Subject: Daily Dose - 070122 - au natural, THIS is TRUE, are you ready, DDL, Rotten News

A shapely Finnish girl was a counselor at a girl's camp on Wonder Lake. She was at the camp a day early to get things in order, and when her work was done, she thought it would be nice to start a sun tan "au natural", since this was private property. Suddenly, she heard male voices! She jumped up, stood in a crouch, and covered her bosom with crossed arms.

Two young men approached her, asking "Which way is it to the boy's camp on Wonder Lake?"

She said, "Oh, I know you guys, you just want me to point so you can see my titties!"

"No, no," they said, "we just want to know what direction we must go, we're lost."

"O.K., she said, straightening up standing on her right leg and lifting her left leg horizontally, she said, "It's over dat way."

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THIS is TRUE...

PAPER CHASE: The chief of police in Houston, Texas, announced a new high-speed pursuit policy, which prohibited officers from chasing people who had only committed minor traffic offenses. But the new policy was put on hold while it was reviewed by the city. Richard Javier Ramos, 35, allegedly heard the first part of that, but not the second. That's why he allegedly ran when an officer tried to pull him over after a minor traffic offense. Fleeing at speeds of up to 80 mph, Ramos kept going for 25 minutes before finally giving up, arresting officers say. Ramos has been serving jail time on the weekends -- for evading arrest two months before. He was booked on the same charge in the second case. The capper? The officer he was fleeing from wasn't from the Houston Police Dept., but rather a deputy from the Harris County Sheriff's Dept. "We do not have a no-chase policy," a department spokeswoman said. (Houston Chronicle)
...Since evading arrest isn't a minor traffic offense, the policy would never apply anyway.

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BAD ADVICE: John Perry-Warnes of the Norfolk (England) Police Authority told his frustrated constituents there's a way to get the police to respond more quickly to calls for help: exaggerate the problem. Police Authority chairman Stephen Bett decried the advice, noting "a more important incident could be put behind something people were exaggerating over." But Perry-Warnes stood by his advice. "I do not think my view is at all unreasonable," he said. (London Daily Mail)
...Right: certainly there has never been a problem when people "cried wolf" over and over.

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THE OBVIOUS RESULT: A school in Kent, England, called for police help when a man burst into the school threatening, "You're dead." No one responded. Over the course of an hour school officials called the 999 emergency number five times without any police response. The man eventually left without hurting anyone. "He was clearly high on drugs," said headteacher Stuart Pywell. "I told him the police had been called but he just kept threatening us." Classes were out, but "at least a dozen children and staff" were still at the school, he said. The incident was shortly after a rash of school killings in the U.S. -- and just a few days after a member of the Police Authority in Norfolk suggested emergency callers exaggerate circumstances to speed up police responses. Kent's Deputy Chief Constable Jim Barker-McCardle said there would be an investigation into the failure to respond to the emergency calls, but didn't offer any explanations as to what was more important to officers on duty. (London Daily Mail)
...Requests for backup from Norfolk.

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DOTCOM 2.0: Social networking site MySpace.com sold out to Rupert Murdoch for $650 million. Competing site Facebook.com may be worth more than $1 billion, analysts say. Microsoft recently brokered a deal with the company to supply a minimum of $200 million of ad revenue over three years. But when Microsoft tried to get an appointment to talk with Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg to talk about buying the company, it didn't go the way the software giant thought. They wanted to set up an 8:00 a.m. conference call, but Zuckerberg doesn't get up that early. "I'm in the office at 10:30 a.m.," he said. "Sometimes." (Wall Street Journal)
...Success means getting to set your own hours.

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A man pacing back and forth glanced at his watch and yelled upstairs to his wife, "Honey, are you ready yet?"

Shouting back, the woman replies, "For crying out loud, Ed, I've been telling you for the last half hour...I'll be ready in a minute!"

