Subject: Daily Dose - 070123 - taste in socks, BIZARRE NEWS, Yoda, DDL,
Rotten News
The psychiatrist was interviewing a
first-time patient. "You say you're here," he inquired,
"because your family is worried about your taste in socks?"
"That's correct," muttered
the patient. "I like wool socks."
"But that's perfectly
normal," replied the doctor. "Many people prefer wool socks to those
made from cotton or acrylic. In fact, I myself like wool socks."
"You DO?" exclaimed the
man. "With oil and vinegar or just a squeeze of lemon?
______________________________
BIZARRE NEWS...
Bizarre Sexual Trivia
It is reported by the world of
medicine that one thirty-year old woman had natural breasts that weighed in at
fifty-two pounds.
The smallest erect penis on record
was one centimeter long.
Napoleon's withered penis was
purchased at a 1969 auction for $38,000.
The initial spurt of ejaculate
travels at twenty-eight miles per hour. In contrast, the world record for the
one-hundred yard dash is 27.1 miles per hour.
Locker room talk aside, apparently
only three out of a thousand men are well endowed enough (or at least flexible
enough) to fellate themselves to orgasm.
During her reproductive years, the
average woman will have intercourse over three thousand times.
***
Kid Takes Mom's Car For a Spin
NEW YORK - A 12-year-old New York
boy took his mother's car and drove himself and his 7-year-old half-brother
around the city for nearly eight hours.
Kenneth Rodriguez, who reportedly
took the vehicle at about 3:30 p.m. because he was angry with his mother, and
Miguel Pepin were found inside the parked car by police around 11:30 p.m., the
New York Post reported Thursday.
Both children were unharmed.
Caroline Rivas, the boys' mother, said they took the car while she was napping
before work. She had previously gotten into an argument with Kenneth about
pestering girls at school.
The boys were found when Kenneth
took the car to a friend's house and someone at the house took the car keys and
called police. Police said they had not yet decided whether any legal action
would be taken against the boy.
***
Python Takes a Little Trip
ADELAIDE, Australia - A python that
hitched a ride across hundreds of miles of Australian highway on the underside
of a truck is getting a free plane ride back to Alice Springs.
Ron de Graaf was unable to dislodge
the snake when he first spotted it looped around air conditioning equipment
while he was gassing up, the Adelaide Advertiser reported. He drove the
20-hour, 900-mile trip to Adelaide and waited for the python to loosen up.
Three hours after arriving, de Graaf
finally got the snake, a Children's python, and took it to the Environment and
Heritage Department.
Hannah Dryden, a spokeswoman for
Environment and Heritage, said it was "admirable" for de Graaf to
turn the python in. She said people who find reptiles under their vehicles
often try to keep them as pets and finally surrender them -- after they are so
thin they have to be euthanized.
Australia Air Express has offered to
return the snake to Alice Springs, where it will be returned to the Outback.
***
Man Kicked Out Of Bar Drives Truck
Through Entrance
ORANGE COUNTY, Fla. -- Orange County
deputies caught up with a driver who rammed his pickup into the front doors of
a bar early Friday morning.
Security guards said they tossed the
man out earlier in the evening and that's when he got into his truck and drove
right for them. The man, who deputies said intentionally rammed his pick-up
truck into the front door of a sports bar overnight, was taken into custody
shortly after the alleged incident.
Deputies found him hiding in a
wooded area on Orange Blossom Trail near Holden Avenue. Deputies said the
suspect had been involved in a fight at Chaparros Sports Bar.
When security guards asked him to
leave, he got in his truck and allegedly drove right at them, smashing through
the entry way. The man came back about an hour and a half later to pick up his
girlfriend. She called the Orange County Sheriff's Office to let them know he
was on his way back. A search helicopter spotted him hiding near the Tuscany
Village apartments.
The suspect was taken to the
hospital and treated for numerous dog bites. The man could be facing criminal
mischief and aggravated assault charges. His name was not released.
***
Buck Prances Through Target Store
DES MOINES, Iowa -- Store security
cameras catch some pretty bold crooks. The intruder caught on a surveillance
camera at a Target store in Des Moines was a deer.
Alongside Christmas garland and
holiday lights, Target attracted a real-life Rudolph. Then it found the store's
automatic door.
"He waited for it, ran in,
waited for the next door to open up, then came moseying into the store,"
said Target store manager, Greg Willey.
