Subject: Daily Dose - 070129 - dead mule, BIZARRE NEWS, guess her age, DDL,
Rotten News
Once upon a time, there was a
wealthy old miner who was traveling across the plains with his trusty mule of
many years. All of a sudden the mule fell over dead. The old man buried his old
friend and put up a cross as a grave marker. He wrote on the cross, "My
Ass." Then he continued on his journey.
Years later a town grew nearby the
grave. The road into town went right by the marker, so the town adopted the
name out of respect for the dead mule. It had become somewhat of a historical
site.
Then one day a traveling salesman
who was lost wondered into the old desert town, but didn't notice the marker.
He saw a man on the street and stopped to get directions. The salesman asked,
"Could you please tell me where I am?"
"Sure," replied the old
man. "You're right on the edge of My Ass."
The salesman was puzzled by what the
man said, so he decided to ask someone else. He thanked the man and continued
to what appeared to be the downtown area.
He saw another man walking down the
street. He asked, "Please sir, could you tell me where I am, I seem to be
lost?"
The old man promptly replied,
"No problem young fella. You're right smack dab in the middle of My
Ass!"
At this point the salesman decided
that everyone in the little town was crazy and decided to leave. On the way out
of town he spotted a seafood restaurant. He had become quite hungry, so he
decided to get something to eat before traveling on to the next town.
The waitress walked over and asked,
"What'll you have stranger?"
The man replied, "I think I'll
have the crab platter."
The waitress replied, "I'm
sorry sir, we're all out of crabs. My husband looked all over My Ass last night
and didn't find but two...and we ate them."
______________________________
BIZARRE NEWS...
Bizarre Laws
MICHIGAN
Michigan takes their rats seriously.
You can collect a 10 cent bounty on every rat you bring into a town office.
It is legal for a robber to file a
law suit, if he or she is injured in your house.
Any person over the age of 12 may
have a license for a handgun as long as he/she has not been convicted of a
felony.
It is against the law to serenade
your girlfriend in Kalamazoo.
In Pontiac, Michigan, it is illegal
to drink soda in a bag of any kind.
Michigan law prohibits chaining an
alligator to a fire hydrant.
Couples are banned from making love
in an automobile unless the act takes place while the vehicle is parked on the
couple's own property.
It is illegal to paint sparrows to
sell them as parakeets.
***
Drivers Express Their Road Rage
WASHINGTON - Washington area drivers
have new options to express disgust with fellow drivers, including obscene
signs and an Internet site for posting insults.
Entrepreneur Mika Larson told The
Washington Post the idea to print signs to hold up came to her during a fit of
rage and she now markets them with messages. Fairfax, Va., computer consultant
Mark Buckman went high-tech with his venting process, opening a Web site,
platewire.com, where angry drivers can post a bad driver's license plate number
along with insults, the newspaper said.
Leon James, a professor at the
University of Hawaii and co-author of "Road Rage and Aggressive
Driving" told the Post neither idea is very healthy.
"Venting reactivates the
original stress hormones. It keeps you obsessively focused on proving the other
person wrong," James said.
***
iPod Helps Lost Man's Rescue
CORVALLIS, Ore. - Search-and-rescue
workers in Benton County, Ore., were able to locate a lost mushroom picker
thanks to the glow of his iPod. Pini Nou, 25, of Vancouver, Wash., was found
early Friday in underbrush so thick that it took searchers a full 22 minutes to
reach him, The Corvallis (Ore.) Gazette-Times reported.
Rescuers say Nou did not have a flashlight
but used the glow of his iPod Nano to attract their attention.
He had gone mushroom hunting with
his mother, an experienced outdoorswoman, when they became separated. After
searching for several hours, Nou's mother enlisted the help of employees at a
nearby lumber mill who subsequently called in local search-and-rescue units.
Nou was able to guide rescuers to the area by making calls on his cell phone.
***
Orgasm for Peace
SAN FRANCISCO Two peace activists
have planned a massive anti-war demonstration for the first day of winter. But
they don't want you marching in the streets. They'd much rather you just stay
home.
The Global Orgasm for Peace was
conceived by Donna Sheehan, 76, and Paul Reffell, 55, whose immodest goal is
for everyone in the world to have an orgasm Dec. 22 while focusing on world
peace.
"The orgasm gives out an
incredible feeling of peace during it and after it," Reffell said Sunday.
