Subject: Daily Dose - 070115 - Perfect, THIS is TRUE, Woman Power, DDL,
Rotten News
Perfect
One day Johnny comes home from
school and asks his father "Dad, what's penis?"
His father whips out his tool and
says "That, son, is a penis. It's not only A penis, it is the perfect
penis."
The next day some of his friends ask
him what a penis is. Johnny exposes his tool and says, "This is a penis.
And if it was three inches shorter it'd be the perfect penis."
______________________________
THIS is TRUE...
PROGRESS IN AMERICAN EDUCATION: Only
42 percent of American adults can name their own country's three branches of
government, but 73 percent can name the Three Stooges, a poll has found. Sixty
percent could name Krypton as Superman's home planet, but only 37 percent know
what planet is closest to our own sun. "I don't think it's saying we're a
nation of idiots," says Robert Thompson, director of the Center for Television
and Popular Culture at New York's Syracuse University, who helped design the
survey. Rather, he says, it means that "we're a nation of pop-culture
geniuses." (Denver Post)
...The bastardization of English continues: a "genius" is now a type
of idiot.
***
F SEEKS M: Sarah DiMuro, 29, says
she's a virgin, and doesn't want to be one when she turns 30. She says she
didn't have her first kiss until 23, said she'd be "totally willing"
to undergo a medical exam to prove her virginity. "I would be thrilled,
actually," she said. "Well, don't say 'thrilled.' Say I would be
comfortable with that." Thus, the Manhattan, N.Y., Catholic blonde is
letting a local magazine find her the man of her dreams. The magazine has about
eight weeks to find someone before her deadline. (New York Daily News)
...So she's not so much looking for Mr. Right as she is Mr. Right Now.
***
LAND OF THE FREE: In 2003,
Californian Emiliano Gomez Gonzolez was pulled over in Nebraska. State troopers
searched his car and found $124,700 in cash in a cooler in the back seat.
Gonzolez said he had tried to buy a truck with the cash, but it was sold by the
time he got there, and he had hidden it in the cooler to avoid robbery. But a
police dog detected traces of drugs on the money, so police confiscated it.
Gonzolez was not found in possession of any drugs, and he was not charged with
any crime. A federal court ruled police had to return the cash, but the 8th
U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals recently overturned that decision, saying that
because the money "may have been" the proceeds of a drug deal, the
police could keep it. (Associated Press)
..."Equality Before the Law" --Nebraska's state motto.
***
HOME OF THE BRAVE: In 2003, the
Pitchfork Records store in Concord, N.H., was raided by police. Owner Michael
Cohen was arrested. The charge: pirating music; 500 CDs were confiscated. But
disk after disk turned out to be legitimate, and he was eventually tried on
only one charge of piracy. He was acquitted when the judge determined even that
CD was legal. Yet prosecutors refused to return the confiscated CDs. Cohen
appealed all the way to the state Supreme Court, which ruled that the state
government can proceed with destroying Cohen's legal property. (Manchester
Union Leader)
..."Live Free or Die" --New Hampshire's state motto.
***
AS A BOY, THE DOG ATE HIS HOMEWORK:
"Burglar Steals Preacher's Sermon"
-- Macon (Ga.) Telegraph headline
______________________________
Woman Power
There were 11 people - ten were men
and one woman - hanging onto a rope that came down from a helicopter.
They all decided that one person
should get off because if they didn't the rope would break and everyone would
die.
No one could decide who should go so
finally the woman gave a really touching speech saying how she would give up
her life to save the others, because women were used to giving up things for
their husbands and children, giving in to men, and not receiving anything in
return.
When she finished speaking, all the
men started clapping.
Never underestimate the power of a
Woman.
______________________________
DDL
There was a young lady from France
Who boarded a bus in a trance.
Six passengers f*cked her,
While the conductor sucked her,
And the driver shot twice in his pants.
______________________________
"Half of American consumers are
buying gift cards this Christmas. The other half are women."
--Jay Leno
***
"Mel Gibson's 'Apocalypto' is a
big hit. The movie is in ancient Mayan. If I want to see a movie that is in an
incomprehensible language I'll just go see 'Rocky'."