Customers retreated while workers
moved in. They gave a play by play of the action over the store's loudspeaker
system in an effort to keep the customers safe. Then right in front of the
Xboxes, the deer slipped.
"I leaned in, thinking, I don't
know what I was thinking. I was trying to help maybe, be guest-friendly and
help out," Johnson said.
As the buck ran past the long line
of cash registers, customers continued checking out their items. After more
than 10 minutes, a dozen Target employees had the buck corralled back in the
dairy section, when somebody opened the fire door and Johnson helped shoo him
out.
"I basically stood here and
said, "OK, please don't turn right," she said. The buck then
scampered away.
______________________________
The Top 12 Things Uttered by Yoda
While Making Love *
12. "Ahhh! Yoda's little friend
you seek!"
11. "Urm. Put a shield on
my saber I must."
10. "Feel the force!"
9. "Foreplay, cuddling - a Jedi
craves not these things."
8. "Down here, I am. Find
a ladder, I must!"
7. "Do me or do me not - there
is no try."
6. "Early must I rise.
Leave now you must!"
5. "You know, this would be a
lot more fun without Frank Oz's hand up my ass."
4. "Happens to every guy
sometimes this does."
3. "When 900 years old you get,
Viagra you need too, hmmmm?"
2. "Ow, ow, OW! On my ear you
are!"
1. "Who's your Jedi master?
WHO'S your Jedi Master?"
______________________________
DDL
A nearsighted voyeur named Adair,
While peeping was struck by despair,
Though his nose pressed to the glass,
All he saw was blurred ass,
And he couldn't see what went in where.
______________________________
At the end of our first date the
girl told me I was crazy in the head and I should be committed to a mental
institution. Why do women always want us to make a commitment?
--Unknown
***
It's so simple to be wise. Just
think of something stupid to say and then don't say it.
--Sam Levenson
***
After the accident, I told the
police officer I thought the driver of the other vehicle was drunk. He told me
the other vehicle was a cow.
***
"Sources say the prenup Britney
Spears made Kevin Federline sign is 60 pages long. The first page handles who
gets the money and the next 59 pages handle who gets the trucker hats."
--Conan O'Brien
***
"Vice President Dick Cheney
visited Saudi Arabia over the weekend, and he's very popular in Saudi Arabia,
over there he's known as Lawrence of Arrhythmia."
--David Letterman
***
"Here's an interesting
statistic - according to "Cosmo", over 30 percent of men between the
ages of 18 and 34 still live with their parents. These men are known as
"Star Wars" fans."
--Jay Leno
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
Lottery Couple Told to stop being
Generous
A couple who won nearly £8m on the
lottery have been told to stop giving away their money.
Ray and Barbara Wragg, from
Sheffield, who won £7.6m on the lottery in 2000 have given away £6m of their
fortune. Weston Park Hospital in Sheffield and Sheffield Children's Hospital
have been the main beneficiaries.
The couple have now been told by
their financial advisor to stop giving away their cash.
According to the BBC, Mrs Wragg
said: "We decided that £7.6m was too much for two people. If we could give
more we would."
**********
Toilet Role Finally Runs Out
A Swedish police station has ordered
toilet paper - for the first time in 20 years.
In 1986, an admin error meant the
police station in Hagfors ended up with 20 years worth of paper.
A worker ticked the wrong box that
meant they got sent 20 pallets of toilet roll instead of 20 packets, reports
Metro.
Officials tried to return it, but
they were told to do so would be time-consuming and expensive.
*************
Fartypants launched
A US underwear manufacturer has
invented pants designed to hide the smell of farts.
The Under-Ease pants have an
in-built multi-layered, replaceable filter, made of felt, charcoal and
fibreglass wool.
To prevent gases escaping without
passing through it, the underpants are made from air-tight fabric and
completely sealed with elastic around the waistband and legs.
Under-Tec president and inventor
Buck Weimer said: "Under-Ease are underwear for protection against bad
human gas.
"We get a lot of jokes - but we
don't doubt that this is a serious product that serves a purpose.
"They can be worn anytime,
anywhere - in bed, to work, at social events, including professional meetings
or when travelling in any vehicle, including an airplane."
The pants are machine washable and
the filters last several weeks to several months, depending on the frequency of
use and laundering.
The pants are available on the
firm's website, www.under-tec.com, in a
range of sizes and cost from £12 to £15.
