Subject: Daily Dose - 070205 - terrible night, THIS is TRUE,
Characteristics of The Company Car, DDL, Rotten News
It was a terrible night, blowing
cold and snow in a most frightful manner. The streets were deserted and the
local baker was just about to close up shop when a little, old man slipped
through the door. He carried an umbrella, blown inside out, and was bundled in
two sweaters and a thick coat. But even so he still looked wet, freezing, and
bedraggled.
As he unwound his scarf he said to
the baker, "May I have two poppy seed bagels to go, please?"
The baker said in astonishment,
"Two bagels? Nothing more?"
"That's right," answered
the little man. "One for me and one for Sherry."
"And who is Sherry, your
wife?" asked the baker.
"What did you think,"
snapped the little man, "that my mother would send me out on a night like
this?"
______________________________
THIS is TRUE...
FREEDOM OF SPEECH: Steve Howards,
54, and his wife were walking their son to piano practice in Beaver Creek,
Colo., and were surprised to see Vice President Dick Cheney on the street
chatting with citizens. "Many of us fantasize what would we do if we had
the opportunity to really tell Mr. Bush or Mr. Cheney how we feel,"
Howards said, so as he passed by he told Cheney, "I think your policies in
Iraq are reprehensible." After dropping off his son, a Secret Service
agent approached Howards and asked, "Did you assault the vice
president?" Howards said no, and made it clear he didn't even attempt to
touch Cheney. "If this had happened, I would think if they were doing
their job, I would have been face-down in the concrete five or 10 minutes
earlier," he said later. Still, he was handcuffed and jailed, with the
Secret Service demanding he be charged with harassment. The Eagle County
District Attorney dropped the charge. Howards has filed a lawsuit in federal
court accusing Secret Service agent Virgil D. Reichle Jr. with civil rights
violations. (Rocky Mountain News)
...Dick Cheney's America: where exercising one's rights has become an act of
courage.
***
FREEDOM OF SPEECH TOO:
"Absolutely, they knew what they were getting when they asked Nikki
Giovanni," said University of Cincinnati, Ohio, English professor James
Cummins. He was speaking of the brouhaha over the remarks that Giovanni, a
"poet/activist", made at the dedication of Fountain Square. The poet
had been asked to "deliver a positive, uplifting message about the
importance of Cincinnatians reconnecting with one another." In her
publicly recited poem, she referred to the Republican candidate for Ohio
governor, Ken Blackwell, as a "son of a bitch" and alluded to him as
a "political whore". The square's developer, who invited Giovanni,
said it is "strongly committed to the principle of free speech and the
belief that Fountain Square is a center of open public discourse," but
decried the "personal attacks and foul language." (Cincinnati
Enquirer)
...See, that's how you deal with free speech: you exercise your own in return.
***
BENEATH THE LAW: An unnamed
19-year-old prostitute in Boston, Mass., says a local police officer was
forcing her to have sex with him. To prove her allegation, she produced some
startling evidence: his badge, police I.D., firearms license and Social
Security card. "When his pants were down around his ankles, I just took
his badge" case and ran, she told an attorney. When Officer Michael
LoPriore, 37, called her demanding she return the items, the FBI -- tipped off
by the woman's attorney -- recorded the call. LoPriore, a 12-year veteran, has
been charged with abusing his authority to deprive the woman of her rights. He
has resigned from the department and, his lawyer said, plans to plead guilty.
(Boston Globe)
...Showing one can outrun the short arm of the law.
***
AND THE BAND PLAYED ON: Raj Peter
Bhakta, 30, a Pennsylvania Republican campaigning for Congress, flew to Texas
to film a campaign commercial. Why film in Texas, rather than his home state?
Bhakta, who had never been in Texas before, wanted to make a point about the
security of the Mexican border. "Border security is a major issue in my
district and I wanted to see firsthand the situation," he explained. He
did that by hiring three elephants from a circus and having them walk back and
forth across the Rio Grande river with him, accompanied by a mariachi band.
"People may think I am making a joke of border security and the political
system that we have," Bhakta said. "And the truth is that it is a
joke." Bhakta is previously known as a contestant on Donald Trump's
reality TV show, "The Apprentice". (San Antonio Express-News)
...Where, at least, he gained experience at being rejected in popularity
contests.
***
ONLY IN MOTOWN: "Living in a
Car Now Touted as a Plus"
-- Detroit News headline
______________________________
10 Characteristics of The Company
Car...
**- Accelerates at a phenomenal
rate.
** - Has a much shorter braking
distance than the private car.
** - Can take speed humps at twice
the speed of private cars.
** - The battery, radiator water,
oil and tires never have to be checked.
** - It can be driven up to 60 miles
with the oil warning light flashing.
** - It needs cleaning less often
than private cars.
** - The suspension is reinforced to
allow for the weekend loads of bricks, concrete slabs and other building
material.
** - Unusual and alarming engine
noises are easily eliminated by turning up the radio.
** - It needs no security system and
may be left anywhere, unlocked and with the keys in the ignition.
** - It is especially sand and
waterproof for barbeques and fishing expeditions on remote beaches.
______________________________
DDL
You lechers like 44D's?
Then go find two bowling balls, please.
Here's all I can say:
They get in the way;
And a handful's enough for a squeeze.
The size is of no real concern.
(A lesson you guys ought to learn)
You want to get hot?
Caress what you've got;
You'll see how the home fires burn.
