Subject: Daily Dose - 070220 - Good Job, THIS is TRUE, Pay up, DDL, Rotten
News
Good Job
Say, Bill," a man said to his
pal, "how do you like your new job?"
"It's the worst job I ever
had."
"How long have you been
there?"
"About three months."
"Why don't you quit?"
"No way. This is the first time
in 20 years that I've looked forward to going home."
______________________________
THIS is TRUE...
PEACE ON EARTH: Lisa Jensen hung a
Christmas wreath on the outside wall of her home in Pagosa Springs, Colo. The
pine boughs were arranged into a peace sign because she "wanted to put a
message of peace out there," Jensen said. But Bob Kearns, the president of
her homeowner's association, ordered her to remove the wreath on the grounds
that "signs, billboards or advertising structures of any kind" are
banned, and subject to a $25-per-day fine. The HOA's entire architectural control
committee resigned in protest, and Jensen refused to remove the wreath.
"The peace sign has a lot of negativity associated with it," Kearns
claimed. "It's also an anti-Christ sign. That's how it started," he
said, calling the peace sign "Satanic". After a local -- and national
-- outcry, Kearns backed off. He apologized and said the wreath could stay.
(Durango Herald)
...Chalking up another win for that darned peace-loving Satan.
***
GOOD WILL TOWARD MEN: Just in time
for the holidays, Philadelphia, Pa., based Urban Outfitters rolled out a new
ornament. "Bust a cap in your tree with this superglittery ornament in the
shape of a handgun," the company's catalog enthused. The company said the
$6 black revolver ornament is one of several "dark humor items" meant
to impart an "ironic twist" on the holidays. Asked to comment, a
Philly police spokesman said news reports on the ornament just played into
Urban Outfitters' hands, with the "potential to raise their profile."
Sure enough, once the story broke the company quickly sold out of the ornament.
(Philadelphia Inquirer)
...Next year they'll get really offensive with a superglittery peace sign.
***
LIVE BY THE SWORD: An armed man
forced his way into an apartment in Durham, N.C., and held the occupants at
gunpoint, including a 5-year-old girl and a baby, while ordering the adults to
give him money. That's when the girl's younger brother, Stevie Long, 4, came to
the family's rescue. Stevie heard the commotion and quickly got dressed -- in a
Mighty Morphin Power Ranger outfit -- and grabbed his plastic Mighty Morphin
sword. "Get away from my family," the boy yelled as he burst into the
room, swinging the sword with punctuations of "yah, yah!" The robber,
and an accomplice who stayed outside, ran. "I scared the bad guys away,"
Stevie said. A counselor says Steve needs to work on improving his distinction
between fantasy and reality. "He fully believed he morphed," his aunt
said. (Raleigh News & Observer)
...With several years of intense therapy, he can be cured so he's frozen in
fear just like everyone else.
***
DIE BY THE SWORD: Residents of a
house in Memphis, Tenn., were awakened by a home-invasion robbery. Two men
burst in and started shooting. During the robbery one of the victims grabbed a
sword and swung it at one robber's gun just as he was about to fire. The blow
severed the robber's trigger finger, and the gunmen ran. Police recovered the
finger and were able to lift a clean fingerprint, which matched Terence
Stewart, 28, who was recently released from prison after serving time for
violent home-invasion robberies. (Memphis Commercial Appeal)
...The pen may be mightier than the sword, but sometimes the sword is the
perfect tool for the job.
***
MOOOOOOOVE! "Cow versus Car;
Cow Wins"
-- Poughkeepsie (N.Y.) Journal headline
______________________________
Pay up!
After watching a rather hot love
scene on cable, the husband looked over at his wife and said, "How come
you never make love to me like that?"
"Are you kidding me?? Do you
have any idea how much they pay those people to do that??"
______________________________
DDL
If no Pain were, how judge we of
Pleasure?
If no Work, where's the solace of Leisure?
What's White, if no Black?
What's Wealth, if no Lack?
If no Loss, how our Gain could we measure?
______________________________
At long last the good-humored boss
was compelled to call Fisk into his office. "It has not escaped my
attention," he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at
the stadium you have to take your aunt to the doctor."
"You know you're right,
sir," exclaimed Fisk. "I didn't realize it. You don't suppose she's
faking it, do you?"