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DDL

There was a young man from Ft. Worth
Who, on a train, was assigned a short berth.
When he got an erection
It enlarged the whole section,
It wasn't the length, but the girth!

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"At the airport they asked me if anybody I didn't know gave me anything. Even the people I know don't give me anything."
--George Wallace

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"When you get married and have a kid, you can't do all of those things you wanted to do as a young existentialist of seventeen or eighteen... like kill yourself."
--Al Rae

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"I'm very, very jealous. Sometimes I walk down the street and I see a beautiful woman and I think to myself: "I'll bet my boyfriend would like to sleep with her" and I get SO ANGRY. I run right home and smack him, and say, 'How much more of this do you think I can take?'"
--Denise Munro

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"I got a Christmas card from Britney Spears in the mail today. You won't believe the picture she used. You know about this picture of Britney that is going around the Internet? I can't show it to you but I can tell you it did help her get a big endorsement deal for Starbucks new bottomless cup of coffee."
--Jay Leno

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"The L.A. Auto Show started today. This year the hybrid cars all the rage. I don't really know what a hybrid car is. Part car, part robot. The car companies don't really understand what hybrids are supposed to be either. They don't know they are supposed to be eco-friendly. 'This Hybrid runs on gasoline and baby seals. It's for the new millennium.'"
--Craig Ferguson

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"President Bush just announced that next month he will host a White House conference on Malaria. Bush told reporters, 'I'm looking forward to meeting the Malarians.'"
--Conan O'Brien

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Rotten News....  (true)

Woman Receives Dad's Body in Post

A Romanian woman was sent the body of her dead father in the post after a cemetery was sold to developers.

Aurelia Cenusa, from Severin, says clergy in her father's hometown of Darvari, 300 miles away, told her the graveyard his body had been buried in was to be sold and his body exhumed.

She said she thought the priest was joking when he told her to come and collect her father Rafaila Cojocaru's remains - or receive them in the post.

Cenusa said: "I had entered a lottery a few weeks ago and when I got the large parcel I thought I had won something. Instead I opened it up to find a banana crate containing the bones of my dead father. You could still even see bits of his funeral suit even though he died 16 years ago. I told the priest to sell my father's grave and I expected the Church would bury him somewhere else. I had no idea he was being serious when he told me I would be getting the skeleton through the post if I didn't come. It's outrageous."

She added that she intended to sue church officials. Local police have launched an investigation.

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Children's Christmas Choir told to shut-up

A children's Christmas choir was left in tears after shopping centre security guards told them to shut up.

The 23 children - aged three to five - were ordered to stop singing carols because they were too noisy.

Nursery school teachers had taken the kids to entertain shoppers at Nottingham's Exchange Arcade, reports the Sun.

Claire Ellis, 38, mother of three-year-old singer Harrison, said: "It's disgusting. Christmas is a time for hearing little ones sing. Naturally they get excited but this was a special day for them."

Sharon Hastings, supervisor at Jesters Child Care Nursery, in Gedling, Notts, said: "I couldn't believe it when we were asked to leave. We hadn't caused any disruption and we weren't being loud."

And store manager Lorraine Harvey said: "None of our customers complained about the kids."

But security staff said the children were being noisy and had already been asked to quieten down before they intervened.

Exchange Arcade manager Joe Joseph said: "I was told by the security guards that they were making a noise - and not singing."

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World's strongest beer

A brewery in the States has launched the world's strongest beer.

The drink - at 25% alcohol - is six times more powerful than a normal beer and twice the strength of a bottle of wine.

And at £56 a bottle, Samuel Adams Utopias is also among the world's most expensive.

Just 8,000 of the limited edition 24 oz tipple, sold in a copper kettle, have been brewed by the Boston Beer Company.

Brewery founder Jim Koch said the beer was designed to be enjoyed slowly as an after dinner tipple.

He said: "We are passionate about brewing quality, one-of-a-kind beer that amazes beer lovers and aficionados alike."