I feel I should put you all right;
For despite what I say on this site,
I assure you I do
Not like massive bazoo-
mas; they don't make my undershorts tight.
In fact it's the B's and the C's
(And the ass and the legs if you please)
Which excite me and fire
Me with lust and desire;
Not those slappers with 44D's.
______________________________
"The White House has hired a
new pastry chef. The uncomfortable thing is that he was also hired to be the
Secretary of Defense."
--Conan O'Brien
***
"Rocky 6 is now in the theater.
Don't kid yourself, Rocky is getting old. In this movie he climbs into the ring
and says, 'What am I in here for?'"
--Dave Letterman
***
"According to a study, they
found common words used by happy people are, joy, love and hopeful. And they
also found common words used by other people to describe happy people.
Annoying, irritating, obnoxious..."
--Jay Leno
***
"British scientists are now
seeking permission to fuse human cells with rabbit eggs. Their goal is to
create a human with a lucky foot."
--Jay Leno
***
"A recent study has found that
more senior citizens than ever are entering college. College faculty says that
the seniors are like any other students but take Jell-O shots just for the
Jell-O."
--Conan O'Brien
***
"The French have launched their
own version of Google, called Quaero. You just type in the subject you're
interested in, and Quaero refuses to look it up for you."
--Amy Poehler
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
Diary of a goof-off: No work, no pay
By CLARK KAUFFMAN
January 19, 2007
A Des Moines hotel worker has been
fired for using her employer's computer to keep a massive, detailed journal
cataloging her efforts to avoid work.
State records indicate that Emmalee
Bauer, 25, of Elkhart was hired by the Sheraton hotel company in February 2005.
During most of 2006, she worked at the company's Army Post Road location as a
sales coordinator.
At one point during her employment,
Bauer was allegedly instructed to refrain from using company time to work on
her personal, handwritten journal. Rather than stop writing at all, Bauer
allegedly began using her work computer to keep the journal up to date.
"I am going to be typing all my
thoughts instead of writing all day," wrote Bauer, according to portions
of the journal that were entered into evidence at a recent state hearing
dealing with Bauer's request for unemployment benefits. "That way, there
isn't any way to tell for sure if I am working really hard or I am just goofing
off."
Over the next several months, Bauer
composed a book-length journal of 300 single-spaced pages, describing in
excruciating detail her dogged efforts to avoid any sort of work.
"This typing thing seems to be
doing the trick," she wrote. "It just looks like I am hard at work on
something very important."
A supervisor discovered the journal
late last year and fired Bauer for misuse of company time.
Other journal entries, according to
evidence presented at the hearing:
- "I am going to sit right here
and play Elf Bowling or some other nonsense. Once lunch is over, I will come
right back to writing to piddle away the rest of the afternoon. ... I have
almost 100 pages here! I wonder how long that's going to take to print?"
- "I don't feel like doing a
single worthwhile thing today. It's 11:00 and so far I have stuck to that. ...
I have managed to waste half of the day doing nothing constructive. That isn't
exactly an easy task, either."
- "It's noon already and I
don't feel like I have accomplished a damn thing. Accomplishment is overrated,
anyway."
- "I just have to get through
the next seven hours and forty-six minutes and then I will be free."
- "(I have) an hour of time
that needs to be wasted - I mean 'spent wisely.' I know, that's a crock. I am
only here for the money and, lately, for the printer access. I haven't really
accomplished anything in a long while ... and I am still getting paid more than
I ever have at a job before, with less to do than I have ever had before. It's
actually quite nice when I think of it that way. I can shop online, play games
and read message boards and still get paid for it."
At the state hearing, Bauer
testified the journal was intended to help her deal with anxiety and
frustration. She said she didn't believe her firing was warranted because other
employees violated company policy without being penalized.
Administrative Law Judge Susan
Ackerman denied Bauer's request for unemployment benefits last week, saying the
journal demonstrated a refusal to work, as well as Bauer's "amusement at
getting away with it."
In the journal, Bauer speculated
that her writings might someday be published even though they dealt largely
with the minutiae of her daily life such as rearranging the furniture at home,
doing the dishes and planning for a tattoo on her lower back.
"I don't really think about
much of anything as I type or write," she wrote. "I simply put on
paper what I am feeling in that exact moment. .... It could be a side note to
my biography someday that no one supported my writing and I was forced to do it
secretly at the risk of persecution."
**********
Amsterdam to get statue to honour
prostitutes
Fri Jan 19, 2:17 PM ET
AMSTERDAM (Reuters) - Amsterdam's
red-light district will soon get a new attraction: a statue to honour
prostitutes around the world.
The statue, designed by artist Els
Rijerse, will likely be unveiled at the end of March, Dutch news agency ANP
reported.
"In many countries, prostitutes
struggle and people have no respect for them whatsoever. The statue is meant to
give all those men and women strength," Mariska Majoor, a former
prostitute who commissioned the statue, told ANP.
ANP said the statue, made of bronze,
shows a woman who confidently looks out into the world.
**********
Fat cops on crash diet
Overweight Thai police officers have
been put on a crash diet and exercise plan in Bangkok.
A total of 88 officers, with
waistlines ranging between 40 and 49 inches, have been put on the one-month,
weight-control programme.
The initiative, at the metropolitan
police headquarters in Bangkok, comes after fat police officers were ordered to
lose weight.
Police chiefs say they are giving
the force a bad name and want them looking fit and lean when they direct
traffic on the city's streets.