Subject: Daily Dose - 070221 - Jim's Collection

Today's collection courtesy of Jim in Sidney...

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Secret to a Long Marriage

With a couple celebrating their 50th anniversary at the Temple's Marriage Marathon, the Rabbi asked the husband, Morris, to take a few minutes and share some insight into how he managed to live with the same woman all these years.

The husband replied to the audience, "Well,  I treated her with respect, spent money on her, but mostly I took her traveling on special occasions."

The Rabbi inquired "Trips to where?"

"For our 25th anniversary, I took her to Beijing, China."

The Rabbi then said, "What a terrific example you are to all husbands, Morris.  Please tell the audience what you're going to do for your wife on your 50th anniversary?"

"I'm going to go get her."

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Weather Bulletin - North Dakota

THINK ABOUT THIS FOR A MOMENT.

North Dakota News

This text is from a county emergency manager out in the western part of North Dakota state after a snowstorm.

WEATHER BULLETIN

Up here, in the Northern Plains, we just recovered from a Historic event--- may I even say a "Weather Event" of "Biblical Proportions" --- with a historic blizzard of up to 44" inches of snow and winds to 90 MPH that broke trees in half, knocked down utility poles, stranded hundreds of motorists in lethal snow banks, closed ALL roads, isolated scores of communities and cut power to 10's of thousands.

FYI:

George Bush did not come.

FEMA did nothing.

No one howled for the government.

No one blamed the government.

No one even uttered an expletive on TV.

Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton did not visit.

Our Mayor  did not blame Bush or anyone else.

Our Governor did not blame Bush or anyone else, either.

CNN, ABC, CBS, FOX or NBC did not visit - or report on this category 5 snowstorm.  Nobody demanded $2,000 debit cards.

No one asked for a FEMA Trailer House.

No one looted.

Nobody - I mean Nobody demanded the government do something.

Nobody expected the government to do anything, either.

No Larry King, No Bill O'Rielly, No Oprah, No Chris Mathews and No Geraldo Rivera.

No Shaun Penn, No Barbara Striesand, No Hollywood types to be found.

Nope, we just melted the snow for water.

Sent out caravans of SUV's to pluck people out of snow engulfed cars.

The truck drivers pulled people out of snow banks and didn't ask for a penny.

Local restaurants made food and the police and fire departments delivered it to the snowbound families.

Families took in the stranded people - total strangers.

We fired up wood stoves, broke out coal oil lanterns or Coleman lanterns.

We put on extra layers of clothes because up here it is "Work or Die".

We did not wait for some affirmative action government to get us out of a mess created by being immobilized by a welfare program that trades votes for ' sittin at home' checks.

Even though a Category "5" blizzard of this scale has never fallen this early, we know it can happen and how to deal with it ourselves.

"In my many travels, I have noticed that once one   gets north of about 48 degrees North Latitude, 90% of the world's social problems evaporate."

It does seem that way, at least to me.

I hope this gets passed on.

Maybe SOME people will get the message.  The world does Not owe you a living.

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And They Ask Why I Like Retirement

Question: How many days in a week?
Answer: 7 - 6 Saturdays and 1 Sunday

Question: When is a retiree's bedtime?
Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch

Question: How many retirees to change a light bulb?
Answer: Only one, but it might take all day.

Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees?
Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done.

Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors?
Answer: The term comes with a 10% percent discount.

Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire?
Answer: Tied shoes

Question: Why do retirees count pennies?
Answer: They are the only ones who have the time.

Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire?
Answer: NUTS!

Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage?
Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there.

Question: What do retirees call a long lunch?
Answer: Normal.

Question: What is the best way to describe retirement?
Answer: The never ending Coffee Break.

Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree?
Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents.

If you have not yet retired - look what you have to look forward to!

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TO ALL THE GIRLS WE'VE LOVED ON THE BIG SCREEN FOR SO MANY YEARS.....WE STILL LOVE YOU.