***
"My wife finally convinced me
to sign what's called a living will. It's a document that gives her the right,
if I become attached to some mechanical device, to terminate my life. So
yesterday, I'm on the excercise bike..."
-Jonathan Katz
***
"During Judge Alito's hearings,
Senator Ted Kennedy accidentally referred to Sam Alito as Ali-oto. Kennedy
said, 'Forgive me, I'm sober.'"
--Conan O'Brien
***
The shipwrecked mariner had spent
several years on a deserted island. Then one morning he was thrilled to
see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out toward him. When the boat
grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a
bundle of newspapers and told him, "With the captain's compliments.
He said to read through these and let us know if you still want to be
rescued."
***
"My wife thinks I'm too nosy.
At least that's what she keeps scribbling in her diary."
--Drake Sather
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
Wheeler dealer swaps beer for camper
van
A man has converted a bottle of beer
into a camper van - in just five deals.
Pete Genders wanted the motor home
so he could take his wife Verity on a second honeymoon. He set up a website
offering a £2.69 beer and vowed to trade up until he had the van. Five months
later Pete, 28, got the keys to a W-reg VW camper worth £1,500.
He admitted: "I never expected
to do so well."
In his first deal, Pete swapped the
Lincoln GrALE beer for a day as a local newspaper editor. He exchanged that to
become a co-host of a radio show. He swapped that for tickets for The Zutons.
According to the Mirror, Pete, of
Lincoln, said: "One Zutons fan even asked if I fancied a night with his
girlfriend."
He eventually went on to own a £500
Citroen which he finally exchanged for the camper van.
**********
January 4, 2007
Earth sculpture collapses
ATLANTA (AP) — A million-dollar
stone sculpture, intended to remind future generations of the Earth’s
fragility, made its point a bit early — just three months after its unveiling,
it collapsed.
The 175-ton “Spaceship Earth” lay in
ruins at Kennesaw State University after mysteriously falling to pieces last
week.
The engraved phrase “our fragile
craft” was still visible amid the debris.
“Kind of ironic,” said
Mary-Elizabeth Watson, a university employee. “I had no idea it was made up of
so many pieces.”
University officials say they
suspect water damage or glue failure, but agents with the Georgia Bureau of
Investigation are also looking into the possibility of vandalism, said Frances
Weyand, a spokeswoman for Kennesaw State.
The Finnish-born sculptor who goes
by one name, Eino, had called the work “Spaceship Earth” to honor
environmentalist David Brower, a leader of the Sierra Club. It depicted a
bronze figure of Brower standing atop the globe. The founders of
California-based PowerBar had paid for it.
“How can stone collapse by itself?”
Eino asked. “I’m devastated.”
He said he used a resin made
specially for stone, worked with an engineer and was assured that the globe
would stay in one piece.
Eino, who lived in Georgia in the
late 1990s and now lives outside Las Vegas, vowed to restore “Spaceship Earth”
to its former glory, with structural modifications. Rebuilding will start as
early as next month, he said.
“I want to rebuild it and build it
stronger than ever,” Eino said. “It has to be made safe.”
***********
Bank issues credit card to cat Thu
Jan 4, 3:21 AM ET
SYDNEY (Reuters) - An Australian
bank has apologised for issuing a credit card to a cat after its owner decided
to test the bank's identity security system.
The Bank of Queensland issued a
credit card to Messiah the cat when his owner Katherine Campbell applied for a
secondary card on her account under its name.
"I just couldn't believe it.
People need to be aware of this and banks need to have better security,"
Campbell told local media on Thursday.
The bank said the cat's card had
been cancelled. "We apologise as this should not have happened," it
said in a statement.
***********
Dogs pees upside down
A Chinese woman says her pet dog has
taken to peeing upside down.
Mrs Chen, of Changchun city, says
18-month-old 'Baby' began peeing in the new position just three months ago.
“He used to pee as other dogs do.
But one day I found him putting both hind legs up onto the tree to pee,"
she told East Asia Business News.
"I thought maybe that was only
for the one day. But from then on, unexpectedly, he would pee in that acrobatic
position.”
Chen says Baby's other unusual trait
is that he is a vegetarian.
"He can’t eat meat because it
makes him throw up. So I only feed him egg yolk and corn pancakes, and that’s
been his main food," she said.
