farmers set up the Cheddarvision website featuring a 25 kg block of cheddar, reports ITN.

Farmer Tom Calver said: "How many other cheeses do you know of on the internet that have their own webcam and a live feed to the internet? I don't think many."

The highlight of the day on www.cheddarvision.tv is at around 10am when the cheese at the Somerset dairy is turned.

"We've had 47,000 hits on our website, so somebody must like it somewhere," Mr Calver added.

Marion Harris who is in charge of the live webcam said: "I think if this website actually gets people to think a little bit more about where cheese comes from and the process it gets through before it gets in the shops, then I guess it's a good thing."