 Brigette Bardot 71
 Stella Stevens 68
 Sophia Loren 71
 Gina Lollobrigida 78
 Deborah Kerr 94 (WOW!)
 Lena Horne 88
 Kay Starr 83
 Patti Page 78
 Annette Funicello 63
 Barbara Eden 71
 Angie Dickenson 74
 Doris Day 81
 Joan Collins 72
 Julie Christie 64
 Leslie Caron 74
 Carroll Baker 74
 Ann-Margret 64
 Debra Padget 72
 Julie Andrews 70
 Ursula Andress 69
 Rita Moreno 74
 Jean Simmons 76
 Julie Newmar 72
 Kim Novak 72
 Jane Powell 76
 Debbie Reynolds 73
 Shirley Temple 77 (NO!)
 Jane Russell 84
 Kathryn Grayson 83
 Esther Williams 82
 Elke Sommer 65
 Gale Storm 83
 Jill St John 65
 LizTaylor 73 (wow!)                                      
 Mamie Van Doren 74

Getting older and and better just like us!

______________________________

evidently he has not been married very long.

Newspaper Ad.

06' Suzuki GSXR 1000
$10,000
Farmington, UT 84025 - Aug 7, 2006

2006 Suzuki 1000. This bike is perfect! It has 1000 miles and has had its 500 mile dealer service. (Expensive) It's been adult ridden, all wheels have always been on the ground. I use it as a cruiser/commuter. I'm selling it because it was purchased without proper consent of a Loving wife.

Apparently "Do whatever the Hell you want" Doesn't mean what I thought.

Call me, Steve...(801)867-8292

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I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford one, so, I'm wearing my garage door opener.

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You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people who avoided me just didn't like me.

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I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans, and men should put pictures of their missing wives up at the mall!

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I was thinking about old age and decided that old age is 'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.'

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I thought about making a fitness movie, for folks my age, and call it "Pumping Rust."

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I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease:  That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!

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I've come to realize that the secret to a happy life is not looking like Barbie or Ken and suffering through tofu and rice cakes to stay that way!  It's  eating chocolate, staying chunky and explain that you're really a perfect size 6, but you keep it covered with fat so it doesn't get scratched!

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I know, when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?"  Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"

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Employment application blanks always ask 'who is to be notified in c ase of an emergency'  I think you should write, "A Good Doctor!"

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Why is it that every time I lose weight it finds me again?

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Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?  What are we supposed to do -- write to these men?  Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail? Or better yet, arrest them while they are taking their pictures!

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Just once, when someone says "How are you" (without really wanting to know), I'd like to say "Well, I can't keep my teeth in, I pee myself every time I laugh, my hair is falling out, I cannot see where the heck I'm going most of the time, my back hurts and I pass gas every time I sneeze (and feel like sneezing right now)!  I'll bet that'd cure 'em from asking again!

______________________________

I checked out the following with Snopes.com, and verified it - interesting words from the shoe bomber judge upon sentencing him  -  Jim

Remember the guy who got on a plane with a bomb built into his shoe and tried to light it?

Did you know his trial is over? Did you know he was sentenced? Did you see/hear any of the judge's comments on TV or Radio?

Didn't think so.

Everyone should hear what the judge had to say.

Ruling by Judge William Young, US District Court.

Prior to sentencing, the Judge asked the defendant if he had anything to say. His response: After admitting his guilt to the court for the record, Reid also admitted his "allegiance to Osama bin Laden, to Islam, and to the religion of Allah," defiantly stating, "I think I will not apologize for my actions," and told the court "I am at war with your country."

Judge Young then delivered the statement quoted below:

January 30, 2003, United States vs. Reid. Judge Young:

"Mr. Richard C. Reid, hearken now to the sentence the Court imposes upon you.

On counts 1, 5 and 6 the Court sentences you to life in prison in the custody of the United States Attorney General. On counts 2, 3, 4 and 7, the Court sentences you to 20 years in prison on each count, the sentence on each count to run consecutively. (That's 80 years.)

On count 8 the Court sentences you to the mandatory 30 years again, to be served consecutively to the 80 years just imposed. The Court imposes upon you for each of the eight counts a fine of $250,000 that's an aggregate fine of $2 million. The Court accepts the government's recommendation with respect to restitution and orders restitution in the amount of $298.17 to Andre Bousquet and $5,784 to American Airlines.