"Your mind is like a blank. It's like a meditative state. And mass
meditations have been shown to make a change."
The couple are no strangers to sex
and social activism. Sheehan, no relation to anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan,
brought together nearly 50 women in 2002 who stripped naked and spelled out the
word "Peace."
By promoting what they hope to be a
synchronized global orgasm, they hope to get people to channel their sexual
energy into something more positive.
"The dream is to have everyone
in the world (take part)," Reffell said. "And if that means laying
down your gun for a few minutes, then hey, all the better."
______________________________
At a fancy reception a young man was
asked by a widow to guess her age.
"You must have some idea,"
she urged when he hesitated.
"I have a couple ideas,"
he admitted with a smile. "The trouble is that I don't know whether to
make it ten years younger, because of your looks, or ten years older, because
of your intelligence."
______________________________
DDL
Said a passionate lady of Ewell,
"The fellows, of course want my jewel.
But I make my selection
By length-in-erection -
Twelve inces is fine, as a rule."
______________________________
"I can't work out in front of
women. I don't want them to see me when I'm on my way to my goal--which is
them!"
--Craig Shoemaker
***
"My dad, he's a nuclear
physicist, my mom, she's a mathematician, my brother is a chemical
engineer--and I like to color."
--Shashi Bhatia
***
"There's no such thing as fun
for the whole family; there are no massage parlors with ice cream and free
jewelry."
--Jerry Seinfeld
***
"Sometimes people ask me:
'Dave, what is the essence of parenthood?' I always answer: 'Lowering your
standards.'"
--Dave Barry
***
"Whenever I go to a bar, I
always go right up to the most beautiful woman in the room and say, 'You've got
something hanging out of your nose.' Hey, since I've got no shot at her, I
might as well humble her a little for the next guy."
--Michael Hayward
***
"My father would say things
that made no sense at all, like, 'If I were the last person on earth, some
moron would turn left in front of me.'"
-Louie Anderson
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
Poultry wrap up
Farmers in Cheshire are dressing
their geese in woolly hats and scarves.
They hope keeping the birds warm
will help them to be happier, fatter and tastier for their Christmas customers.
Karol Bailey, of Holly Tree Fram in
Knutsford, told the BBC: "Pleased poultry makes tasty poultry. It is
important that animal welfare is of the highest standard to enable the animals
to grow and produce tasty, flavoursome meat. During the winter months, turkeys
and geese really suffer from the cold weather and consequently aren't very
happy. By keeping our poultry warm with hats and scarves, we're more likely to
produce better tasting meat."
North West Fine Foods chief
executive, said: "It's lovely to see how well looked-after the animals on
Holly Tree Farm are and it makes perfect sense that the happier they are, the
better they taste."
**********
Vandals wanted to test Amsterdam
subway trains
The Hague, The Netherlands
27 January 2006 05:39
Amsterdam's municipal council wants vandals to try wrecking prototypes of new
subway trains to ensure that the material is "Amsterdam-idiot-proof",
the daily Het Parool reported on Thursday.
Mark van der Horst, the Amsterdam
councillor responsible for traffic, told the newspaper that it is not easy to
find subway trains that can withstand the Amsterdam brand of hooligans.
"There isn't anywhere worse
than here. The other day my Danish counterpart from Copenhagen did not know
what I was talking about," he said.
To make an informed choice on which
trains to order, Van der Horst wants to "get some Amsterdammers from the
streets to test them" and see what the vulnerable parts of the trains are.
"Our new Amsterdam subway must
be absolutely Amsterdam-idiot-proof," he explained.
The hooligan tests are set to be
carried out later this year. -- AFP
********
Penguins can stay gay
A German zoo has scrapped plans to
break up homosexual penguin couples following protests from gay rights groups.
The Bremerhaven Zoo had earlier
flown in four female Humboldt penguins in an attempt to encourage three couples
discovered to be all male to reproduce.
The zoo originally defended the
experiment, claiming that the birds were an endangered species, but following
protests from gay rights groups, director Heike Kueck has said that the zoo is
abandoning the plan.
She said: "Everyone can live
here as they please."
Kueck said that it was neither her
intention nor possible to separate the gay couples by force and interest them
in their new female companions.
She added that the penguins had
shown little interest in their new female companions but said that the
programme could have been started too late in the year.
Gay groups had earlier protested
against "the organised and forced harassment through female
seductresses" in an open letter to Bremerhaven's Mayor Joerg Schulz.