--Dave Letterman
***
"Kevin Federline might be
competing in an upcoming pro-wrestling event. I never thought I would ever say
this, but I expected better out of pro-wrestling."
--Conan O'Brien
***
"This is the time of the year
everybody's getting ready for the holidays. Earlier today, Dick Cheney brought
home a Christmas tree that he shot."
--David Letterman
***
"People have been camping
outside of stores in wait to get a PS3. The sad thing is camping outside of a
Circuit City to get a PS3 will be the only time some of these people ever
camp."
--Jay Leno
***
"I wish I were telepathic. Not
just to read people's minds, which would be cool, but to cut down on my
cellular phone bill."
--Paul Wiley
______________________________
Rotten News.... (true)
Dad of 37 fights for the snip
An Argentine man who is the father
of 37 children is taking legal action for the right to a vasectomy.
Cleto Ruiz Diaz, 44, from Corrientes
has gone to court because vasectomies are illegal in his state.
Mr Diaz, a painter, told Terra
Noticias Populares that he started his sex life at the age of nine and has had
seven fiancees and three wives.
He now lives with Isabel who is the
mother of eight of his sons.
"I have enough children, it is
hard to feed them all and give them clothes, and the government doesn't
help," he said. "I need the operation because when I fall in love I
can't control myself!"
**********
Man needed surgery after sex with
hedgehog
A Serbian man needed emergency
surgery after he had sex with a hedgehog on a witchdoctor's advice.
Zoran Nikolovic, 35, from Belgrade,
says the witchdoctor told him it would cure his premature ejaculation. But he
ended up in an operating theatre after the hedgehog's needles left his penis
severely lacerated.
A hospital spokesman said: "The
animal was apparently unhurt and the patient came off much worse from the
encounter. We have managed to repair the damage to his penis."
***********
Not so teenie Aussie burqini brings
beach shift
By Rob Taylor
Mon Jan 15, 3:53 AM ET
SYDNEY (Reuters Life!) - In a lycra
revolution, a cover-all swimming costume is bringing Muslim women on to
Australian beaches as lifeguards, unzipping racial tensions which divided parts
of Sydney little over a year ago.
The two-piece "burqini",
popular in the Middle East, is proving key to a reshaping surf lifesaving Down
Under -- once a bastion of white Australian culture and still a heartland of
the country's sun-bronzed, heroic self-myth.
"I am Australian so I always
have the Australian life style, but now with the burqini it just allowed me to
participate in it more. We used to always go to the beach, but now that I have
the burqini I can actually swim," Mecca Laalaa, 22, told Reuters.
Laalaa is one of 24 young
Australians of Arab heritage who recently signed up to a 10-week training
course run by Surf Life Saving Australia aimed at widening the racial mix on beaches.
The shift follows race riots between ethnic Lebanese Australians and white
Australian youths at Cronulla Beach in Sydney's south in the lead-up to
Christmas in 2005.
Laalaa, whose ethnic background is
Lebanese-Australian, is relying on a home-grown burqini -- a compromise between
a burqa and a bikini -- to keep her covered on Cronulla's sands.
The full-length lycra suit with
hijab head-covering is not too figure hugging to embarrass, but is tight enough
to allow its wearer to swim freely. It will soon be manufactured in the iconic
red and yellow of Australia's surf life saving movement.
The burqini is making its appearance
during the 100th anniversary of surf life saving in Australia, which began on
Sydney's famous Bondi Beach and has grown to count 115,000 volunteers in more
than 300 clubs.
Women were only allowed membership
in 1980 and some clubs patrol inland lakes, including Lake Jindabyne near the
snow-capped southern Australian Alps.
Zanetti, who sells her burqinis for
up to A$200 (81.50 pounds), hopes to widen the garment's appeal beyond Muslim
women at the beach.
"We are also encouraged in
Australia to cover up not due to modesty but for sun protection, so this is not
just a modesty aspect swimming suit, it is also a protection against the sun,
surf and sand," she said.