The Court imposes upon you an $800 special assessment. The Court imposes upon you five years supervised release simply because the law requires it. But the life sentences are real life sentences so I need go no further.

This is the sentence that is provided for by our statutes. It is a fair and just sentence. It is a righteous sentence.

Now, let me explain this to you. We are not afraid of you or any of your terrorist coconspirators, Mr. Reid. We are Americans. We have been through the fire before. There is too much war talk here and I say that to everyone with the utmost respect. Here in this court, we deal with individuals as individuals and care for individuals as individuals. As human beings, we reach out for justice.

You are not an enemy combatant. You are a terrorist. You are not a soldier in any war. You are a terrorist. To give you that reference, to call you a soldier, gives you far too much stature. Whether the officers of government do it or your attorney does it, or if you think you are a soldier. You are not----- you are a terrorist. And we do not negotiate with terrorists. We do not meet with terrorists. We do not sign documents with terrorists. We hunt them down one by one and bring them to justice.

So war talk is way out of line in this court. You are a big fellow. But you are not that big. You're no warrior. I've known warriors. You are a terrorist. A species of criminal that is guilty of multiple attempted murders. In a very real sense, State Trooper Santiago had it right when you first were taken off that plane and into custody and you wondered where the press and the TV crews were, and he said: "You're no big deal."

You are no big deal.

What your able counsel and what the equally able United States attorneys have grappled with and what I have as honestly as I know how tried to grapple with, is why you did something so horrific. What was it that led you here to this courtroom today?

I have listened respectfully to what you have to say. And I ask you to search your heart and ask yourself what sort of unfathomable hate led you to do what you are guilty and admit you are guilty of doing? And, I have an answer for you. It may not satisfy you, but as I search this entire record, it comes as close to understanding as I know.

It seems to me you hate the one thing that to us is most precious. You hate our freedom. Our individual freedom. Our individual freedom to live as we choose, to come and go as we choose, to believe or not believe as we individually choose. Here, in this society, the very wind carries freedom. It carries it everywhere from sea to shining sea. It is because we prize individual freedom so much that you are here in this beautiful courtroom. So that everyone can see, truly see, that justice is administered fairly, individually, and discretely. It is for freedom's sake that your lawyers are striving so vigorously on your behalf, have filed appeals, will go on in their representation of you before other judges.

We Americans are all about freedom. Because we all know that the way we treat you, Mr. Reid, is the measure of our own liberties. Make no mistake though. It is yet true that we will bare any burden; pay any price, to preserve our freedoms. Look around this courtroom. Mark it well. The world is not going to long remember what you or I say here. The day after tomorrow, it will be forgotten, but this, however, will long endure.

Here in this courtroom and courtrooms all across America, the American people will gather to see that justice, individual justice, justice, not war, individual justice is in fact being done. The very President of the United States through his officers will have to come into courtrooms and lay out evidence on which specific matters can be judged and juries of citizens will gather to sit and judge that evidence democratically, to mold and shape and refine our sense of justice.

See that flag, Mr. Reid? That's the flag of the United States of America. That flag will fly there long after this is all forgotten. That flag stands for freedom. And it always will.

Mr. Custody Officer. Stand him down.

So, how much of this Judge's comments did we hear on our TV sets? We need more judges like Judge Young, but that's another subject. Pass this around. Everyone should and needs to hear what this fine judge had to say. Powerful words that strike home. God bless America.

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Off his trolley?

A designer is trying to reduce Britain's mountain of old shopping trolleys - by turning them into furniture.

Colin Lovekin, from Exeter, says about 100,000 trolleys are destroyed every year - many going into landfill sites.

The 46-year-old made his first batch of trolley-based furniture for his BA degree in three-dimensional design.

Newly graduated, he is now looking at the potential for making the furniture on a commercial basis.

He made three chairs and a sofa while studying for his university degree, the final chair design featuring curved arms, wheeled legs, and even a basket at the back.

Mr Lovekin uses one of his prototype chairs at his home in Budlake, near Exeter, Devon, and is now set to make a couple more for a friend.